mini vent

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I wouldn't have left her area without my coat. I'd have been livid and told her to stop stealing my things.

I had someone who borrowed my winter coat while I was at lunch one day in the lobby cafeteria. I came back from lunch and it was gone! I asked around and found out who had it.
When she returned, I told her not to take my things again and I want my coat back.

She went to my boss and complained.
I was pulled in and asked why I was being "mean" to this co-worker. When I told the boss what had actually happened, she was not happy and backed me up. I couldn't believe the woman complained about me to the boss over her taking my coat.

I had space in one of my file drawers so the coat went in there every day so I didn't have to deal with the woman.

This woman is not your friend. You need to get your coat back, tell her to quit taking your things and put everything away. First shawl, then coat. What's next?

 

[Hannathy]

And tomorrow when you ask for YOUR coat back make sure you do it in front of at least 1 other person!!! Preferably in the break room with a big audience or even better in front of the boss.

Also announce at this time in front of everyone that you want her to ask before taking your belongings and not returning them.

 

[hereyago]

yea, but to sticky fingers this is still may be a "window" that OP will be leaving open for her. I think sticky fingers as you said in front of at least 1 person to be told,not asked, that she can no longer take things that are not hers.

 

[hereyago]

Maybe I'm just mean, but I would try to find some of that old joke shop itching powder (which is harmless) and apply liberally to YOUR article of clothing....if it works, look at her with sympathy and say, "I sure hope it's not scabies"

OMG! I do love the way you think!

 

[Friendly Frog]

Tell her that you are not joking, that you expect your coat back tomorrow. If she does not return it the next day go to her and tell her that you will be reporting it. Tell her that you do not like to share clothing with other people and that in the future she needs to find another way to keep herself warm.

I suggest that you try not to have to tell your boss, or HR. I think doing so will only make you look bad. Your boss and HR are busy and would probably feel like they should not have to deal with this. You will look much better if you handle this issue yourself.

Don't put anything on the coat. (Those itch powders are not always harmless and could cause adverse reactions in some people. Bringing something like this into the workplace could put your job in jeopardy. What if you boss picked up the coat? Or a cleaning person, What if she wore it home and a baby or pet or some innocent person came in contact with it? If you are going to spend money on something nasty like this, spend the same amount of money on a thrift store sweater. Give it to her and tell her she is not welcome to use your clothing, but you will give this one to her to keep. The three dollars you spend might be worth it just to reduce the drama.

 

[hereyago]

J

Don't put anything on the coat. (Those itch powders are not always harmless and could cause adverse reactions in some people. What if she wore it home and a baby or pet or some innocent person came in contact with it? ) .

Well if sticky fingers once again took something that didn't belong to her, then SHE would be the one bringing adverse reactions to others.
Dang you just edited so now I have to edit,lol. She could put the powder on the inside of the coat or the pockets, I don't think her boss or a cleaning person would try it on.

That's like people who take other people' s lunches and others say don't put anything on it because the food thief might be allergic. Hello! if they didn't take what wasn't theirs, they wouldn't bring things on themselves.


Someone takes your newspaper? either be out there and jump out and call them on it. Or beat them to the paper switch it with an old one with dog poop on it, they won't steal it again.

Good grief, let's stop worrying about holding the hands of people who act badly.

 

[Friendly Frog]

While I understand the frustration, you CAN get yourself in trouble by using excessive "force" in your response a situation. Especially if it causes bodily harm or discomfort to someone. Just saying...

 

[cornflake]

Oh hell to the no.

Did you see her take the coat when you were wearing the shawl? Because if you did, honestly, you have to step up and stop this.

If she took it when you weren't there, I'd have marched over and stood there until it was back in my hand and then it'd be locked in the desk.

If someone tried to take it in front of me, they'd have to be pretty darn quick, because... no.

I mean if a friend came over and said 'I'm freezing, could I borrow....' sure. But just taking stuff? No. Taking it HOME? Refusing to return it?

Lay down the law, firmly and quickly. It doesn't have to be mean but it does have to be clear and firm.

"SnatchyPaws, I'd like my coat back now."

"I'm still cold."

"I'm sorry to hear that *hold out hand for coat and do not move*"

If coat is not placed in hand, repeat the first request until it is.

When it's in your hand - "Thank you. Please don't borrow my things without permission anymore. When I see my clothes are gone, I'm apt to assume someone stole something and go to HR." Turn and walk off.

She doesn't sound like a friend at all and certainly not a good one. If she's cold she's a grown woman capable of ferreting out YOUR clothes; she wears clothing to the office, I'd presume she's capable of acquiring her own sweater.

 

[Karenj2]

Oh hell to the no.

Did you see her take the coat when you were wearing the shawl? Because if you did, honestly, you have to step up and stop this.

If she took it when you weren't there, I'd have marched over and stood there until it was back in my hand and then it'd be locked in the desk.

If someone tried to take it in front of me, they'd have to be pretty darn quick, because... no.

I mean if a friend came over and said 'I'm freezing, could I borrow....' sure. But just taking stuff? No. Taking it HOME? Refusing to return it?

Lay down the law, firmly and quickly. It doesn't have to be mean but it does have to be clear and firm.

"SnatchyPaws, I'd like my coat back now."

"I'm still cold."

"I'm sorry to hear that *hold out hand for coat and do not move*"

If coat is not placed in hand, repeat the first request until it is.

When it's in your hand - "Thank you. Please don't borrow my things without permission anymore. When I see my clothes are gone, I'm apt to assume someone stole something and go to HR." Turn and walk off.

She doesn't sound like a friend at all and certainly not a good one. If she's cold she's a grown woman capable of ferreting out YOUR clothes; she wears clothing to the office, I'd presume she's capable of acquiring her own sweater.

