Men!

[DWhittles]

Why does my husband wait till the last second for EVERYTHING and then becuase I don't work, I have to run around saving his behind?
The man's license expired 2 months ago. He's needed to go and renew it for that long. He KNOWS he wanted to rent a car in Disney and he KNOWS he needs a license to do so. He goes to the NJ DMV last week with all the proper paperwork only to be told he needs his birth certificate. The one document we don't have.
So I've ordered one through NJ Vital Statistics Express service but it's not going to be here in time for our trip. It takes 8-10 days to get it.
The only other way for him to get one is to go to the Bureau of Health in the town he was born in and get it that way but without a car, it makes it difficult.
Of course they aren't open on the weekend so I might have to go for him on Friday to get this done. Then he has to change our plans on Saturday to go and stand in line at the DMV to get the new license.
What a pain in the rear!
Of course, I have a license but he doesn't want me driving because I haven't driven in over 7 years...

 

[Mortlives]

While I understand, and can sympathize with, your frustration, I don't think it's fair to paint an entire gender with that brush. My DH is a man, and is quite good at doing his own running around.

Have you considered just not renting a car? Perhaps that experience will give him (your DH) the opportunity to learn from his mistakes. Maybe the reason he does these things is because he knows you will bail him out.

Good luck and have a great trip regardless,
Morticia.

 

[DisneyDW]

So if YOU rent the car then your spouse is a valid driver as well. We've never had to show the spouse's license since one of us is usually running after kids. I've even asked, do you need to see? And they say no. That gets you past the whole process of renting the car. He would still be driving with an expired license but that is another story!

 

[DWhittles]

Okay, so I should have said "My man" as the title...
I'm just super frustrated.
He doesn't only need the license to rent the car...he needs it to get on the plane too!

 

[swilshire]

I haven't tried it, but he could probably get on the plane with his expired license.

As for showing the license at the rental car, we've always had to show BOTH licenses.

As for not driving, unless there is a reason you are unable to drive, I suggest you start to drive again. With kids and all their activities, it usually takes two adults to drag them around. You'll have much more freedom. JMHO.

Sheila

 

[kimbac3]

I just had a thought. Can you pick up his birth certificate or does he need to be with you? I would call and ask before you drive all the way there.

Good luck!

Kimba

 

[hokiefan33]

Gee, in my opinion, if you don't work, and he does, you should have the time to help him with picking things up. I assume you only have 1 child, since that's the only picture posted, and let's face it, it's not rocket science leaving the house with just one kid to run some errands.

He's working hard so you don't have to. Get off his back.

Just my opinion, though.

 

[Stimpy]

Originally posted by hokiefan33
Gee, in my opinion, if you don't work, and he does, you should have the time to help him with picking things up. I assume you only have 1 child, since that's the only picture posted, and let's face it, it's not rocket science leaving the house with just one kid to run some errands.

He's working hard so you don't have to. Get off his back.

Just my opinion, though.

Wow! That's a little harsh, isn't it?

 

[hokiefan33]

Nope. Not at all. I hear more stay at home moms complain about how hard it is, that they work just as hard as their husbands or maybe harder, what with running their kids around, cleaning (if there's not a maid), shopping, etc... And I get really tired of it.

My wife and I both work a full-time job, and we have 2 kids in school, as well. She manages to get more done around the house each week than many of her friends, most of whom don't work. And she manages to accomplish all this either before the kids get up or after they go to bed. You have to figure she only has a few hours between when she gets home around 5:30 and when they go to be around 8:30 each night to help with homework, fix dinner, and generally just spend some time with them. But she never complains, and always accomplishes anything she needs to. And I would never ask her to help me run an errand, b/c she is already busy. But if she didn't work, you can bet I would ask her to, b/c I would be working hard so she didn't have to. When she finally does quit work, she will have more time than she knows what to do with, she's already said that to me. She can't believe that more women don't accomplish more around their houses than they do. All she ever hears is how tired the non-working moms are, and how busy they say they are, and it drives her up the wall, and rightly so.

So do you think what I said was harsh, given all that? Trade places with my wife for a week. Accomplish around your house what you do, with 40 less hours to do it in, and seeing your kids a lot less than you do already, and see if you think what I said was harsh.

I just want women who stay at home to quit complaining about what their husbands don't do, and how busy and tired they are, and start being thankful that their husbands can afford them the opportunity to stay at home.

 

[Stimpy]

Dwhittles, I'm sorry that your innocent vent looks like it's going to head for a debate about SAHM.

hokiefan33, I don't know what your family situation is and you don't know mine. Don't assume you know everything about everyone else.

Maybe DWhittles is perfectly able to run errands with her child. From her location, it seems she lives in a large city. Isn't it possible that she doesn't drive because she uses mass transit and never has a need to drive her child around? (Like you, I don't know whether or not that is the case but it is a possiblilty)

I'm not going to get into a debate with you over SAHM and Working moms. There is plenty of positives and negatives to both options. Whether they stay at home or go out to work, all mothers (and fathers) need to make the choice that's right for their family.

