Mike' Make Over Madness!

[Mykelogan]

Thanks Julie! I was quite happy to see you're still here.

Nice to see much of the "old gang" still around here and there, and hopefully this means good things for us all!!

I can definitely use all of your support again. I have 20 months to get my butt shrunk enough to get on Space Mountain!! haha

 

[jennz]

Julie I agree, I might be back more now too

Mike 20 months, you can do it! Where are you now (geographically)?

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Jennz, I am currently residing back in good old Rhode Island. Biggest little state in the union! Or something. lol.

Hi all also! Had a good day yesterday, I got home and found that the books I need for my food plan had arrived. It is the diet I followed before (Carb Addicts Lifespan Plan or CALP) but when I was "off the wagon" I threw away all of my old diet books, cookbooks, journals. I guess they were too much of a mirror in my face of what I was actually doing to myself then. Getting rid of them let me convince myself I did not need them and that I was "happy fat." Oh man is that a bad path to tread down. Because honestly, at around 300lbs, I felt great and was really enjoying everything in my life. I got it in my head that I had a handle on being fat and that it was not controlling me. Doubling my weight proved that to be a complete falsehood. It was just excuses to let me have that extra helping of lasagna or fourth piece of pie. "I'm happy the way I am." became my defense and mantra, it helped fool the people around me and even helped me fool myself. In the thick of it all, no pun intended, I truly believed I was happy, even though things were closing in on me in more negative ways by the day it seemed. I think that was my food addiction whispering in my ear, telling me that as long as I was able to walk to the door to let the pizza man in, it didn't matter that I needed to catch my breath as soon as I made it back to the couch. The pizza was there then to make all that other stuff go away. It was really ridiculous. I remember my trip to Disney World when I was near my heaviest ever. I could barely make it off the plane without resting, needed a scooter to do anything and I based my entire touring plan around the food. Which I know a lot of "normal sized" folk do too, but for me it was really all about the food, I put that Deluxe Dining Plan to work. I am sad now to look back and see that I skipped some attractions and shows to make meal reservations when I was already eating like four meals a day plus snacks there. Will definitely be a different experience my next trip!!!

I should probably get back to work now! Hope that everyone is having a great day so far!!!
Mike

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Mike! Welcome Back to WISH!!! It's great to see you!

Congratulations on losing 200 pounds so far! That is amazing!

Woohoo for planning your 40th birthday at Disney! You definitely will accomplish your goals by then! I know you CAN do it!

Glad to have you back here at WISH!

Tracy

 

[Mykelogan]

Tracy!!! Thank you for the welcome back and so happy to see you're still here too!!

 

[jennz]

You like that carb addicts plan? I might have to look into it...

 

[Mykelogan]

I love it actually Jenn. I am a complete carb freak, and the Carb Addicts Lifespan Plan (which is different from their original book the Carb Addicts Diet, so I recommend CALP, as CAD is a bit more unbalanced) completely kills my cravings. It is not low carb, but controlled carb in that you can really eat any kind of carbs it just has to be timed right and in balance. It does take some adjusting to, but it is not about deprivation. If I want ice cream or cake, I can have some, so I don't have to go crazy and binge on it. I don't want to turn this into an informercial, as I think it is just like any other plan, you have to check it out and see if it works for you. Last time I followed CALP I lost over 100lbs. I am hoping for the same results this time. If there are any questions I can answer from my experiences with the Heller's programs, let me know!

 

[Mykelogan]

