Miscarriage ? (probably TMI in some parts..)

[VSL]

It's always so upsetting to hear about this kind of thing.

 

[3princesses4us]

Our 2 Princesses:

my thoughts on the preg after miscarriage/D&C - I think I may have a theory on the D&C (but not miscarriage) - they were never sure why I had fertility/miscarriage problems - but one of their thoughts was minor scarring of the uterus. I went in for a D&C type procedure where they scraped the uterus - kind of more intense than with a normal D&C. After that I did have my DD. Maybe for some a normal D&C somehow helps? I do not know for sure - but just a thought.

That would make some sense. I have always thought in general that having a baby makes you more fertile. We only struggled to conceive our first child. The subsequent 3 pregnancies came fast and furious. I also think that God is gracious and will give you another healthy baby as soon as your body is ready. Everyone that I know that's had a miscarriage (myself included) has always gotten pregnant fairly easily and soon afterward. I will pray this for you also!

 

[jenjersnap]

Jen, I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 4 M/Cs and a stillbirth (heart defect, she died at birth). I have done the D&C route and waited it out. Both have their advantages. My longest natural M/C took 3 weeks to happen. It was a very difficult wait, but, when it happened, it felt natural and right for me. My body recovered easily after one night of intense cramping. My cycle got back on schedule quickly but it did take 5 months to get PG again.

My latest M/C in 5/2005 I had a D&C. Ironically, I decided not to wait it out because we had a Disney vacation planned. Unfortunately, I had some complications after the D&C from the general anesthesia (I got a lung infection. Some doctors insist on general, some will do it while you are awake. If I had it done again, I would choose to be awake.) and we had to cancel our trip the day we were supposed to leave. Otherwise, the D&C went well, physically - you know, the nether regions - felt pretty good right off the bat. The best advantage for us was that 3 weeks later I was pregnant again. It was entirely accidental, in fact this baby must have fought a major battle just being created! But he is looking great so far. A D&C can definitely enhance your fertility.

My DS, age 5, knew about the baby and he went through a grieving process. He told me it was a girl and her name was Mary (he is desperate for a sister). I told him it wasn't Mary's time to be born, God needed her with him right now. He is really sensitive and understands that. He still dreams about her. I just remain open to communicating about it with him. I don't always know the right thing to say, but we have worked it out. We waited until we were 12 weeks along with the new baby before telling him.

Good luck making your decision and be gentle with yourself.

 

[kidzmom3]

I also had a miscarriage in between my first and second children, so I do know where you are coming from. I really feel for you and your family. I hope that things go well, and that you are able to return to a semblance or normalcy soon. I hope your little one is able to come to peace with your situation.

I wanted to address the idea about support for the person experiencing the miscarriage.

People are funny about this. Why? In my personal opinion, it goes hand in hand with peoples idea of when is a life a life. Some people believe in life at conception. So for them, when you have a miscarriage, it is the same as losing a child. Some people believe that after a certain period of time (be it 3 months, 6 mos etc...), then the fetus is developed "enough" to be a child, and can be grieved as such. Other people, feel that until the child is born, it is not truly "real".

I work in an ER and peoples reactions run the gamut from grief to relief.
You must grieve in your own way, and this may be one of those times when people really "do not understand what you are going through".

good luck, and peace

 

[Our 2 Princesses]

Our 2 Princesses:

my thoughts on the preg after miscarriage/D&C - I think I may have a theory on the D&C (but not miscarriage) - they were never sure why I had fertility/miscarriage problems - but one of their thoughts was minor scarring of the uterus. I went in for a D&C type procedure where they scraped the uterus - kind of more intense than with a normal D&C. After that I did have my DD. Maybe for some a normal D&C somehow helps? I do not know for sure - but just a thought.

After people started telling me about how they (or someone they knew) got pregnant so quickly after the D&C, I figured that maybe scraping old tissue away might help. I also wonder if because you were pregnant that your hormones were higher than usual and helped you get pregnant quicker. I just hope it works that way for my husband and I if we decide to try again. Like I said, I am concerned about my age, even though my dr does not seem to be.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

Prayers & Hugs comming your way.

