MIL - one thing I don't like about her

[wdwmom2]

Why not buy a small Rubbermaid container and fill it with things to play with at Grandma's? Then leave it there.

Maybe cheap stuff from the Dollar Tree or cheap craft stuff from Michael's.

When I was growing up, my mom either brought stuff for Grandma's (both) or I played "make believe" stuff outside. Or my mom brought my bike in the summer.

I don't expect my MIL to have loads of kid crap in her house for our daughter. MY mom just the same. It has nothing to do with money or space or anything.

Excellent idea!!!!

 

[Pakey]

OP, are you my daughter in law? I don't have toys at my house for my grandchildren.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Then there is my MIL, moved across the country the week before ds12 was born. Comes up to visit "home" (she and FIL are from here and FIL still has family in the area) and barely spends any time with my kids. They are great at saying that they are going to do something with the kids and 98% of the time they back out. I could cover it up when the kids were younger, but they are 16 and 12 and have figured it out. IF she spends any time with my kids, all she does is talk about how absolutely wonderful my niece is. My niece was always the greatest to her, but since she almost died in a car wreck 5 years ago...........she is now SAINTED! She is also 25 years old, lives at home, and doesn't really have any time for her Grandma any longer. That's ok, she's still much preferred over her brother and her two cousins.

We haven't been to visit mil and fil in years. It's just not worth the aggravation for dh and not worth making the kids deal with them. Instead we fly right over them as we go to WDW!!!

MIL has tried to co-opt our Disney vacations the last two years, but as usual, backs out at the last second.

 

[eeyoremum]

My MIL would actually be angry and offended if I left DS there with a few of his favorite toys or snacks... So, it would be a house inundated with cat fur and dander, including the bed he would sleep in.... and no familiar toys, foods, drinks, etc... Again... Ummmmm, whatever....

I wasn't commenting on your MIL complaint. Your complaint is completely valid in terms of an allergy situation.

My point is that it is not the OP's in-laws responsibility to entertain or provide entertain her kids.

The health of a child is completely different

 

[Tinkermommy]

Well, if that is your worst complaint call yourself lucky!

My beloved grandparents never had toys at their house. When we went to visit (at times for a week or more) we brought our own stuff. But my grandmother would bake with us and tell us stories and she taught me how to sew or we helped her in her garden. I also remember reading her Reader's Digest when I was there. Or I would hang out with my grandpa and listen to baseball games on the radio

Those were some of my happiest childhood memories.

I loved my grandparents and I really miss them. Perhaps your MIL is interacting with her grandkids or expecting them to entertain themselves.

 

[tlbwriter]

Well, if you think it's "very kind" for a grandparent to babysit, and should not be expected, maybe she feels the same way and she thinks she's doing enough just by babysitting, and expecting her to actually buy entertainment is too much to ask.

 

[sbell111]

Step one: Buy a bin.
Step two: Fill bin with junk your kids like to play with.
Step three: Give bin to MIL.

 

[NYEmomma]

I have never been invited to my MIL's house neither have my children. Yes, she does live nearby and yes we are in regular contact with her. My mother went out and bought a crib, car seat, and baby supplies the moment she found out I was pregnant so her house would be ready for grandkids. My Mom has less space and money. I just remind myself that everyone was raised differently and have different priorities. Not everyone will react to things the way we think they should. It is frustrating though!

Ditto ditto ditto. I think my parents have more toys for DD at their house than we do here at home (but they've got more money and love to spoil their children/grandchild), lol. They also see DD frequently -- they watch her for the day once a week and then we all go over and have dinner together every Sunday.

FIL & SMIL we see once a week and while they don't have a TON of things & those things are mainly geared for boys (comes from FIL having 5 sons and FIL & SMIL combined having 5 grandsons and only one granddaughter), they still do have some things. And DD loves playing with cars anyways!

MIL has absolutely nothing. Not like she has ever expressed any interest in DD (or DH & I) whatsoever. Which is fine with me. It's healthier for us & DD to have no relationship with her.

The part that kills me though is that on the very few occasions we do see her (typically once at Christmas and once around DH's birthday), she doesn't interact with DD at all. We'll bring toys for her to play with, but MIL just completely ignores her. She doesn't speak to her, only looks at her to say hello when she comes in & goodbye when we leave, and certainly doesn't play with her.

Oh well. What can ya do?

 

[Disney845]

You mentioned that everyone sits around the table and visits. Are these short visits? Like you and the kids drive up to have lunch with her once a month, and stay a total of 2 hours and are off again? Or are you depositing the kids at her house for her to watch and leaving them for a period of time?

In either scenario, I don't see how it is grandma's responsibility to have toys at her house for the kids? The kids are not hers (they are yours) and nothing from your post indicated that they spent excessive amounts of time there which would necessitate them having supplies "left" at grandma's. There is no reason why they shouldn't come prepared with what they will need to occupy them "while" they are there (which should be their responsibility if they are old enough, or your responsibility if they are not).

For those that suggest buying a bin and filling it with toys to permanently store at grandma's house I think you are way over stepping your bounds. It is her house. She may have no desire (or space) to store a bin of toys at her house and it is extremely presumptuous to suggest it.