In an interesting mood today, been thinking a lot about the shame I still hold over choices I made due to my weight. Specifically, when I was at my heaviest, my grandmother went into the hospital. Everyone in my family was going to visit her but I did not at first because when I heard where she was, I knew that it would be a very painful trip for me to physically get first from the parking lot to the hospital complex (a few block walk) and then once at the hospital she was pretty much at the furthest point you had to walk. It was also during our busy training period at work when my schedule was 7am to 11pm straight through most days, so I used that as an excuse to not get in right away. I also have a bit of a hospital phobia that came into play. We were initially told she was in due to a reaction to a new medication, but as often happens, she contracted an infection while in the hospital and things got much worse. I knew I had to get into the hospital to see her so I went, and it was a herculean task to get myself there... and just as I arrived, she had passed away. No one else was there but my aunt as everyone else had gone to lunch, an invitation I received but declined. So as I stood in the doorway I heard the doctor pronounce her dead and my aunt ran over to me and collapsed in my arms. She was very happy to have me there and to this day still says she believes god sent me there at that moment to be with her. I am happy to say that I was there, but I also deeply regret the fact that because I spent 5 days trapped by my body and my fear, I did not get the chance to say goodbye. I had made myself so fat, in such bad shape, that I missed out on that chance. I am not sure I will ever really be able to forgive myself for it and in fact, this is the first time & place I have even ever spoken about it. Things were so chaotic that week that most of my family assumed that I had gotten in to see her at some point. I have not actively told them I did, but I have also not corrected their assumption. I don't think I could face that. What power does food hold over me that I allowed that to happen?? It is one of the major reasons that I did begin my initial journey out of that dark place and I know it is one of the reasons I will never go back. Recently my grandfather (other side of the family) was rushed to the hospital, the same hospital. I was there immediately. I even sat on a coffee table in the waiting area because all the chairs had arms. I knew I could not make the same mistakes again... This is something I have held inside of myself for a few years now and I am glad to be getting it outside of me so I can deal with it.

 

[momof2minnies]

Wow Mike that is so sad about your Grandma. I hope your Grandpa is doing ok.Good luck with your weight loss plans-your story may just help someone else out there who has the same fears.

Keep up the great work

Linda

 

[jennz]

Mike That's hard. I'm glad you were able to share, and that you used that as a point to realize what had happened and chose to turn your life around.

 

[Mykelogan]

Thanks Linda and Jenn! Miraculously, my grandfather went from being at death's door for a week to better than ever now.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Mike I'm switching over to here from the Soarin' thread. I will still post there but now you have a new member of the Mike Gang, so here I am. I dare you to shake me off! LOL Besides I'm not far from RI, I will find you if you disappear again!!! I know people, ya know, lots and lots of people.

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandparents, it's so tough having those straps hold you down. I think you need to add seeing your Grandfather to that list of things you can do that we talked about earlier.
Keep up the good work!! I want to hear that you dropped soda soon! I gave it up on October 24th and while I still crave it sometimes, I have to look at the bigger picture and remember that it's not worth it.

 

[Mykelogan]

Buffy! Glad to have you on board, I can definitely use the accountability!

 

[Mykelogan]

Over on another thread I was encouraged to make a list of the things I can do now, that I could not do at my heaviest. I am going to post it here so it stays visible. I am also working on a list of my short term and long term goals.


Things I can do now, that I could not do at 600lbs:
1. Buy clothes in a store (albeit a Big & Tall), not have to order everything online.
2. Go to the mall and walk around.
3. Go shopping.
4. Make a quick trip to a store if needed.
5. Fit in every car, and use seatbelts.
6. Fly with only one seatbelt extender.
7. Play kickball in a summer league.
8. Stand up for hours, not just 5min.
9. Take the stairs... for the most part.
10. Park anywhere when I shop, not drive around for 20min hoping for a close spot.
11. Go to someone's house without the fear of having no where to sit, or breaking their furniture.
12. Dance
13. Fit in a seat at a movie theater
14. Easily visit my grandfather during his hospital stay. Often running errands for the family.

My current goals:
1. Join a gym and set up a regular schedule.
2. Get back onto an eating plan.
3. Give up soda and coffee.
4. Drink at least 64oz of Water a day
5. Get under 300lbs by 2013
6. Fit on Space Mountain at Disney World
7. Fly in one plane seat without a seat belt extender.
8. Be able to walk around Disney World without using a scooter.
9. Be able to wear the t-shirts my best friend designs, ie. fit in a 3XL

and a big one I just came upon this week...

10. Complete the Fight For Air Stair Climb in Providence, Feb 2013. (29 Floors, 58 flights of stairs, 595 stairs.)

What do you guys think? Too much? Not enough? hehe

 

[Mykelogan]

I forgot goal #11, my updated weight goal in general. I'd like to see 250lbs by October 2013. That's 150lbs in about 85 weeks, means an average loss of 1.8#/week. I think it is reasonable!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I love your current list Mike!!! I think they are all obtainable goals.

I don't think I could do the stairs, you are brave! If I'm not running the Princess 1/2 the same weekend, maybe we'll come to PVD and cheer you on!

