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LovesTimone
Christmas Day 2017
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2009
- Messages
- 5,786
First off here's a huge hug for you 
I was a Activity Director in long term care and rehab. facility, over 15 years in the field, I worked in several with different facilities with varying degrees and practices, and very closely with therapy, social and mental health services, and nursing. In activities most residents would relax and say or do things that they would not around the nurses or therapist, so sometimes I would get a different outlook on the resident.
Did they do a care plan with you before discharge? did they do a home visit so that they could evaluate your home and match it to what he is or is not capable of doing, before sending you home? Did they offer home health care? Did they have him show you what he can or can not do? Did they offer any guidance in helping him transfer? is your bathroom set up with grab bars or/and a raised toilet seat? Some.. really most of these things should have been addressed before you took him home, in all the facilities that I have worked in was common practice.
While in therapy was he on Medicare? They will only keep him the allotted time, It was 100 day or so with each illness, you need to check to see how long he was there, once the days are reached, then they release him, It's not the fault of the therapist, unfortunately its about the Medicare dollars. Normally before you can tap into Medicare again there has to be a hospital stay. Please know that I not been in the field in about 8 years and the Medicare laws change like the wind, so do some research.
Do you have some sort of supplemental? Medicaid? If not you need to start the process right away. Any VA benefits?
Call your insurance company, keep going up till you get someone to listen.
Does he have a case worker? if so contact them right away and keep contacting them to see where they are and what if any progress they are making, but please be kind to them they work hard and have lots of other clients to help.
Contact his Doctor, and be frank with him or her. While this may sound cold or mean, you need to tell them you can not care for him in this state.
Also when was the last time his med's where evaluated, some times they need to be changed to some degree, more or less or a different brand.
Call the facility and ask to speak with the Administrator, and the Social services person or case worker.
Join a group with other caregivers, this will give you an outlet and no-one will judge you.
Contact the local Diabetes Association they might have some avenues for you.
Contact your church and talk with the pastor, he may have some suggestions for you.
Call the department of Elder Affair's or Ombudsmen's - the are a great source.
Ask for help, adult children, family, church members, any organization that he might have belonged to Moose, VFW etc.. even if it just for a hour for you to go to the grocery store. That time away will fortify you.
The hard thing here, is what can he really do for himself and what he really can not do for himself and what he is or is not choosing to do for himself.
While in the facility some residents get use to someone being there all the time so they have 24 hours service, activities, meals prepared and delivered to them, help with bathing and bathroom visit, special treatment and someone fussing over them (everyone likes to feel special) Once at home that all stops to some degree and some resent having to do for themselves, and act out. Some even blame or try punish the family or spouse for what think they are not doing for them. I am not saying this is the issue, just offering up some insight at some other cases that I have worked with.
For yourself and your sanity, you have to realize that you have to take care of yourself, and that his health issues are not your doing.
Another hug and pixie dust 
coming your way.
I was a Activity Director in long term care and rehab. facility, over 15 years in the field, I worked in several with different facilities with varying degrees and practices, and very closely with therapy, social and mental health services, and nursing. In activities most residents would relax and say or do things that they would not around the nurses or therapist, so sometimes I would get a different outlook on the resident.
Did they do a care plan with you before discharge? did they do a home visit so that they could evaluate your home and match it to what he is or is not capable of doing, before sending you home? Did they offer home health care? Did they have him show you what he can or can not do? Did they offer any guidance in helping him transfer? is your bathroom set up with grab bars or/and a raised toilet seat? Some.. really most of these things should have been addressed before you took him home, in all the facilities that I have worked in was common practice.
While in therapy was he on Medicare? They will only keep him the allotted time, It was 100 day or so with each illness, you need to check to see how long he was there, once the days are reached, then they release him, It's not the fault of the therapist, unfortunately its about the Medicare dollars. Normally before you can tap into Medicare again there has to be a hospital stay. Please know that I not been in the field in about 8 years and the Medicare laws change like the wind, so do some research.
Do you have some sort of supplemental? Medicaid? If not you need to start the process right away. Any VA benefits?
Call your insurance company, keep going up till you get someone to listen.
Does he have a case worker? if so contact them right away and keep contacting them to see where they are and what if any progress they are making, but please be kind to them they work hard and have lots of other clients to help.
Contact his Doctor, and be frank with him or her. While this may sound cold or mean, you need to tell them you can not care for him in this state.
Also when was the last time his med's where evaluated, some times they need to be changed to some degree, more or less or a different brand.
Call the facility and ask to speak with the Administrator, and the Social services person or case worker.
Join a group with other caregivers, this will give you an outlet and no-one will judge you.
