Minor child used my debit card online....

[RF536]

The fact that OP's child already has a therapist and doesn't have friends over to play, leads me to believe that her DS may have other issues to deal with on top of just growing up and navigating the challenges that come with that. While some kids you can leave at home from a vacation and not cause serious self esteem issues, there are some that to do that to them could cause some major problems. OP is making her decision based on what is best for her child, and is working with the therapist to come up with a punishment that gets the point accross without doing more harm than good. It is not like she is just ignoring the situation and letting him off with no punishment.

Just because she is taking him to Disney doesn't mean she is raising a snowflake with entitlement issues.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I agree in some aspects, but, I certainly hope the little snowflakes that still get to take the trip end up in my classes. I don't deal with entitled behavior. If they screw up, they are OUT. You obviously have no idea how students/parents thinking that they can just take ideas from others papers or other people's works and rearrange them. Sorry, epic fail.

Kids that are rewarded for being crappy kids, well, I still have a good 30 years to teach them in college, so I will not reward them for anything they don't earn. It's amusing how many come every semester!

I see this OP's child as the epitome of snowflake.

Leave the kid home and show that you will follow through or start some type of trust fund to pay off their inability to manage in life.

The OP has made her decision, nice of you to come along after and tell her what she's doing wrong.

Perhaps YOU are in the wrong field, you seem very bitter.

It's not like the OP is just letting it go and not dealing with her.
I think it's best to leave the "professional" advice up to their own therapist who actually knows the child.

 

[LisaR]

How is that fair to the bank or the vendor? This wasn't some stranger that stole your identity. This was your child that was allowed enough unsupervised time on the internet to create accounts and use your card. If the neighbor child used your card, you would expect the parents to repay you, because they are responsible for their child's actions. So why shouldn't you be responsible for your child's actions?

I've read time and time again about kids racking up huge cell phone bills/texting bills and the parent calls the company and they remove the charges. I don't see a difference with this. If the OP wanted to call and explain the situation, it would be up to the company to decide what to do. It doesn't hurt to ask. Now, if the company said no and the OP decided to sue over it, I would definitely not be in favor of it. But just asking doesn't seem like a big deal to me. If the company wants to say no, they are welcome to.

 

[Magic Mom]

I've read time and time again about kids racking up huge cell phone bills/texting bills and the parent calls the company and they remove the charges. I don't see a difference with this. If the OP wanted to call and explain the situation, it would be up to the company to decide what to do. It doesn't hurt to ask. Now, if the company said no and the OP decided to sue over it, I would definitely not be in favor of it. But just asking doesn't seem like a big deal to me. If the company wants to say no, they are welcome to.

Racking up a huge phone bill isn't illeagal, making unauthourized purchases on another persons bank card is. Is the OP willing to tell the bank it was her child that did this? Or is she going to tell the bank that "someone" made unauthorized purchases?

 

[PebblesMom]

The OP has made her decision, nice of you to come along after and tell her what she's doing wrong.

Perhaps YOU are in the wrong field, you seem very bitter.

It's not like the OP is just letting it go and not dealing with her.
I think it's best to leave the "professional" advice up to their own therapist who actually knows the child.

I agree!

 

[LisaR]

Racking up a huge phone bill isn't illeagal, making unauthourized purchases on another persons bank card is. Is the OP willing to tell the bank it was her child that did this? Or is she going to tell the bank that "someone" made unauthorized purchases?

As long as the OP was honest, I don't see any reason why she shouldn't ask. I know theft is theft but the kid is 9. I would certainly cut a 9 year old slack compared to the 16 year old that racks up the huge cell bill and claims ignorance.

 

[MrsPete]

As someone who has left a child home (my niece) for the way she talked to her mother and disrespected her parents, my vote is to leave the child at home.

Trust me, rewarding bad behavior and dismissing it with excuses like "well, we can make it up other ways" is only going to cause you problems in the future.

Oh, and by the way, I do have a degree in Psychology.

If the OP takes him on the trip, that's a reward and telling him "well, if you mess up, then we'll still reward you and figure out a different punishment".

Snowflake making at its finest

I also have a (useless) degree in Psychology, and I disagree. Taking or leaving the child on one trip isn't all that significant in comparison to all the other decisions that're made in raising him. I don't see the OP excusing away his behavior, and I don't see a snowflake in the making. Rather, she's trying to figure out how best to deal with the problem.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Just, well

I must ask, where is "you" (sic) degree from?


