MIL Vent!!!!

[Hannathy]

I personally think that beggars can't be choosers. If you want her help you should be prepared to accept it on her terms or don't ask for it - make your own arrangements. I just think it is wonderful you have someone to jump in and help there are many many people who don't have help and would love it even 2 days early. IMO you should be grateful for her help.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Nope, not on your terms only when somebody is doing you a favor.

They had not yet asked for a favor.

Nobody is welcome to just intrude in my home uninvited.

Your opinion is just that.... Your opinion.

It does not make it reality for the OP or for anybody else on this thread.

 

[Missy1961]

I know where you're coming from. Right now, my house is a mess as well. I do the same things you do. Then when the guests are coming, I clean like crazy.

No, you are not being unreasonable, she is. She knew what she was doing by leaving first, then having FIL call. She sounds like a PITA.

Hope your daughter gets well fast, so MIL will leave. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

 

[becka]

agnes - She is not crazy in such a manner where she would ever hurt anyone - she is not dangerous crazy just annoying crazy. Although I have sometimes wondered if she might just decide to take DD home with her without our permission. I think she does know deep down that if she tried that she would NEVER be allowed around our kids again.

 

[mrsv98]

I understand Becka, I am not a "dropping in" person either. I like to know ahead of time and I like my house peaceful and calm. It also sounds like a bit of a power issue with MIL. *sigh* Greet her warmly, order take-out and let her fold the laundry!

for the babe, hope she is better soon!

 

[becka]

I know I should probably be thankful that she is willing to drop everything to help but it is sometimes hard to except when it comes with all of the baggage. It also comes with the history of knowing that when we did really, really, really need help once when DS was a baby that she was too busy to drop everything and come over to help. However, that same afternoon when her youngest son (my DH's brother) who was 22 at the time had a fender bender accident she dropped everything to drive 2.5 hours that afternoon to stay with him. He wasn't even hurt and his car barely had a scratch and DH's brother didn't even ask her to come help him but she couldn't help us out then. Like I said if this was DS she wouldn't be coming now and probably not even tomorrow...

Honestly if it was up to me entirely I never would have called her in the first place for this. It would have been a PITA if DD was still sick on Wednesday but we would have made it work. This was literally DH's call to decide that he wanted to ask her for help.

 

[kimwim8]

Hey Becka

I'm sorry about your DD being sick. I can totally relate when you just have no idea what's going on when there's just a fever...or how long it's gonna last.

I don't think you did anything wrong by trying to "feel MIL out" by asking if she could possibly help out in a couple days. I would have used the same courtesy. Even if you know that your MIL might possibly come earlier...it's still common courtesy to give advanced notice, and not just call last minute.

I agree that tonight, you just wing it for dinner. Hot dogs or mac n' cheese, or order food in. And as far as the condition of your house...don't sweat it. She's been there before. She's had little kids.

See if you can have her stay with DD while you run errands or clean in another room. That way you're not with her every minute of the day.

Good luck with this....I really hope your DD is feeling better soon!

 

[mickeyboat]

becka - I can sympathize. Sometimes I think FIL would like to "rescue" my kids (especially Emily) from the clutches of her rotten parents. Sometimes I just want to tell him - "Hey, they are OUR kids, you had your chance."

Yes, your MIL is being rude for just showing up. My FIL does it all the time. He lives less than two miles away, and always shows up without calling. I am usually not too concerned about how the house looks, but he has really bad timing - like when we are putting the kids to bed, or getting ready to go somewhere. Did he forget how to use the phone?

But, you are fortunate she will drop everything and help you out in a jam. Maybe you have to take the good with the bad in this situation.

I always swore that I would not let MIL run my life - or even have a huge influence over my kids. I resisted her help when Hannah was small, but really needed it when Emily came along less than a year later. By the time I realized that she was an important and welcome part of the kids' lives, she was gone. I miss her every day.

Good luck this week

Denae

P.S. Emily got those kind of fevers when she was a baby - just a fever, no other symptoms. They went away as mysteriously as they came. Lucky for me, her home day care provider would keep her if it was just a fever. I asked the doctor about it many times, because I was certain it was Lukemia or something - but she said threre was nothing to worry about. I decided it was a sign that she had a helathy immune system which was fighting off some kind of sickness, and was successful.

 

[Marseeya]

I get where you're coming from! I'd be freaking out if someone came by here before I was ready. Our house is a disaster most of the time.