I had a "missed" miscarriage in the second trimester 10 years ago. The baby died in utero but I do not expell the baby.We had already told everyone including 3 year old DS and had alread bought some things. The D&C was really not bad. It made it easier to be over that part. DH called family and friends and had them spread the news that we had lost the baby but there were a few people that did not know and asked about the baby. We told DS that they baby was just not strong enough to grow and be born and that it would go back to heaven. DS did have a hard time as he was "sure" it was a girl and he had with our permission named her Amanda.
I guess the only thing I can say is to remember that it is ok to feel whatever you feel. For me the sadness never complety went away and that is ok. It is a true loss of a child no matter how far along you are. I have many friends that have lost babies and sometimes it helps to talk about it. My little one would have been ten this past September and I always shed a few tears about that time of year.
We really do not know that it was a girl but we kind of just like thinking she was Amanda. Something we have done a few times is at Christmas choose an Angel off of an Angel tree that sponcers needy children. WE choose a girl that is just the age she would be and buy for this child just as we would have her. Just a little way to remember her.

Sorry so long. Prayers for you.

Jordan's mom

 

[Nancyg56]

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot add to anything that others have offered, so please accept a big as well as my prayers for you and for your family.

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

Again, I want to thank everyone for their replys. It has really helped to hear so many others experiences.

Thanks -

Jen

 

[michvin]

I had a miscarraige at 10 weeks after my second child. I, too, experienced what my ob said was a "blighted ovum". Apparently, I actually lost the pregnancy at 6 weeks...it took 4 weeks for the spotting to start. I was pretty freaked out because my previous two pregnancies were easy, get pregnant, no problem pregnancies or delievery.

My ob said because it was so early I could just let it go with the bleeding. So I did and about 5 weeks later (I am VERY regular) got my period. Well, on about day two or something, I started to bleed uncontrollably! I was working at the YMCA in a tumbling class for kids and I just started hemmoridging (sp?) - and my two little ones were upstairs in the child care - and husband over an hour away at work! So, I went upstairs, got a diaper, yes a diaper, my cell phone and made way to the bathroom. Two diapers later (no, i was not faint or lightheaded...I kind of go into super lady with the adrenaline) my friend came and got my kids, my in laws came to take me to the hospital and my husband was racing home up i-95.

So, I had the d&c then, it stopped the bleeding...my uterus was contracting like crazy until they got me in...it was weird, weird. It did not hurt, I was not totally out, my doctor was able to do it herself instead of some unknown resident.

Considering you are going away in a month, I just would have it done if your doctor will perform the surgery. I was home that evening (it was still light outside). Felt fine. YOu don't want to have anything happen to you on vacation and you never know how your body will react once you have your cycle again.

Oh, and we started trying 2 months later and was pregnant with baby #3 by the 4th month after the d&C. Please think about it for your own sanity!

 

[PaulaSue]

(((hugs)))

 

[crisi]

I am so sorry for your loss.

As for your son, I might just tell him you thought he'd have a brother or sister before he was six, but sometimes babies take longer to arrive than you thought to arrive (especially if you are committed to another child and this will happen sooner or later). A girlfriend of mine adopted when her son was about that age, and adoption is often a lot about "we don't know when you are getting a brother or sister" (and was in this case), but because the social worker works with the whole family, her son was involved in the beginning. It took them about two years - a long time in a kid's life.

 

[PLUTO2]

Hi Jen,
How are you doing? I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy at 12 weeks. We had also told everyone and I too was surprised by the no comments or responses by certain family members. I believe some just do not know what to say while others have no clue how much pain emotionally you are in right now. I have 2 beautiful children now that I call my miracle babies because a doctor had told me due to endometriosis I would never have children. My thoughts are with you.

 

[cinjam]

I am so sorry. I had a mc at 8 weeks. I started with light spotting, stopped a bit for a day or so, then started up and went into a full blown period (more painful then usual). I was told to wait on cycle then try again. We did and we conceived again immediately - and that would be Kade - the child currently begging me for more pretzels (he's 1 yr & 9 months now).

