Mandatory reporters, and a wwyd scenario

[npmommie]

so at gymnastics the girls had a little xmas party, some of us moms were sitting at a table chatting, when another mom came in toward the end. she looked like she was either very drunk or on something like Klonopin etc.
no smell of alcohol, so I am guessing meds of some sort. she was nodding off, and swaying when she stood, and her speech was unclear.
anyway, one of the moms at the table who is a teacher, went over to one of the team coaches and said something because she was concerned about this other mom driving.

so one of the coaches went over to this mom and i could see her talking to her, then when the mom left the coach went over to the mom who said something and told her the mom who looked like she was on something was just very upset about a family situation and she was closing her eyes in an attempt not to cry.
I overheard all of this.

when the coach walked away the teacher mom at the table said she didn't buy it and since she is a "mandatory reporter" she should say something.

I told her to myob because we don't know anything about what is going on, and that mom could have a medical condition, she may not even be driving the car, there could have been someone out in the parking lot.
I also told her this was NOT a scenario in which her being a mandatory reporter comes into play.
( I said all of this nicely, I didn't actually use the words myob )

what do you think? anyone a mandatory reporter too? would you have done something?

 

[Agri]

I wouldn't care if someone was drunk, high, or just massively upset. If they're impaired, they are impaired. I would have just made sure someone else was driving and left it at that. You don't need to necessarily get all up in someone else's business to make sure they're being safe. All someone needed to do was go up to her and say, "You seem upset, is there someone here to give you a break and do the driving for you?" No need to pry further.

 

[cabanafrau]

Not a mandatory reporter, however purely from the standpoint of Cindy Citizen I would have done a little investigating if I thought children or the general public on the roads were in danger from someone under the influence. I can't imagine taking an MYOB stance if I strongly suspected someone inebriated was going to take the wheel.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I wasn't there, I don't know whether it was a case where once the coach got close he realized that she really was OK, or at least not under the influence OK enough to drive. On the other hand, if the coach thought that the mother was under the influence, or was so upset that she couldn't safely called then, as a mandatory reporter, it's my responsibility to intervene.

I would have asked "How are you planning on getting home?" and if the answer was driving, I would have had to tell them, "Look, I can see how upset you are, and I'm worried about you driving with your child in the car. I can drive you home in your car and catch a taxi back, or call someone for you, or lend you taxi fare, but we need to figure out a plan." If the mom refused, then yes, that's a situation where I have to call, and I would let her know that. Actually to me this is a 911 call, because CPS doesn't have the manpower to come within minutes. 911 would stop the mother from transporting the child (if they agree with me that it's unsafe), and then transfer the case to CPS.

"We don't know anything about what's going on" is not an excuse. Mandated reporters are supposed to call when they have concerns, or suspicions, and let the investigators investigate. Most families where there's domestic violence, or substance abuse, or other issues that put children at risk, are pretty private. If we didn't call unless we knew what was going on, then more children would die.

 

[luvsJack]

I agree with the other two posters. If she was that upset, she should not have been driving and her child would be in danger.

If the woman just went out in the parking lot, I would have at least went outside to ask if she was ok and to offer to drive her and her child home.

I had a situation once where I didn't know what was wrong with a parent but I knew she was causing a dangerous situation. Once I had her child in my care, I called the sherriff's office. They came out when it came time for her to pick her child up and made sure she and the child got home safely. I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to that child, and I am sure you and the other mothers would feel the same way about this child.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

What would she be mandatory reporting?

Honestly--it sounds like Queen Bee syndrome. If she had concern, she could have spoken to the mom, but she didn't. She wants to *******

Offering help--even if the story the mom told was a lie, was better than peacocking in front of others her "authority".

Sometimes, I weeble when I wobble, but I'm not drunk or on meds. So stumbling or whatever--doesn't necessarily mean that the person is intoxicate or on something.


Help, yes.

Tattle, what good does that serve after the fact? (i.e., she calls DCF or the police, but then the mom leaves and causes a wreck? Well--the reporting didn't help anyone, now did it!)

I always thought mandatory reporting was for when a child was in danger. This was possibly an active danger and she did nothing.

Not a MYOB--but certainly a misuse of any "authority" she had to do something about it, IMHO.

I'm not a fan of children being in danger and I certainly would have stepped up if I felt that was the case. Not threaten to mandatory "report".

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Lisa,

I agree with you that sharing that information with the others at the table was innappropriate, but generally a parent who drives intoxicated with their child midday doesn't do it as a one time thing. So, if they do make it home alive then calling could prevent a future incident.

Mandated reporting isn't an "authority" I have, it's a duty where others have a choice. That's like saying that boy scouts have the "authority" to offer to help little old ladies across the street. Everyone has that option, it's only boy scouts where it stops being optional (not really, but that's always the stereotype of boy scouts to me, stopping to help little old ladies).

