MIL Vent!!!!

[Marseeya]

I'm a wife and mother of 2.

I work and I go to school.

We live in a home that is 4800sqft.

This is definitely not a BRAG, but only to use as an example that people don't have to live in filth just because they work. They're women who have 6 kids-work and keep a decent house

This isn't against Becka and her mil problems, I'm just speaking in general about people who make excuses about cleaning.

We should all aspire to be such a paragon of virtue.

 

[luvmyboys]

On a more serious note I do hate these fevers. They just show up and leave a few days later without any other symptoms. I used to run to the doctor for them but I got tired of hearing it was a viral "thing" and we just had to wait it out. At least I am a lot more calm about my kids' illnesses the second time around. Besides I already have her next well baby check up on Thursday so if she is still sick then I already have the appointment. However, I do hope she is feeling better long before Thursday afternoon. I hate it when my babies are sick.

becka- how old is your DD? Just curious to see if she might be at an age where she could be cutting molars. My DS 7, and now DS 1 both would run a fever while they were cutting molars. Took me a very long time to out 2 & 2 together, but now when DS 1 gets a mysterious fever, I know to start checking his mouth for new teeth! He actually just went through this a few weeks ago... two new back molars now, and feeling better!

Anyway, just wanted to say that I actually conscious decision to let things slide in order to play with my kids more-- you don't get very many years where all they want to do is play with mom & dad! I can wash walls & alphabetize my pantry (have friend who does this!) when my kids are too busy to hang out with me!! I know my sons will remember all of the fun activities they did with mom, but I doubt they'll look back fondly on how the kitchen floor was always mopped! Good luck w/ MIL. Hopefully your margarita will kick in, and she will just spend the next few days being helpful instead of annoying! Hope DD feels better quickly too!

 

[kaabost]

What is the deal with MIL's? She definitely came immediatly out of selfish reasons.......well, IMO. Otherwise, she would have called first. Don't clean anything! In fact, I would create more of a mess so that it would be funny (for me). Oh, really? I'm not a good housekeeper? Oh, oh well. I guess I'll get on my knees and bow down to you. Ok, so, obviously I have some MIL issues of my own. I like to make a game of politely defending myself and DH for all of the passive aggressive remarks (she's actually harder on DH than me............never got over the fact that he grew up and loved another woman........wierd huh?).

 

[Sleepy]

unfortunety relatives do come with the spouses.

And fortunately those relatives are there as a last resort when you need them the most.

 

[Chattyaholic]

If you're so worried about having a clean house when she arrives, why are you spending time on the DISboards while your DH is doing the cleaning?

 

[Missy1961]

If you're so worried about having a clean house when she arrives, why are you spending time on the DISboards while your DH is doing the cleaning?

If you read her first post, and others, you would know that she was at work & her husband was home with the sick child.

 

[Chattyaholic]

If you read her first post, and others, you would know that she was at work & her husband was home with the sick child.

Oops! *hanging head in shame* That's what I get for posting BEFORE reading all the responses...please accept my apologies.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I thought becka was at work yesterday while her dh stayed home with sick dd, and today the dh was going to work while becka stayed home with sick dd. I can't keep up.

Hope the original posters dd is feeling better.

 

[Robinrs]

I'm a little concerned about the posts that suggest that she NOT being allowed to see the little girl. I can't imagine, no matter HOW annoying, not letting a grandmother see their grandchild. Especially since she adores her as becka said.

I have a sister who is a MAJOR PiTA... but she LOOOOOVES my son. Yes, she criticizes my housekeeping, she shows up when I don't want her to and she gives unwarranted advice, but she loves my child and treats him like gold. MY feelings take a serious step back to that and I'm confident enough NOT to let her get to ME.

I felt becka's pain when I read the orig post... she's just like my sister. My only concern is too much is being given to superficial things and the fact that Grandma is coming to help out with HER sick grandchild is all that really matters.

Hope she's better soon and the Big Kids get it together now!

 

[becka]

Robin - where did I say anything about not letting my kids see their grandmother? The only time I mentioned not allowing her to see them is if she tried to kidnap my daughter by taking her back to her house without our permission.

