Mom of new driver needs sympathy

[coconutprincess]

I'm sorry. That stinks. ry not to be too hard on him. I was a really really really bad driver, nothing serious, but I had a few fender benders within the first few months. My parents almost took my license away. I got scared to park in crowded parking lots and real fear set in for years. Just make sure he is responsible. It will get better, I promise. Knock on wood, I really haven't had any since that time in my life, and that's going on 16 years now!

 

[allyphoe]

DS just "caught" the snow along the side of the road and it pulled him into the ditch.

I had a similar thing happen to me, but it was a gravel road and I caught a rut in the gravel. I overcorrected trying to stay out of the ditch, and ended up rolling the car. And I was 25, so being a more-experienced driver wouldn't necessarily have helped.

Glad your DS wasn't hurt!

 

[golfgal]

So far, so good with the teen drivers here. DS18 has had his license for a little over 2 years and knock on wood, no accidents. The twins will be eligible for their licenses at the end of March and on one hand I am REALLY looking forward to not having to drive them everywhere and on the other hand .

We don't have a car for the kids yet but I think we will have to get one this spring, 5 drivers and 2 cars just isn't going to work very well when everyone needs to be places at various times during the day.

We have a 2 million dollar umbrella policy.

We had this for DS18 http://www.teensafedriver.com/ and will have it again for the twins. It was SO nice to have, it gave us a lot of peace of mind.

 

[shortbun]

Mine gets his permit in 20 days. My insurance agent has recommended we carry full coverage on whatever vehicle he's driving. Seems reasonable after reading this thread. Although, turning in a claim can be just as expensive as repairing a car without a claim.

I agree that you should make sure having the vehicle in your name is the best thing if he's in an at fault injury accident. We're getting a nice safe car for DS but he's understanding that he's sharing it with his dad(who drives a big truck) and taking the car will be with permission.

 

[mamacatnv]

Mine gets his permit in 20 days. My insurance agent has recommended we carry full coverage on whatever vehicle he's driving. Seems reasonable after reading this thread. Although, turning in a claim can be just as expensive as repairing a car without a claim. I agree that you should make sure having the vehicle in your name is the best thing if he's in an at fault injury accident. We're getting a nice safe car for DS but he's understanding that he's sharing it with his dad(who drives a big truck) and taking the car will be with permission.

A claim can haunt your insurance rates for several years. To me its a numbers game. To the best of my knowledge a teen driver cannot hold a title in their name until they are 18 (unless they are emancipated) so a parent, guardian or other adult is going to somehow be on the hook for the liability no matter what.

I know some parents who would not allow their kids to drive until they were 18. Some because they knew their kids were not ready, some because they know their kids are not trustworthy and do really stupid things and some because they cannot afford the added expense of the insurance or they themselves can't afford a vehicle.

 

[golfgal]

With insurance it doesn't matter so much who has the title to the car, the insurance company is SUPPOSED to rate the most risky driver on the most expensive car but if you have a good relationship with your agent they usually will rate your teen on the least expensive car. If your teen has an accident the insurance company may require your teen to be rated on your most expensive car. What gets REALLY expensive is if you have one car per driver so your teen has to be rated as a primary driver on a car. DS18 added about $80/month to our insurance as an occasional driver on on our least expensive vehicle. If he were primary driver on that same vehicle he would have added $120/month. This is why having a teen and a beater car is a good idea. You can have comp only on the car, saving a LOT of money, yet still having liability coverage in an accident. By beater, a car worth less then $2000.

 

[yoopermom]

I've had my insurance agent for over 15 years, and trust her. We actually insure 5 vehicles (our 3 primary vehicles, the "beater", and DH's work truck), so unfortunately DS had to be primary on one, and it had to be "his" car, since it's worth the least of our 3 primary vehicles. Our agent ran the "possibilities" and we decided that carrying full insurance, plus paying the deductible, plus the amount our rates (overall) would go up if he was in an accident of this type was a greater number than what repairing his vehicle would be. (As someone said, an accident of this type would not only "haunt" us for a long time, it might also push us out of our "super safe no points" pricing group.) So even though it might take him a year to earn the 2K to fix it up (just guesstimating on that number), it will be less than what it "could" have cost us. Still depressing. Sigh....

