Miscarriage ? (probably TMI in some parts..)

[magiroux]

Jen

My heart and hugs go out to you and your family.

Like many others responding I have had troubles with conceiving & miscarraiges. Since having problems to begin with, when I finally was able to get pregnant I was so excited I proceeded to tell the world immediately. When I told MIL how far along I was she, in her usual sensitive manner, proceeded to inform me, "She does not care to hear about my sex life" That preg. ended in miscarraige and was hard for me because I had told so many. Needless to say I never told anyone, especially MIL, until the 4 month mark.

I eventually had a D&C and and shortly afterward had a succesful pregnancy and am very grateful for my healthy DD (Now 10).

Be strong..you will get through this and everything will be alright.

 

[elliemae1192]

No advice, just hugs. I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this.

 

[cruzmouse]

Jen,
I am so sorry for the loss of your child....During my 2nd pregnancy I too experienced a loss. I was 5 mos pregnant with a son...I am nurse and work in a womens health floor, and I can tell you that everyone grieves each in their own way whether they have a loss at 8 wks or 38 wks....I think most people dont say anything because they are scared they will say the wrong thing...But the truth of the matter is you and your family lost a someone that you loved...I too think that a support group is a helpful option, just wait till your ready...It took me 1 1/2 years before I was able to attend one. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[AngieWin]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[Vickie46]

I am so sorry.. I will keep you in my prayers... hugs to you!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Hi Jen,

First, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had 2 miscarriages after my DS was born. He was about 3 1/2 when we started to try again. I got pregnant right away with him and it was so uneventful, when I got pregnant, we did tell everyone. My due date was one day after my grandmothers birthday who raised me, so I thought all was good. Wrong! I started to spot, the blood levels dropped and after some cramping and bleeding all was passed. It was devastating to DH and I and also to tell everyone. You're right, people do not know what to say. When we got pregnant the 2nd time, I waited but m/c'd again. I didn't get a D&C, the doc gave me a Methotrexate injection and it passed.
Third time, we waited for a while. The pregnancy was turbulent, but Princess Haylee just turned 2 last month.

 

[shaylahc]

Aw, big (((HUGS))) I, too, lost a baby in 2003 at 9 weeks. It was my 4th pregnancy, I never expected to have any problems. I started to bleed one morning and an u/s confirmed the baby had died I opted to have a D&C because I wanted it "over" faster....the OB warned me that the hardest part of a miscarriage is the emotional part and he was right! I had a major depressive episode like PPD that lasted for several months after my m/c. My body was majorly out of whack hormonally, it took about 3-4 mos before I felt "normal" again.

I wouldn't hesitate to have a D&C again if the need arose. It is a pretty painless procedure all things considered. They knock you out with IV anesthesia and when you wake up it's all over. I did have some retained tissue I passed a few days later, but it was much easier than I think it would have been had I just waited for my body to do it on its own. I know for some women, they would just rather let the pregnancy pass on its own because they feel its more "natural". Everyone is different.

As far as telling people/your children....I had to do that, too. You might want to have 1 person tell for you if you feel too sad or embarassed (I know I burst into tears for months afterwards when I talked about it). Telling my children was definitely the hardest thing...my oldest DD was very traumatized by the whole thing and kept begging me not to get pregnant again My children were 6, 4 and 2 at the time, and we told them the truth...that the baby had died. We explained to them that sometimes when the baby is growing things don't form right and the baby dies. They absorb what they can understand.

The good news is that 6 months after my m/c I got pregnant and had an uneventful pregnancy that resulted in my beautiful DS who is 13 mos old

Best of luck to you OP (((((HUGS))))) I hope your recovery is quick and painless, and that your heart heals quickly

 

[horsegirl]

horsegirl - I can't even imagine the devastation at 5 months along......... to you.
to previous posters - I agree you find out who your real friends/family are... the only people who have "really" been there for me is my mom (who went through MANY miscarriages and could only have me before having a complete hysterectomy), dad, husband, and my best friend who calls me everyday to see how I am doing and talks to me about what is going on..... It is just bewildering to me that my MIL/SIL/BIL haven't even spoken to me and it has been a week already.
I will just assume no one else really knows what to say to me at this point and not hold it against anyone.
thanks everyone for your insight.
Also, to previous poster - I think I will look into a support group - although I tend to hide my feelings well towards others, inside I am hurting pretty bad. This is actually killing me, although no one would ever know it.

