MIL took over my planning!?

[MollieW]

Hopefully this is a good place to post this, it does have to do with strategy...kind of.

Basically, my MIL is trying to take over my Disney World trip planning. This is a very special trip for my family, since we're going because my husband has beat his battle with cancer. She basically invited herself to the trip, and then decided that we should all visit her side of the family while we're there, shaving a day and a half of theme parks from our trip. Recently I totally missed the 180 day mark for booking and wasn't able to get some reservations and she is totally using this as "proof" that she should just plan the whole trip. I found out today that she hacked into my MDE account and changed everything I had set up!!!

Obviously I can't stop her from being part of the planning, but there has to be something I can do when it comes to plans clashing? Has anyone else had this experience? She's literally making sure that we do the exact opposite of what I know my family will like. I've already given up so much, there is no way I'm going to give up 100% of my Disney dreams.

 

[mom2rtk]

Man, that stinks.

Congrats to your husband on being cancer free! I'm sure that battle put the rest of this in perspective for you. That said, it doesn't mean you have to just give in. I'd try to negotiate a little where possible, but then take a firm stand on the things that do matter.

Is there no way you can sit down and have an honest conversation with her?

And first and foremost, change your MDE password. Pronto.

 

[NeverTooOldForWDW]

Most importantly, that's great news about your DH! Can you, DH, and MIL have a heart to heart and discuss what is important to each of you? Try to delegate as much as possible to MIL so she feels involved. But, MIL would likely be more responsive to DH than you - can he run interference? Agree you need to change password asap. GL.

 

[jknc]

First and most important congrats on showing cancer whose boss.

Is MIL paying for everyone's trip - clearly nobody's business - but if it were me I'd sit back and let it all play out. Just tell me where and when to be there. If not, you need to take control immediately or your trip could be miserable.

 

[loves to dive]

congrats to hubby. How does he feel about Mom inviting herself along? If it really bothers you I would suggest sitting down with hubby and discussing it.

 

[Roxyfire]

Does she use your computer when she comes over? That's an easy way to get into an account, no "hacking" required. If this is not the case, you must change your passwords and create secure passwords for all accounts. You wouldn't want her (or anyone else) looking through your financial or medical data either.

 

[JimmyV]

Yeay! for your DH (and you)! It takes a village to beat cancer so you all deserve a nice vacation!

I don't have any sage words of wisdom. But your story made me think of this...

 

[cdnjason]

Let me tell you about my WDW strategy: The in-laws stay home.

 

[StirlingSilver83]

Congrats to your hubby on beating cancer thats amazing! To the whole MIL thing, you need to set some boundries with her. We are going to Disney in March and I have invited my MIL along for this trip. Originally she was going to stay in her timeshare, but when I saw how far her timeshares were from basically everything we were going to be doing in Disney, I convinced her that she should just bank her timeshare and stay in Disney at 1 of the value resorts. She agreed and she has told me that I can handle all the planning (which I was planning on doing anyways)...I still have been telling her what we are doing and how we are are going about doing it so she feels like she's apart of the planning, but when it comes to computers she really has no idea so I am lucky at that, lol. I hope you can get things worked out!

 

[johnsonet]

nightmare.

change your passwords, first of all. She sounds like the type who may be hacking into more than your MDE.

I feel for you and I do not suggest making things difficult for your husband but I would consider cancelling and rescheduling so you can take back the reins on your vacation. Sounds like she should NOT go with you.

(of course, if she is paying for the whole trip, that is another story. Way of the world!)

 

[CarrieR]

Does she have an MDE profile that has planning privileges? If so, that may be how she changed things.

What does your DH think? This is "his" trip, so if he is on your "side," tell MIL she's welcome to go visiting but your fam will be in the parks. And disallow her from having privileges.

If she truly hacked... Heads should roll!!

 

[IrishNYC]

Let me tell you about my WDW strategy: The in-laws stay home.

This X a million! My FIL invited himself along on a trip we hadn't planned yet, and told us we were staying at SOG, which he isn't even eligible for! We went without telling him, and he didn't speak to us for 5 months when we got back. Fool.

OP, unless you husband wants his mom along, I'd nip this in the bud asap. This is a joyous occasion for you, and you don't need anyone putting a damper on it.

