MIL took over my planning!?

[bumbershoot]

focusondisney: I didn't even think about MIL traveling separately. Oh yeah that would be awkward.

Um, no, you don't have to go because the family in FL is expecting you.

So true.

Your DH may need some therapy to help him learn that his first priority is to you and the kids, not his mommy. He doesn't have to include her on everything or even anything.

DH certainly did!



I do want to gently remind Mollie that her MIL was probably scared out of her mind while her son was going through that illness. She was probably freaking out, and might still be. I'm looking at my son and thinking "what if 10-20 years from now he goes through this?" and I can't imagine how I would behave. (of course, being a MIL and grandparent are two things that scare me more than anything, because of the utter lack of control involved in those roles...so I should do some work before it's an issue LOL)

It's entirely possible that your husband NEEDS to spend some time with his mom. Just because people get married doesn't mean they have to ONLY spend time with their spouses. I had to let up this weekend and let DH buy his mom a TV. A TV she didn't ask for and didn't need, but whatever. And when she called Sunday at 7am saying she didn't know how to work it (b/c she's half blind and going into dementia and REFUSES to live with anyone else) and he had to get up and drive 20 minutes up the highway to help her out...well, guess that's MORE time he gets to spend with her, right? (she had managed to turn the cable box off...just like recently her phone didn't work...yep, when you put the phone cord into the Ethernet plug on the cable box, it's not going to work...but together they worked out marking the remote with fingernail polish to show her the ONLY button she should push on the TV remote, and he programmed her cable remote to control all but one function of the TV...so much quality time!)

So THIS trip is about you and DH (and you haven't mentioned kids but maybe kids). But maybe there needs to be another trip that has her included. Maybe. Or just send him over to set up a TV for her.




re: the cruise and Hawaii stories... My MIL had always wanted to cruise and was waiting for her husband's retirement to finally do things like that. A year after he retired, he died. With nothing but debt (a surprise and shock to the family, because he was "robbing Peter to pay Paul" and decades of financial shenanigans were spiraling to an end even before his final illness...things we found out after). So...no cruises for her.

We found some extra money and wanted to send her on a cruise. Alaska was chosen (b/c she overheats so the warmer areas aren't possible). A nice inside or OV cabin because she's afraid of overlooking the ocean from a balcony. Cool. Hey, the single supplement is pretty much a second fare, bring a friend! She brought a friend who cruises HAL often. So we booked HAL. We paid for everything but tips. Only thing friend should pay for is port fees/taxes and her tips. (she never did, by the way) Suddenly MIL wants a verandah, which is WAY higher than we had budgeted, but we were trying to make her dreams come true, so we did it.

She was miserable. She didn't get off at any of the port stops (and every port has a port fee, so to not take advantage is irritating). She just followed her friend around, and all her friend did was gamble (MIL didn't have extra money to gamble with) and smoke. HAL still allows balcony-smoking. Turned out that friend was the reason for the balcony; my MIL lied about it being her that wanted it. MIL came home with a nasty cough. And she didn't enjoy herself and doesn't want to cruise again. Friend never once thanked us. Not once.

Free trips aren't always appreciated...

I'm currently planning a November trip for the W&D races.

IF you aren't used to "run-cations", be prepared to protect yourself. Protect your belly if you have a sensitive stomach. Protect your rest. Protect your down time. I recently did a Half and I had to duck out of a really fun evening with good friends (and DH and DS) the night before, because I couldn't eat restaurant food AND I needed to rest and relax. I didn't actually get to bed early, but I was quiet and restful at home. With that much family around it might feel difficult to get away. But the whole reason for this trip is for W&D, and you *have to* protect your races. Having a race as a reason for the trip is like a shield you can use to do what you need to do. Because most people barely understand why people would run 5Ks, let alone 10Ks or even Half marathons... So they tend to just accept "I gotta go to bed!" when you're there for a run.



Obviously, going after MIL legally isn't something that's going to happen here. But it's possible it will help Mollie on an some level to know that what MIL did by figuring out her password and changing things wasn't at all OK.

https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/park-experience-terms-conditions/

Welcome to the My Disney Experience Website or the My Disney Experience Mobile Application....

