Magic 8-Ball Open for Your Questions

[legalsea]

I have my Magic 8-Ball ready to answer your questions! This being the political season I can guess what at least one of the first questions would be. Since the Magic 8-Ball does not, however, have the names McCain or Obama inside its magical bowels, then the question “Who will win the presidency” will not serve. However, I can frame the question in an 8-ball friendly fashion, so here we go:

Oh Magic 8-Ball, is Senator John McCain to be President of the United States?

Ok, so I give it a good shake and wait the for official mystical Magic 8-ball response:

“Reply hazy, try again”.

Hmm. I’m not sure what ‘reply hazy’ means. The four words in the little window were certainly clear enough. Oh well, another shake:

“Concentrate and ask again”.

Concentrate? I was concentrating! I bet it was this lazy Magic 8-ball that was losing focus.

Ok, I will restate my question since I guess my original question may be unclear; after all, the Magic 8-ball may have thought I was asking if McCain would be president sometime in the next fifty years or so, as if he would have enough time. Anyway:

Oh Magic 8-Ball! Will John S. McCain, Senior Senator from Arizona, win the United States Presidency in the November 2008 elections?

(there, that should be specific enough)

“Ask again later”.

Later! Confound it! What, do I need an appointment with a Magic 8-Ball? I mean, it’s just sitting here on my desk. It does not appear to be particularly busy at the moment. Not any busier than me, and I'm suppose to be working! Well, maybe I shall have better luck with Obama. Here goes:

Oh Magic 8-Ball! Will Barack Obama, Junior United States Senator from Illinois, win the electoral college vote scheduled to be held on the first Monday after the second Wednesday in December? (there, that should be specific enough for even the most dense of Magic 8-balls).

“Better not tell you now”

Better not tell me now? What in the Sam Hill does that mean? I’ll shake the nonsense out of you right enough! Now give me that answer!

“Who knows?”

Who knows? What is the use of a Magic 8-Ball that ducks its one and only responsibility, which is to look into the future and reveal its mysteries to us? I might as well ask a dead duck or look at the results of a Gallop poll; both will be as accurate as this blasted Magic 8-Ball has been so far.

Maybe, however, this Magic 8-Ball is not working right. Defective, perhaps. I shall ask it an easy question:

Oh Magic 8-Ball, will United States Representative Ron Paul of the glorious state of Texas run for President of the United States in 2012? (shake):

“Yes - definitely”.

Hmmm. Well, obviously the Magic 8-Ball can work when it wants to. Just wants the easy questions, I suspect. If I can get it stirred up to tackle some of the harder questions I will get back to you.

 

[Mr Man]

Magic 8 ball, will I ever have enormous pectoral muscles and a refrigerator with a padlock?


(waiting patiently)

 

[legalsea]

Magic 8 ball, will I ever have enormous pectoral muscles and a refrigerator with a padlock?

(waiting patiently)

(shaking like mad, to wake Magic 8-Ball up):

"My sources say no"

What the heck does that mean? Mr Man, I suspect you have some spies in your household who are leaking information to my Magic 8-Ball.

Of course, you did ask two questions in one. It may well mean that you will have enormous pectoral muscles from trying to open a padlocked refrigerator. I suspect that is the true answer.

 

[HelenePA]

Will I have this baby over the weekend...

 

[legalsea]

Will I have this baby over the weekend...

Ah! A good question! Especially if you are pregnant! Either way, however, I shall submit your question to the Magic 8-Ball (shake)

"Looking good!"


Hmm. I can't tell if Magic 8-Ball is saying yes to your having the baby over the weekend, or that for a 9-month pregnant woman you are 'looking good". I suspect both are true.

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

Magic 8 ball - it's raining pretty hard here. So of course, one of my dogs had an accident in the bathroom. I'm just not sure who did it. Can you help?

Was it:

Suspect #1

Suspect #2

Suspect #3

Suspect #4 (just because)

So, who pooped?


.

 

[legalsea]

Magic 8 ball - it's raining pretty hard here. So of course, one of my dogs had an accident in the bathroom. I'm just not sure who did it. Can you help?

Was it:

Suspect #1

Suspect #2

Suspect #3

Suspect #4 (just because)

So, who pooped?


