Manners questions: OT Good news page 5

[eliza61]

A few months ago, I got new neighbors. They are really nice people with kids. Boy about 9 and a girl 7. When she introduced me she used my first name. I said, nicely call me Mrs. X. Whenever the kids see me they will speak and say hello using my first name, so I always simply say "Mrs X". Well, 2 days ago my neighbor asked me why I did that and I told her, that they way I was taught children did not address adults by their first name.

Ever since then she has been pretty cool to me. I don't think I insulted her and that was certainly not my intent but I still donot want a 7 year old calling me by my first name. Any way to gracefully explain? I guess I shouldn't have to but it's a great neighborhood, we all know one another and I think nowadays that's pretty rare.

My kids are teenagers so maybe things have change and kids do use address adults by their first names. Am I that out of the loop?

 

[all4fun]

I was surprised last year when I met my ds preschool teacher for the first time and I told my son to call her Miss [last name] and she correct me, "No, call me [First name]. If its ok w/her it was ok w/me but I thought it was a little odd given we always called our teachers by their last names when I was growing up. Maybe things have changed. (I'm 37 btw).

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

Don't know the norms for your area but around here the kids call us MS "First name". This is not how I was raised but it seems to be the norm (at least in my neighborhood) and I kind of like the informality of it, moms are MS..., dads are Mr.....

 

[Carrie772]

No, you are not out of the loop. I still follow the rules of respect. It's only the 2 children I would consider godchildren that call me "Mrs. Carrie."

 

[teresajoy]

A few months ago, I got new neighbors. They are really nice people with kids. Boy about 9 and a girl 7. When she introduced me she used my first name. I said, nicely call me Mrs. X. Whenever the kids see me they will speak and say hello using my first name, so I always simply say "Mrs X". Well, 2 days ago my neighbor asked me why I did that and I told her, that they way I was taught children did not address adults by their first name.

Ever since then she has been pretty cool to me. I don't think I insulted her and that was certainly not my intent but I still donot want a 7 year old calling me by my first name. Any way to gracefully explain? I guess I shouldn't have to but it's a great neighborhood, we all know one another and I think nowadays that's pretty rare.

My kids are teenagers so maybe things have change and kids do use address adults by their first names. Am I that out of the loop?

Honestly, if the children are polite and kind, what difference does it make? Are they rude children or mean? Do they treat you disrespectfully?

You offended the mother, no doubt about it. I would have been offended too. You told her that you didn't think she was teaching her children good manners. You didn't say it out loud, but you certainly implied it, very strongly.

However, I do believe that if you really want to be called Mrs.... then, they should respect that. I'm wondering if when you said it the first time they didn't catch it or though you were kidding? Telling the mother that "told her, that they way I was taught children did not address adults by their first name." immediately put her on the defensive. I'm not sure how to correct it at this point though, without causing more problems. I would apologixze to her for offending her, without going back on your request to be called Mrs... and without further putting down her parenting abilities. Could be tricky, but it will be worth it in the long run. Maybe a plate of cookies or something would help??

I hope it all works out for you, good neighbors are a wonderful thing!

 

[dogluva]

All my kids call adults Mr. or Mrs. I have had times when an adult will tell them to call them by their first names and then I guess it is ok. However, you asked them to be called Mrs. so they should have done that.

 

[dcforbreakfast]

When we were little we always said Mr. or Mrs. but it seems kids don't do that anymore. Mrs. might make me feel old! Ha! I let the kids call me by my first name and all the adults around here seem to do the same. Even our older lady neighbor wants the kids to call her by her first name. I think everyone is probably different, but first names are the norm in my neighborhood.

 

[taximomfor4]

My kids are taught to call an adult whatever that adult asks to be called. Some of my really good friends, they call by first names. Some of my friends are "Ms. ___" (insert first name).

Growing up, I was definitely NOT allowed to call adults by their first name. My best friend's mom was ALWAYS "Mrs ____" (insert last name). Now that we are adults, I don't know what to call her anymore.

I hate, detest, and completely dislike being called "mrs" or "ms" ANYTHING by kids I see all the time. Don't know why...just don't like it AT ALL.

Probably, that mom feels defensive now. I personally wouldn't try to teach another person's child manners... reminding the child "I prefer to be called ___" is as far as I'd go.

Now, perhaps just talk to the mom about your preference, and maybe throw in an apology for "potentially hurting her feelings." Good neighbors are a blessing!!

 

[pumpkin5156]

I always had to say Mr or Mrs, and we will teach our kids the same thing (my son is 1). But as a former teacher, all my students were required to call every adult Mr or Mrs.

As for your situation, I think it better to have a life-long good neighbor than a tiff about being called a certain name. If the kids are somehow disrespecting you, then that is another thing, but if they simply are not calling you something you want to be called, I think we shall "let kids be kids." I agree with the plate of cookies idea. Better to go the extra mile even if you did nothing wrong Good Luck!

 

[eliza61]

I always had to say Mr or Mrs, and we will teach our kids the same thing (my son is 1). But as a former teacher, all my students were required to call every adult Mr or Mrs.