Contact the local Diabetes Association they might have some avenues for you.
Contact your church and talk with the pastor, he may have some suggestions for you.
Call the department of Elder Affair's or Ombudsmen's - the are a great source.
Ask for help, adult children, family, church members, any organization that he might have belonged to Moose, VFW etc.. even if it just for a hour for you to go to the grocery store. That time away will fortify you.
The hard thing here, is what can he really do for himself and what he really can not do for himself and what he is or is not choosing to do for himself.
While in the facility some residents get use to someone being there all the time so they have 24 hours service, activities, meals prepared and delivered to them, help with bathing and bathroom visit, special treatment and someone fussing over them (everyone likes to feel special) Once at home that all stops to some degree and some resent having to do for themselves, and act out. Some even blame or try punish the family or spouse for what think they are not doing for them. I am not saying this is the issue, just offering up some insight at some other cases that I have worked with.
For yourself and your sanity, you have to realize that you have to take care of yourself, and that his health issues are not your doing.
Another hug
and pixie dust coming your way.
Gorechick
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2001
- Messages
- 4,528
Hope you get some answers so you can help. But most of your questions have been asked and using a term from another thread - crickets. For some reason, the OP won't answer any questions about caregivers, case managers or insurance question. Not that she has to of course, as it really is none of our business.First off here's a huge hug for you
I was a Activity Director in long term care and rehab. facility, over 15 years in the field, I worked in several with different facilities with varying degrees and practices, and very closely with therapy, social and mental health services, and nursing. In activities most residents would relax and say or do things that they would not around the nurses or therapist, so sometimes I would get a different outlook on the resident.
Did they do a care plan with you before discharge? did they do a home visit so that they could evaluate your home and match it to what he is or is not capable of doing, before sending you home? Did they offer home health care? Did they have him show you what he can or can not do? Did they offer any guidance in helping him transfer? is your bathroom set up with grab bars or/and a raised toilet seat? Some.. really most of these things should have been addressed before you took him home, in all the facilities that I have worked in was common practice.
While in therapy was he on Medicare? They will only keep him the allotted time, It was 100 day or so with each illness, you need to check to see how long he was there, once the days are reached, then they release him, It's not the fault of the therapist, unfortunately its about the Medicare dollars. Normally before you can tap into Medicare again there has to be a hospital stay. Please know that I not been in the field in about 8 years and the Medicare laws change like the wind, so do some research.
Do you have some sort of supplemental? Medicaid? If not you need to start the process right away. Any VA benefits?
Call your insurance company, keep going up till you get someone to listen.
Does he have a case worker? if so contact them right away and keep contacting them to see where they are and what if any progress they are making, but please be kind to them they work hard and have lots of other clients to help.
Contact his Doctor, and be frank with him or her. While this may sound cold or mean, you need to tell them you can not care for him in this state.
Also when was the last time his med's where evaluated, some times they need to be changed to some degree, more or less or a different brand.
Call the facility and ask to speak with the Administrator, and the Social services person or case worker.
Join a group with other caregivers, this will give you an outlet and no-one will judge you.
Contact the local Diabetes Association they might have some avenues for you.
Contact your church and talk with the pastor, he may have some suggestions for you.
Call the department of Elder Affair's or Ombudsmen's - the are a great source.
Ask for help, adult children, family, church members, any organization that he might have belonged to Moose, VFW etc.. even if it just for a hour for you to go to the grocery store. That time away will fortify you.
The hard thing here, is what can he really do for himself and what he really can not do for himself and what he is or is not choosing to do for himself.
While in the facility some residents get use to someone being there all the time so they have 24 hours service, activities, meals prepared and delivered to them, help with bathing and bathroom visit, special treatment and someone fussing over them (everyone likes to feel special) Once at home that all stops to some degree and some resent having to do for themselves, and act out. Some even blame or try punish the family or spouse for what think they are not doing for them. I am not saying this is the issue, just offering up some insight at some other cases that I have worked with.
For yourself and your sanity, you have to realize that you have to take care of yourself, and that his health issues are not your doing.
Another hug
Hopefully she is enjoying her break.
Last edited:
Are we not allowed to give names?
lsyorke
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2002
- Messages
- 3,122
I don't have a clue about that clue, LOL!
/
The OP asked not to blatantly out her in her first post. So, I believe posters are honoring that.
Although, since she has given many details that are the same in all her posts, a simple google search brings up her other screen names.
Disney Doll
DIS Security Matron
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2000
- Messages
- 28,883
Good OP. Now while he's hospitalized pack your things and leave. Get an
Attorney to start divorce proceedings and when
They call you about discharhe, tell them You are no longer living information the home, are divorcing him And will bear no responsibility for his physical care.
