Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[maddhatir]

I certainly can afford my kids, it just will be nice to get a little bonus, from the government instead of always putting out.

Reading this to DH-- his comment- "yeah- we ALL feel the same way, kids or NOT!, what's your point?"

 

[maddhatir]

I know someone will come and flame me but I get tired of getting nickeled and dimed to death for other peoples children. Even my mother who never complains was complaining this year about how high their real estate and personal property taxes were. She said it seemed to be going mostly to the schools and why do they still have to pay for others children. By the way my parents are 75 and 76.

I doubt you will be flamed by us CF people- you may though, by people who invade our thread!

 

[3DisneyKids]

Just wondering and this is not a jab, but why would someone who has kids frequent this thread?

I just don't get it.

I have answered this question on this thread before. First, I totally admire and respect anyone who chooses to remain CF. My BIL and SIL are one of those couples that had kids "just cause that is what you are supposed to do once you get married..."

Obviously, based on my screen name, I have 3 kids. Wouldn't change that. But the reason I read here (almost completely a lurker but have posted maybe 2 or 3 times) is because I think it is so important to always have that other perspective. My life revolves around my young children, all of my friends have young children, etc. So it is really easy to get tunnel vision and think that everyone has kids or understands what it is like to go out to a restaurant with kids (for example), or doesn't mind having kids around, etc.

So, reading a thread like this helps eliminate that tunnel vision and remind me to keep my kids in check and well behaved when in public (becuase NO, not everyone will think it is adorable!) and/or remind me when it is best to leave them at home. Not every experience should include the kids.

So, that is why I am here.

P.S. I totally agree about the tax issue. It is OUR choice to have children and that means assuming the costs that go along with that. And there is no reason for those with children to get a bigger break. It is a choice...and like any choices, there are rewards and consequences that go along with it.

 

[maddhatir]

I have answered this question on this thread before. First, I totally admire and respect anyone who chooses to remain CF. My BIL and SIL are one of those couples that had kids "just cause that is what you are supposed to do once you get married..."

Obviously, based on my screen name, I have 3 kids. Wouldn't change that. But the reason I read here (almost completely a lurker but have posted maybe 2 or 3 times) is because I think it is so important to always have that other perspective. My life revolves around my young children, all of my friends have young children, etc. So it is really easy to get tunnel vision and think that everyone has kids or understands what it is like to go out to a restaurant with kids (for example), or doesn't mind having kids around, etc.

So, reading a thread like this helps eliminate that tunnel vision and remind me to keep my kids in check and well behaved when in public (becuase NO, not everyone will think it is adorable!) and/or remind me when it is best to leave them at home. Not every experience should include the kids.

So, that is why I am here.

P.S. I totally agree about the tax issue. It is OUR choice to have children and that means assuming the costs that go along with that. And there is no reason for those with children to get a bigger break. It is a choice...and like any choices, there are rewards and consequences that go along with it.

But YOU are a big exception to the rule! Not everyone is as understanding as you. Sometimes we have people come here just to harass us and comment on how wonderful it is to have kids and WE are the ones that are making a big mistake! We will regret not having kids in the future.....

Because....................

How about this one- who is going to take care of you when you get older?!

 

[3DisneyKids]

But YOU are a big exception to the rule! Not everyone is as understanding as you. Sometimes we have people come here just to harass us and comment on how wonderful it is to have kids and WE are the ones that are making a big mistake! We will regret not having kids in the future.....

Because....................

How about this one- who is going to take care of you when you get older?!

Thanks.

Gee...now THERE'S a good reason to reproduce! Heck, just take the money that you would have spent raising kids and sock it away...then you could have the BEST care available and live out your older years in true luxury!

My BIL and SIL, sadly, think along those lines...they have to have a big family for when they are older. Deep down, they are ones who really never wanted kids. BUT, because everyone just "expected" them to have kids, they did. And now they are resentful...which of course their kids pick up on...and are thus rotten kids...and so the cycle goes.

 

[WDWguru]

Oh my word. Best post on the DIS. Ever!!!!!

Whoa, I think I'm blushing!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Whoa, I think I'm blushing!

As well you should! That response rocked!!!!

 

[Hixski]

I doubt you will be flamed by us CF people- you may though, by people who invade our thread!

Those were the ones I was talking about. The ones that have to tell us how wrong we are, that we SHOULD pay for their childrens education because they will be working in the nursing home we are in. The nursing home we are in because we didn't have kids to take care of us in our old age.

Personally I plan on being in a luxury condo in south Florida in my old age.

