Middle School Parents...

[Tuffcookie]

Have you ever argued with your middle school children about what classes they were taking in high school?

Youngest DS (8th grade)came home tonight with a sheet from school. He is to mark down his choices, have me sign it, and turn it back in.

I looked it over and noticed no band! After arguing about the importance of band and how I hated to see him drop out after being in band for 4 years I did the inconceivable...I asked him what would it take to keep him in band?

So, to keep him in band, I told him I would pay for him to play Final Fantasy XI, an on-line game.

I don't remember negotiating with his brother, who is 32 now!

TC

 

[gr8tpanther]

I don't have a hand in my DD's choices in school, if she wants to do something, I support her, if she doesn't, I don't force it. My mother tried to force me to do things, and I rebelled and didn't do anything at all. So I don't force or control, I just let her be her.

ETA - DD played soccer for 6 years, and she has decided to drop it to try other things, and I am ok with that. It is what SHE wants, not what I want, that matters.

 

[georgina]

I let DD drop out of band going into HS. The marching band is a huge commitment, and although I thought she should stay in a year to try it, I let her make the decision. I think it was the right one for her. Now, academic classes, I insist on more say in those. She will take 4 years of math and 4 of science, no matter what the school's requirements are.

 

[N.Bailey]

No advice, but I thought you needed a hug. My kids are both in 8th grade too, but we've not been lucky enough LOL, to get the forms yet. I can't wait!

 

[MoniqueU]

My son doesn't want to take spanish. Now we had him all convinced that he should definetly do it and got him to agree. Well his middle school has this elective wheel where they do 6 weeks of each subject. For example 6 weeks of computers then art then music then drama. This is mandatory for the 7th graders instead of just letting them pick a straight elective. Well my son had drama first and just LOVED it. I mean went on and on and on about how much he liked it. So now I am torn do I have him do what I want him to do which is spanish which I think he will NEED living here in Southern California or do I let him do what he loves? I am kind of irritated at the school now for messing with the master parental plan I had going.
Bottom line is my son had enough respect to listen to my reasoning and agree to do spanish before and was full well and ready to do it as he could see where it made senseuntil he found something else he was passionate about. I will fully support him in his quest for drama as I think it would be a mistake not to as much as he loves it. You never know where the path will lead in life and I never would have considered him to be a dramatic sort but I would rather have him in a class he enjoys then potentially in one I picked for him and have him be miserable.

 

[georgina]

My son doesn't want to take spanish. Now we had him all convinced that he should definetly do it and got him to agree. Well his middle school has this elective wheel where they do 6 weeks of each subject. For example 6 weeks of computers then art then music then drama. This is mandatory for the 7th graders instead of just letting them pick a straight elective. Well my son had drama first and just LOVED it. I mean went on and on and on about how much he liked it. So now I am torn do I have him do what I want him to do which is spanish which I think he will NEED living here in Southern California or do I let him do what he loves? I am kind of irritated at the school now for messing with the master parental plan I had going.
Bottom line is my son had enough respect to listen to my reasoning and agree to do spanish before and was full well and ready to do it as he could see where it made senseuntil he found something else he was passionate about. I will fully support him in his quest for drama as I think it would be a mistake not to as much as he loves it. You never know where the path will lead in life and I never would have considered him to be a dramatic sort but I would rather have him in a class he enjoys then potentially in one I picked for him and have him be miserable.

Our kids are required to do 1 year of language in 8th grade and 2 years in HS. Their only choice is which language to take.

 

[RitaZ.]

= So now I am torn do I have him do what I want him to do which is spanish which I think he will NEED living here in Southern California or do I let him do what he loves? I am kind of irritated at the school now for messing with the master parental plan I had going. .

As far as I know, 4 year colleges require students to have 2 or 3 years of a single foreign language in h.s. If not, they'll have to complete those credits in college, or if you read and write the language, you can take a test (CLEP) to satisfy the requirements. In other words, he will need the foreign language if he plans to go to college.

My son is in 8th grade. In the past, he has chosen his own electives. He usually sticks with the same ones, but I'm curious to see what he'll choose for 9th grade.

 

[dixipixi]

What aggravates me is that the schools here actually have 2 sets of curriculum for graduation. Only one of the 2 is acceptable for getting into college. The thing that is bothering me is that DS (11th grade) was told by his guidance counselor today that he only has to take 2 classes next year!!!

Yes. To barely get by and get a high school diploma. This is my stepson and I have a hard time getting him to put in extra effort and take extras or harder classes. He moved in with us last year and I made him take Spanish and Chemistry this year (2 classes he didn't want...but has to take for college). He almost moved back to his mom's because she told him he could just take the basic curriculum there.

