Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[maddhatir]

Yes, I read one that just made me sick - people were talking about getting brochures for child size coffins and distributing them to children that were badly behaved.

 

[KM2004]

I just found this thread and I am also happily child free!!!! I am mostly a "lurker" on these boards, but I feel inspired to share my happiness as a person who is married and child free with her spouse.
I am so sick of family members and others asking when we plan to have kids. I am still at a point where I feel guilty telling them that I don't plan to have kids. Does anyone have any advice for me?
Thanks!!!!

 

[Liisa]

KM2004,

Welcome aboard!!!

My family has known for 3 or 4 years now about our decision and for the most part they let it rest. Every once and a while, my mother makes a comment that she hopes I don't regret it one day. And she occassionally will mention something along the lines of "who will care for you when you are older". Fortunately for my argument, I have certain family members (cousins and the like) who are so self centered that I know they won't be caring for their families. I simply point that fact out. I do know one thing for sure, having kids is no guarantee of security in old age. I don't blame my mom, she will make a great grandmother to my brother's kids some day and I'm sure she would have loved grandkids from me.

Hang in there. They do eventually accept that your decision is final. I also still have a pang of guilt when talking to my family about it, so I don't bring it up often and I try not to make a big deal about it. On the bright side, because we don't have children, we take my parents on nice dinners and they often travel with us on vacation. I love spending time with them. I don't believe I would be able to if I had the responsibility of a child.

Liisa

 

[LauraAnn630]

Its easy to sit back and tell people how to do a job you have never done.

Some of the coments you have made are DISRESPECTFUL.

I am not saying people shouldnt be more strict with their children.

Children are not born knowing how to act right. They have to be taught over and over.

If you see a child not behaving it doesn't make them a bad person. It only make the parent bad if they are not doing anything about it.

If you see a well behaved child, give them 20 minutes they will do something bad. Because they are children.

Parents needing a break doesnt make them bad.

Most people do not work 7 days a week. Every week! We all need breaks and thats ok.

I think a lot of people agree kids are out of control.

I was refering mostly to the squirl verses human being coment. It seems cold. One of those kids might be taking care of you in your old age.
You better be nice to them. LOL

Disney should have adults only restaurants, pools and activities besides the culbs.

Some of you do seem bitter.

 

[PamNC]

I can certainly relate to this problem. We've been married 13 years. Don't have kids, don't want kids, never have, never will. We are happy and fulfilled just fine without them. I have to answer the same questions over and over and sometimes the responses are borderline rude, if not full-blown rude. I can remember one person I use to work with better than any others. She and I ended up in the elevator together. She said, Pam you've been married 3 years. Aren't you going to have kids?" I just love how that's an appropriate thing to ask someone. I said very politely, "no, we don't plan on having any kids." She looked at me like I was some sort of martian and said, "I don't understand people like you." I thought about ripping her a new one and giving her a piece of my mind but I opted to say, "I'm perfectly happy and like my life the way it is." She was totally off base.

I think it's wonderful that people feel the need to pro-create but I don't. I love other people's kids and I love spending time with kids, but I love giving them back.

One can be fulfilled without it. My husband travels a lot and if we had kids, it would be as if I were a single parent a lot of the time. We have horses and live on a farm and I don't need anything else on my plate and I don't intend on giving up my time with my horses which I would have to do if I had kids. I also like being childless because let's face it - YOU HAVE MORE DISPOSABLE INCOME. Disney, for example. If we had kids, we couldn't go 2 times a year and stay at Deluxe resorts. Or, travel at the drop of a hat. Or blow all our money on ourselves.

I applaud parents and think it's a very important job and thank God people want kids. But there is nothing wrong with not wanting them.

PamNC

 

[PamNC]

I just posted but I forgot something.

We're not really childless - I have 20 children - all furbabies, and 3 feather-babies. 4 horses, 2 dogs, 4 inside cats, 7 outside cats, 3 chickens.

so, you see, I have children.

PamNC

 

[Liisa]

I was refering mostly to the squirl verses human being coment. It seems cold. One of those kids might be taking care of you in your old age.
You better be nice to them. LOL

I think you missed the point of that particular post. The point was to prove that not all people have maternal feelings about kids. Case in point, someone hands me their baby... most women oooohhhh and aaahhhhh.... I hold the baby and wonder how long is appropriate before I can give it back. I have nothing against babies. Heck, I even find them funny at times. But I don't get all weak in the knees. Hand me a puppy, I'm enthralled for hours! It isn't cold to admit that this is the way we feel.