By using the Site/App…you signify your agreement to these Terms for yourself…. You represent that you have all necessary rights and consents to agree to these Terms on behalf of your Party. If you do not agree to these Terms, you may not use the Site/App. These Terms apply in addition to, ad not in lieu of, the Disney Interactive Terms of use found here:http://disneytermsofuse.com/....

https://disneytermsofuse.com/english/#section1


….You must read and agree to these terms before using the Disney Services. If you do not agree, you may not use the Disney Services.


....Accounts

….You agree to not impersonate or misrepresent your affiliation with any person or entity, including using another person's username, password or other account information…

….In addition, we may suspend or terminate your account and your ability to use the Disney Services if you … fail to comply with these terms or any supplemental terms.


Assuming MIL likes Disney and wants to go there, she'll want to familiarize herself with the Terms that she must have skipped right over on her way to use another person's username and password. Otherwise she could find her own account cancelled.


Though I would be remiss if I didn't mention the very next section there..

Passwords and Security

You are responsible for taking reasonable steps to maintain the confidentiality of your username and password, and you are responsible for all activities under your account that you can reasonably control You agree to promptly notify us of any unauthorized use of your username, password or other account information, or of any other breach of security that you become aware of involving your account or the Disney Services.


So really, they WANT us to report that someone "broke into" our account. Not sure the general CS CM is going to do much about it, but it does seem to show that we're supposed to report it.

Eh, change that password to something difficult, know that she was 100% wrong for changing things on your account, and smile with that knowledge.

 

[ConnecticutNonna]

This is exactly the type of thing that would completely break my heart and my husband's heart: fighting when we're supposed to have a good time. I am used to hiding my feelings around my MIL, but sometimes I snap. Last night I told my husband about the hacking and he was furious. He takes some fault because he encouraged her to be vocal about what she wants (this happens often, since I always hide how I really feel) and he addressed it with her.

We ended up cancelling the trip and now I'm frantically trying to reschedule everything and ignoring all of my MIL's calls. We're going to make it later in December which kind of messes up Christmas a lot, but I agree with you guys. I'd rather pay higher prices than deal with my MIL while on vacation. Now I have to find deals during the most expensive time of the year, on top of trying to navigate the parks during (what I have heard to be) one of busiest times of the year. This is slowly turning in a nightmare no matter which way you slice it, now it's just time to salvage what I can.

You WILL "salvage" it!!! In fact, you are going to have a magical, wonderful vacation/holiday! With a good plan you will be able to get and do what is most important to you! And most of all, you will have your SANITY! Nothing on the planet is better, trust me!
You were smart to take a stand now. It may be a little testy for awhile, however things will work out exactly as they should. You have taken care of "your side of the street", it is up to her to clean up. If she is mature (obviously not in age, but wisdom) she will come to the realization that she loves her son and wants you all part of her life. It is now up to her...
Good luck and Sparkle on!

 

[NYUBwayBaby]

focusondisney: I didn't even think about MIL traveling separately. Oh yeah that would be awkward.

IF you aren't used to "run-cations", be prepared to protect yourself. Protect your belly if you have a sensitive stomach. Protect your rest. Protect your down time. I recently did a Half and I had to duck out of a really fun evening with good friends (and DH and DS) the night before, because I couldn't eat restaurant food AND I needed to rest and relax. I didn't actually get to bed early, but I was quiet and restful at home. With that much family around it might feel difficult to get away. But the whole reason for this trip is for W&D, and you *have to* protect your races. Having a race as a reason for the trip is like a shield you can use to do what you need to do. Because most people barely understand why people would run 5Ks, let alone 10Ks or even Half marathons... So they tend to just accept "I gotta go to bed!" when you're there for a run.

Oh, yeah, this is my... sixth WDW race weekend? And I've done a few DL ones more recently. When it was just my parents for that weekend I thought maybe the BF and my dad could go to DisneyQuest (if it was still open) one night before one of the races. Now that his family is coming I'm thinking I'll just have to abandon him with his family those nights. I'm not a huge drinker so maybe they can go out and drink. They'd like that

 

[phoebusII]

Congratulations on taking a stand! I'm glad your husband is in your corner. Also, congratulations to him on beating cancer.