.

Unfortunately, no photographs showed up on my computer (firewall, no doubt).

However, it is not called a Magic 8-Ball for nothing! I shall simply ask the Magic 8-Ball if Dog Number One did the deed, then Dog Number Two, etc.

Results:
No 1: "Very Doubtful"

So far so good. Now...

No. 2: "My reply is no"

Ok. Now Dog No. 3:

No. 3: "Are You Kidding?"

Wow. Dog Number Three must have a sterling character for the Magic 8-Ball to respond so!

Unfortunately, this seems to leave Suspect No. 4. However, I will ask the Magic 8-Ball anyway, just to give it practice:

No. 4: "Definitely not"

What!? The Magic 8-Ball has ruled out all four doggie suspects? Wait a minute, an idea just struck me. Let me ask:

Oh Magic 8-Ball, is Mahnahmahnah responsible for the poop on the floor? (shake)

"Yes - definitely"

Ah ha! The classic case of misdirection! You, Mahnahmahnah, have clearly had an 'accident' and tried to pass it off on one of your adobable puppies! (I guess they are adorable, although all I can see are 'x's).

Of course, perhaps the Magic 8-Ball simply meant that you are responsible in not having a covered portion of your backyard where your doggies can do their business during stormy weather, and Magic 8-Ball did not want to cast the 'true blame' on a poor little puppy.

However, I am more entertained with imagining that the accident was caused by you.

 

[olena]

Oh, wise Magic 8-ball, will my DH be able to start his new career before the end of this year?

 

[legalsea]

Oh, wise Magic 8-ball, will my DH be able to start his new career before the end of this year?

I'm not sure what the initials DH stand for, but I doubt you should address your husband like that.....

However, I will submit your question to the Magic 8-Ball.

Excuse me while I shake the sky (I mean 8-ball, I am presently listening to Jimi Hendrix):

"Signs point to yes"

Hmm. I wonder what 'signs' Magic 8-Ball is referring to? I saw a movie called "Signs" once. Scary movie, when it wasn't boring. I think the main point of the movie was the virtues of wearing aluminum foil. Is that your husband's new career? Does it have something to do with aluminum foil?

 

[mchames]

Magic 8 Ball, will I find gas somewhere in the city of Atlanta today without having to use up the 1/2 a tank I have left trying to find an open gas station?

 

[olena]

I'm not sure what the initials DH stand for, but I doubt you should address your husband like that.....

However, I will submit your question to the Magic 8-Ball.

Excuse me while I shake the sky (I mean 8-ball, I am presently listening to Jimi Hendrix):

"Signs point to yes"

Hmm. I wonder what 'signs' Magic 8-Ball is referring to? I saw a movie called "Signs" once. Scary movie, when it wasn't boring. I think the main point of the movie was the virtues of wearing aluminum foil. Is that your husband's new career? Does it have something to do with aluminum foil?

No foil helmets here. He wants to practice law and he's been looking for that first job.

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

Of course, perhaps the Magic 8-Ball simply meant that you are responsible in not having a covered portion of your backyard where your doggies can do their business during stormy weather, and Magic 8-Ball did not want to cast the 'true blame' on a poor little puppy.

However, I am more entertained with imagining that the accident was caused by you.

I believe that Magic 8 Ball may be under the influence of Jimi?

#4 choice was Sarah Palin. I was sure it was her.

 

[legalsea]

Magic 8 Ball, will I find gas somewhere in the city of Atlanta today without having to use up the 1/2 a tank I have left trying to find an open gas station?

Ah, a very pertinent question! I shall submit to the Magic 8-Ball (shake)

"Outlook so so"

Hmm. Not very encouraging.

Of course, as I was shaking the Magic 8-Ball I was thinking about the possibility of the Atlanta Falcons football team having a good season. Maybe the 8-ball was responding to that thought.

You know, if that is what the Magic 8-ball was thinking, "Outlook so so" would actually be great news for Falcon fans. For any inanimate object, much less a Magic 8-Ball, to opine that the Atlanta Falcons could well be up to having a 'so so' season would certainly be headline news in Atlanta, and would lead the CNN newscast. I imagine that Falcon fans would be thrilled to have a 'so so' Falcon forecast from even a bowling ball which, while certainly shaped like a Magic 8-ball, has no little window where answers magically appear.

