May 10, 2008 Ship of Thieves! Stealing the Magic..AGAIN!!! Panama Canal FL to CA!!! Part 5

[EllaEnchanted]

I have been thinking of you. I know you will face this....it is not fun. My mom is stubborn...she does not want to listen to anyone.....I just do not know where to go from here.

I am in Delaware right now with my mom and she has agreed, at least for now, to stay with my brother here until we get back from the MED....but then she changes her mind and demands for me to take her home and then she starts crying.....

My heart breaks for you because I know EXACTLY how frustrating it is for you and how you're at such a loss because you don't know what to do. There's no way you can make her understand that she can't be left home alone and there's no way she is going to agree to anything else.

Since there's just the two of us, John and I talked about moving into my mom's house soon. But that's not an answer either because it's not our home and we would be miserable. We wouldn't be able to bring our things and our pets. But the only way my mom could stay in her home is if someone is there with her 24/7 to care for her.

The same for your mom....if you could uproot your family and move in with her, then she would be happy....but, no one else would. It's a lose/lose situation and I'm sorry that I don't have any solution to offer you. I'm at the same crossroad and don't have the answers either. John and I have discussed all the senieros at length and keep coming up with nothing that works.

I know that when my grandmother was at that time in her life, she already lived with my mom....so it was easy for my mother. She hired a part time home nurse aid who came in for a couple of hours every day.

I would have to hire a live in "nanny" for my mother and just can't afford that expense. I have even thought about looking for a "roommate" for mom and providing them with free room and board and a small salary....maybe a single mother with a child. I don't know.

I will be thinking of you everyday....keep us updated and let me know how you progress and move forward. Just don't give up your cruise, you are going to need it before starting the long haul that's ahead of you.

 

[granmaz]

When I was teaching, I could very often predict a change in the weather by the kids' behavior. A day or so before a big storm system came in the kids would just be nutso! Nice kids would act out, kids would cry, not be able to focus, giggle and act silly, etc. etc.

John used to be a teacher and he always says that when it is windy the children are hyper.

Hi everybody.....

Been a very difficult few weeks. My mom was directly instructed by her doctor she can no longer be alone and my life has turned to H*LL. My brothers and I are trying so hard to be accomendating. She does not want to go into assisted living...so we suggested spending some time with each of us during the year. She only wants to go home to her own house. She does not want to be with any of us. She has lost 16 pounds in 6 months and now weighs 95 pounds. They can find no medical reason for the weight loss at all. She is just not eating enough.

I am supposed to leave in a few weeks for the MED cruise and I am hoping I do not need to cancel.

Please keep me in your prayers.

I will check in when I can.
Lisa

Lisa this is a bad situation and I do so hope you get to go on your Med cruise - you really need it. Are there options for 'respite' care to give you a break occasionally and for vacations? John's mother did enter a home for a few weeks for this and then once when she was too ill to cope at home. No way will she go permanently though!

Deb - I have been thinking about your situation too.I hope things get sorted!

Love to you both and others in this situation - it is heartbreaking.

 

[scottishwee35]

Hi everybody.....

Been a very difficult few weeks. My mom was directly instructed by her doctor she can no longer be alone and my life has turned to H*LL. My brothers and I are trying so hard to be accomendating. She does not want to go into assisted living...so we suggested spending some time with each of us during the year. She only wants to go home to her own house. She does not want to be with any of us. She has lost 16 pounds in 6 months and now weighs 95 pounds. They can find no medical reason for the weight loss at all. She is just not eating enough.

I am supposed to leave in a few weeks for the MED cruise and I am hoping I do not need to cancel.

Please keep me in your prayers.

I will check in when I can.
Lisa

Hello Lisa

I am sorry to hear that news and you need a break and go to MED cruise and tell your brothers to look after her while you are away. Don't cancel it.

Send you and hope everything is okay. I know it is not easy!!

My late grandmother was very stubborn woman too and she went to old people's home and turn out she gave up her life which was very sad. I looked back and wish I should take her with me but I moved out of country and she won't move that why.

Take care

Scottishwee35

 

[1Grumpy John]

I have been thinking of you. I know you will face this....it is not fun. My mom is stubborn...she does not want to listen to anyone.....I just do not know where to go from here.

I am in Delaware right now with my mom and she has agreed, at least for now, to stay with my brother here until we get back from the MED....but then she changes her mind and demands for me to take her home and then she starts crying.....