And if the hoodlums that were knocking over trash cans in Maddhatir's neighborhood are the ones taking care of me in my old age, I'm in trouble!!!

And I reiterate AGAIN... we are mostly irritated by those ill mannered children whose parents (1) don't discipline and (2) believe their child can do no wrong. It is a well documented fact (just turn on your TV or grab a newspaper) that children today are out of control compared to even 20 years ago. Just ask the school teachers! And then ask them what they have to say about parents these days...but you may want to pull up a chair and grab some snacks first... I think you'll be there a while.

 

[Liisa]

I just posted but I forgot something.

We're not really childless - I have 20 children - all furbabies, and 3 feather-babies. 4 horses, 2 dogs, 4 inside cats, 7 outside cats, 3 chickens.

so, you see, I have children.

PamNC

WOW!!!! Now that's alot of animals!!!! I've got my hands full with 2 dogs and a cat!

 

[maddhatir]

I was refering mostly to the squirl verses human being coment. It seems cold. One of those kids might be taking care of you in your old age.
You better be nice to them. LOL

First off- WELCOME KM2004 AND PAMNC

and 2nd- that was ME making reference to the squirrel- I like animals- sorry- I don't find children as fascination that just me and it's not cold. Funny you can call me cold for THAT- however, I am a vegetarian b/c I can't stand to see any animal suffer so that I can eat-- go figure

and as far as the neighbor's kids taking care of me when I am old-- I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT!!! I am certainly NOT talking about my nieces and nephews- heck- I treat them like "they hung the moon"

And once again- to clear things up- I am not a child hater- I have nieces and nephews that I love dearly- I am nice to other people's children- heck, believe it or not- I even talk to them. I don't mind at all.

But if they annoy me- I choose to walk away and have no interaction with them at all. And we all understand that kids "have their moments" but guess what- we made a decision not to have that in our lives- so you have to understand- we do not wish to deal with it.

I also understand that a parent can't control their child 24/7, kids are kids- BUT you can see when a parent has totally given up. I see people I know, not friends, just friends of friends who just totally ignore their kids and their actions- and if I see that going on every time I see that person- guess what? I can bet they do it all the time- hence- no discipline.

I give up- only we can understand what we are feeling- I don't know why I keep repeating myself or why I need to justify my feelings to those who don't get it

 

[maddhatir]

I think you missed the point of that particular post. The point was to prove that not all people have maternal feelings about kids. Case in point, someone hands me their baby... most women oooohhhh and aaahhhhh.... I hold the baby and wonder how long is appropriate before I can give it back. I have nothing against babies. Heck, I even find them funny at times. But I don't get all weak in the knees. Hand me a puppy, I'm enthralled for hours! It isn't cold to admit that this is the way we feel.

And if the hoodlums that were knocking over trash cans in Maddhatir's neighborhood are the ones taking care of me in my old age, I'm in trouble!!!

And I reiterate AGAIN... we are mostly irritated by those ill mannered children whose parents (1) don't discipline and (2) believe their child can do no wrong. It is a well documented fact (just turn on your TV or grab a newspaper) that children today are out of control compared to even 20 years ago. Just ask the school teachers! And then ask them what they have to say about parents these days...but you may want to pull up a chair and grab some snacks first... I think you'll be there a while.

OMG Lisa- My reply to the same post sounds almost like yours but I was just a few minutes behind you

OH and just take a gander at this little news story I found on Magical Mountain!

On Sunday, 5 youths were arrested at the Walt Disney World Resort for spitting and swearing at patrons. The ages of the youths ranged from 14-20, and they are from the Long Island, New York town of Shirley.

Complaints began by Space Mountain, and security was called. After they were detained, the Orange County Sheriff's department came on to the scene, and a fight erupted from there.

After threats were made by Brian Guifoil towards the deputy, his friends came running over to get involved themselves. They surrounded the deputy and began attacking. "I was punched in the face with closed fists several times by all the defendants," the deputy wrote. "I defended myself by throwing counter punches in their faces and bodies in an attempt to break free." The altercation came to end after a stun gun was used on a 17 year old girl who allegedly punched a security officer.

All 5 were arrested and charges with battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest. The 17 year old girl was charged with battery on a uniformed officer also. Brian Guifoil and Rose DiPietro were both released on $2,300.00 bond. It is not known if the 3 other underage suspects were still in custody.