 

[hokiefan33]

Originally posted by Stimpy
Dwhittles, I'm sorry that your innocent vent looks like it's going to head for a debate about SAHM.

hokiefan33, I don't know what your family situation is and you don't know mine. Don't assume you know everything about everyone else.

Maybe DWhittles is perfectly able to run errands with her child. From her location, it seems she lives in a large city. Isn't it possible that she doesn't drive because she uses mass transit and never has a need to drive her child around? (Like you, I don't know whether or not that is the case but it is a possiblilty)

I'm not going to get into a debate with you over SAHM and Working moms. There is plenty of positives and negatives to both options. Whether they stay at home or go out to work, all mothers (and fathers) need to make the choice that's right for their family.

You're right, I don't know your family situation (or the situation of others on this board), nor does it matter to me. My point was that if DWhittles was being asked to do something, it wasn't to rebuild their house, it was to get a few records and stop at one or 2 places to get something. Not tough stuff. SHE brought up the point that just b/c she stays at home, her husband thinks he can ask her to "run errands"; I didn't say that, she did. MY point is that SINCE she stays home, she can help run those small errands. They need to get done; who has more time to do them? Her husband who works, or her, who doesn't? You're right, I don't know their situation, but commonly, it would be the wife who doesn't work who has more time. THAT was my point. There are positives and negatives of being a SAHM, and you're right that it is their (and the husband's) choice, but since it is a choice, don't complain about it, how hard it is or how tired you are. If you don't like it, start working and do something about it. That's my point.

No offense, by the way, to SAHM's. It's a noble profession, and it is a job. I can just do without the complaining from many of them.

 

[Simba's Girl]

DWhittles

Sorry that your DH put this off. Do you really need a car on vacation though? Does he have a passport he could use for the plane? I hear you though its not really fair and you are not his *mother* and I'm sure you have plenty of other things to get ready for vacation...


hokiefan33

Hmmm, so are you saying that a grown man isn't able to take care of himself? I mean it was *his* license after all, its not like she can have them take a picture of *her* instead. Not to mention the fact that she never said that she dosen't do errands for her DH ever-this happens to be one she can't do for him, or it most likely would've been done by now. It seems to me that you think the definition of SAHM=slave/maid, or mabe that's your definition of "Wife"?. Perhaps you feel guilty or jealous even for your wife not being able to stay home. I wouldn't "generalize" and group all SAHMs into one category of "lazy complainers". Most SAHMs I know feel lucky to be able to stay at home. Having 2 kids in school is alot different than having an infant btw, at least they are able to help "mom" out you know. I think in the end we all do what works for us and its not our place to judge other families because we're not "in thier shoes".

 

[hokiefan33]

Originally posted by Simba's Girl
DWhittles

Sorry that your DH put this off. Do you really need a car on vacation though? Does he have a passport he could use for the plane? I hear you though its not really fair and you are not his *mother* and I'm sure you have plenty of other things to get ready for vacation...


hokiefan33

Hmmm, so are you saying that a grown man isn't able to take care of himself? I mean it was *his* license after all, its not like she can have them take a picture of *her* instead. Not to mention the fact that she never said that she dosen't do errands for her DH ever-this happens to be one she can't do for him, or it most likely would've been done by now. It seems to me that you think the definition of SAHM=slave/maid, or mabe that's your definition of "Wife"?. Perhaps you feel guilty or jealous even for your wife not being able to stay home. I wouldn't "generalize" and group all SAHMs into one category of "lazy complainers". Most SAHMs I know feel lucky to be able to stay at home. Having 2 kids in school is alot different than having an infant btw, at least they are able to help "mom" out you know. I think in the end we all do what works for us and its not our place to judge other families because we're not "in thier shoes".

Yep, I figured this would bring the women out of the woodwork. Let's see, go back and check my posts and see if I said that a grown man isn't able to take care of himself. That's right, you won't find where I said that, b/c I didn't. And I also never said that she has to do errands for him all the time - I was referring specifically to this license incident. I don't think that SAHM's are slaves/maids, nor have I referred to them as such, which you are trying to imply. I also have not referred to wives as such. I do wish my wife could stay at home, as she does, but that's not in the cards for us right now. I don't mind other women staying at home - in fact, I think it's great they can. What I don't like is hearing them complain about how hard it is all the time and how busy they are. And in fact, I NEVER said in my posts that ALL of the SAHM's do that - I only referred to those I hear doing it, which where I live is quite a few of them, unfortunately. What I suggested is that they take a week in my wonderful wife's shoes, and then see how much they complain. So I never "generalized" or "grouped" all SAHM's into one category of "lazy complainers." Double check my posts to see that for yourself. And you're right, having an infant is much different than having 2 in school, but you also have to figure with school that they have to be taken to school and picked up from school, and if they're at 2 different schools that's a lot of running already (unless they're completely bussed, in which case it is no extra work at all). My point was that leaving the house with an infant is not that hard, if you plan it right; I've done it many times before with both of my kids.