Noes your chance. You've got your out.
Attorney to start divorce proceedings and when
They call you about discharhe, tell them You are no longer living information the home, are divorcing him And will bear no responsibility for his physical care.
Noes your chance. You've got your out.
I feel relief. I have no reason to stay. He will either survive on his own or be placed in the proper care facility if he can't make it on his own. If I stay and he brings me down with him, it is my own fault.
In some ways the two of us are alike. We seem to find denial is an easier way to live. We just pretend HUGE issues don't exist, just ignore them and hope they get better or go away. I guess I shouldn't judge him as harshly as I do. Either way, I am not a hero, I can't save him. If anything, my presence makes matters worse for both of us. I need to stop blaming him for everything wrong in my life and make the necessary changes to get back on the right path.
Belle0101
Nothing to see here.
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2002
- Messages
- 4,911
The big question is, will you?
tcufrog
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2012
- Messages
- 4,103
You need to stop talking to the in-laws because they are a hindrance to you leaving. They don't want you to leave because then they'll be stuck with him. They are going to do whatever they can to get you to stay including guilt tripping you. He's in the hospital being cared for. You should be packing your bags and moving.
gwynne
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2012
- Messages
- 10,489
About the end of your earlier post, (#450) I wouldn't assume there is no protection for vulnerable adults.
What are your plans for today to start working on the future? Have you called the counseling folks? Do you have an appt on the books?
Since it wasn't c.diff and was just an intestinal virus, did they release him?
Your social worker was wrong. Illinois does indeed have an Adult Protective Services department.
https://www.illinois.gov/aging/ProtectionAdvocacy/Pages/abuse.aspx
Effective July 1, 2013, legislation was passed by the General Assembly to expand the Departments current Elder Abuse and Neglect Program (now Adult Protective Services Program) to prevent abuse, neglect and financial exploitation of people with disabilities between the ages of 18-59 living in the community.
But do you mean more of a department that you could turn your husband over to help him out when you are not there?
In this case, it would have to be reported that you or a relative were abusing him for the state to step in. Although, you may be able to report the sister for taking financial advantage of him. Unfortunately, your husband does have the right to deny services, so it may not help. But then you shouldn't have to feel guilty as it is on him.
When a call is received...
A trained adult protective services case worker will respond within a specified time period depending on the severity of the case: within 24 hours for life threatening situations, within 72 hours for most neglect and non-threatening physical abuse situations and up to seven days for most emotional abuse or financial exploitation reports.
The case worker will contact the victim and help determine what services are most appropriate to stop the abuse. Those services may include:
A trained adult protective services case worker will respond within a specified time period depending on the severity of the case: within 24 hours for life threatening situations, within 72 hours for most neglect and non-threatening physical abuse situations and up to seven days for most emotional abuse or financial exploitation reports.
The case worker will contact the victim and help determine what services are most appropriate to stop the abuse. Those services may include:
- in–home or other health care;
- homemaker services;
- nutrition services;
- adult day services;
- respite care for the caregiver;
- housing assistance;
- financial or legal assistance and protections, such as representative payee, direct deposit, trusts, order of protection, civil suit or criminal charges;
- counseling referral for the victim and the abuser;
- when needed, guardianship proceedings or nursing home placement;
- emergency responses for housing, food, physical and mental health services.
The person has the right to accept or decline services.
As an adult, a competent person may refuse an assessment and may refuse all services and interventions. This is called the client’s right to self–determination, upon which the Adult Protective Services program is based. No decisions are made about a competent adult without that adult’s involvement and consent. Every effort is made to keep the person in his or her home.
Where a client has dementia or another form of cognitive impairment, the Adult Protective Services Program works to assess the situation and to provide services as needed. In some cases, the Adult Protective Services Provider Agency petitions the court for guardianship in order to insure that the client’s needs are met. Guardianship and nursing home placement are always the last resort.
As an adult, a competent person may refuse an assessment and may refuse all services and interventions. This is called the client’s right to self–determination, upon which the Adult Protective Services program is based. No decisions are made about a competent adult without that adult’s involvement and consent. Every effort is made to keep the person in his or her home.
Where a client has dementia or another form of cognitive impairment, the Adult Protective Services Program works to assess the situation and to provide services as needed. In some cases, the Adult Protective Services Provider Agency petitions the court for guardianship in order to insure that the client’s needs are met. Guardianship and nursing home placement are always the last resort.
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Keep repeating that, let it be a mantra.
You cannot change either of them.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER - USE IT (for good not evil
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