Manners questions: OT Good news page 5

[heart4princephillip]

Warning - stepping on a soapbox

Any manners book would explain that a younger person should always address an adult as Mr., Mrs. or Ms. unless that adult gives them permission to do otherwise.
Do not feel bad about expecting such manners from any child...even your neighbor. I personally feel that manners in young people have slipped so much (I see it all the time among my childrens' classmates), and you should take it as a compliment that someone would call you old-fashioned because you still practice the fine art.
I am constantly reminding my children that not only is it the right thing to do, but that they will shine in the eyes of adults if they remember to use their manners. Also, if they respect adults enough to use those manners, then they will recieve respect in return. This will be big when they become teenagers.

Stepping off soapbox.

 

[thistle922]

Close friends, we have DS3 address them as "aunt" or "uncle". Friends, it's usually Mr/Ms First Name.

When I was a child, we always used Mr/Mrs Last name; to this day, I still call my parents neighbor "Mrs. So and So" because it just feels wrong to address her by her first name!

Good Luck, I hope that after you explain to her your feelings, she'll be a little less "cool" with you.

 

[Chris]

I prefer to be called Chris by my kids friends. My sister on the other hand, likes to be called Mrs D...... Heck some of my kids friends call me mom!! LOL

 

[stitchlover]

My daughter is a member of the Texas Girls Choir and all these girls are taught to address us only as Mrs. or Mr. last name. None of the girls are allowed to address the adults by their first name. They range from 8 years old to 18 years old. Even the director and asst. director address the parents by Mrs. and Mr. Now I find it very odd when any child addresses me by my first name. I think the formal name is a sign of respect and I fully support it!

 

[girlsx4]

I prefer to be called by my first name. I always feel old when my girls friends call me "Mrs. X" I'm a young mom, too. I'm 31 and my oldest DD is 12.

 

[reginaastralis]

I am teaching my two year old the same way I was taught ... Ms. First name. My bestfriends mom was and always will be Ms. Trish. She was my girl scout leader, and some of the girls thought it was funny for me to call her Ms., but it was a form of respect and always will be.

My daughter calls our neighbors "Mr. George, Ms. Barbara, and Ms. Donna."

When she's older, and she really respects her friends parents, I expect she'll call them Mom and Dad. To me, when you called someone Momma Erin, you know they are special.

My sister is nine, and I get onto her b/c she doesn't speak with respect to adults. I can't correct her b/c she's only my sister, but it drives me nuts. If she was the neighbor girl, I would explain to the parent that I wanted her to call me Ms. Amanda, I don't think you are asking for much.

 

[EMom]

To be blunt, no matter what the custom of the area is, if the OP prefers to be called Mrs. Last Name, then the mother should respectfully teach her children to call use that term. End of.

It sounds as if the OP made it clear (at first in a subtle way) that she wanted to be called Mrs. Last Name, and that didn't work. So she continued to drop the hint and THAT didn't take either. When the children's mother finally asked WHY the OP wanted to be called Mrs. Last Name, the OP told her. Maybe the mother didn't like the answer, but after all......she did ask the question. Perhaps the OP could have been a bit more subtle and said she felt more comfortable/preferred/was used to being called Mrs. Last Name, but let's face it.....subtlety had NOT worked with these folks thus far. It's not as if the OP told the mother she was raising a pack of heathens. She simply said being called Mrs. Last Name was how she was taught and the way she preferred. A fair percentage of Americans would agree with her, so the answer couldn't have been a shocker.

Around here, Miss First Name is the norm. I was a teacher before I became a mom and I was bug-eyed when I first heard this about 12 years ago from the neighborhood kids. (Not from my students.) I would have NEVER have called an adult by their first name. But I got used to it and now all my DD's friend's call me Miss First Name.....except when they're calling me "DD's mom." But if I wanted to be called Mrs. Last Name, I'd expect that to be respected.

I still choke every time my MIL insists I call her by her first name. In my family, we call our MILs "Mrs. Last Name." Even when we like them. They can be our MIL for 50 years and they're still Mrs. Last Name. When I married DH and I called her Mrs. Last Name, she asked me what my SIL called my mother. I said, "Mrs. Last Name." She said, What about the other SIL?" I told her that one called my mother Mrs. Last Name too. She asked what my mother had called her MIL. Yep.....you guessed it....Mrs. Last Name. It works for us.