As for your situation, I think it better to have a life-long good neighbor than a tiff about being called a certain name. If the kids are somehow disrespecting you, then that is another thing, but if they simply are not calling you something you want to be called, I think we shall "let kids be kids." I agree with the plate of cookies idea. Better to go the extra mile even if you did nothing wrong Good Luck!

I'm baking as we post. I'll try to explain my request, I still don't want them to call me by my first name but she is a very nice young lady and if any thing I like to set a decent example for my teens. I always tell them to fess up if they hurt some ones feelings so time for me to eat some crow myself.

 

[NotUrsula]

Bring over the cookies and tell her the truth; that being on a first-name basis with a kid just makes you feel uncomfortable. Make a crack about being an old fart, but make it clear that it really is not all right with you.

Honestly, you may want to consider suggesting the "Southern Compromise" if you can tolerate that. (That being the use of "Miss Firstname", rather than "Mrs. Surname" or just first name only.) I grew up in the South, so it's natural to me, but I do like that it strikes a compromise between formality and respect. It is clear who is the adult and who is the child, but it doesn't feel as stiff. (Of course, I have a really hard-to-pronounce family name; my immigrant mother was quite relieved to let children call her Miz Firstname, once she understood what it meant. At first the "Miss" part dismayed her; she thought that children didn't understand that she was married, but it isn't literal, just easier to say.)

 

[Whosemom]

I have a good friend with matching-age kids with mine. They live about an hour away, so we don't see them all that often. Anyway, when the kids started talking we discussed it and decided to be "miss first name". Then last year (oldest kids are 11, youngest 6) she says, "its Mrs. last name" a little offended like my kids had done something wrong. Yikes. Its ok. and she explained she saw too much distrepsect in the neighborhood, and this was one way to address it. Which is totaly fine - I hear them notching up to last names with other parents who don't care, too. I guess in my eyes its once they hit school age is a good time to switch.

 

[abcboys]

I think a child calling me Mrs. Last Name would make me feel old. It does not bother me if a child calls me by my first name. I work in a church nursery and if they call me MS. First name that is fine. At preschool they go by Ms. First Name and regular school they go by Mrs. Last Name. So that is the way I address them also. I would just prefer my kids friends call me by my first name.

 

[abcboys]

Yes, I think having the neighbor kids calling you by Mrs. Last Name is a little old fashioned and uptight. Unless you are their teacher.

 

[teresajoy]

I'm baking as we post. I'll try to explain my request, I still don't want them to call me by my first name but she is a very nice young lady and if any thing I like to set a decent example for my teens. I always tell them to fess up if they hurt some ones feelings so time for me to eat some crow myself.

I hope all goes well. Who can stay offended with a plate of cookies in front of them?

 

[1of6]

I hope the cookies go over well. Around here the norm seems to be Ms. or Mr. (first name) until upper elementary and then it changes to Mrs. or Mr. (last name.)

 

[Lizzy2]

I'm an oldfashioned Southern girl, and we always say "Miss SallySue" if its someone our parents are good friends with or "Mrs.Jones" if they are not. If your parents are super-good friends with someone,ie. best friends, you might say "Aunt SallySue" if you are invited to do so by the adult in question. For example, my BFF's kids call me "Auntie Lizzy2" and my DD calls her "Auntie" as well. My close friends when growing up called each others parents "Mom" and "Pop" but my DH's family thinks this is weird so I'm sure its not a common practice. This is how I'm raising my DD so I don't think you're out of the loop at all.

 

[ampc3]

We are origianlly from the midwest where it is common to call adults "mr/mrs last name" then we moved to the south and EVERYONE here is "Miss/Mr first name" except in elementary school than it is for sure last names etc..

It struck me as very informal at first, but now I like it, and HATE to be called "mrs last name" from the kids... I like the "Ms first name" I would not like to be called just my first name tho from a child.. I think they do need to learn respect with the titles of Mrs/Mr etc.. IMHO...

I am sure if you make a joke out of it and explain how uncomfortable it made you, your neighbor will respect your wishes.

 

[tonilea]

Don't know the norms for your area but around here the kids call us MS "First name". This is not how I was raised but it seems to be the norm (at least in my neighborhood) and I kind of like the informality of it, moms are MS..., dads are Mr.....

This is the norm here too.

 

[GoinToDisney]

I grew up addressing my parents friends by first name and people who weren't as close by last names. First names are more common around here, but I still have my dd address older neighbors by Mr. or Mrs. X, unless they request otherwise. If they are my age and we are close, then it dd3 says X's Mommy/Daddy or first names.
I taught preschool, and in private preschools, it's usually Miss First Name. I was a bit uncomfortable at first, but got used to it. As a public school teacher, I was Mrs. Last Name. At school, I expect that respect because I am an authority. I never had a problem with my students knowing my first name, but still expected them to address me with respect, using my last name.
I guess when kids address me by my last name, it signals to me that I am "on duty" so to speak from being in the classroom. However, I am not an authority over my friends' kids in most situations. I am the type to leave the parenting to the parents when I can, so I would rather play the friend role to their kids. For me, that just feels more normal if they address me by my first name. I would never let my dd address an adult by first name unless they indicated that it was OK, though. I hope it went over well.