Christmas is a beautiful time at WDW. We went over Christmas - New Year's in 2014 and had an absolutely wonderful time. The decorations are beautiful and the parks are open longer. You can get so much done at MK between 7:00 a.m. and 10:30 a.m. when the crowds really start rolling in. Also, if your vacations starts on or before the last day of free dining, you can get free dining for your entire length of stay. We started our vacation one day before the end of the free dining offer and had 12 days of free dining (one for every night of our stay). So that can save you some money.

Just a couple of tips for Christmas time: We got up early on Christmas morning and spent a few hours in a nearly empty park at HS, crowds didn't really start until around 10:30. In Epcot on NYE, we had breakfast at Akershus and then spent the morning in a nearly empty world showcase, which opens at 9:00 during Christmas week. At 11:00 a.m. a huge tidal wave of people came through, as if they had no clue it opened earlier. I'm not sure if you're going that week or earlier, but it is a lovely time of year to spend at WDW, so beautiful and they have some special shows (Candlelight Processional, Joyful) that you can't see at other times of the year. It's busy, but manageable and I'm sure you'll have a great time!

 

[DVCcurious]

Absolutely. All your passwords. Just basic common sense.

I use abc123#

It's the # at the end that makes it inpenetrable.

 

[Sunnywho]

I'm still reading to see if you got the ADRs you wanted.

 

[Baklava]

Obviously I can't stop her from being part of the planning, but there has to be something I can do when it comes to plans clashing? Has anyone else had this experience? She's literally making sure that we do the exact opposite of what I know my family will like. I've already given up so much, there is no way I'm going to give up 100% of my Disney dreams.

Sure you can. If your husband wants his mother to be part of his celebration you need to honor that, but that means booking ADRs for 5 instead of 4. She is welcome to come along. She does not get to dictate. If she insists on things that are different from what your family wants, she can have them... it simply doesn't need to change YOUR plans. You want Mama Melrose and she wants Sci-Fi? Sci-Fi can seat her on her own. She wants to spend time with family? She is free to do that. You don't have to go.

The hacking of the account is such a huge violation that your husband needs to put his mother in check. That is so far outside the realm of even remotely acceptable that it's not funny.

 

[Pesky]

So glad you decided to rebook. Keep an eye on the reservation cancellation thread and read the one about TP reservation finder (someone who missed the 180 mark and was trying to get some reservations). You'll have a great time and I think you all made a much happier decision in the long run.

 

[MollieW]

For anyone wondering what the complete outcome was, we decided that we would still go visit family in Florida with my MIL. It will be the first time extended family has seen us in a long time and I can deal with that. After that, my family will be off to Disney World and MIL will stay with extended family. There isn't a chance of her changing it at the last minute because plans are set, according to my husband. I guess one really awkward family visit will be better than a whole week of disaster, right? Now time to get back into Disney World planning!

 

[TiggerManiac]

For anyone wondering what the complete outcome was, we decided that we would still go visit family in Florida with my MIL. It will be the first time extended family has seen us in a long time and I can deal with that. After that, my family will be off to Disney World and MIL will stay with extended family. There isn't a chance of her changing it at the last minute because plans are set, according to my husband. I guess one really awkward family visit will be better than a whole week of disaster, right? Now time to get back into Disney World planning!

So glad to hear your Disney trip no longer includes MIL! I would be very tempted to make sure your MDE account uses an email address your MIL doesn't know about, just in case she tries to hack in again and change plans. Hopefully, she learned her lesson and knows not to try that again. I hope you also told her that if she messed with your account/plans again, she wouldn't be seeing any of you for a very, very long time.

I hope you're traveling separately from MIL. That would be hugely awkward and uncomfortable travel time. At least once you're with family, you can focus your attention on them instead of on MIL. I have a feeling she might still try to horn in on your trip just as you're trying to leave extended family for Disney. Be prepared to stay strong and refuse to let her tag along, no matter how much she or other family members whine and complain.

 

[johnsonet]

Congratulations! Sounds like a very good (and fair for all) plan.
Have fun with your planning.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

Sounds like a decent compromise. I'd remain cautiously optimistic.

Best wishes.