The bolded part made me LOL, but the rest of this is perfect!! Write it down, practice it tonight, and if she hasn't given you back your clothing, then SAY IT!! (And if she does give it back, just say the last part in bold...)

 

[girli565]

Wow, you're too nice because I would have used some choice words with her and then gone straight to my boss/HR department to file a complaint. Document, document, document! Any contact you have with her do through email so you can print and show the higher ups that you've tried to deal with it and she's refusing to give back your coat.

Let us know how it turns out!

 

[hereyago]

While I understand the frustration, you CAN get yourself in trouble by using excessive "force" in your response a situation. Especially if it causes bodily harm or discomfort to someone. Just saying...

But let's see, yes, if Snatchy Paws(good one CornFlake) came back to OP and said, OMG, you must have cooties of some kind because I broke out. You really think OP would say, Oh yes I put powder in it? lol.


Now if people want to take people's lunches and somehow they have an event of keep running to the bathroom, what are they going to say to HR or a boss? well I took Bob's brownies and they made me sick,lol.

Or the newspaper scenario: I truly doubt the thief would come ring a door bell and say" Um, excuse me, but there was an old newspaper with dog poop on it when I stole your paper, you might want to tell the delivery person,lol.

This isn't about a coat or a shawl, it's about why this girl feels ENTITLED to behave this way. OP can be sweet as pie, and she even ASKED for the coat back, sometimes nice doesn't work. People treat you the way you allow them to, and I don't doubt that SP feels that OP won't "puff up" and challenge her.


No you don't have to be mean, as Cornflake wrote, be clear and firm with my own spin of being consistent. . I can be smiling and go all Julia Sugarbaker or I can go all out depending on the situation.

Good luck OP, once you lay down the law and get your coat back, you will feel exhilarated. for some reason that scene in Legally Blonde just popped into my head when they go get the dog back.

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

OP, quit thinking that this person is your friend! She is dishonest and is taking advantage of you. Stop babying her and demand your belongings back NOW and if not, talk to your boss or HR. Get tough or you will continue to be a doormat! (Meant in the kindest way possible, of course!)

 

[2girls4me]

I would not spend a dime on this person. Take it back, tell her never again,mand don't speak to her. She's manipulating you and probably everybody else.

I hate people that take stuff that doesn't belong to them.

 

[DisneyEater]

OP obviously doesn't want to be confrontational. Just tell her you are going out at lunch and need your coat because it is chilly out. Take the coat and "leave it in your car" that afternoon and from now on keep your stuff put away. May not be right or fair but it is one way to go if you want to avoid confrontation.

 

[hereyago]

OP obviously doesn't want to be confrontational. Just tell her you are going out at lunch and need your coat because it is chilly out. Take the coat and "leave it in your car" that afternoon and from now on keep your stuff put away. May not be right or fair but it is one way to go if you want to avoid confrontation.

She may not want to be confrontational, but considering she has all ready asked for the coat back and then told no. either she let's SP have it and anything else she wants or she needs to nip it in the bud.

 

[YO's Mom]

To the OP, please DO NOT buy anything for this woman. She is a grown woman and can supply her own coat or sweater to wear in the office. If you buy something for her, it just feeds into her perception that it is your job to take care of her.

Personally, I would send her the following email, today:

Dear Name,

I am asking you for the final time to return my jacket to my office where you took it last week. Since this is not the first time you have taken things from my office without my permission, I feel it is necessary to state very clearly that I do not want you to take anything else that belongs to me. I know that it is cold in the office. That is why I have brought in my own items to wear, and I would expect you to do the same. When you wear my jacket or shawl, not only am I without the item, but when I finally get it back, I have to pay for dry cleaning the item. I feel I have been more than generous in overlooking the fact that you take these items from me without asking, but your flat out refusal to return my jacket is the last straw. I would hate to have to involve HR in this issue, but if my jacket is not returned by close of business today, you will have left me no choice.

 

[hereyago]

To the OP, please DO NOT buy anything for this woman. She is a grown woman and can supply her own coat or sweater to wear in the office. If you buy something for her, it just feeds into her perception that it is your job to take care of her.

Personally, I would send her the following email, today:

Dear Name,

I am asking you for the final time to return my jacket to my office where you took it last week. Since this is not the first time you have taken things from my office without my permission, I feel it is necessary to state very clearly that I do not want you to take anything else that belongs to me. I know that it is cold in the office. That is why I have brought in my own items to wear, and I would expect you to do the same. When you wear my jacket or shawl, not only am I without the item, but when I finally get it back, I have to pay for dry cleaning the item. I feel I have been more than generous in overlooking the fact that you take these items from me without asking, but your flat out refusal to return my jacket is the last straw. I would hate to have to involve HR in this issue, but if my jacket is not returned by close of business today, you will have left me no choice.

I like this. OP doesn't have to be all in SP's face to get point across but ALSO has written documentation of what has transpired.

 

[MomToOne]

If your company is large enough to have an HR person or group, get them involved immediately. Forget writing letters or emails, or asking nicely, you've already been "nice" enough about the situation.

If your company does not have an HR group, then go to your boss and make it clear you expect him or her to resolve the situation.

I'm not the type of person that goes running to HR alot, but this situation definitely warrants it. This is in no way normal, or acceptable. Quite frankly, if she's pulling this with you, she's probably also pulling similar things either with other co-workers or with company money/property.

 

[hereyago]

Just bumping to see if OP got her coat back and made some boundaries for SP-Snatchy Paws to learn not to cross.

 

[kaleighmariesmom]

I was wondering what the outcome was as well. The co worker is so rude. I can't believe she said no when asked to give the jacket back. Some people are so rude!!