Yes, I say drive to the nearest gas station. When the uniformed attendant tells you that he has no gas, say "I have it on reliable authority that the Falcons will not suck this year, but will have a so-so year". The uniformed attendant will no doubt then look both ways to make sure the coast is clear, and then lead you to the back of the station where you will be able to obtain almost four gallons of precious fuel.

 

[legalsea]

No foil helmets here. He wants to practice law and he's been looking for that first job.

Aha! Well, I am a lawyer, and we use aluminum foil all the time! Once he gets that first legal job he will, err, understand.

Anyway, best wishes to his search!

 

[legalsea]

I believe that Magic 8 Ball may be under the influence of Jimi?

#4 choice was Sarah Palin. I was sure it was her.

Ah! You were under the impression they were moose droppings? If they were, then no doubt the Magic 8-Ball was mistaken. Magical 8-Balls have marked difficulty in telling the different between moose droppings and political droppings.

 

[agentpleakley]

legalsea, I have an important question to ask of the Magic 8-ball, please help: Will my husband ever start picking up his dirty underwear from the bathroom floor and put it in the hamper?

 

[legalsea]

legalsea, I have an important question to ask of the Magic 8-ball, please help: Will my husband ever start picking up his dirty underwear from the bathroom floor and put it in the hamper?

I shall shake the Magic 8-Ball like tonights Martini (shaking furiously):

"My sources say no"

Hmm. Wait, I sneezed while shaking. Let me try again (shaking more furiously):

"Don't count on it"

Drat. I just know that your husband will start doing so. It is a 'guy thing' gut feeling. I bet I did not phrase it right to the Magic 8-Ball. Let me try again (shaking till foam comes out of my mouth):

"My reply is no!"

Whoa, little Magic 8-Ball. No need to get huffy with me. I pick up my dirty underwear, and place it on top of my wife's vanity for her to see easily. Perhaps you can ask your husband to do the same.

 

[agentpleakley]

I shall shake the Magic 8-Ball like tonights Martini (shaking furiously):

"My sources say no"

Hmm. Wait, I sneezed while shaking. Let me try again (shaking more furiously):

"Don't count on it"

Drat. I just know that your husband will start doing so. It is a 'guy thing' gut feeling. I bet I did not phrase it right to the Magic 8-Ball. Let me try again (shaking till foam comes out of my mouth):

"My reply is no!"

Whoa, little Magic 8-Ball. No need to get huffy with me. I pick up my dirty underwear, and place it on top of my wife's vanity for her to see easily. Perhaps you can ask your husband to do the same.

Okay - I'm not going to complain about it being on the floor anymore.

 

[Piglets Mommy]

Oh Legalsea's Magic 8 Ball, is th ere any hope of me convincing DH to take me to WDW this year??

 

[legalsea]

Oh Legalsea's Magic 8 Ball, is th ere any hope of me convincing DH to take me to WDW this year??

Hmm. I don't understand all these wife's calling their husbands such awful names. Stress of football season, no doubt.

Anyway, to Magic 8-Ball business. I have phrased your question in proper Magic 8-Ball legalese (which means starting the question with "Oh, Magic 8-Ball"). I shall now shake in a calm manner (I sprained my wrist shaking the Magic 8-Ball on the last question):

"Looking good!"

Ah, interesting response! Hmmm.

Obviously, the Magic 8-Ball is gently hinting that you 'dress appropriately' prior to asking your husband to take you to WDW (I am not sure what WDW is; sounds like a racetrack). Anyway, get 'looking good' and frame your question to your husband in Magic 8-Ball fashion, thusly:

"Oh, Magic DH (again, I would not call him that if you want to entice him), I would appreciate it ever so much if you would escort me to the wonders of WDW for a day of enchantment watching the cars speed around the track after each other".

If WDW are the initials of a golf course, then you would, of course, change up the last part of the foregoing and talk about chasing balls with clubs. We men like doing that.

Actually, why not try to get him to take you someplace fun, like Disneyland?