A big "Thank You" to 3Disneykids too for understanding all of us on the "dark side". It means alot since their seem to be so many people that think their way is the only way. It gets tiresome to be labeled a child hater whenever we stand up for our rights as CF adults.

 

[zippitydoo]

Me and my boyfriend are in our 30's and we don't want children. There are so many reasons why we don't want children. We like being able to be spontaneous and not having to worry about a kid, We both don't have the patience, their expensive. Having kids is not for everybody and for us it's not.

 

[maddhatir]

A big "Thank You" to 3Disneykids too for understanding all of us on the "dark side". It means alot since their seem to be so many people that think their way is the only way. It gets tiresome to be labeled a child hater whenever we stand up for our rights as CF adults.

I think everyone should take what we say to heart and apply it to the raising of their children!

I feel, in a way, we have touched so many people with our advice......and rantings

 

[maddhatir]

Me and my boyfriend are in our 30's and we don't want children. There are so many reasons why we don't want children. We like being able to be spontaneous and not having to worry about a kid, We both don't have the patience, their expensive. Having kids is not for everybody and for us it's not.

You know- not only are they expensive, but I cannot be worrying myself about, are they safe, will they do the right thing when they leave the house, what shape will the world be in when they get older- WAY too much stress for my liking!

 

[TKDisneylover]

will they do the right thing when they leave the house,

This for sure can be a major issue for some parents. I work for the Dept. of Human Services-Juvenile Services Division. I receive police reports on juveniles who break the law, process the paperwork and assign them to a social worker. This week I received a police report on a kid who is 15, he had committed Criminal Damage to Property, Theft & Burglary(many counts of each). He had 53 victims in all who had their cars keyed, lawn ornaments broken (including a large concrete water fountain that was broken apart & smashed), and homes & vehicles broken into. This was a 3 month "high" for him during the months of July, August & Sept. '07. The manpower and money that has gone into the processing, not to mention the victims loss is extreme. I went through 4 reems of paper (500 sheets in each reem) just to copy all of the information that goes to the District Attorney's office. Now because this kid is only 15 his share of restitution is only $600.00. With all of the damage he did the actual damage totals goes into thousands of dollars. The 10 cars he keyed cost approximately $2,500 each to be repaired alone. So it will be up to the victims to hopefully have their insurance cover most of the damage costs and then take the kids parents to small claims court to recover their deductible. It's the trickle down effect that causes insurance rates to go up, hours paid to police and County employees to process all of this information and counsel the kid. And as usual as CF taxpayers we are paying for this kid too. Okay, rant over.

 

[zima-cheryl]

Me and my boyfriend are in our 30's and we don't want children. There are so many reasons why we don't want children. We like being able to be spontaneous and not having to worry about a kid, We both don't have the patience, their expensive. Having kids is not for everybody and for us it's not.

And it is not just all that - most days it takes all my energy & time to keep myself organized, happy & well-balanced.

If I had to be responsible for anything more emotionally complex than my dog or cats I couldn't do it.

I'd rather know that about myself & choose not have kids, than go ahead and have kids because then it would be a big ole' mess!

 

[Conway733]

My husband and I have been married for five years. We have no children and choose not to have children. One of the main reasons for this decision is because we can't afford children. This is also why we bought a house we can afford, instead of choosing to buy something we know we can't afford, even though the mortgage loan companies say we can. So, we don't have kids, we don't have the biggest, newest house on the block, we drive used cars. We are tired of being asked about having children. I didn't know as an American citizen I am required to have children. Sorry for the vent. I am just reading through these posts and am glad there are others like us.

Property taxes and school taxes are a huge pet peeve of mine here in PA. Our tax bills for the year are over $2500. What do we get for that? Not much. PA really needs to rehaul their outdated property/school tax practices.

 

[maddhatir]

Property taxes and school taxes are a huge pet peeve of mine here in PA. Our tax bills for the year are over $2500. What do we get for that? Not much. PA really needs to rehaul their outdated property/school tax practices.

We have discussed property taxes here before- I am right across the river in NJ and we have LESS than an acre and our taxes are now a little over 5000.00! And we just put on an addition- the taxes for that have not been tacked on yet!

Guess what- next year our county is being reassessed- I am scared to DEATH to even think about what our taxes will be after the reassessment!


And about not living beyond your means- I always find it hilarious when I see these ding dongs with 2+ kids in these huge houses driving the kids to soccer practice in the huge SUV thinking they are ALL that- give me a break people, I can care less about your status in the community- they are probably up to their neck in debt to look good! I look at them and laugh inside!

