Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[senecabeach]

alisongkc....

The bad news? As you get closer to 40 you start to wonder if you made the right choice.

actually all those questions came to me after 26 wonderful years of being "DINKS", Disney every year since 71', traveling together, doing everything, buy anything ....what a "Great Life" !!

....until....

Charlie's unexpected passing.

OK ..life goes on...So here I am...just turning 60... still asking myself... was it really a good choice?
"Stuff" certainly doesn't matter..."Loved Ones DO"....

Life sure isn't the same....but my memories certainly help keep me grounded as well as my "wonderful dogs", same litter sisters lab/pointer,...and...yep, still travelling and doing. (Chas is always with me )

My now questions seem to be..who do I leave my "stuff and things" to? AH...Life's Journey

 

[alisongkc]

Dear SenecaBeach,

Couldn't agree with you more, although at 45 I have a way to go in the Life-Wisdom Department, and so will take your thoughts to heart.

A thought about 'family,' and its loss...

After I lost my dad I was lucky enough to have been able to count amongst my friends a bunch of gay men - horse industry types - most of whom had been abandoned by their blood relatives through ignorance and intolerance. Wisely, instead of brooding about this intolerance, and it's results, these men had found "families" within their community that were sustaining and affirming. It was a huge lesson about the nature of family for me. While I have a large cohort of cousins, and a couple of surving aunts, I don't have a close nuclear family to draw upon. This fact made it even more important for me to nuture relationships that I might not otherwise work as hard on if I had a larger family. I guess it is true, you get out of life what you make it.

Give those beautiful dogs a hug for me. You are a lucky woman!

Alison

 

[maddhatir]

The bad news? As you get closer to 40 you start to wonder if you made the right choice.

I just turned 42-- and in no way , shape or form, have I ever thought I made the wrong choice not having kids. Actually the older, and wiser, I get---- I cannot tell you how happy I am that I made the right decision.

 

[kennancat]

Okay, it's been over 48 hours since anyone's posted to the thread. Mustn't allow this to happen

I finished reading Maybe Baby last weekend. Anybody else read it? I thought it was interesting. Here's the cover and description from Amazon's page:

To breed or not to breed? That is the question twenty-eight accomplished writers -- including Anne Lamott, Rick Moody, Kathryn Harrison, and Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez -- ponder in this collection of provocative, honest, and deeply personal essays. Based on a popular series at Salon.com, Maybe Baby features parents and nonparents alike exploring how and why they decided whether to have children.

Some of the pieces are funny - I loved the one mom's story about how much she loves to drink now that she has kids. I have to say, of all the writers in it, the ones that seemed most selfish/callous to me were both in the parents' section. And I loved the first childfree writer - if my mom brings up kids again, I need to send her a copy of that piece because she explains my exact feelings in such better words than I can.

 

[maddhatir]

Okay, it's been over 48 hours since anyone's posted to the thread. Mustn't allow this to happen

Did you see? There is another thread with the same "childless" subject!
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1202587

 

[Krissalee]

I am the OP, and I am still blissfully child-free (this is a joke, as since I don't post much, some had thought I went over to the 'other side'), but I am so proud to be a first-time aunt to Colin - the most amazing baby I have ever seen, born 8/23. It does help that he looks like me! He is a redhead!

I so wanted to be an aunt, even though I definately know that I don't want to be a mother. I wanted a child in my life, just not mine.

 

[Muushka]

I have only read the first and the last couple of pages, but thought I would chime in.

We are OINKs. I don't work (after 30 years, I've had it!). Anyway, we are "Cheerfully Child-Free". I am 52 and went thru the "when are you going to have kids" questions for about 20 years, but thankfully they finally stopped about 15 years ago. Now people usually just tell us that we did the right thing!

We don't regret our decision, in fact, about once a day I find another reason to be thankful for our decision.

 

[Liisa]

Krissalee,

I wholeheartedly agree with you. DH and I are in our 30's and have absolutely decided that children are not for us. I have a niece and a nephew that I love dearly and spoil rotten. Whenever we get asked by aunts (my mom knows better than to push) we simply explain that we like being "grandparents" like them (nice to have them visit, nice to send them home!) And I do think by niece and nephew are the most wonderful kids ever!

I will say that whenever we see ill behaved / bratty children while we are out and about - we high five each other (discreetly, of course). But there are a WHOLE LOT of children out there who confirm to us that we made the right decision! (And if we have any doubts, we spend a half hour at the local grocery store or mall and breathe a very big sigh of relief as we return to our quiet home with our two dogs and cat!

 

[raspberrysharpei]

I hope nobody minds if I hop in. Maybe someone can give me some re-assurance/guidance...

I'm in my mid-30's, happily married & we have decided in our life plan not to have children. We enjoy having independence, working long hours, being able to travel & walking through life as a couple. It took us two years to commit to having our quadruped. We have one SPOILED dog!!