You are right that MIL adores my DD. I just wish she also adored DS. She played extreme favorites with her two boys growing up and my DH is very sensitive to her showing favoritism towards the kids. Sooner or later I am afraid that it is going to be so obvious to even DS that there are going to be some real serious issues because DH has repeatedly said he will not allow his kids to be treated the same way he was.

As much as DH and I have issues with my MIL we have NEVER denied her the opportunity to see the kids as much as she would like. She has an open invitation to visit us (of course setting the visit up a day or so in advance ) and we go to visit her house at least once every two months or so for the weekend. Heck, she sees my kids 3-4 times as much as my parents. This has never been about not allowing her to spend time with the kids.

DD is still sick today and is still running a 101-102 degree fever. She appears to be in pretty good spirits despite being sick. My MIL is home with her today so both DH and I could go to work. One of the kids at the daycare has come down with rosceola so I am suspicious that is what we are dealing with. My MIL did bring everything she was planning on bringing this weekend for DS's birthday so I think she is planning on staying the entire week.

And not that it matters to many of you but believe it or not I do appreciate her help I just do not appreciate the fact that she was so sneaky about it and I really think it was rude of her to show up like she did. I can't change anything about it right now so I am trying to make the best of it but that doesn't mean I have to like what she does or how she does it.

 

[kimmikayb]

You're right on Becka. I have a sneaky MIL too so I know how it feels. I'm sure you'll make the best of it. I still like my suggestions, slap an apron on her, call her Alice, sit back and have a drink.

 

[Nancy]

While my house is really pretty bad I don't think the Health Department is quite ready to shut me down and take my kids yet. I am sure we get at least a few more warnings...

Actually I have passed on my bad traits to my DS. Whenever I start cleaning DS always asks me, "Is someone coming over to our house?" Nothing like starting them young.....

That is so funny cause it happens to me too! My house on most days is surface clean, but sometimes the cleaning goes by the wayside. Today I have a sink full of dishes, 2 bathrooms to clean, grocery shopping and laundry..but here I sit. (BTW I have 3 kids, FT job, FT school...but my house is only a paltry 2,000 sq feet) BUT when my kids were little and we were having a party I went cleaning crazy and everything was spotless. My girls were the same way whenever they saw me cleaning big time..they assumed we were having a party!

Back to the OP, I can see why MIL is driving you nuts. You call to put her on standby, just in case you need her, and she ran with it. I actually think it was very nice of you to call her a few days in advance to make sure she was free instead of waiting until last minute. If DD is fine then she came up for no reason. Oh well, make the best of it, deep breaths, whatever gets you through it.


And I got lucky in the MIL department, she was/is a lousy housekeeper and wasn't all that great at raising her kids...so she never says a word to me!

 

[Jpgirl]

Becka I feel your pain about mil favoring dd over ds. Been there, done that bought the souvenir T-shirt. My mil got so bad that one Christmas (dd was 4 and ds was 2) she bought 20 presents (big ones too ) for dd and 1 little one for ds. Thankfully, she just dumped them in front of our garage on Christmas Eve while we were at church (long story let's just say she was mentally ill and having an episode). Anyway we let dd open them-ds asked "where's mine?" We explained to both of them that Grandma was sick and didn't know what she was doing. In a calm moment, dd pulled me aside and said she felt bad for her brother and I said let's think of something we could do. We came up with a solution-dd would keep one special present of her choosing and we could return the rest and buy something they both could use. She was thrilled with that. We were all protective of ds at the time as he was born sick and with lots of problems. Anyway we ended up with a lot of money and bought them an art eisel and paints and stuff like that. They were both thrilled and mil never knew. I pray that your mil never gets that bad. Actually with my mil acting like that it alienated dd from her and they never did have a close relationship. Kids really can really pick up on stuff like that. Hope dd gets better soon.

 

[bananiem]

I guess I don't get it. I don't have the best relationship with my MIL either but I know we can count on her when we need her. I think your MIL thinks she's being helpful. She heard "sick kid" and remembered sleepless nights and you two needing to work and thought she'd come early to help. I'd be grateful for the help.