WDWFWFan I agree with pretty much everything you said. While I never had to spank my child (like was done back in "our day"), letting them choose their punishment is NOT productive in any way, shape or form. The OP seems to be rewarding her child for bad behavior. Um, yeah, not good. Can't wait to keep up on the posts she makes about him the next few years

I get flashbacks to going out to have to pick my own switch to spank me with. ahhh, good times! LOL! I used to love having to pick the switch that my brother would get whooped with (that was a reward for us, ) and vise versa!

Considering I'm a professor at a university and my brother is a bio chemist, I'm thinking we turned out ok! LOL!

Some may not think you turned out ok. Some may not think a particular career is a measure of success. Some may deem a compassionate, non-derisive person of any profession as more "ok" than a rude professor.

The OP is choosing the course she thinks is best. Whether I agree with her or not, I'm hoping things turn out well for her and her son.

And, as a professor of psychology, certainly you understand that even mental health professionals differ in their opinions on things.

 

[disneyelaine]

Are you sure about the Paypal account? We just opened one and it had to be verified with 2 small deposits. How would your son have gotten that.

Nevermind, I just saw your post with how you are working on figuring that out.

 

[GoinAgainSoon]

Seems if the child is A) able to have free access to the computer at age 9 B) able to have free access to a debit card at age 9, C) having to already see a therapist, there may be a little lack of discipline/supervision going on.

I get so sick of parents that automatically call "spectrum" on their kids for bad behavior due to lack of discipline or supervision.

Apparently now it's easier to label a child and call it a disability (and be rewarded for bad behavior because of said "disability") than actually parent and teach them right from wrong growing up (because snowflake will only be 1, 2 3 4,5, 6 ect once so that's why they are excused)

If you already decided to reward his behavior by taking him, why post and ask for opinions here?

 

[Kimberly]

Seems if the child is A) able to have free access to the computer at age 9 B) able to have free access to a debit card at age 9, C) having to already see a therapist, there may be a little lack of discipline/supervision going on.

I get so sick of parents that automatically call "spectrum" on their kids for bad behavior due to lack of discipline or supervision.

Apparently now it's easier to label a child and call it a disability (and be rewarded for bad behavior because of said "disability") than actually parent and teach them right from wrong growing up (because snowflake will only be 1, 2 3 4,5, 6 ect once so that's why they are excused)

If you already decided to reward his behavior by taking him, why post and ask for opinions here?

 

[GoinAgainSoon]

How is posting an opinion pot stirring? It's something we all see every day, just most people won't admit they think it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I also have a (useless) degree in Psychology, and I disagree. Taking or leaving the child on one trip isn't all that significant in comparison to all the other decisions that're made in raising him. I don't see the OP excusing away his behavior, and I don't see a snowflake in the making. Rather, she's trying to figure out how best to deal with the problem.

Agree, taking him or not taking him on a trip is not going to do a thing. I see it as a useless punishment.

In fact getting a break from the parents would be a blessing considering the circumstances.

 

[LisaR]

Seems if the child is A) able to have free access to the computer at age 9 B) able to have free access to a debit card at age 9, C) having to already see a therapist, there may be a little lack of discipline/supervision going on.

I get so sick of parents that automatically call "spectrum" on their kids for bad behavior due to lack of discipline or supervision.

Apparently now it's easier to label a child and call it a disability (and be rewarded for bad behavior because of said "disability") than actually parent and teach them right from wrong growing up (because snowflake will only be 1, 2 3 4,5, 6 ect once so that's why they are excused)

If you already decided to reward his behavior by taking him, why post and ask for opinions here?

Aren't you just peachy? Really, it seems like your only goal has been to come on here and rip apart the OP. You came late to the thread, very obviously didn't read the entire thing and now you just want to rip into her and anyone else that doesn't agree with you.

How wonderful that you are so perfect and have a very special child that never tests you. Don't get too distracted patting yourself on the back. It might distract you from your very vigilant 24/7 watch you keep on your kids.

Now I have to go lock my purse up in a fire proof safe so my kid doesn't get tempted by my debit card. I would hate to be accused of bad parenting for leaving my wallet out.

 

[GoinAgainSoon]

Agree, taking him or not taking him on a trip is not going to do a thing. I see it as a useless punishment.

In fact getting a break from the parents would be a blessing considering the circumstances.

I completely agree in a ton of aspects, but I do feel the child needs to have some sort of recourse and a Disney vacation isn't one of those options. Maybe the parents should just cancel the entire thing and work on the important issues with their child?