"Behavior like this is not tolerated at the Walt Disney World resort," Disney spokeswoman Zoraya Suarez said. "That's why we rely on the Orange County Sheriff's Office to assist us in situations like these."

 

[Muushka]

I just found this thread and I am also happily child free!!!! I am mostly a "lurker" on these boards, but I feel inspired to share my happiness as a person who is married and child free with her spouse.
I am so sick of family members and others asking when we plan to have kids. I am still at a point where I feel guilty telling them that I don't plan to have kids. Does anyone have any advice for me?
Thanks!!!!

Stand firm and don't squirm!!!

I started the "I am not having children battle" in 1976!
I am still glad that I made the decision to not have children and I cannot tell you how many people with children that agreed with my decision. Hang in there!

I give up- only we can understand what we are feeling- I don't know why I keep repeating myself or why I need to justify my feelings to those who don't get it

Don't worry, most of us on this thread get it!

 

[tink_about_it]

We have 4 daughters and wanted children from an early age. I always wanted to be a mom. With that being said, I would never ask someone or think anything about it if they do not have children! There are all kinds of factors involved...choice, infertility,etc. Believe me, having 4 children is an everyday full-time job. I joke that my teaching job is my break away from the hard job...but it's true! There are times that I get frustrated...I don't get away very much. I do not think it's selfish for people to not have children. I do get frustrated with people who look at me like I'm crazy or make comments like "Geesh...heard of birthcontrol?" It's the same thing, just the opposite. It was my choice and none of their business. My sister, a hair-dresser, has struggled with infertlity for years. You wouldn't believe the comments she hears at work. I say good for you for making a decision that is right for you. No one deserves an explanation. I like the Dear Abby comment of "Wow, that's a personal question. Why do you ask?" I would be floored if someone said that to me...It would definitley put them into place!

 

[LoveStitch626]

Isn't it interesting that people swoop in and make their comments but never come back to check what has been said. Are they afraid to debate that parents should parent and alot of kids are out of control today?

Changing the subject, we have a great childfree weekend going on.

Tonight: Grilling steaks and such with a couple nice bottles of wine.
Sunday: Playing golf and then having a few drinks with our golf foursome.
Monday: St. Louis is playing host to Rib America. This is a 4 day event with alot of rib chefs, music and such. Bands include Pat Benatar, Dennis DeYoung from Stix, Molly Hatchet, Blue Oyster Cult and more. Great 70's,80's music. I guess we will eat ribs, drink some beer and listen to music. Better yet it is free admission if you get there before 3PM. I guess I better put this guy in as we are sounding like a couple of boozers.

Everyone have a nice Memorial Day weekend!!!!!

That sounds like fun! We've got a pretty mellow weekend planned. Yesterday 2 girlfriends and I went to the fabric store (3 hour trip ) to get fabric/patterns for our Ren Fest costumes. Hattir, you'd love the wenchy-ness of mine lol. Today we're going to get started cutting the patterns and tomorrow we're going to bbq and probably work on the patterns some more.

 

[Liisa]

I heard about that episode at Disney. I was shocked. Why would people like that even want to go to such a happy place? And to spend the amount of money they spent just to get into the park only to be thrown out...??!! I would venture to say... those kids don't seem very bright!

 

[maddhatir]

Hattir, you'd love the wenchy-ness of mine lol. Today we're going to get started cutting the patterns and tomorrow we're going to bbq and probably work on the patterns some more.

MAKE sure you e-mail me some pics!!!!

Funny your (wench outfit) story kind of reminds me of when DH and I went to go see Pirates 2- DH went to the men's room and I was sitting near a young woman- she was alone. I was admiring her skirt, but didn't say anything- but after DH got up- she said me ME- I love your skirt! I said OMG- I have been thinking the same thing about yours!! We got to talking and I could have been sitting near ....me! We loved each others clothes- Always buy from the clearence rack b/c you find the funkiest stuff- I love to dress in long flowy funky skirts and I have been called a hippie a -NEO- hippie (yes- that was interesting) and a few other hippie kinda-names She dressed the same- anywho- we started talking about music and I told her I was into baroque and I said and I may be the only person in this theater that has a CD of medieval "banquet" music in my car! She said OMG! No you are not- I do too! She said- I go to a class and we do medieval "dance" she said they dress in period costumes etc--- HOW COOL!!!! hmmmmm- If DH never came back from the men's room HA!! JOKING!!