 

[toystoryduo]

I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your grandma, Mike. I know how hard that must have been for you.

I'm glad to hear that your grandfather is doing better. How is he feeling now?

Wowza!!! Look at that list of goals that you have already accomplished!!! I am so proud of you for taking the steps forward to a healthy life that you deserve. Keep up the good work!

You CAN definitely attain each and every one of your current goals. I know you CAN do it!

 

[Mykelogan]

Thanks Buffy! I really appreciate the support and motivation!

Thank you too Tracy!!! As for my grandfather, he is doing amazingly well. After two days in the hospital he was bleeding out and the doctors basically said they had no idea why and there was nothing they could do as he was too weak. Then, the third day, when they were just about giving up hope one of the doctors said he'd scope him one more time and they discovered an issue in his esophagus that had actually healed itself and the bleeding was stopping. They cauterized the issue anyway and almost immediately all of his blood levels shot back up into the good range. The next day the doctors were talking about at least a month of rehab needed, the day after that they had cut that suggestion down to a week, and by the end of the week it was determined he would go home that Monday with visiting nurses and home rehab daily. Within two weeks of being home he was cleared to drive again and all of the home services were determined to be unnecessary. He is amazing. A trooper in the true sense of the word.

I am having a great start to my week. Working a lot this week so I am going to be uber busy, but I have an appointment to go check out the gym I am joining, they could not see me last week as the woman who handles the orientations/memberships was out sick when I was supposed to go. Also, I have not really told many folk that I am making these changes so I was a bit taken aback last night when I got a Facebook message from a friend I haven't talked to in ages. He had made a random comment about the gym on one of my statuses so I questioned him about it. Now, you have to know that he used to be a pretty big guy, like 300lbs or so, but had really gotten into the gym and got down to around 190 last time I had seen him. And that was the picture he used on Facebook. Well last night he wrote that he had gone far off track himself, and was fatter than he had ever been and it made him think of me. The comment he made was on a status I put up saying I had a busy week ahead with a huge to do list, he added "#1 for us both, go to the gym." In the private message he sent he went on to tell me about his current situation and somehow it had made him think about me, and how he had always wanted to see me get healthy. Interestingly enough, he had never seen me at my heaviest, as we had just recently reconnected on Facebook.

What's most interesting to me is that, the old me would have gotten so offended by his comment that I would probably had just blocked him and had some cake. I was proud that I investigated his comment this time instead of just assuming it was some kind of dig. I replied to him telling him all about my past and current status. I hope to hear back from him today and that we can support each other on our journeys!

Have a great week all!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Hey Mike!
I'm glad your Grandfather is doing so well. He's a fighter and apparently the apple doesn't fall far from the tree because you've got fight in you too!

I'm glad your friend reached out to you in his time of need. I believe that we are all connected on some level and we think about and reach out to people we need at that moment. Your friend needs you!
Isn't it interesting that he said he wants you to be healthy but didn't say anything about himself?! Why do we do that? Why do we always want whats best for everyone else and we put ourselves on the back burner??

I would add to your list that you didn't build up that wall to your friend, the old you probably would have. Huge accomplishment!!

OK so I remembered DD5's quote from her fortune cookie this weekend and when I went to get it out of the fortune jar 2 others fell out as well. The first is her's, this is for your friend. "Learn to love by loving yourself first." Your friend needs to love himself.
The second one that fell out was "You enjoy giving gifts of yourself to others, you will be rewarded!" That's you Mike, you are giving yourself to your friend because he needs you.
The third was "Be bold, brave and forthright and the bold, the brave and forthright will gather round you."
You are bold, and brave, and forthright. I think my fortunes are talking to you Mike!!!

OH and if you haven't figured it out yet, I love quotes. I will drive you bananas with them!! LOL

I guess I should put laundry away and try to breathe. This darn bronchitis is kicking my butt but I'm determined to do some kind of physical activity today.

Have an Awesome day Mike!!!

 

[toystoryduo]

I'm glad to hear that your grandfather is doing so much better now, Mike. That is great news!

Good for you for investigating the Facebook issue! Maybe you and your friend re-connected at this time so that you can support and encourage one other on your healthy living journeys.

I'm glad that your week is off to a great start! Have a wonderful day!