Miscarriage ? (probably TMI in some parts..)

[JenDaveBrendan]

I am 27 years old and currently going through a miscarriage at 8 weeks preg. I have a 5 year old son also. I went to the ER last weekend with light spotting and have had my blood drawn a few times since then and my HCG levels are going down, currently they are around 400. I was wondering what others experiences with miscarriages were - I really have not bled much at all. Does it usually take awhile to really start to bleed?? I am terrified of having to get a D&C. I have gone through the grief and asking myself why already and at this point I just want the miscarriage to be over so we can go on. Any help with this would be great.
We also made the mistake of telling our son we were going to have a baby. He was so excited to finally have a brother or sister, drawing pictures of me with a baby in my belly, etc.... I told him what happened but I don't think he really understands- he is still asking me questions about "when the baby comes".... I just don't even know what to say anymore.
I guess we stupidly believed that since I had one pregnancy and birth with no problems, there wouldn't be a problem with a subsequent pregnancy.......
Thanks,

Jen

 

[DawnaJean]

Jen,

I'm sorry I don't know the answer to your question, but I'm very sorry for your loss. Hugs and thoughts to you and your family at this very difficult time.

Dawna

 

[jill9072]

Im so sorry you have to go thru this!!! I had a mc 9ys ago. i did the light spotting, went to dr, etc... said it was a matter of time. later that nite the blood came, CRAMPS LIKE H***. So if you can take some pain reliever NOW to get a heads up. mine went pretty fast, spent the nite on the potty to pass the clots, then it was like a period, lasted for about a week, but once the big clots passed, i was a big relief from the pain. went back to dr 1 wk later and it was all cleaned out on its own, hopefully you body will do this.
HTH, Jill

 

[jill9072]

And remember, NOTHING YOU DID caused this!!!!!!

 

[allie&mattsmom]

I'm so sorry. I've had several miscarriages, usually between 8-12 weeks. For me, nothing happened right away (and my doctor said there was no way to know when it would happen) so I opted for D&C's. Thoughts and prayers are with you, I know how heartbroken you must feel.

 

[2diamonds&a~gem]

I am so sorry about your situation. There are no words that really seem to fit. My SIL had a m/c at 12wks 5 years ago and I think the easiest thing for her was to get preg. again as soon as they got the all clear. (she is an OB nurse, very hard job in this situation) A friend also had a m/c at 10wks and had already told her DD's 3 & 7, the youngerst didnt understand until she finally told her that God needed their new baby back in heaven with him. And the little one asks why and the answer is so that our baby can now be our Angel to always watch over us and keep us safe.
You are in my thoughts and prayers for a quick passing and healing for your heart and your family.
HUGS to you!

 

[KelleyGirl]

Hi Jen - I'm so sorry for your loss. The same things happened to me at 8 wks with my 2nd pregnancy. It didn't last long, wasn't very painful, and I didn't need a D&C. We hadn't told anyone. My OB tested my thyroid and it turned out that I had an untreated underactive thyroid, and we attributed the mc to that. I went on to have 3 more children without a problem. My youngest just turned 6 mos yesterday.

As for your 5yo, I'm from a typical Irish Catholic family where we don't talk about things .. I would probably just say "The doctor said Mommy isn't having a baby right now afterall. Maybe some other time."

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

Thank you everyone for the kind words and help. I really appreciate it. I think I will try the "baby is an angel now in heaven watching over us" sort of thing with my son. Hopefully that will help him also.

Jen

 

[CleveRocks]

I'm very very sorry for your loss. My wife had a miscarriage of her first pregnancy at 10 weeks. In her case, the cause was what's called a "blighted ovum." The embryo never formed properly in the first place, and was never meant to be. This type of miscarriage has NOTHING to do with anything the Mom did or didn't do, and has no bearing on the success of future pregnancies. Since then, we've had 2 beautiful kids, now ages 5 and 3.

By the way, my wife is a physician. She decided on having the D & E ASAP, due to what she saw as the potenital risks in NOT having it done, at least in her case.

God Bless.

-- Eric

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

Hi Jen - I'm so sorry for your loss. The same things happened to me at 8 wks with my 2nd pregnancy. It didn't last long, wasn't very painful, and I didn't need a D&C. We hadn't told anyone. My OB tested my thyroid and it turned out that I had an untreated underactive thyroid, and we attributed the mc to that. I went on to have 3 more children without a problem. My youngest just turned 6 mos yesterday.



Unfortuanaly, we told EVERYONE. It really makes it that much awkward and painful for me. I had my husband tell a lot of people because I really don't want to talk about it. Although it amazes me though that NO ONE from his family has even called me about it. I think no one even knows what to say to me. The next time no one will find out till I am at least 3 months.
I didn't even think of it before about the thyroid, I will definatly ask my doctor next week to test me for that.
Good to know you had 3 more kids without issues.

 

[pweyl36]

Iam so sorry,I had a miscarriage at 8wks also with my second pregnancy.
Now I have 3 healthy children.