Please be sure to check your info and be exactly sure of what I've said before you attribute sayings or ideas to me. As I've already mentioned, I think SAHM's are great, I would just like to hear less complaining from the ones I hear it from, b/c there is always a woman who desires to be a SAHM who would trade with you in an instant.

 

[Tinkerbellmom33]

I agree with you Simba's Girl.
Hokiefan33, before you arrogantly went on your soapbox, I think DWhittles was just frustrated, because they have a trip coming up and he needs the license, he should have easily fixed it's status instead of irresponsibly leaving it to the last minute for her to fix when she has no transportation. You took it to another level. I've worked with children and now stay at home with an infant. It's hard on both ends. Sometimes when your a SAHM, people tend to take advantage. I won't go any further, you've definately hit a nerve and I'm not going there.

 

[pamole]

Okay, I know I'm setting myself for more flaming by hokiefan33, but I just had to add my $.02 ....

I have read this entire thread from the beginning and I don't know how it got so out of hand.

1st, DWhittles was just venting -- we all do it from time to time (even men do it, I hear, hokiefan33).

2nd, what she was venting about was NOT that she had to run an essential errand for her DH who works outside the house, but that the errand would NOT have been necessary if her DH had not let his license expire, and then waited 2 months to renew it. (I don't know about NJ, but in CT, you don't have to provide a birth certificate if you are ON TIME to renew your license.) And even if he had needed it, even 2 weeks ago there would have been enough time to get the B.C. by mail.

And let's not forget, it's DH who wants to rent the car, and DH who doesn't want DWhittles to drive that car....
Sorry, hokiefan33, but sometimes men DO want have their cake and eat it too (and then have a woman wash the dish!) LOL!

 

[missyc]

Wow. Looks like everyone is looking for an excuse to "bash" anybody they can! And I'm referring to the harsh responses, NOT the OP herself!!
I don't think she was looking for solutions or critisism on managing her family or time. Just a simple gripe about a procrastinating man and his wife trying to save the trip!! LOL

By the way, this sounds typical of lots of men, whether their wife works outside the home or not. And renuing a license is something he has to do himself isn't it? I don't think you can send someone else to do that for you!

So go ahead DWhittles and complaine all you want, MOST of us can relate!!

 

[hokiefan33]

Originally posted by Tinkerbellmom33
I agree with you Simba's Girl.
Hokiefan33, before you arrogantly went on your soapbox, I think DWhittles was just frustrated, because they have a trip coming up and he needs the license, he should have easily fixed it's status instead of irresponsibly leaving it to the last minute for her to fix when she has no transportation. You took it to another level. I've worked with children and now stay at home with an infant. It's hard on both ends. Sometimes when your a SAHM, people tend to take advantage. I won't go any further, you've definately hit a nerve and I'm not going there.

Tinker, my post(s) weren't any less arrogant than yours. An opinion doesn't make post arrogant. I'm getting upset that more than one poster has attributed something to me that I NEVER said (I don't know, maybe that's a woman thing). I never said the husband shouldn't have handled his own license issue, but that wasn't my point. DWhittles FIRST brought up the point herself about not wanting to do her husband's errands as a SAHM, not me. I don't care if you "go there" or not, whether it has or has not struck a nerve.

A lot of responses from women in the NE...typical, as we might say in the country.

 

[hokiefan33]

Originally posted by missyc
Wow. Looks like everyone is looking for an excuse to "bash" anybody they can! And I'm referring to the harsh responses, NOT the OP herself!!
I don't think she was looking for solutions or critisism on managing her family or time. Just a simple gripe about a procrastinating man and his wife trying to save the trip!! LOL

By the way, this sounds typical of lots of men, whether their wife works outside the home or not. And renuing a license is something he has to do himself isn't it? I don't think you can send someone else to do that for you!

So go ahead DWhittles and complaine all you want, MOST of us can relate!!

Yep, another she-woman man hater has arrived on the board. I don't need an excuse to bash anyone - other people present plenty of reasons to do so themselves. She may not have been looking for solutions or criticism, but with what she said, she was going to get some.

And in as much as you say this is typical of lots of men (inferring that you don't like it), I say that all these responses are typical of lots of women (which I'll flat out say I don't like). I love my wife very much, and she knows exactly how I feel on this subject, and guess what? She feels the same way, b/c for every hard-working SAHM, there's a lazy complaining one.

 

[pamole]

Originally posted by hokiefan33
A lot of responses from women in the NE...typical, as we might say in the country. [/B]

You know, hokiefan33, up until now, you might have been called a "typical" male with your comments, but, now, clearly you are not typical of your gender... I know men are better than that.

 

[hokiefan33]

Originally posted by pamole
You know, hokiefan33, up until now, you might have been called a "typical" male with your comments, but, now, clearly you are not typical of your gender... I know men are better than that.

Ouch, that hurts. What I don't think you like is an opinion that doesn't mesh with yours. Right, I must be the only male in the SE country who would have said that. Sure.