We had Mom over for Fourth of July party and I fear that we are not far behind you..what doctor told you Mom that she couldn't"t be alone. I some times think that they have already said this and Mom is in denial ?

any way keep us posted and any "great Ideas" let us know


Grumpy John

 

[WldWcnWmn]

well kids as some of you know...and some of you don't... I bought a 1981 Honda Goldwing in March. Well, I have been riding illegally since then... and last weekend I was at motorcycle endorsement class at the local community college, and I wrecked my ride. Yes, ladies... I had to lay him right there on the asphalt. So, broken collarbone, and some ribs later, I am slow to respond. Please send warm thoughts for speady recovery... bike needs OCC over haul now. LOL

 

[granmaz]

well kids as some of you know...and some of you don't... I bought a 1981 Honda Goldwing in March. Well, I have been riding illegally since then... and last weekend I was at motorcycle endorsement class at the local community college, and I wrecked my ride. Yes, ladies... I had to lay him right there on the asphalt. So, broken collarbone, and some ribs later, I am slow to respond. Please send warm thoughts for speady recovery... bike needs OCC over haul now. LOL

Oops! Ouch! Sorry about the accident. Hope you recover quickly. Be careful coughing!

 

[LiserAnn]

well kids as some of you know...and some of you don't... I bought a 1981 Honda Goldwing in March. Well, I have been riding illegally since then... and last weekend I was at motorcycle endorsement class at the local community college, and I wrecked my ride. Yes, ladies... I had to lay him right there on the asphalt. So, broken collarbone, and some ribs later, I am slow to respond. Please send warm thoughts for speady recovery... bike needs OCC over haul now. LOL

I was thinking we hadn't heard from you in a long time. I hope you're going to be OK, I glad to hear it wasn't worse!!

For everyone who's having a rough spat with life now, I'm sending pixie dust all your way. Sounds like there's a lot of pain going around right now and I know you need some good things to come your way!

 

[UKANGEL]

I've been there, it's one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen!

You're right there! I've spent lots of vacation time there too



LiserAnn, thanks for the pixie dust, it's nice to have when you're having a bad time

Noel, glad you're back on board

Hope everyone had a good 4th July. It's still raining madly over here in the UK...I've never seen so much rain, have you Marilyn?

DD and I had a good (and tiring) day yesterday and were very impressed with the University. We were in a small select group of just us 2 looking around the PaleoBiology dept so had loads of time and attention from the Head of Dept.


Off to Portsmouth next week to look round their Uni

 

[granmaz]

Where does your daughter fancy the most Mandy? Or is she open minded till she sees a few? It makes for a busy few weeks.

Rain!!! It started again about an hour ago - going to rain for a few more days I think. At least it isn't as bad as it was. I really feel sorry for the folks hit by the floods. Unbelievably thee are still homes under water - how awful is that?

 

[endkaos]

well kids as some of you know...and some of you don't... I bought a 1981 Honda Goldwing in March. Well, I have been riding illegally since then... and last weekend I was at motorcycle endorsement class at the local community college, and I wrecked my ride. Yes, ladies... I had to lay him right there on the asphalt. So, broken collarbone, and some ribs later, I am slow to respond. Please send warm thoughts for speady recovery... bike needs OCC over haul now. LOL

I don't know you, but you sound like a fun gal. Sorry to hear about your accident, but it was probably alot of fun up until that point.

 

[birkner]

I have been thinking of you. I know you will face this....it is not fun. My mom is stubborn...she does not want to listen to anyone.....I just do not know where to go from here.

I am in Delaware right now with my mom and she has agreed, at least for now, to stay with my brother here until we get back from the MED....but then she changes her mind and demands for me to take her home and then she starts crying.....

Does your mom have any other family members or friends that she can discuss her frustrations or problems with? I remember how hard it was for my grandparents to face that they could no longer live alone. I also remember my dad having to grit his teeth and have my sister and her husband move in. At some point, she will have to come to grips with the loss of her independance which I think is what the heart of the matter is here.

I think there comes a time when you must act even if it is against her wishes. If she cannot live alone and you can not afford a caregiver, she really does not have much choice and choice is the heart of the matter and the loss of her own choices about how and where she will live. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could offer a better solution but watching my mom act as a public guardian for 20 years with just these kinds of cases has given me some insight I might never have experienced.

 

[birkner]

well kids as some of you know...and some of you don't... I bought a 1981 Honda Goldwing in March. Well, I have been riding illegally since then... and last weekend I was at motorcycle endorsement class at the local community college, and I wrecked my ride. Yes, ladies... I had to lay him right there on the asphalt. So, broken collarbone, and some ribs later, I am slow to respond. Please send warm thoughts for speady recovery... bike needs OCC over haul now. LOL

So sorry to hear about your accident. Here is my best wishes for a speedy recovery!!

ixiedust:

 

[tigger137]

John and I are spending our anniversary (today) in Reno with friends. Plan to see fireworks and have a wonderful late dinner.