I think it might be, we CF people just have more common sense It must be some sort of "breeder gene" that makes those people want to "keep up with the Jones"

You know the poor husband/father is working is BUTT off to keep the wife and kids accustomed to that nauseating lifestyle! He probably does not even have time to breath- let alone spend time with his family- and a lot of those guys look like they can really care less to BE with their families!

OK- another rant over!

 

[zima-cheryl]

And about not living beyond your means- I always find it hilarious when I see these ding dongs with 2+ kids in these huge houses driving the kids to soccer practice in the huge SUV thinking they are ALL that- give me a break people, I can care less about your status in the community- they are probably up to their neck in debt to look good! I look at them and laugh inside!

My hair dresser was telling me about one lady she has come in - big SUV, new McMansion, etc. They are so in debt they can't afford curtains for the McMansion & only a few of the rooms are funished...with the leftover furniture from their last place.
Of course I'm sure as soon as some dumb bank offers them another credit card they'll take care of that stuff too!

I agree - if you can't afford it, don't do it!
We may have a tiny ranch, but we can afford it and afford to fix it up the way we want. Right now we are re-doing the entire master bedroom (paint, carpet, new bed & furniture, adding a ceiling fan) and when all is said & done all we will have is a balance on our Home Depot card for the carpet (discounted installation + 6 mos. interest free! )

 

[Hixski]

We have a 1400 sq ft ranch. It will be paid off in about 5 years. Everyone asks us why we never upgraded to a bigger house. Hello......the dog has his own bedroom. (Ok, he shares it with our office) We don't need a bigger house. We have 3 bedrooms, 2 baths and a full basement with 2-car garage. We built it new in 1987 and have just upgraded things to bring it into the new millemium. In 5 years we will be mortgage free (5 years early).


Madd: I feel for you when they reasses your county. Especially once they tack on your addition. Good luck, you will need it on that one.

 

[ChisJo]

We have a 1400 sq ft ranch. It will be paid off in about 5 years. Everyone asks us why we never upgraded to a bigger house. Hello......the dog has his own bedroom. (Ok, he shares it with our office) We don't need a bigger house. We have 3 bedrooms, 2 baths and a full basement with 2-car garage. We built it new in 1987 and have just upgraded things to bring it into the new millemium. In 5 years we will be mortgage free (5 years early).

We live in a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom adults only condo, 1030 sq ft and I love it....no worries about snow removal, lawn maintenance, we have underground heated parking....it's great! Plus, there is no playground near by to hear kids screaming at 8am! Love it!

In addition, our taxes are peanuts compared to others, and our mortgage is completely affordable. We took posession in Dec 2006 and are hoping to have everything paid off by the end of next year....then we have more time (and money) for vacations!

Anyways, sitting here in Orlando and enjoying my vacation - I should get back! We are off to Sleuths tonight!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

We live in a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom adults only condo, 1030 sq ft and I love it....no worries about snow removal, lawn maintenance, we have underground heated parking....it's great! Plus, there is no playground near by to hear kids screaming at 8am! Love it!

Sweeeeeeeeeeeet!

 

[PhotobearSam]

DH and I have a ranch that also has a 1 bedroom apt in the basement that we rent out. Our upstairs has 3 bedrooms (one master, one computer room and one small guest room and a kitchen and separate living room . In the basement, I also have a craft room and a large storage/furnace room. We have about 1500 for ourselves and when I get tired of having a tenant, we will make his kitchen/living room into a media room with PINBALL MACHINE...(we are saving right now).

Our mortgage is only $600 per month and we plan on having this baby paid off a lot sooner than later. We drive my Dad's older Cadillac that he gave me (it's in nice condition and I am so spoiled) and a 2004 Impala. What do we spend our money on? Our house, vacations, clothes and savings. I would change any of this unless I won over 10 million.


We are just DH, myself and 3 cats...WHY would we need more room? So we can spend more time cleaning?

I have some friends who moved here and built a huge house (3000 plus the basement) and now they are trying to adopt even though she admits to not being maternal but is convinced that will change once they get a baby!?!?!??

They work like dogs and drive cars from the early 90's and can't afford to furnish their house...now they want a baby they think they would love...

One of our other friends took me aside one night and told me I am the smartest person she knows for not getting into the "Big House/Expensive" lifestyle a lot of our friends have done. She said, "If we did not have kids, I would live just like you do...Smartly. You get to travel."

Everyone thought I would get sucked into the BIG house game as I grew up very privileged and grew up in a huge house and my parents had a lot of money. When I answer this question I always say, My parents got to where they are because they were smart...and I am their daughter so I am smart about it too.