It's hard enough to get kids to take the classes they need without their counselors persuading them otherwise. At the same time the counselor was telling him this, she was giving him applications for the SAT and ACT. Why bother taking the test, if you're not taking the classes you need?

 

[barkley]

when i went to high school (in california) we were told that 2 years of a foreign language was mandatory for college (state or university) acceptance. i learned (after 4 years in jr. and high school) that only certain colleges and universities required them (and they could be covered by other elective classes in lieu of).

in so far as band is concerned-what is the issue? do you want the student to demonstrate commitment to a particular activity? if not, band is not going to make or break any college admission (even for music majors band it is not a pressing issue)-g.p.a. and in the case of a private music school- experience in their particular instrument will weigh much more in an acceptance decision. i was a theatre and music "junkie" in jr. high/high school and college-the kids that went on to be accepted into private music/theatre colleges were largly accepted based on thier individual talant with some consideration give to performing with community orchestras, private bands and the like (band in high school was in no way a consideration unless it was a school that was reliant on personal references from high school teachers).

as for a kid who opts to take drama-ENCOURAGE THEM. one of the most lacking skills i encountered as both an educator and a professional charged with hiring staff was the ability to speak in public. drama classes can enable a person to feel at ease speaking in a one on one interview as well as in a large group. people who are adept at communicating are so desirable in most professional fields! i encountered so many people who while they had tremendous educational backgrounds could not communticate their knowledge (and when it comes to hiring, the person who communicates well is most often the person hired).

i would encourage a parent to review the actual requirements of college admission before encouraging a student to take courses in high school, and explore the impact participation actualy has on college admission (with the exception of those admitted on athletic scholarships, sports team membership is much less likely to sway an admission decison vs. a well rounded academic experience).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So, to keep him in band, I told him I would pay for him to play Final Fantasy XI, an on-line game.



TC

Seems like a fair trade to me....

What was the alternative?

I did have to push dd into Band starting in 6th grade. Her choices were Band, Music History/Home Ec/etc..., or choir.
She wanted to do choir, I got her an instrument and private lessons in 5th grade to expose her to it to see if she really wanted to pass on it.
Of course she took to it instantly, and did well.
She is now a Freshman in HS and did the Marching Band and had a blast. She loves Band. She plays the Alto Sax.
She gets a Fina Arts credit and a PE credit for taking Band. She will take it next year to fulfill her requirement.
I won't push her after that. It will be up to her.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I haven't had any real arguments with my kids over their high school schedules. I know that I will have the same band discussion next year with my current 7th grader, though. He's already told me that he doesn't want to take band in high school, but I would at least like for him to take it as a freshman. I have a few reasons--one is that he may really end up enjoying it, especially marching band and he won't know unless he tries it. The bigger reason is that the band kids report to school a week or 2 early to start preparing for marching band and they get to know the school better than the kids who aren't in band or fall sports. Also, it provides a group of kids to hang out with while he's adjusting to high school.

With my older kids I didn't really have any schedule arguments because I simply didn't argue. If I felt very strongly about something (ie, my 15yo staying in Spanish) I insisted on that decision. If I felt that the child made some good points and was convincing (my DD dropping band after her sophomore year) then I let them do what they wanted.

 

[Zurealsoon]

What aggravates me is that the schools here actually have 2 sets of curriculum for graduation. Only one of the 2 is acceptable for getting into college. The thing that is bothering me is that DS (11th grade) was told by his guidance counselor today that he only has to take 2 classes next year!!!

I see you are from louisiana. From day one at my kid's High school the requirements for TOPS(free College tuition in LA) are explained and expected of every student. I can't imagine a kid nowadys not realizing the importance of a College diploma.

 

[NMAmy]

We got into a bit of a tussle about this last year but I realized that she's the one who has to take the classes and if she wants to try something different, well, ok, then.

I wanted her to continue with Spanish (particularly since she was living in New Mexico at the time and we both had plenty of bilingual friends to help out--plus I took 5 years of Spanish myself and am able to assist). For some reason, she really wanted to take German. Now, if you look at my tag, you'll see that even though I lived in Germany for a year, I only speak "food" in German. However, she's loving this class and I'm actually picking up a bit more German from quizzing her with flashcards.

While I will continue to guide her toward classes that will help her get into a good college (she's in Honors classes and gets straight A's), I've decided that if she wants to branch out and try something new, I'll encourage her to expand her interests.