Happy Anniversary Noel and John. How many years? It is our 38th tomorrow.

Happy Anniversary for yesterday Noel & John, and for today Marilyn & John.

 

[tigger137]

Hi everybody.....

Been a very difficult few weeks. My mom was directly instructed by her doctor she can no longer be alone and my life has turned to H*LL. My brothers and I are trying so hard to be accomendating. She does not want to go into assisted living...so we suggested spending some time with each of us during the year. She only wants to go home to her own house. She does not want to be with any of us. She has lost 16 pounds in 6 months and now weighs 95 pounds. They can find no medical reason for the weight loss at all. She is just not eating enough.

I am supposed to leave in a few weeks for the MED cruise and I am hoping I do not need to cancel.

Please keep me in your prayers.

I will check in when I can.
Lisa

Just sending a hug.

 

[HollyTyler]

well kids as some of you know...and some of you don't... I bought a 1981 Honda Goldwing in March. Well, I have been riding illegally since then... and last weekend I was at motorcycle endorsement class at the local community college, and I wrecked my ride. Yes, ladies... I had to lay him right there on the asphalt. So, broken collarbone, and some ribs later, I am slow to respond. Please send warm thoughts for speady recovery... bike needs OCC over haul now. LOL

OH MY GOSH! Well, you can always buy another, but I hope you recover quickly! Could have been much worse. And at least this happened WAY far ahead of this cruise so you wouldn't be cruising in pain. Get better quickly!

 

[EllaEnchanted]

Happy 38th Anniversary Marilyn and John....hope you get to spend some special time together reminicing and romancing!!!

 

[EllaEnchanted]

well kids as some of you know...and some of you don't... I bought a 1981 Honda Goldwing in March. Well, I have been riding illegally since then... and last weekend I was at motorcycle endorsement class at the local community college, and I wrecked my ride. Yes, ladies... I had to lay him right there on the asphalt. So, broken collarbone, and some ribs later, I am slow to respond. Please send warm thoughts for speady recovery... bike needs OCC over haul now. LOL

Wishing you warm thoughts for a speedy recovery and an overhaul for your bike too!!!!

 

[EllaEnchanted]

You're right there! I've spent lots of vacation time there too



LiserAnn, thanks for the pixie dust, it's nice to have when you're having a bad time

Noel, glad you're back on board

Hope everyone had a good 4th July. It's still raining madly over here in the UK...I've never seen so much rain, have you Marilyn?

DD and I had a good (and tiring) day yesterday and were very impressed with the University. We were in a small select group of just us 2 looking around the PaleoBiology dept so had loads of time and attention from the Head of Dept.


Off to Portsmouth next week to look round their Uni

Angel, glad you and Becky had a chance to share a good day out together yesterday.....with another coming up next week. Remember to enjoy your time together now because it goes so quickly and soon she will be out on her own moving on. You'll look back on these days fondly....so make the most of them and have lots of fun too!!!!

 

[granmaz]

Happy Anniversary for yesterday Noel & John, and for today Marilyn & John.

Happy 38th Anniversary Marilyn and John....hope you get to spend some special time together reminicing and romancing!!!

Thank you both! We have just had a lovely meal out at a French restaurant - nothing too French, but lovely. Will be watching the tv tonight!!!

It doesn't seem like 38 years and it is only when I speak it out loud that I realise just how long a time it is!

 

[EllaEnchanted]

Does your mom have any other family members or friends that she can discuss her frustrations or problems with? I remember how hard it was for my grandparents to face that they could no longer live alone. I also remember my dad having to grit his teeth and have my sister and her husband move in. At some point, she will have to come to grips with the loss of her independance which I think is what the heart of the matter is here.

Noel, this is exactly the heart of the matter....the loss of independence. How do you tell a strong, stubborn, independent person that they no longer have control over their own lives? How do you get them to come to grips with this loss? They will disagree and fight you all the way.

I think there comes a time when you must act even if it is against her wishes. If she cannot live alone and you can not afford a caregiver, she really does not have much choice and choice is the heart of the matter and the loss of her own choices about how and where she will live. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could offer a better solution but watching my mom act as a public guardian for 20 years with just these kinds of cases has given me some insight I might never have experienced.

Your experience has given you a keen insight in these situations and you're right that action must be taken against their wishes. But all we ever want is for our loved ones to be happy. How do we then live with ourselves knowing that they will never be happy again and they now hate us for taking action against them. They still believe that they are right and we are wrong and you will never convince them otherwise.

Sadly, I hope my mom passes before I have to take that choice away from her because then I'll know that she lived happily until the end and that's easier for me to live with. I dread that my last memories of being with her will be ones of hatred and strife. I don't want that for her and I don't want that for me. There are no easy answers here.