My concern with this decision is this..Are there any medical concerns for not having children?? Women are given baby making parts for a reason, if you don't use them for the intended use, are there medical issues that need to be considered??

 

[Shugardrawers]

No, not really. Endometriosis is more common in women who've never had children. If you don't already have it you probably won't develope it at this point anyway. As for things like pelvic cancers, fibroids, cysts etc your risks are pretty much the same as any other woman.

 

[plgrn]

This cracked me up. who here can make BINGO?

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Too funny plgrn!! And so true, unfortunately!!

 

[Hixski]

I would like to know how many of us have heard just about all of those comments. I know I have heard at least 3/4 of them directed at me.

 

[maddhatir]

I hope nobody minds if I hop in. Maybe someone can give me some re-assurance/guidance...

I'm in my mid-30's, happily married & we have decided in our life plan not to have children. We enjoy having independence, working long hours, being able to travel & walking through life as a couple. It took us two years to commit to having our quadruped. We have one SPOILED dog!!

My concern with this decision is this..Are there any medical concerns for not having children?? Women are given baby making parts for a reason, if you don't use them for the intended use, are there medical issues that need to be considered??

Not really a concern but.... sanity!

 

[maddhatir]

OK- let me start off my staying- I dont hate kids- What I DISLIKE are brats and parents that think their kids are the cats pajamas when they are acting like brats and do not disapline them. Saying that- these comments are geared towards those holier than thou parents who look down upon us CCF peoples-

So! i if like you or your kids- this does not pertain to you!

New baby smell…….. Hmmm poop?

The children are our future?…….The poor children today are lucky if we give them a future to look forward to with all the problems in the world!

What’s the matter, don’t you like kids?….ahhh yeah- if I can give ‘em back!

Genetic immortality--- sounds like something Bush is trying to put an end to!

You aren’t a real adult until you have kids…well then I never wanna grow up to be as mature and boring as you!

Selfish? Does that mean if I have kids I have to like, pay attention to them, and buy them stuff? Who’s gonna pay attention to ME and buy ME stuff? Who are you calling selfish buy the way!

It’s all worth it---- mmmmm? Looks like it.

If your parents hadn’t had kids---- then I guess I would have never know then huh?

Who will take care of you when you get old--- yeah! Like your kids really want to TALK to you when they get older let alone TAKE CARE OF YOU!

You were a baby once too- well I didn’t like myself then either! That’s why I am still in therapy!

Your child can grow up to cure cancer--- and then the drug companies will “shut him up” so they can make more money if there isn’t a cure- so why bother!

The bible said go forth and multiply- yeah the bible also said Moses parted the red sea- like that really happened.

Its different when it’s our own- how different- I will like it? b/c yours is getting on my nerves right about now!

THEEEEE END!

 

[plgrn]

Your child can grow up to cure cancer--- and then the drug companies will “shut him up” so they can make more money if there isn’t a cure- so why bother!

That's sadly true! And how much greater are the odds that you will give birth to a child who will HAVE cancer at some point in life rather than cure it.

 

[raspberrysharpei]

Okay, I am LMAO & loving the personalities.

Thanks for the info Shugardrawers.

 

[plgrn]

The bible said go forth and multiply- yeah the bible also said Moses parted the red sea- like that really happened.

As a Christian I believe it DID happen and most Christians you run across will. Try this comeback instead to beat them at their own game.

"Multiply and replenish the earth" was only commanded twice in the Bible. The first time directly to Adam and Eve (hello!!! There were no people in the world...gotta get some somehow!!) and the second time to Noah and his family (hello again!!! No people on the earth. They all drowned in the Flood!! gotta get more people somehow!!!)

Umm...are we in that situation today?? Did God speak to you audibly and ask that you participate in His population program??

I can't stand it when people jerk Bible verses out of context to prove their own opinion. Vent over. Hope that helps next time you get "the Bible tells you to have babies" comment.

BTW, we kinda get that vibe from much of our family and friends. Maybe they don't say those exact words, but they don't really have to, KWIM? I love them, but THEY ARE SO WRONG!

 

[maddhatir]

As a Christian I believe it DID happen and most Christians you run across will. Try this comeback instead to beat them at their own game.

"Multiply and replenish the earth" was only commanded twice in the Bible. The first time directly to Adam and Eve (hello!!! There were no people in the world...gotta get some somehow!!) and the second time to Noah and his family (hello again!!! No people on the earth. They all drowned in the Flood!! gotta get more people somehow!!!)

But I don't wanna say that- I am not a christian. But you can say it!

Truce?

 

[plgrn]

But I don't wanna say that- I am not a christian. But you can say it!

Truce?

Nothing to truce about. Just so you have it to pull out of the hat in case you need it.