Mature Dating: You have papers?

[dejr_8]

My wife has two male colleagues at work that are divorced (one last year and one in the process now). Yesterday the one that is in the process of getting divorced told my wife he asked the one that is divorced "how do you handle dating?"

His response was "Make sure they have a Doctor's note saying they are clean"

Would you be shocked if you were asked for "Papers"?

 

[PatsGirl]

I've yet to meet a guy in my 50 years that has brought up the issue of birth control or safe sex first so I guess I'd just about fall over, lol.

 

[dejr_8]

I've yet to meet a guy in my 50 years that has brought up the issue of birth control or safe sex first so I guess I'd just about fall over, lol.

They are both Pharmacists so I think that may explain the concern.

 

[NHdisneylover]

A doctor's note would only tell you they "were" clean on whatever date the test was taken.

Back when I was single I always went to the clinic with the guy and we both had tests done and went back for the results together. Yes, I realize the guy could still be cheating or whatnot but it helped a lot--and at some point you have to have some faith in someone if you are going to be with them.

 

[Robinrs]

I only had one, he was obsessed with STDs and wanted proof. Just because of that I left a fake STD envelope like the one below on my dining room table and just waited for the fireworks...

 

[golfgal]

No, I would be asking as well-way too much 'stuff' out there-gladly I don't have to worry about it though.

 

[chewbacca]

I only had one, he was obsessed with STDs and wanted proof. Just because of that I left a fake STD envelope like the one below on my dining room table and just waited for the fireworks...

Love it!!!!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Vere are your papers?! Show zem to me! Schnelle!

 

[Jennasis]

Frankly, the first thing I'd want to see were the DIVORCE papers. Then we can discuss being intimate.

So many friends and family members got stuck in relationships where the guy/girl insisted their old marriage was over but the divorce never happened.

 

[Becky2005]

That could be an interesting first date question!!!

"Want to go get some dinner? By the way before we do, I need proof from your doctor you don't have any diseases?"

Luckily for me, I don't have to worry about it. I think I would be in shock but then again, I'm not really sure how I would take that because then I would be assuming the guy didn't want to really get to know me first but just wanted a sex partner since it sounds like that would be the first thing they would ask for.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Maybe I am just old fashioned, but is it really appropriate to be under the assumption that you are going to have a sexual relationship with someone right away?

 

[Rora]

Frankly, the first thing I'd want to see were the DIVORCE papers. Then we can discuss being intimate.

So many friends and family members got stuck in relationships where the guy/girl insisted their old marriage was over but the divorce never happened.

Exactly.

 

[wdwiala]

I have a friend who, before things got too serious, asked for three things: a health report (std's), a credit report (she worked for a bank), and a police report. He complied and they are happily married. All three reports are very reasonable things to know before marriage. Their problems become your problems. I think she knew him for some time before she asked him.

I have another friend who has created a questionare for men. She doesn't start asking them until after a few dates....

I know so many people who have, or have had STDs. If I were dating again, I would be tempted to ask for the health report.

 

[shortbun]

My sister drug tests her prospective employees and if I were single, I'd ask for a STD test prior to having relations. It's 2010 and I'm not a stupid kid anymore.

 

[Agri]

Frankly, the first thing I'd want to see were the DIVORCE papers. Then we can discuss being intimate.

So many friends and family members got stuck in relationships where the guy/girl insisted their old marriage was over but the divorce never happened.

This! I've been there - the guy eventually got divorced, but seriously - who is ready to truly move on that quickly? Most of the time its a knee-jerk reaction to being left for greener pastures, not that they're actually ready for a relationship yet.

I wouldn't be shocked if someone asked for papers proving I was clean - as long as they had the same for me. I'm all for dealing with things open and honestly - if its a major concern for my love interest, then it should be important to me, too.

 

[bumbershoot]

I think that relying on papers from tests done in the past is making a huge mistake.

Maybe I am just old fashioned, but is it really appropriate to be under the assumption that you are going to have a sexual relationship with someone right away?

People don't want to waste time on someone, they don't want to get their heart involved and then find out something that will make it impossible for them to be involved in a relationship with another person.

DH and I didn't ask for papers, LOL, but our first 3 dates involved very long, involved, conversations about who we were and what we wanted out of life. Stuff that wouldn't have come up for a year when I was in my 20s. But we were both feeling old (at the time) and didn't want to waste our time, so we cut to the chase and asked the big important questions. Same concept IMO.

 

[Evil Genius]

I wouldn't be surpised or upset if asked. I would be asking for papers too. It's just self survival

 

[Heidict]

Dang, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to worry about stuff like this. I can't imagine asking or being asked for doctors notes, credit reports and police reports.

If you love someone, you should be able to trust them. If you don't trust them then you shouldn't be in a relationship with them to begin with.

 

[maelstrom]

Just a heads up... using the word "clean" to describe someone who is free of STDs is pretty offensive... it implies that people who do have STDs are somehow "dirty". I think it's a great and responsible thing for people to know a potential partner's STD status ahead of time. But using the words "clean" and "dirty" in this situation are really not appropriate at all. "STD-positive" and "STD-negative" are better terms to use.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Dang, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to worry about stuff like this. I can't imagine asking or being asked for doctors notes, credit reports and police reports.

If you love someone, you should be able to trust them. If you don't trust them then you shouldn't be in a relationship with them to begin with.

These were my thoughts exactly.