 

[SC Minnie]

My son doesn't want to take spanish. Now we had him all convinced that he should definetly do it and got him to agree. Well his middle school has this elective wheel where they do 6 weeks of each subject. For example 6 weeks of computers then art then music then drama. This is mandatory for the 7th graders instead of just letting them pick a straight elective. Well my son had drama first and just LOVED it. I mean went on and on and on about how much he liked it. So now I am torn do I have him do what I want him to do which is spanish which I think he will NEED living here in Southern California or do I let him do what he loves? I am kind of irritated at the school now for messing with the master parental plan I had going.
Bottom line is my son had enough respect to listen to my reasoning and agree to do spanish before and was full well and ready to do it as he could see where it made senseuntil he found something else he was passionate about. I will fully support him in his quest for drama as I think it would be a mistake not to as much as he loves it. You never know where the path will lead in life and I never would have considered him to be a dramatic sort but I would rather have him in a class he enjoys then potentially in one I picked for him and have him be miserable.

Why not have you son take Spanish but get involved with local community theater????

 

[minkydog]

I went through this with DS19. He played trumpet & piano all through middle school, then in HS wanted to drop it all. I was so upset! Band was very important to me in HS and I wanted him to have the same experience. Bad idea...He stuck to his guns and signed up for chorus on a lark. He also went on to play guitar, and with his previous music background he has been able to pick it up easily. He's actually quite good. Turns out he has a great voice(who knew ) and a gift for the theater. As a result of 4yrs of chorus he was able to take part in several plays, a madrigal, script-writing, musical theater, and formal concerts. The other kids involved were some of the best kids in the school--I couldn't have picked better friends.

You'd think I learned a lesson, right? Well, now DD12 wants to take French, a language for which she will have virtually no use here in Georgia. Despite the fact that Georgia has the fastest growing Hispanic population inthe U.S., she wants to learn French <sigh> Oh well, maybe she'll come to her senses. Or i will

Pick your battles, mom. Band is not a deal breaker

 

[Marseeya]

I definitely had a fight with my DS last year! He wanted to take a language, but I was cautious. He has a learning disability in written expression -- the kid can barely write a word in English, let alone another language. Well, as predicted, it frustrated the hell out of him and now he's failing IT and other classes because he's so frustrated.

Now he's looking to sign up for vo tech next year in cosmetology. This is a kid who hates to be touched and hates touching other people. I can only imagine what a disaster that'll be. But he thinks it'll be easy work.

 

[Tuffcookie]

One of the reasons I would like to see DS stick with band is because of his Aspergers.
He tends to be very introverted and has trouble communicating. He is not real big on sports.
Left to his own he would play video games/computer games all day.
To me, the band would encourage him to be a little more social and to feel like part of a group. Besides, they take all sorts of fun trips and have extra activities!
I also feel that he is going thru a phase that alot of kids go thru in regards to music lessons so if I can offer him an incentive to stay with it and he's happy with that we have a win-win situation.


TC

 

[missypie]

One of the reasons I would like to see DS stick with band is because of his Aspergers.
He tends to be very introverted and has trouble communicating. He is not real big on sports.
Left to his own he would play video games/computer games all day.
To me, the band would encourage him to be a little more social and to feel like part of a group. Besides, they take all sorts of fun trips and have extra activities!
I also feel that he is going thru a phase that alot of kids go thru in regards to music lessons so if I can offer him an incentive to stay with it and he's happy with that we have a win-win situation.


TC

Band is a huge commitment. Around here it is "double blocked" so that they have it every day, so they have to take it as two classes. Is your son "tough" enough to be in marching band? Summer practice for hours in the heat? Marching at games in the heat (or cold, depending on your climate)? I have an Aspie who is a freshman, and he is pretty wimpy when it comes to toughing out the weather.

As the mom of an Aspie, I can relate to your wanting him to be a part of a group. My guy is good at choir, so that will be his "home." But PLEASE (please!!!) have a long talk with the band staff before they start practicing in the summer. Our friend's son, who is an Aspie in the band, had a terrible terrible time at those first summer practices...he was getting yelled at right and left. Try to anticipate what the issues might be and deal with it in advance. Good luck!!!

 

[missypie]

One more thing, which you'll think is funny: Our DS came home with his HS course selection paper, and he had marked Dance as his gym class. He takes private dance and thought he could take it in HS...the counselor told him that only girls take it and he wan't dissuaded, since he's always the only boy in his private dance class.

Being an Aspie, he doesn't appreciate the "social stigma" of taking a "girls' class." I guess legally, the school would have had to let him in, but we just told him he couldn't take it, so he chose another class. DS is too funny some times!

 

[jbdreamer]

So, to keep him in band, I told him I would pay for him to play Final Fantasy XI, an on-line game.

TC

I just want to give you a little warning about this game. It's not violent at all, but it is VERY time consuming. My DH plays this and it's starting to drive me crazy. There is nothing you can do in 20 minutes - it takes that long to walk across the world. If you are going to play you have to be prepared to spend at least 2 hours to achieve most things. It's hard to tell him, "turn it off now" because he is playing online in groups with real people. You can't just turn off your game, you'd kill your whole group.

So in short, be careful with that game.