He went to bed early. DH is worried because DS doesn't seem to upset/worried/verbal about the whole thing, but I think DS is just holding it all inside, like a typical teen. He'll have lots of time to talk about it with us when he's the passenger in our vehicles again.

Thanks everyone, for your support, and for letting me know I'm not alone!

Terri

 

[minkydog]

You want to keep your assets.

Do you know that if he got into an accident with someone else where there is serious damages/injuries you could be sued personally for the sole reason you own the car. They will go for the deep pockets.

This cannot be overstated. We have friends who were sued after their 19yo son plowed into someone while high on meth. The husband is a doctor, wife is a nurse. The injured party's attorney saw dollar signs and these people have lost everything.

We quit-claimed my DHs truck over to DS when he was 20. He had just gotten his 4th speeding ticket, the last one for going almost 40mph over the speed limit in an active school zone. I went to court with him and after the hearing the judge leaned over and said,"Ma'am, you need to get him off your insurance and deed this truck over to him. If he kills somebody, they're going to come after YOU." We left court and went straight to the bank, paid off the truck, cancelled the insurance and set up an account for him, came home and handed over the keys. We had planned to give him the truck anyway, we just did it sooner rather than later.

 

[christineann]

If the parents of the 19 year old had any idea their kid was abusing meth and let him drive their car, I can't muster up any sympathy for a hefty judgment against them. I work in the insurance defense field, and it's amazing to see what some parents and vehicle owners are willing to overlook when they hand their car keys over to someone, whether it's alcohol/drug abuse, poor driving skills, habitual speeding or other reckless driving, no license, etc.

A parent of one of my son's high school classmates told me that she knew her son was drinking and driving (underage in addition to the obvious crime), but she wasn't going to take the car away from him, because "you can't be cool in high school if you don't have a car." Unbelievable. That kid is now in his 20's and is an irresponsible burden on his parents.....not a surprise.

http://law.jrank.org/pages/8789/Negligent-Entrustment.html

 

[louey]

My 17 year old son a few weeks ago on his way home from school actually didn't even make it too far from school slid into a curb/bush/guide wire. It was snowing a bit and its been really cold here so the roads were slick. He drives my car to school, tennis and just locally. It happens, we were glad he didn't hit anyone or get hurt, its just part of being inexperienced as he wasn't traveling fast. I am hoping to get my car tomorrow, it has full coverage so I even got a rental but will be happy to have my car back. My insurance agent said I should have had just girls
P.S. I will will keeping a close eye on the rest of the Winter Weather if there is any chance of snow/sleet we will be taking him

 

[minkydog]

If the parents of the 19 year old had any idea their kid was abusing meth and let him drive their car, I can't muster up any sympathy for a hefty judgment against them. I work in the insurance defense field, and it's amazing to see what some parents and vehicle owners are willing to overlook when they hand their car keys over to someone, whether it's alcohol/drug abuse, poor driving skills, habitual speeding or other reckless driving, no license, etc.

A parent of one of my son's high school classmates told me that she knew her son was drinking and driving (underage in addition to the obvious crime), but she wasn't going to take the car away from him, because "you can't be cool in high school if you don't have a car." Unbelievable. That kid is now in his 20's and is an irresponsible burden on his parents.....not a surprise.

http://law.jrank.org/pages/8789/Negligent-Entrustment.html

They didn't. It was his first driving violation and it was a bad one. He was remanded by the court to a rehab facility and has been sober for over a year. He now speaks at high schools in our area about the dangers of driving under the influence. He has made a remarkable turn around.

 

[christineann]

Unfortunately, they still paid the price. It's a tragedy for all involved, and I'm glad the young man has turned his life around.

I hope my post didn't sound harsh..........I see some pretty bad stuff in my job.

 

[ORMom2Four]

Going through the same thing. DD18 finally got her license in Sept and just got a car in Nov. She's using it to drive back and forth to school and work. We also have the bare minimum insurance on her car.