Jen

I think it is terribly terribly painful at any time, Jen, five months, two months or 9 months. Your pain is every bit as real as anyone elses. I had to carry my little guy for the last four months knowing he was not going to make it when he was born. It would have been easier, I think, to lose him really early, but I got to see his little face when he was born. When you start talking to people, you find it happens to so many. I think I read a statistic that 1 in 8 pregnancies end in a miscarragie, most within the first 8 weeks and often unbeknownst to the mom.

My experience was that people just didn't know what to say, some had never had it happen so had no idea how painful it was, and some just couldn't handle painful topics. Yeah, there were a few who were too self involved to really care, but those were in the minority, I prefer to think. One poster said you find out who your friends are-find those friends, they can be such a support for you. And I am glad you are considering a support group. I did not do that initially, and I felt really alone and isolated. Get as much support as you need-you shouldn't be alone in your pain. thinking of you....

 

[tessqt]

Hugs to you Jen, I am so sorry. I had 4 what seems like so many years ago. There is an organization, I'm not sure if it's a "national" or local, if I find something about them I will post it for you.

 

[Hillbeans]

I've also lost 2 pregnancies at the 8 week mark - The first one didn't implant well and I was having a lot of bleeding. The second one never developed past the 5 week mark, but I found out at 8 weeks it wasn't viable. I was taking progesterone though, so once I stopped that, it happened about a week or so later.

A few months after the last M/C last fall I worked very closely with my OB who put me on a course of baby aspirin and progesterone and I gave birth to a baby boy on 9/23/05 - so have faith that you will (if you want) try again and be blessed with another child. Sometimes having # 2 is more difficult for some reason. Please PM me if you want to talk.

 

[KelleyGirl]

We're neighbors! I'm from Tewksbury.

 

[kellyg403]

I am sorry for your loss. I also lost my 5th child, Kayla, at 27 weeks. I will agree with others that your loss is real and the greiving process is one that changes from person to person. I went to a support group and through that grief not only have been able to heal as best as can be expected but have been able to form some lifelong friendships with people who understand. Friends and family try as hard as they can but sometimes don't want to hurt you or don't know exactly what to say. I know that I can call anyone that I met through the support group and say anything..absurd, dreadful, downright hateful and they will understand. It has been 12 years and I still call them!

As for your son, teaching him to grieve is a very hard lesson to teach. My children went through stages of grief and he will too. Be there, talk it out with him, let him draw or write something out. To all of you, this child was exactly that, a child who was a member of your family. You will miss the expectation of that child. So helping him find closure will be something you will need to figure out how to do. You know your child best.

Big Hugs to you and your family during this time. Hold each other close and don't blame yourself. As someone also mentioned, faith...I too believe that your angel was so special God could not be parted from them. How lucky we are to have our own special angels!

Kelly

 

[mum4jenn]

I had a miscarriage at I think 10 weeks or so back in 1996. I was already scheduled for an amniocentisis the next day so when I called my Dr he told me to keep the appt and they could tell what was going on (I had only had a little spotting and no pain). I had the amnio the next day and it showed that there was no life so they called the Dr and I went over to see them.They scheduled a D&C for the next day. I had no pain from it and I think I missed a couple of days work. I did have some pain medication but I don't remember any cramping.


It was a difficult thing to go through. We had told many people. The hardest parts were that we had purchased a baby blanket from a school fundraiser and had forgotten about it until it arrived a few weeks later and then I totally lost it when I saw the blanket. Also a guy at work(Publix) had taken a few months off and when he came back he was all excited to find out if I had a boy or girl and wanted pictures and all...everyone was trying to shut him up but he did not catch on. When I told him I lost the baby he felt awful and actually cried and apologized over and over if he had hurt my feelings by bringing it up. That was very touching.

We had started a baby book so dh and I both wrote a good bye message to the lost baby. We never knew if it was a boy or girl because I guess it had never developed far enough to tell. That was alost ten years ago and it still saddens me when I think about it.

Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[Our 2 Princesses]