 

[ChattaAlley]

Step one: Buy a bin.
Step two: Fill bin with junk your kids like to play with.
Step three: Give bin to MIL.

I know - how hard is that? People complain when their MIL does too much and spoils the kids then they complain about how much they don't do. What is wrong with women these days that they feel so insecure that they can not get along with their inlaws. Its a shame. Cause that is a part of your husband (or wife). And I have seen how it affects families when their is one bad apple such as a daughter in law or sister in law in the mix.

 

[sbell111]

For those that suggest buying a bin and filling it with toys to permanently store at grandma's house I think you are way over stepping your bounds. It is her house. She may have no desire (or space) to store a bin of toys at her house and it is extremely presumptuous to suggest it.

In that case, simply store the bin in your vehicle. IF you leave the kids at MIL's house, leave the bin just as you leave a diaper bag full of gear. When you pick up the kids, pick up the bin (and diaper bag) and stow it in your vehicle until next time.

Easy peasey.

 

[sbell111]

I know - how hard is that? People complain when their MIL does too much and spoils the kids then they complain about how much they don't do. What is wrong with women these days that they feel so insecure that they can not get along with their inlaws. Its a shame. Cause that is a part of your husband (or wife). And I have seen how it affects families when their is one bad apple such as a daughter in law or sister in law in the mix.

Don't get me wrong, I have some pretty serious issues with my inlaws. This isn't one of them, however.

 

[ccgirl]

Well, maybe there's more than one thing but LOL

She doesn't have anything fun for the kids to do. NEVER. not.even.crayons!! since they were born, no rattles, nothing. I don't expect her to go crazy buying things for my kids but when I am a grandma I would at least have coloring books and crayons. I always go to her house prepared though, crafts for the kids to do, etc. It's not like she doesn't have the money cause they do. Vent over

Yup...mine is the same. Not so much as a baby wipe at her house. When we went over I had to bring the bouncy seat and/or pack 'n play etc. I tried to talk to her. Her response, "I already raised mine now it's your turn." I wasn't asking her to raise them just to keep a swing there or wipe. I left wipes there and she threw them out. I left a high chair (the kind that attaches to a chair) and she gave it away. She used to watch my DD one day a week so rather than lug that stuff every time she was there I was hoping she could keep them in the corner of her basement. Nope.....

 

[AKL_Megs]

In that case, simply store the bin in your vehicle. IF you leave the kids at MIL's house, leave the bin just as you leave a diaper bag full of gear. When you pick up the kids, pick up the bin (and diaper bag) and stow it in your vehicle until next time.

Easy peasey.

Exactly. I'm not picturing a 20 gallon tub full of junk, but anyways, if grandma can't find the space to put a couple shoebox-sized bins full of crayons and small toys, I can make room somewhere in MY closet.

 

[ksjayhawks]

If dd is 10, let her pack up her own things to take to mil so that she can be entertained.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

It never would have occurred to me to expect either my mom or mother-in-law to stock toys/books, etc., for my kids when they went to visit (and they visited often enough). If I wanted to send stuff with them I did, or my two kids would just hang out with the grandparents, help them in the yard, etc. They loved visiting.

I'm thinking back to my own childhood, too, and my grandparents never had toys or books especially for me. I spent a lot of time just visiting or helping out my grandparents (at least, in my little mind I was helping out ). I love those childhood memories.

 

[JessicaR]

For those that suggest buying a bin and filling it with toys to permanently store at grandma's house I think you are way over stepping your bounds. It is her house. She may have no desire (or space) to store a bin of toys at her house and it is extremely presumptuous to suggest it.

If I had to worry about being presumptuous with my own parents I have bigger issues than the topic at hand. It's a bin with some toys it could fit just about anywhere, a closet the basement the garage. If she has no desire to have a few items to entertain my children that my guess is she really doesn't want to entertain my children to begin with and I would be making other arrangements.

It could also be brought over each visit and removed when the kids leave until the next time.

 

[disykat]

I always packed stuff just like going anywhere. Watching CNN 18 hours a day wasn't entertaining for my kids. When we visited my folks, we traveled with toys, extra snacks hidden in the car, etc. and finally started staying in a hotel so the kids could get a break.

I agree, expecting to leave a bin is presumptuous. It wouldn't go over well with my parents. I'm watching and learning. I hoping to have more "stuff" for the grandkids. I kept lots of the kid's things so they should enjoy playing with what their daddies played with.

 

[POPCITY]

I don't expect gramma to have stuff for DS to do at her house. He's perfectly capable of entertaining himself for a few hours, and if he gets bored, he can help her around the house or the yard. He's been folding towels, taking out trash, sweeping, picking up sticks, etc, for her for several years now, and he's only nine. He will come home telling me everything he did, he's always so proud of himself. He also looks at her books(carefully), helps her cook, and watches tv. I dont understand why we think we have to keep kids amused every second of every day. Being bored is not fatal.

 

[rie'smom]

My children never spent the night at my in laws house. They played outside when they visited. MIL and FIL raised their kids. Would it have been nice and would my kids have felt closer to them if they had more interaction? Probably but it was the way they chose to grandparent.