My mom put her car in a ditch the first month she started driving, and the weather had nothing to do with it. She has never been in an accident since then. Hopefully it'll be the same for your son

 

[yoopermom]

Just wanted to hop back in and say "thank you" again to everyone. Because of you, I'm calling my insurance agent to check on our umbrella policy (bought for the business, but now I'm doublechecking on the cars). DS and DH are hauling the car in for an estimate on repairs, and my guess is that we're going to split the cost with him (since we chose not to keep full coverage on it, and he put it in the ditch). I know that's not what everyone would choose to do, but after a long family confab, it seemed the right thing for us. He's also going to be limited to only driving the three miles from home to school, at least for the rest of the winter, and then we'll slowly start extending the "leash", if he drives safely.

All of your stories/opinions really helped. Here's my "dumb teenage driver" story: when I was 16 I was with a girlfriend and put my dad's pickup in the ditch. Called DH (then DBF) who pulled us out. LIED to my dad about where it occurred (didn't want him to know we'd gone to see DBF instead of to the movies), he went out and checked for tracks, caught me in the lie, and I was grounded big time! So at least DS is honest.

Thanks again!
Terri

 

[Hannathy]

I think splitting the costs is a very equatable way of doing it. Hopefully it will be reasonable. If it is an older car the shop may be able to work with them and fix it up enough to drive and be safe but not perfect. That is what our shop guy did for years with our old lumina. We just said keep it on the road but don't do any extras. Like when the Air conditioner died, he fixed the fan, disconnected the warning light, but my DD had no air conditioner for 2 summers.

After going into the ditch he will probably be happy to just drive limited amounts for a while!

 

[Boston Tea Party]

We are about to walk down this road, too. I'm dragging my feet for this very reason. It is the rare new driver who doesn't have some kind of mishap.

You have to let them live and learn. It hurts when they "fall" doesn't it?

 

[luvthatdisney]

We too just went through this with our DD16. We let her drive an older car we had for a while and she did very well. Since she has a job and was still doing very well in school, we purchased a newer car for her and she was making payments to us. Well....1 week before Christmas she ran into a light pole while it was raining and totaled the car. She did sustain some minor injuries, but is okay.

Our big mistake was not putting collision on it. So we are now out a car plus several thousand dollars we just paid for it. DD16 is still making the payments as scheduled and we are selling off the car in parts. Big lesson learned by all of us. Once she pays off the amount she owes us, she is going to start saving for another car and buy it outright. This car regardless of what it costs will have collision on it and she will be paying the premium!

OP sorry you are having to go through this!

 

[Anne34]

We went through it last year with DD17. She had her license for 7 or 8 months and was a really careful & exact speed limit driver. She was turning left and didn't see this little car behind the garbage truck & started turning. She stopped herself, but the front left bumber did graze the other car -- it cracked her plastic bumper & broke the light. The other car had very little damage -- the guy never even claimed it on insurance! She got a ticket for illegal left turn & had to go to court (all tickets under 18 do here). She was put on probation, had to take a driving class online & pay the fine. If she had no other problems for 6 months they would take it off her record.
We went back to court at 6 months and the ticket is off, but we are still paying higher insurance due to the accident.

We bought the car and it is a family car, but she is currently the only driver (her brother 15 has his permit). It has been a huge time saver for us since she is a swimmer and would leave at 5:35 every day for practice (summer & fall) and then had evening practice the rest of the year. We have 2 other very active kids also and it was always hard getting them places. Last year we had an ice storn during practice and my husband drove me over to the school and I drove home for her -- it wasn't that bad when we got on the main roads-- they had been salting and she probably would have been fine, but being a mom with her first winter storm I wasn't taking any chances.

Good luck to all -- we have a boy driver coming up and he tends to be much faster than his sister ever was!

 

[Bob NC]

You allowed you child to get behind the wheel of a car you knew he didn't have the skills to drive in the winter. You made your insurance decisions on the assumption that he would have an accident?

You are incredibly lucky that your precious child is alive right now.

What a delightfully helpful post.

 

[cm8]

I think splitting the costs is a very equatable way of doing it. Hopefully it will be reasonable. If it is an older car the shop may be able to work with them and fix it up enough to drive and be safe but not perfect. That is what our shop guy did for years with our old lumina. We just said keep it on the road but don't do any extras. Like when the Air conditioner died, he fixed the fan, disconnected the warning light, but my DD had no air conditioner for 2 summers.

After going into the ditch he will probably be happy to just drive limited amounts for a while!

Glad to see that your son is okay as well!