So I just look at her when I talk and use no name at all. In my family, it would be disrespectful to call your MIL by her first name, but my MIL wants a buddy. (Yet she doesn't want to be friendly. ) I compromised by just looking at her to talk (and using no name), which doesn't make her uncomfortable by me calling her Mrs. Last Name and doesn't make me uncomfortable by calling her First Name.

Anyway, the baked goods and an apology are reasonable, but I'd stop that apology in its tracks if she gives you any attitude. The proper response to your apology should be a sincere, "Since you feel that way, I'll make sure the children call you Mrs. Last Name." It is NOT an unreasonable request.

 

[stczt]

I was raised calling adults Mr. last name. but as I got older the bad manners prevailed and they became first names. I was teaching my kids to call people by first names and one of my close friends corrected my kids and asked to be called Miss Dwanna that didn't work she became "Auntie nona" And my dd still calls her that and many years have passed. So we started calling everyone Miss first name. Unless told otherwise. I hate when kids call me Mrs. Spencer I let them know call me Ms. Sherry. I do afterschool care and on the first day the teachers who are all called Mr. or Ms. Last name asked me what to I wanted to be called. They had started Mrs. Spencer I changed that quick.

 

[McKelly]

I don't like it that my kid's friends call me by my first name either. I prefer to be called Ms. Last Name. But, I seem to be in the minority around here, so I decided to pick my battles and let it go.

But going into my refrigerator without permission to help yourself is bad manners, which is a battle I do still fight!! My own kids ask me before they take something!! Kids are sure different nowadays, I would have NEVER said or done the things kids do now!!

 

[EMom]

I don't like it that my kid's friends call me by my first name either. I prefer to be called Ms. Last Name. But, I seem to be in the minority around here, so I decided to pick my battles and let it go.

But going into my refrigerator without permission to help yourself is bad manners, which is a battle I do still fight!! My own kids ask me before they take something!! Kids are sure different nowadays, I would have NEVER said or done the things kids do now!!

Going into the fridge without asking??? Only if they want to draw back a nub!

 

[ampc3]

The little girl that lives across the street from us, is always going in our fridge and pantry! it drives me nuts, my own kids can of course open those things, but do need permission to "help" them selves!
I am always bringing her places with us (she is starved for attention , but that is another issue)and never says please or thank you! Kids learn most of their manners at home and from their parents..

So whether a child calls you by your first or last name, I see nothing wrong with it as long as they have that title in front...

 

[WildGrits]

I said, nicely call me Mrs. X. Whenever the kids see me they will speak and say hello using my first name, so I always simply say "Mrs X".

Am I that out of the loop?

Whether you are out of the loop or not, if you request to be addressed in a certain manner, it is impolite to be questioned.

Depending on who personally close people are to my family dictates whether there is a Miss at the front of their name or not. For example, during a Girl Scout meeting, I am Miss Melissa. But some of those same girls would call me Melissa outside of Scouts.

I think that maybe it is a cultural thing.

 

[dcforbreakfast]

We have a child in our neighborhood who used to come over all the time but it's since dropped off because I cannot handle the meltdowns. The child is the same age as my son so it was so convenient for them to play together. My son does not really have hissy fits (he'll whine for a few minutes, but that's about it) so I am not used to her fits. One time she flipped out so much she broke one of my son's toys on purpose. That was kind of it for him and me.

However, there is another child in the neighborhood who has impeccable manners and I'm always very impressed by him. I can't imagine what teachers go through.

 

[Gretchen]

Get the flamethrowers...
Are you kidding me??? Anyone who would get offended by someone over something so trivial is just silly. Manners are manners. Plain and simple. Adults should be addressed as Mr. or Mrs, or Miss. It should then be up to the adult being addressed to say something to the effect; you may call me (insert first name or Miss first name, whatever) if it's ok with your parents. Up here where I live, I have kids calling me by my first name, or Mrs. and my last name. My only request is that you don't call me Miss Gretchen. Ugh...I am not a dance teacher. But, I'm not going to get all offended and expect you to bake cookies for me.
Really, people just need to get over themselves. I hope it works out for you with the neighbor. Just remember, everyone doesn't have to be your best friend.
Rant officially over....
Have a great day!
Gretchen

 

[nuzmom]

We teach our children that they address adults as Mr./Mrs./Miss LAST name. We believe that it reflects a level of respect. I have to admit that there are times when an adult will say, oh, that's ok, just call me "first name". We politely say, we don't allow them to do so.