BUT, I just want to ask you this. Would you be this mad if it was your parents doing it, or a friend of yours doing it?

 

[kimmikayb]

MILs can be frustrating. My DH told my MIL to call us before she came over because we are often gone and we didn't want her to drive here for nothing....and now she says we told her she can't come to our house.

Not sure if she's there already or not but at this point you just have to deal with it. Let the comments fall to deaf ears. Let her clean!! Heck who cares if it's re organized...let her fold your laundry, make her own bed. In 30 years it won't matter anyways and think of it as your own personal live in maid. Start calling her "Alice"

It's too bad she treats your kids differently, but again...nothing you can do to change it. In the end, she's still your daughter and MIL won't change her feelings about you, her mom.

Staying until this weekend??? Yikes. Make the most of it. Go on a date night with your husband! Let her cook for you! Tonight, order pizza.

I feel your pain, but unfortunetly not much you can do about it now.

 

[chell]

Sorry you are being given such a difficult time about it here. I know it will be stressful but try to take deep breaths and let it roll off your back. Once they are gone you see them in a whole new way. There were times my MIL drove me nuts but now I wish I could go back and change those things to where I didn't let them bother me. I really don't think they set out to be a pain in the butt. In her own way I'm sure she is just trying to help you out. :hugs:

 

[becka]

Marseeya - Honestly I would have the same issues with my Mom or a friend (of course my Mom would at least have given me more time since she lives 7 hours away..lol!). I know I have the issue here but having guests just gets my anxiety up and I just cannot relax unless I have time to prepare. I don't know why I am that way but I just am - and it is worse when my house is a big mess. We try to let everyone know that is just the way it is and no one else has ever had a problem with it. Heck, even MIL has never done this before until now.

I know I have to accept it now because I don't have a choice but with DS's party this weekend and DD being sick I really didn't need any additional anxiety.

 

[CRAZEDMOMOF2]

No offense, but instead of wasting time dis'n why not clean your house?

 

[powellrj]

I guess some of us have inlaws that would never dream of driving 2 hours to help out when the kids are sick. While you maybe stressed about it, I would be jumping for joy if my mil offered any kind of help. Take a deep breath and tell her thank-you for helping.

 

[chell]

No offense, but instead of wasting time dis'n why not clean your house?

Maybe she is at work. Didn't you see that her husband is staying with their daughter today and that he is working on the house? Come on here - give her a break! The woman just wanted to let off a little steam.

 

[Deb in IA]

becka, I think you've made the same mistake that I've made in recent months . . . that is, thinking we were still on the old, friendly, cheerful, supportive CB. We old-timers remember the good ol' days, before every word that is posted is target practice for some nasty, bitter person whose mommy didn't hug them enough when they were kids . . .


But anyway, yes, I WOULD be upset if my MIL were specifically told not to come until Wednesday, and she decided to come today. That is disrespectful of YOUR house, your schedule, your rules, your requests, etc.

Just common courtesy, I guess, and being family, or asking for help does not excuse you from being courteous . . . in my opinion.

 

[becka]

Can't clean my house when I am at work.... I just have to sit here and stew knowing I can't do anything about it. All this venting is getting in the way of my work...I work some, check this thread, work some, check this thread...

 

[damo]

My MIL still drives me nuts after 25 years. Heaven forbid the house isn't perfect when she comes to visit. I still can't do anything good enough.

I can definitely understand your stress.

 

[momrek06]

Can't clean my house when I am at work.... I just have to sit here and stew knowing I can't do anything about it. All this venting is getting in the way of my work...I work some, check this thread, work some, check this thread...

ME TOO: Work a little, go on the DIS a little (well maybe allot)...

at least OP, it will make the day go by quicker and soon enough you will be

back at the home front.

 

[Marseeya]

Marseeya - Honestly I would have the same issues with my Mom or a friend (of course my Mom would at least have given me more time since she lives 7 hours away..lol!). I know I have the issue here but having guests just gets my anxiety up and I just cannot relax unless I have time to prepare. I don't know why I am that way but I just am - and it is worse when my house is a big mess. We try to let everyone know that is just the way it is and no one else has ever had a problem with it. Heck, even MIL has never done this before until now.

I know I have to accept it now because I don't have a choice but with DS's party this weekend and DD being sick I really didn't need any additional anxiety.

I'm the same way about having guests over, so I know how you feel! I was just curious if you were angrier because it was your MIL. I know I tolerate less from my MIL than I would from other people.