 

[lajones81]

so at gymnastics the girls had a little xmas party, some of us moms were sitting at a table chatting, when another mom came in toward the end. she looked like she was either very drunk or on something like Klonopin etc.
no smell of alcohol, so I am guessing meds of some sort. she was nodding off, and swaying when she stood, and her speech was unclear.
anyway, one of the moms at the table who is a teacher, went over to one of the team coaches and said something because she was concerned about this other mom driving.

so one of the coaches went over to this mom and i could see her talking to her, then when the mom left the coach went over to the mom who said something and told her the mom who looked like she was on something was just very upset about a family situation and she was closing her eyes in an attempt not to cry.
I overheard all of this.

when the coach walked away the teacher mom at the table said she didn't buy it and since she is a "mandatory reporter" she should say something.

I told her to myob because we don't know anything about what is going on, and that mom could have a medical condition, she may not even be driving the car, there could have been someone out in the parking lot.
I also told her this was NOT a scenario in which her being a mandatory reporter comes into play.
( I said all of this nicely, I didn't actually use the words myob )

what do you think? anyone a mandatory reporter too? would you have done something?

These are the guidelines for my state.

http://www.state.il.us/dcfs/FAQ/faq_faq_can.shtml

The hotline is use for cases of neglect or abuse, not situations as you mentioned above.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Either help or MYOB. "Reporting" is a cop out in a situation like this.

 

[luvsJack]

If there was time and if she thought the mother was intoxicated, the police could have come out and followed the woman home (as they did in my case). They would have been there to pull her over at the first sign of impaired driving or even go ahead and pull her over a short way from the building. (following her without her knowledge)

I would think that the woman meant that if something happened when the child left, she could get in legal trouble because she is a mandatory reporter. Its not exactly something anyone would have a power trip over.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Lisa,

I agree with you that sharing that information with the others at the table was innappropriate, but generally a parent who drives intoxicated with their child midday doesn't do it as a one time thing. So, if they do make it home alive then calling could prevent a future incident.

Mandated reporting isn't an "authority" I have, it's a duty where others have a choice. That's like saying that boy scouts have the "authority" to offer to help little old ladies across the street. Everyone has that option, it's only boy scouts where it stops being optional (not really, but that's always the stereotype of boy scouts to me, stopping to help little old ladies).

I understand that--that is why I put it in quotes.

We weren't there, but since OP seemed bothered by how the presented herself as a mandatory reporter, that there might have been some...attitude in her tone.


If she felt mom was inoxicated, the police should have been called IMMEDIATELY. Not a passive--"I should report his because I am a mandatory reporter". I don't know--it just doesn't seems odd to me.

This was a pressing situation--and if it was that imminent of perceived danger, "reporting" was not the way to go. Calling the cops was.

I've done that and the cops were receptive to intervening immediately. My goal was the safety of the kids involved and I'm not a mandatory reporter nor would I feel the need to share that even if I was.

Tough call--but something that is definitely not MYOB since there was concern. MYOB gets people killed and we, as a population, seem to concerned with offending people rather than protecting them.

 

[kirstenb1]

I think it was taken as far as was reasonable. I've had to drive while being very upset and distracted, as I would guess most people have.

It would have made me even more upset for someone who didn't know me well to offer to drive me home. I'm fairly private about family matters, and would hate to think my pain was that visible.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...Tough call--but something that is definitely not MYOB since there was concern. MYOB gets people killed and we, as a population, seem to concerned with offending people rather than protecting them.

I agree, but just calling the cops is an abdication of our responsibility to our fellow man. If you have a chance to help someone, help them - don't just call the cops. If they refuse your help you may have no choice, but it should not be option number one.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I agree, but just calling the cops is an abdication of our responsibility to our fellow man. If you have a chance to help someone, help them - don't just call the cops. If they refuse your help you may have no choice, but it should not be option number one.

Good point!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I wasn't there, I don't know whether it was a case where once the coach got close he realized that she really was OK, or at least not under the influence OK enough to drive. On the other hand, if the coach thought that the mother was under the influence, or was so upset that she couldn't safely called then, as a mandatory reporter, it's my responsibility to intervene.

I would have asked "How are you planning on getting home?" and if the answer was driving, I would have had to tell them, "Look, I can see how upset you are, and I'm worried about you driving with your child in the car. I can drive you home in your car and catch a taxi back, or call someone for you, or lend you taxi fare, but we need to figure out a plan." If the mom refused, then yes, that's a situation where I have to call, and I would let her know that. Actually to me this is a 911 call, because CPS doesn't have the manpower to come within minutes. 911 would stop the mother from transporting the child (if they agree with me that it's unsafe), and then transfer the case to CPS.

"We don't know anything about what's going on" is not an excuse. Mandated reporters are supposed to call when they have concerns, or suspicions, and let the investigators investigate. Most families where there's domestic violence, or substance abuse, or other issues that put children at risk, are pretty private. If we didn't call unless we knew what was going on, then more children would die.