At the time of my mc, my other son, Aidan, was 2.5. We had told him about the pregnancy and the loss, he was too young to understand. DH had also told a lot of people. But because we conceived again so quickly, some of DH's friends thought it was the same pregnancy (weird, I know, but some people aren't good with dates like that).

I still think about my mc sometimes, my due date would have been 12/25/03 -something I don't think I will ever forget. I am sorry for your loss.

 

[jenjersnap]

We really do not know that it was a girl but we kind of just like thinking she was Amanda. Something we have done a few times is at Christmas choose an Angel off of an Angel tree that sponcers needy children. WE choose a girl that is just the age she would be and buy for this child just as we would have her. Just a little way to remember her.

We do this too! Every year we choose 4 - guess it will be 5 though the baby from our last M/C wouldn't be due for 4 weeks or so in mid December - kids from the foster family tree at our church that are around the same ages as my angel babies. My DS likes to choose things for the kids and we hope it starts him on the road of volunteering and charitable giving.

 

[Blondiex46]

My thoughts and prayers are with you

 

[LaLa]

More hugs and prayers

Sometimes it just helps to know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. I think all of these replies should be evidence of that.

I, like too many of us out there, have had my heart torn from my chest twice. The first was at 6 weeks, the next was at 12 weeks. You will never fully get over the pain, but it will ease somewhat in time. I felt like even my husband couldn't relate to what I felt. Sure, he was very upset too, but he just wasnt physically able to relate to what I was feeling. The internet, connecting with other women going through miscarriages like me, really helped me to know that there were so many others out there feeling the exact same thing as me and that I would eventually be happy again. Since then, we have had 2 beautiful babies and the way I look at is is simply this..God has a plan. I may not understand it. I may not even like it sometimes. But what I do know is that had my miscarriages not happened, I would not have my beautiful son and daughter. They were each born after a miscarriage. Just keep your head up and know that the sun is still shining even though the clouds may be in the way for the moment.

 

[Savin4Disney]

sorry for your loss!

 

[kerry34]

I am sorry for your loss I too lost a child in my 5th month of pregnancy. Turned out she had very severe spina bifida (spinal cord was open on both top and bottom, and severe hydrocephalus. Doctors told me with the severity of her condition it was unlikely she would have lived. That was 14 years ago. I went on to have healthy pregnancies with all my kids after that and was blessed with twins in my last pregnancy. I like to think that god gave back to me what I lost in my daughter Anne when I had twins. It is never easy losing a child no matter if you are in the early stages of your pregnancy or later stages. In time, things will get better for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Rapunsel]

I my self have neve had a m/c, but i have a cousin who did and she lost"God Given Triplets". Meaning no drugs were involved... She opted to wait a weel for a D&C and in the mean time came up to visit for a wedding and spent the entire time in a MC Donalds bleeding. She then made it to a hospital up here and it was jsut awful. I felt so bad for her.. She was visiting our Grandma and didn't tell her why she had to go to the hospital..
3 years later I still think the family doesn't know. She and her husband told us because we knew how they felt.

She did go on to have 2 healthy kids since.

My best frined also had a miscarrage and it was awful for her when it came to the family.. I cried on the phone with her... Her SIL's never acknowleged it and still haven't to this day. She is still heart broken..

My prayers are with you and all the other women out there who have children waiting for them in heaven...

 

[Ellielovesdisney]

Hi Jen,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know you already love your baby and don't pay attention to anyone say it is "just a miscarriage".
I also think you've gotten some great advice from this board.
From a professional perspective, a BHCG level of 400 is quite low. I would probably advise a patient of mine to wait on the D&C from this level. Of course everyone is different, I haven't seen your ultrasound, and there may be extenuating circumstances that you need to discuss with your physician...but - I don't think you'll have any trouble. Please call your physician with your concerns...she should have the time to answer all your questions and give you information with which to make an informed decision regarding your care.
I hope everything works out the best it possibly can for you...

Holly