Rewarding bad behavior is never optimal, but,seems that the OP refuses to give up HER vacation to actually parent a child in need. You can only blame yourself for the actions of your children (general "you" there, not to anyone in particular)

 

[tar heel]

I would bet money that GoinAgainSoon has no children. One of the things many of us learned once we became parents is that decisions aren't nearly as black and white as we thought when we were criticizing from the side.

I hate like heck to see people with this attitude working in education at any level. Perhaps this poster has some cutting edge research that makes him/her important to the department. Perhaps he/she has developed this attitude b/c he/she is having trouble getting tenure b/c the school is serious about teaching as well as research.

You have a child here who has no friends over and is seeing a therapist. What kind of sadist would leave this little guy home from a family vacation unless this incident is part of some serious pattern? Work with the therapist on appropriate punishment and make it clear that this was major and unacceptable misbehavior, but don't ostracize him from the family.

 

[Kimberly]

Seems if the child is A) able to have free access to the computer at age 9 B) able to have free access to a debit card at age 9, C) having to already see a therapist, there may be a little lack of discipline/supervision going on.

I get so sick of parents that automatically call "spectrum" on their kids for bad behavior due to lack of discipline or supervision.

Apparently now it's easier to label a child and call it a disability (and be rewarded for bad behavior because of said "disability") than actually parent and teach them right from wrong growing up (because snowflake will only be 1, 2 3 4,5, 6 ect once so that's why they are excused)

If you already decided to reward his behavior by taking him, why post and ask for opinions here?

How is posting an opinion pot stirring? It's something we all see every day, just most people won't admit they think it.

My thoughts align to these:

Really, it seems like your only goal has been to come on here and rip apart the OP. You came late to the thread, very obviously didn't read the entire thing and now you just want to rip into her and anyone else that doesn't agree with you.

Constructive criticism might be a little more helpful than just outright attempting to annoy people with abrasive comments.

 

[Kimberly]

I completely agree in a ton of aspects, but I do feel the child needs to have some sort of recourse and a Disney vacation isn't one of those options. Maybe the parents should just cancel the entire thing and work on the important issues with their child?

Rewarding bad behavior is never optimal, but,seems that the OP refuses to give up HER vacation to actually parent a child in need. You can only blame yourself for the actions of your children (general "you" there, not to anyone in particular)

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Seems if the child is A) able to have free access to the computer at age 9 B) able to have free access to a debit card at age 9, C) having to already see a therapist, there may be a little lack of discipline/supervision going on.

I get so sick of parents that automatically call "spectrum" on their kids for bad behavior due to lack of discipline or supervision.

Apparently now it's easier to label a child and call it a disability (and be rewarded for bad behavior because of said "disability") than actually parent and teach them right from wrong growing up (because snowflake will only be 1, 2 3 4,5, 6 ect once so that's why they are excused)

If you already decided to reward his behavior by taking him, why post and ask for opinions here?

Which part don't you understand?

The OP posted what happened - she had not decided what to do and asked for opinions. Many, many posters gave their opinions. She came back and said she had read the opinions, thanked everyone and told us what she had decided to do.

You came to this thread AFTER OP had posted that her and her DH had made the decision on what was best for their family.

If you really are an educator it's frightening. I'd be very curious to know what University employs you. I'm hoping it's not one any of my kids attended.

 

[GoinAgainSoon]

I would bet money that GoinAgainSoon has no children. One of the things many of us learned once we became parents is that decisions aren't nearly as black and white as we thought when we were criticizing from the side.

I hate like heck to see people with this attitude working in education at any level. Perhaps this poster has some cutting edge research that makes him/her important to the department. Perhaps he/she has developed this attitude b/c he/she is having trouble getting tenure b/c the school is serious about teaching as well as research.

You have a child here who has no friends over and is seeing a therapist. What kind of sadist would leave this little guy home from a family vacation unless this incident is part of some serious pattern? Work with the therapist on appropriate punishment and make it clear that this was major and unacceptable misbehavior, but don't ostracize him from the family.

Wrong on the no kids part. My general view of the subject matter is based on personal experiences with friends/family/ and especially snowflakes that should be given special consideration because they are on "the spectrum". More than 65% of the students that had parents complain they were "on the spectrum" weren't in a study I did for fun one year. The parents were the ones that demanded special treatment for them. Keep in mind, that was a small N of students, but, expanded, it would probably be around 80-90%. Also, only the ones "on the spectrum/entitled" were tested, so that didn't included normal students that had to actually study.

Rewarding bad behavior only breeds more bad behavior.