 

[luvsJack]

I agree, but just calling the cops is an abdication of our responsibility to our fellow man. If you have a chance to help someone, help them - don't just call the cops. If they refuse your help you may have no choice, but it should not be option number one.

That depends on what is wrong with the woman and how you think she may react. If it is truly believed that something has upset the woman, then of course just offere help and offer to help get her home. Personally, I would have immediatly followed the woman outside to see if she was ok, if she was driving and offered to drive her home.

If she is drunk or on something and there is the slightest chance that she may get beligerent then you have to take a different course of action. Remember that niether you nor the gymnastics teacher nor the mandatory reporter can legally keep her from taking that child.

The first responsibilty to everyone in the situation is to keep the child safe.

 

[cabanafrau]

I agree, but just calling the cops is an abdication of our responsibility to our fellow man. If you have a chance to help someone, help them - don't just call the cops. If they refuse your help you may have no choice, but it should not be option number one.

This seems logical to me and it's what I meant when I said I'd investigate, in other words, stick my nose in somebody else's business. It feels awkward & probably would cause offense, but I think it's a lot better to offend someone if you genuinely think a situation is risky.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

These are the guidelines for my state.

http://www.state.il.us/dcfs/FAQ/faq_faq_can.shtml

The hotline is use for cases of neglect or abuse, not situations as you mentioned above.

Driving your child while intoxicated, or otherwise so impaired as to not be able to monitor their safety, would be considered neglect in my state.

 

[MickeySP]

so at gymnastics the girls had a little xmas party, some of us moms were sitting at a table chatting, when another mom came in toward the end. she looked like she was either very drunk or on something like Klonopin etc.
no smell of alcohol, so I am guessing meds of some sort. she was nodding off, and swaying when she stood, and her speech was unclear.
anyway, one of the moms at the table who is a teacher, went over to one of the team coaches and said something because she was concerned about this other mom driving.

so one of the coaches went over to this mom and i could see her talking to her, then when the mom left the coach went over to the mom who said something and told her the mom who looked like she was on something was just very upset about a family situation and she was closing her eyes in an attempt not to cry.
I overheard all of this.

when the coach walked away the teacher mom at the table said she didn't buy it and since she is a "mandatory reporter" she should say something.

I told her to myob because we don't know anything about what is going on, and that mom could have a medical condition, she may not even be driving the car, there could have been someone out in the parking lot.
I also told her this was NOT a scenario in which her being a mandatory reporter comes into play.( I said all of this nicely, I didn't actually use the words myob )

what do you think? anyone a mandatory reporter too? would you have done something?

Yes it is, if she has reason to suspect a child is in danger she is mandated to report. It doesn't mean you can pick & choose when you report.
I would not assume someone was waiting for her. I migt engage he rin conversation and see if she was driving etc if she was then I would call 911 and tell them the situation.

MYOB is wonderful in some situations but never when there is a reasonable expectation that a child is in danger.

Mandated Reporters who fail to comply can lose their jobs, and be fined & even jailed.

The law in my state:
Any mandated reporter who fails to make required oral and written reports
can be punished by a fine of up to $1,000. Effective July 1, 2010, any
mandated reporter who willfully fails to report child abuse and/or neglect
that resulted in serious bodily injury or death can be punished by a fine
of up to $5,000 and up to 2½ years in jail, and be reported to the person’s
professional licensing authority.
In addition, effective July 1, 2010, all mandated reporters who knowingly
and willfully file a frivolous report of child abuse and/or neglect can be
punished by a fine of up to $2,000 for the first offense, up to 6 months in
jail for a second offense, and up to 2½ years in jail for a third offense.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

That depends on what is wrong with the woman and how you think she may react. If it is truly believed that something has upset the woman, then of course just offere help and offer to help get her home. Personally, I would have immediatly followed the woman outside to see if she was ok, if she was driving and offered to drive her home.

If she is drunk or on something and there is the slightest chance that she may get beligerent then you have to take a different course of action. Remember that niether you nor the gymnastics teacher nor the mandatory reporter can legally keep her from taking that child.

The first responsibilty to everyone in the situation is to keep the child safe.

I highlighted those two words for a reason - there is always a risk associated with helping a stranger, but that doesn't make it any less the right thing to do. As a society, we tend to fall back on any excuse to push off the responsibility onto someone else - in this case, the police - with no real concern for the person who we are about to report. If we were really concerned, we would not let a "slight chance" of danger stop us from at least trying to help. We may not be able to help, but we should dang well try.

As for the "mandatory reporters" - this is a CYA thing. People who just pick up the phone and call the police without trying to help are no better than people who ignore it altogether, IMO. Yes, the call might save a child's life, but it isn't because you really cared.