Married - End of Disney?

[melomouse]

OOOh - Boomhauer....

I'm late to the thread, as usual.But I have read the whole thing.

I'm a widow now, 2 school-kids. Was single, living w/ DH a long time before kids, and took on a DSS, then 5, way back in '85. Folks have brought up excellent points on independence, communication, compromise.

But this is what I read fom your posts -

Part of you feels selfish.
No other place in the world makes you feel as happy as WDW.
Your relationship with WDW pre-dates your relationship with your wife.
You need/want 2 trips a year, summer and winter.

Is that right??

I am NOT Dr. Phil, but I play a family therapist in my real life.

You need to listen to what you are saying and decide whether you want to be a grown-up married guy or a single guy. Nothing to do with your passion for WDW or your wife. You guys need to straighten some things out - and SOON!!!! Good luck!!

 

[boomhauer]

Part of you feels selfish.
No other place in the world makes you feel as happy as WDW.
Your relationship with WDW pre-dates your relationship with your wife.
You need/want 2 trips a year, summer and winter.

Is that right??

Wow - You're good at this. That's EXACTLY right.

I know. It's terrible. I love my wife more than anything in the world, but for 1 week a year, I still want to live like a little kid. Not so much a single guy. I would never, EVER think about looking at another woman. I love and respect my wife far too much for that.

 

[WDWOKW92]

I know exactly what you're going through. My wife doesn't really care for WDW but, as she puts it, will sacrifice for her loved one. We went this past September for a week,... our first w/o kids (they're all grown up) and for the first time, I didn't really enjoy myself. She hates rides and so I was going alone on most of them. I felt like I was dragging a weight the whole week. Next time I'm going alone!

 

[melomouse]

Wow - You're good at this. That's EXACTLY right."

Thank you. I try to leave the hat off as a DIS'er, but sometimes I feel compelled to pop one on!

"I know. It's terrible. I love my wife more than anything in the world, but for 1 week a year, I still want to live like a little kid."

Me, too!!! And don't we all????


"Not so much a single guy. I would never, EVER think about looking at another woman. I love and respect my wife far too much for that.

ok, boomhauer - this is the next question....Do you think there are any other important aspects of being single that you may have to relinquish now BESIDES looking at other women?? That wasn't what I was referring to at all. One of the challenges of adult marriage - or any close relationship, is finding alternatives and other means to that "little kid" feeling! And how often to you think you will be needing to recharge this sense of being a little kid????

In a perfect worlds - AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE!!! In that darned "real" world????

HMMMM...does the self rule on this or what?? Who's in charge here!!!????

 

[SamiL]

I've just been married a few years, but I was thinking this morning about how hard the first couple of years seemed. They were happy, but there was a lot of adjusting and learning. You're building the foundation for the next 50 or so years right now (no pressure). Taking the trip may not hurt your marriage, but giving it up could make it stronger. By sacrificing your preferences or even your rights, you're sending a message to your wife that her happiness is most important to you. You’ll invest in your marriage and you make her feel safe, loved and secure in the relationship. At some point she'll probably be cool with your solo trips. Not because she owes it to you, but because marriage is give and take. Sometimes it's your time to give; sometimes it's your spouses. If you focus on the giving, it makes the getting even sweeter.

Put yourself 30 years (and lots of WDW trips) into the future. What’s the end result of either decision?

One thing I have learned is that DH really does need alone time. Occasionally he will gently remind me of that. It helps that after some time apart he tells me how much he missed me.

I don’t’ know what you should do. One trip doesn’t make or break a marriage. I think it’s the total package, everything moment, every thing you do, everything you say day in and day out that makes or breaks a marriage. But I’ve still got a long way to go and a lot to learn, so what do I know?! I don’t know if anyone else will get anything out of this, but I think I reminded myself of a few things while writing this. So, thanks for letting me ramble.

If you weren't a great guy, and in love with your wife, this would be a no-brainer, you'd just do what you want and let her deal with it. I think it’s a good sign for your marriage that you cared.

 

[herronkim]

I have been married for six years and still would be very upset if my husband went 1300 miles away for a vacation ANYWHERE without me! I know he wouldn't even think of doing something like that or I probably wouldn't have married him. When I have to work and he doesn't, he is the type that takes me to and from work, cleans the house, does errands, fixes dinner, etc. He simply would not want to go have fun without me. I think a marriage should be like that-I also think I'm very lucky.

 

[tramp's lady]

Hello...you're married now, so it's time to give up the sigle life. It's better with someone you love anyway, you can laugh at them, get drunk with them..why would you want to go without them????

 

[lynn71092]

I have been married for six years and still would be very upset if my husband went 1300 miles away for a vacation ANYWHERE without me! I know he wouldn't even think of doing something like that or I probably wouldn't have married him. When I have to work and he doesn't, he is the type that takes me to and from work, cleans the house, does errands, fixes dinner, etc. He simply would not want to go have fun without me. I think a marriage should be like that-I also think I'm very lucky.

The point is, she did know about it before the marriage and she agreed to it and now she's backing out.
That being said, now that she has finally opened up and admitted that it's bothering her, you have to decide if you can give up the trip this year for her. Next year would be another matter.

 

[spikesmom]

I jumped in here late, maybe this has been asked, but is she going on her own vacation solo as well? Or is it just you? I think is you both are taking solo vacations, that seems more fair to me.

That being said, I always wanted to go to the world alone, my husband has two bad ankles and cannot get around too fast and he slows me down. Well I went a few years back for only 2 nites with my 2 adult daughters and SIL and they went off on their own and I was alone most of the time. I had fun, but after a while I missed my hubby, after 25 years he is still my best friend and I have the most fun with him. Slow or not he's still my guy!

I went alone with my16 yo son the following year and we had fun too but we both missed my husband as well. He kinda grows on you I guess...

Just an old married ladie's opinion