That is what your wench dress reminded me of.....that story!

Just enjoying our weekend- woke up around 8:30- me and DH sat on the porch, he read the paper- I surfed the net- we then moved it indoors- he took a nap- I surfed the net- we then decided not to be too lazy today- he went and mowed the lawn, did some yard work- I did more painting in the spare bedroom- did some wash- went out and actully trimmed the grass around my morning glorys and clematis-- WITH THE SCISSORS! DH is afraid to get anywhere near them with the weed wacker

Now I am sipping some champagne, listening to some Vivaldi- he is washing the lawn mower and who knows whats next!

Pizza sounds like what's next!!!

No BBQs yet- My SIL asked us over yesterday for a BBQ- but I said no way Jose- I got tix to Pirates 3! Party without me man! Our neighbors just asked us over their house for a BBQ tomorrow- probably won't go- we are doing the corny town parade- we do it every year- it is the dumbest thing- but we meet a bunch of people and hang out-

Still haven't gotten to get a cycle ride in yet!

The end.......

 

[kennancat]

Some of you do seem bitter.

If you dealt with people who felt the need to question your lifestyle choices as often as childfree adults have to deal with them, I bet you'd sound bitter too. Case in point - I don't know how you meant that smiley at the end, but it feels condescending. Face it, you're listening in on a conversation that isn't intended for you. If I overheard two women talking (or writing on an Internet thread) about how much they loved being moms and people who didn't have kids didn't know what they were missing and who was going to take care of them when they got old, etc., etc., I might feel annoyed but I think I'd see it for what it was and wouldn't feel the need to go up to those women or post on the thread. Ultimately, we need to be secure in our own life choices and not worry about how other people judge us (because they will! ). The goal of this thread is to help those who have or are considering this life choice talk about it and have a safe place to discuss their concerns and the issues they face with that choice.

 

[HockeyKat]

So enjoy your childfree events, be annoyed when a person brings a crying baby into a movie theater, graduation, a play...whatever it may be, but judge lightly.

This is my judgement:
I am not annoyed when a person brings a child into a movie theater, play, graduation, restaurant. However, assuming it is not a kid-friendly place like McDonald's or a CS restaurant at WDW, ride, outside, etc... it is rude and inconsiderate to not remove the child to a corridor or restroom if it decides to cry or misbehave. Period. I wouldn't be allowed to let a barking dog remain in those places, and rightfully so, as it would be bothering others.

 

[TKDisneylover]

If you dealt with people who felt the need to question your lifestyle choices as often as childfree adults have to deal with them, I bet you'd sound bitter too. Case in point - I don't know how you meant that smiley at the end, but it feels condescending. Face it, you're listening in on a conversation that isn't intended for you. If I overheard two women talking (or writing on an Internet thread) about how much they loved being moms and people who didn't have kids didn't know what they were missing and who was going to take care of them when they got old, etc., etc., I might feel annoyed but I think I'd see it for what it was and wouldn't feel the need to go up to those women or post on the thread. Ultimately, we need to be secure in our own life choices and not worry about how other people judge us (because they will! ). The goal of this thread is to help those who have or are considering this life choice talk about it and have a safe place to discuss their concerns and the issues they face with that choice.

Coming out of "lurkerdom", I couldn't have said this better myself. Great job getting your point across.

 

[TKDisneylover]

"we started talking about music and I told her I was into baroque and I said and I may be the only person in this theater that has a CD of medieval "banquet" music in my car!

Now I am sipping some champagne, listening to some Vivaldi- he is washing the lawn mower and who knows whats next!

I know it's been a while since I've posted, but you caught my attention. I LOVE VIVALDI and Baroque style music! I don't know anyone my age(40 something) remotely interested, except DH! I would love to get some medieval banquet music, can you tell me the name of the CD? And we love going to the renaissance festival they have throughout summer at the Wisconsin/Illinois border. I just havn't gotten the nerve to get a wench costume yet........

And by the way, we grilled steaks on the grill & I was drinking Mimosa's last night while we watched the sun set. It was a gorgeous evening!

And today we are going to tailgate & watch the Brewer's play at Miller Park. I can't wait to have a brat! Happy Memorial Day everyone!

 

[maddhatir]

I can't wait to have a brat! Happy Memorial Day everyone!

OMG! I SWEAR, SWEAR, SWEAR! at first- I was thinking why would she post on here and then tell us she can't wait to have kids!!!