 

[KelleyGirl]

I wouldn't have known how to handle having to tell everyone. The few people I told took it very lightly - I was devastated. I resented them for not caring more, but I guess they couldn't have done anything else. My doctor tested my thyroid because she has a thyroid condition and had a few miscarriages, and an underactive thyroid is a common cause for miscarriage. I hope the awkwardness of facing people eases for you. Good luck.

 

[ToTLaugher]

Hi Jen,

I am so sorry for you. I had 2 miscarriages a few years ago. We had told our two DD's (8 and 5) and friends and family about the first one. We talked about how the baby was in heaven and that one day we will see him/her there. It was really hard in the beginning but we tried to keep them busy so they couldn't dwell to long on it. I don't know if that is good advice but we were just doing the best we knew how at the time. Also we let them talk about the baby whenever they wanted. My 5 yr old would tell anyone we met that we had lost a baby. It was certainly awkward, but seemed to be her way of grieving. It seemed to help her so I never stopped her. A friend with a similar exprience said her kids did the same thing.

As far as what to expect. I let mine happen naturally both times and both were very different experiences. I guess my only advice would be to talk with your dr. so you know what to expect and under what curcumstances you would need to call him. (By the way, the first mc took about 2 weeks to actually happen. The second began and ended in one weekend.) The are meds you can take to help control bleeding if neccessary and pain killers to help if you need them. I had to use both for the first and none for the second mc.

I am very willing to discuss my experience so if you want to PM me I would be happy to respond. (I just need to figure out if I am set up to do that!) I know this is so hard. I will be praying for you and your family.

By the way, we now have a DS 16 mths who is the apple of everyone's eye around here. I say that only to say that hope is around the corner.

 

[KelleyGirl]

I just noticed you're from MA. Whereabouts? I'm from just north of Boston.

 

[ToTLaugher]

I'm able to accept PM's now. Feel free to contact me.

Also, I found some people were very willing to "be there" for us and others disappeared from our lives. Sadly you learn who your friends (and family) are during times like these. I found it helped to keep in mind that some might be staying away from us for fear of saying the wrong thing and others might have their own emotional issues that keep them quiet. Enjoy the comfort from those who are able to be there and try not to worry about the rest. Take care of yourself.

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

I just noticed you're from MA. Whereabouts? I'm from just north of Boston.

I am from North Andover - you?

 

[horsegirl]

Hi Jen,

I too am so sorry for you and have been there. I want to address the issue of your son. I would be honest that the baby will be not be coming and have him draw about that with you helping him when you feel emotionally strong enough to do this. This is a family issue, and it should not impact him now the way it is impacting you and your husband. SInce you told him already, it could be very confusing to all the sudden stop talking about it. He might come up with his own ideas about where the baby went, which might be problematic and confusing.

Don't be hard on yourself for telling people. My first pregnancy we held off, and didn't find out until month 5 that there were serious problems. My little guy died shortly after he was born. It was devestating. So waiting doesn't always ensure protecting yourself from explaining things to people.

Your hospital may have a support group for you to join. This might be something for you to consider down the road. Having others who really understand could be a source of comfort. Friends and family members might initially understand and feel empathy, but too often they tend to move on, while the mom and dad feel the empitness for some time. You were brave to reach out here. I hope any words you receive here helps.

My thoughts are with you.

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

horsegirl - I can't even imagine the devastation at 5 months along......... to you.
to previous posters - I agree you find out who your real friends/family are... the only people who have "really" been there for me is my mom (who went through MANY miscarriages and could only have me before having a complete hysterectomy), dad, husband, and my best friend who calls me everyday to see how I am doing and talks to me about what is going on..... It is just bewildering to me that my MIL/SIL/BIL haven't even spoken to me and it has been a week already.
I will just assume no one else really knows what to say to me at this point and not hold it against anyone.
thanks everyone for your insight.
Also, to previous poster - I think I will look into a support group - although I tend to hide my feelings well towards others, inside I am hurting pretty bad. This is actually killing me, although no one would ever know it.

Jen

 

[thelionqueen]

My cousin had a terrible pregnancy that ended up with a still birth @ 9 months. Her daughter was so looking forward to the new baby and she was in the same position as you.

She found a FABULOUS book called "No new baby" it was so great in helping her daughter understand and cope. She highly recommends it. I am sorry this happened.

Your baby must have been very special for the heavens to want her back so quickly!! Take care!

 

[mjh8955]

I had a miscarriage with my second pregnancy at about 11 weeks. Very similar to your situation. The cramping (for me) when the blighted ovum passed was intense but very brief, just like really bad cramps. The ovum was the size of a peach pit, very dense and not what I expected. The bleeding stopped immediately but the doctor had already scheduled me for a D&C the next day so we went ahead. I have to say I felt so much better afterwards, all the bleeding had really been making me weak. Had our daughter about a year later without any problem. Many, many people have miscarriages. It is very common and like everyone says it is not your fault. I felt overwhelming sadness and leaned on my faith. You do count it as a pregnancy on your medical records.