Jen, first of all I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I can also sympathize with you because I just miscarried 3 weeks ago today. I was 8 1/2 weeks along. My experience sounds similar to yours. I started spotting slightly on a Friday night and called the dr. He told me to come in for a sonogram Monday morning. The ultrasound tech said I was measuring at 5 weeks and I don't think she even saw a baby, which probably means I had a blighted ovum. Anyways that morning and 2 mornings after I had my hormone levels checked. They were down to around 400 also. I finally talked to my dr Friday afternoon and I told him I wanted a D&C so he scheduled me for one very early the next Monday morning. In the meantime, I miscarried on Saturday night. It lasted for a couple hours on and off. To me it felt like I was 2-3 cm in labor. I went ahead with the D&C because I was worried about infection and I'm glad I did because the dr said I had a little tissue remaining. The D&C was very easy, physically at least. I spotted a little for a couple days and had some cramps but I was given a pain reliever and antibiotics.
I blamed myself for my miscarriage only because I was 36 years old and felt I was being selfish because I already had 2 beautiful, healthy little girls. (How could I want more??) After the D&C, I felt better emotionally. Now the big question for me is Do I want to try again at my age? I really want one more badly and I don't feel I have a lot of time to think about it.
It is amazing to me how many people have had miscarriages. I hardly knew anyone that had a miscarriage before I had mine or so I thought. After people found out about mine, everyone started telling me about having one (or more) themselves.
Just know I am thinking about you and hope you feel better soon!

 

[3princesses4us]

Just wanted to send my condolences as well. I also lost a baby my 2nd time around at 11 weeks (no symptoms whatsoever, u/s showed no heartbeat. I was by myself!). This was the day before our anniversary. I had a D&C the day after our anniversary. My DD was barely 1 at the time and this pregnancy wasn't planned so I was very confused/bitter about this happening.
The good news I wanted to give you is that your HCG levels are going down. Mine didn't even after the D & C and it was determined I had something more serious called a molar pregnancy. Similar to a blighted ovum, but my baby did form up to 8 weeks. It could have been very serious but it did get better. My doctor advised me to wait 6 months after that before trying to get pregnant. In the 7th month, I got pregnant with DD #2. 3 years later, I had another uncomplicated pregnancy and got my dimpled little DD #3.
So keep your chin up. It does get better with time and maybe years from now you will see why this happened. For us, we realize we would never have had our sweet little Sydney had this not happened...

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

First, !

I am sorry you are going through this. I also had 2 miscarriages around 8-10 weeks - we were trying for our first. The first just started with bleeding and was over within the day. The second, I went in for an early ultrasound to find out the fetus was not viable. The Dr. gave me a choice of letting it happen naturally or having a D&C - I chose the latter to get it over with. We now have an incredible 8 yr old DD!!! I also like to believe that it all happened to lead us to her.

Give yourself all the time you need for yourself - and your family to grieve and heal - take care of yourself!

 

[Our 2 Princesses]

People keep telling me they have heard it's easier to get pregnant after a miscarriage or a D&C. Anyone know if there's any truth to that statement?

 

[lil.disney.princess]

so sorry for your loss Jen.......i know how you will be feeling,i had 2 m/c in 1997-one in january one in august,and i was lucky i didnt have any pains just lots of blood,i had a d&c with the 1st one and spent a weekend in hospital i was befriended by someone on the ward who knew what i was going through and really supported me through it(which is more than anyone else did!)and she wouldnt leave me alone on the ward while she went down for a smoke-she made me go down with her which did me the world of good or i would have just sat inmy bed crying-but what hurt was i looked at my notes and the nurse had written "is coping well-is rarely on the ward"which was so wrong-what would she have preferred me to be weeping and wailing in bed?which is what i would have been doing if it hadnt been for Rose!

the only person other than Rose who gave me any support was my best friend sue-who would ring me every day and who drove a 2 and half hour journey with her dh to come see me one day,they took me out with the kids and spoiled me rotten!!you really do find out who your friends are at times like this!!(the ex was a waste of space as was his family,and mine!!)

since them 2 m/c i have gone on to have 3 more healthy children-i fell straightaway after the 2nd one and he is now 7!!so our2princesses no there is no truth to that statement at all!!

good luck sweetie,you will get through it

 

[sorcerermick]

First off, my condolences on your loss. I have to admit I did not real all of the previous posts, but I do have a suggestion for your 5 year old. My wife just went through a miscarriage last year, and we too had already told our two children, 4 and 7 at the time. We told them that "the baby had gotten sick and God took the baby away until it gets better. Only when the baby is healthy will God put the baby back for us to take care of." It worked wonderfully for them, and we're currently 4 months into a new pregnancy, with a healthy baby so far!

My thoughts are with you and good luck!

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

Our 2 Princesses:

my thoughts on the preg after miscarriage/D&C - I think I may have a theory on the D&C (but not miscarriage) - they were never sure why I had fertility/miscarriage problems - but one of their thoughts was minor scarring of the uterus. I went in for a D&C type procedure where they scraped the uterus - kind of more intense than with a normal D&C. After that I did have my DD. Maybe for some a normal D&C somehow helps? I do not know for sure - but just a thought.