 

[Pesky]

Make sure you don't give her any planning privileges. I agree with just asking your DH what he wants. Change passwords immediately and revert back to what you like. Pick a fun password like "MILSTINKSB@D1Y" for pure passive-aggressive pleasure. After you have checked with your DH as to his ideas for the trip and so on, tell your MIL where to shove -- okay, okay, not entirely practical there. Tell her "our plans are X,Y and Z. If you wish to come with us to the following events/meals, let me know and I will reserve a space for you. If I don't hear from you, I'll assume you prefer to do something different. I realize you disagree but this is OUR trip, not yours. You are more than welcome to split from us and do what you like but we've scheduled out our trip pursuant to our preferences for this special time for us and ask that you respect our decisions." If she can't respect them, leave her behind. As in, she's not part of the plans. Do what you want. She is creating her own drama and you didn't buy tickets to the show so don't go to the theater if you get my drift.

 

[minnie mum]

If you don't feel like you can confront your MIL about her actions, then insist that your DH does it. And yes, change all of your passwords and keep her off all of your personal electronics in the future.

IMO she went way past the limits by hacking your MDE account. If she was my MIL, she'd be staying home.

 

[cdnjason]

And, another thing. Nobody is allowed access to my MDE account.

 

[agavegirl1]

Oh my! I cannot imagine. I guess my question is, where is DH in this? Does he have special things he wanted to do that were changed? After his battle, the trip should be about his wishes I am guessing. Even if you are the premier planner for all things WDW, it is time to prioritize YOUR family.

She invited herself and insists you visit her family? Change your passwords. Disallow access and plan YOUR family vacation. You still have time to get what you want if you are persistant in your efforts. Tell her, ever so sweetly, that you welcome her to join you, but this is your "victory dance" and you have explicit wants and needs for that. She should simply welcome the fact she was invited as opposed to inviting herself. Visit with the family there for a meal but this is YOUR trip.

Enough for my soapbox....

 

[HopperFan]

Very happy for your DH's health.

That said, she doesn't sound like she will bring a positive to what is supposed to be a celebration trip. I can't even fathom what she has done already and what more there is to come. She stepped WAY OVER THE LINE!!! Not cool at all.

I, in a heartbeat, would cancel everything. Tell her this trip is no longer working for how you like to do Disney. Then I would make sure however she got in to your account is settled (I would be checking all my online accounts because it sounds like she's been in your computer), maybe even just make up a new account. Then I would be planning a trip for my family, not telling anyone until after we got home.

 

[cdnjason]

Show your DH this thread and say, "SEE!"

 

[TiggerManiac]

Hopefully this is a good place to post this, it does have to do with strategy...kind of.

Basically, my MIL is trying to take over my Disney World trip planning. This is a very special trip for my family, since we're going because my husband has beat his battle with cancer. She basically invited herself to the trip, and then decided that we should all visit her side of the family while we're there, shaving a day and a half of theme parks from our trip. Recently I totally missed the 180 day mark for booking and wasn't able to get some reservations and she is totally using this as "proof" that she should just plan the whole trip. I found out today that she hacked into my MDE account and changed everything I had set up!!!

Obviously I can't stop her from being part of the planning, but there has to be something I can do when it comes to plans clashing? Has anyone else had this experience? She's literally making sure that we do the exact opposite of what I know my family will like. I've already given up so much, there is no way I'm going to give up 100% of my Disney dreams.

You do not have to let her be part of your trip, just because she was unbelievably rude and decided she was crashing your trip.

I would cancel this vacation and reschedule for a different time, after changing my MDE password. I'd also make sure MIL had no information about when we were going and where we were staying. DH and I would also tell her how completely I appropriate it was for her to hack into your account and make unauthorized changes, and that if she ever did it again, I'd be taking appropriate legal action.

 

[Dismama2boys]

Ugh - do we have the same MIL??? I'm so sorry. It's hard to know what to offer without knowing where your DH stands in her crashing the trip, but regardless, her hacking into your MDE is inexcusable. Holy cow, that's...nervy. Definitely change ALL passwords - email, banking, etc.

And HUGE congrats to your DH for kicking cancer to the curb!!!