Marriage question

[ILUVMYBRIT]

I am sorry you are feeling this way. You sound like me two years ago. I too was married 12 years. I married very young (19) and was a mom by 21. I felt so unhappy. Go to counseling. Even go by yourself at first and see if there might be something you need to talk about alone. I was not a good talker when it came to how I was feeling and always felt better talking to a stranger and sorting out things.
We did do counseling for several months and got alot out. We did end up divorcing but we are good, good friends now and our children are also doing quite well. We just let the not communicating go on for far too long so there was alot of hurt and anger and frustration that we just couldnt seem to get past. So if you want to save the marriage sit with him asap and talk, talk,talk, talk, and when you are done....talk some more. And then find a good marriage couselor and if you have a church with a pastor, priest, rabbi, etc that you are comfortable with, ask to have a chat with them as well.
Good Luck I wish you well.

 

[MAKmom]

If you want to you can change this. It's all a state of mind. You sound like your in a depression. It happens, use it as a time to mediate. Just don't let it go on to long. When my girls were babys I went through times I doubted my marrige. It really was my negative thinking...along with lack of sleep. Now they are 9 & 11 life is wonderful with DH. I can truely say I am madley in love with him. He really did not change. I did. I stop trying to steal his energy. Read the Celestine Prophecy it an awesome book. Prayer is so powerful.

 

[Disney Doll]

Counselling. For yourself first, for the two fo you later.

 

[mickeyfan2]

You need to see a marriage counsellor ASAP. You need to learn how to communicate.

 

[Serena]

I agree with the posters here. Counseling may help.
I suggest you figure out what you want and try to figure out if you can get it in the relationship you're in.
If not, then it would be time to look at other options.


But good luck in any decision you make.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I just have felt like my marriage has been at a standstill for years and years. I'm not exactly sure when it started.

Again, I go back to my earlier post where I mentioned that your DH is happy/satisfied with your marriage, and apparantly you are not.... I mentioned how, from your original post, it sounded like there is a status-quo. And your DH must be happy with that, because it is HIS status-quo.

And, here once again, you mention your situation, using the word 'standstill'.

Obviously his needs are being met, but yours are not????

I have one very important question for you.... What EXACTLY could your DH do to alleve this situation and to make you happier and meet your needs. I am saying to be very specific. I am not asking you to answer this here on the DIS. But, I think it might be helpful for you to determine just how much of your unhappiness is truly being caused by him and your differences on the life issues you mention, and how much is self generated. You have mentioned how he is a good person, and has been a good father and husband in many ways. So, what is missing?????

Obviously you and your DH do not have a common ground when it comes to major life issues... (I do see this as one of the big problems) And, your husband's 'ground' where the stand-still is taking place. This might explain why he is happy, but you are not. ??????

I agree that when venting it is easy to use strong words like 'always' and 'never' etc... And it is easy to use very negative words.

This is another huge reason why I repeat my suggestion from my earlier post that it might be important for you to go for some personal therapy, or take some real personal time to yourself to so some soul searching and sort thru all of these issues. If you do not do this first, and you go into counseling with your DH, you are sure to unload all these strong words and feelings and negativity on him and the counselor, which will be counter-productive to making any progress.

Also, if your DH is happy, and does not even see any problems in the marriage, then he may not be going into counseling with the right attitude.

BOTH the husband and wife need to realize that they are there because there are problems.... That change IS necessary... and that it will be uncomfortable to face the fact that both parties are a part of the equation and both have flaws, and have contributed to the problem.

I hope it all works out well for you!

 

[Crankyshank]

You said you don't work outside of the home. Could part of the problem be that you're bored at home and want to change something in your life and you're focusing it all on your marriage?

DH and I went through a period of being "stuck" and just going through the tedious motions of daily life. I was very bored and thought it was because I wasn't getting what I needed out of the marriage when in fact I wasn't getting fulfilled from life. It was amazing how much going back to school invigorated me and made a huge impact for the better in my relationship with him.

I definitely think you need therapy. If not marriage counseling, then counseling for yourself.