We've also told our children that if they don't know what to call a parent of a child they meet, just say "xxx's mom" or "xxx's dad".

Personally, I just cringe when a CHILD calls me by my first name. I am NOT their friend - friends call friends by their first names. I don't mind "miss first name", but I prefer to be "mrs. last name". I do not correct what they say, but DH and I refer to other adults (and each other) as Mr./Mrs./Miss last name when we're talking to the child and we introduce ourselves as we want addressed.

While coaching, I think "coach first name" is ok (still prefer Mr./Mrs./Miss last name).

I don't understand not wanting to be call Mr./Mrs./Miss last name. It is not a matter of being "old", it's a matter of being the ADULT. I'm a firm believer that calling adults by their first names fuels a lack of respect for adults.

We actually had a principal at our local high school being referred to as "uncle Freddie" according to his wishes. The school ended up having major discipline problems. Go figure.

 

[MindyLuvsMickey]

Our son just turned 3 and we have been teaching him to call adults by Mr. and Mrs. There are exceptions, like for very close friends, but otherwise . . . it's Mr. or Mrs.

That's the way that DH and I were raised. Teach respect early.

We have neighbor kids that call us by our first names and that's perfectly fine. Even as a teacher, I've had kiddo's call me Miss (first name). I just want OUR son to show a bit more respect.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Around here, upper teachers are Mr./Mrs./Dr. Last Name, and preschool teachers are Miss First Name, but I've noticed the neighborhoods vary greatly. -

Mine is very informal and family-like, and all the kids call their "other moms" by first name (and the one grandparent-age couple was Mr. & Mrs. Last Name.)

But two of DS's friends have mothers who like the more formal way, and I just explained to him to call them Mrs. Last Name because that was the rule in their neighborhood. I wasn't offended at all, and he went along with it fine.(I think it was more weird for him to hear ME called Mrs. Last Name that anything else!)

It's too bad your neighbor was bothered, but I'm sure she'll get over it. - As someone said, how can you stay mad with a mouthful of cookie?

 

[ampc3]

Get the flamethrowers...
Are you kidding me??? Anyone who would get offended by someone over something so trivial is just silly. Manners are manners. Plain and simple. Adults should be addressed as Mr. or Mrs, or Miss. It should then be up to the adult being addressed to say something to the effect; you may call me (insert first name or Miss first name, whatever) if it's ok with your parents. Up here where I live, I have kids calling me by my first name, or Mrs. and my last name. ]My only request is that you don't call me Miss Gretchen[/UUgh...I am not a dance teacher. But, I'm not going to get all offended and expect you to bake cookies for me.
Really, people just need to get over themselves. I hope it works out for you with the neighbor. Just remember, everyone doesn't have to be your best friend.
Rant officially over....
Have a great day!
Gretchen

no flamethrower here, but just curious why it is ok with you that they call you by your First name, but you don't like it when they add the Ms in front? To me adding that Ms. IS a sign of respect...

But totally agree that it should be up to the adult to set the record straight on how THEY prefer to be called

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

I too was raised to refer to all adults as "Mr. or Mrs." This was just being respectful. In fact, my two daughters, now in their twenties, still call my best friend "Mrs. Jones" and her two daughters still call me "Mrs. Smith" even though they are now adults and we have all known each other for over 20 years!

And if a child has to be reminded more than once to use "Mrs" I think that their manners need some work!

 

[flipflop]

If you, as an adult, have a way you'd like to be addressed then I think the parents need to have their children follow suit and respect your wishes. We grew up calling adults Mrs. Last and Mr. Lastname. There were some special, non-relative, godparents and close friends of my parents who we called Aunt Firstname or Uncle Firstname. My DH and I generally do the same with our kids. Godparents and other close friends who are not relatives are addressed as Aunt and Uncle. Our parents' friends are Mr Lastname and Mrs Lastname.
I struggle because I don't want to be Mrs. Lastname. Mrs. Lastname is my MIL (who once upon a time was my 8th grade school teacher) and it feels weird to have anyone call me by that name.