Losing weight without people knowing?

[mmackeymouse]

I am a notorius yo-yo dieter. Two steps forward, two or three steps back. A couple of years ago, I was down to a size 12-14, and it was amazing! It started when I went vegetarian.....for some reason, I started gaining weight. Then, I stopped going to the gym, and now I have gained it ALL back and then some.

I was just in my sister's wedding. You know how some people look in the mirror and see themselves way bigger than they actually are? I think I have the opposite effect. I thought I was looking pretty good. Then, I saw some pictures, and I was horrified. No wonder no one wanted to dance with me or get to know me. Honestly, I don't deserve a boyfriend. And, in all honesty, if I were a guy and saw me, I wouldn't want to date me either.

So, I want to get back into the losing weight thing. The problem is.....I hate when people know you are trying to lose weight....it puts a lot more pressure on me. Before, when I was losing weight, I was obsessive. I counted calories, went to the gym 5-6 days a week, drank 96 oz of water a day, etc. I just don't know how I am going to be able to put in that much effort without people knowing about it. And without that much effort, it won't happen.

Any suggestions?

 

[pensgirl10]

Of course people are going to notice you've changed some behaviors. If someone brings it up, just reply that you're trying to eat healthier. Or get more water. Or yes, I've been exercising and am feeling so much better. Leave the word "diet" and all the expectations that go with it out of the conversation.

And as for "deserving" a boyfriend....would you really want a guy whose main criteria for picking a mate is how much she weighs? Is that the kind of person you want to come home to every night, possibly raise children with? I'd look at a man like that and think he doesn't deserve ME.

 

[FireDancer]

First I would work on your self esteem. I have no idea how but I think that is a pretty important component. If you feels as though you don't deserve to be happy or have a boyfriend it will rub off on other people.

As for the weight loss and people saying anything, here is what I would do. First, as I have said countless times here dieting is a recipe for failure. What you and everyone who is trying to lose weight needs is a lifestyle change. It needs to be permanent but sustainable. If you start to eat healthier and get enough exercise you will lose weight. While someone will eventually notice you are losing weight you can brush it off as a side effect of the healthier lifestyle as opposed to the goal. I think that will take some of the pressure off.

For example, if you go out to eat and someone notices that instead of ordering the burger and cheesy fries you ordered the salmon with steamed vegetables instead of saying "I'm on a diet" or "I'm trying to lose weight" say "I decided I wasn't eating healthy enough and want to try and focus on that". First, that last goal is the better outlook and second, it takes the pressure off of the results (ie the weight loss) and focuses it on the process (ie the healthier lifestyle).

Good luck.

 

[mmackeymouse]

Yes, it IS a lifestyle change......one I was beginning to sustain. The beginning of the end happened when we went on our Disney cruise.....soooo much good food. Even though I worked out on the ship, I managed to gain major poundage on the boat.

I continued to work out, but my diet (I am saying in the food sense of the word, not the weight loss sense of it) took a nosedive. Then, I started getting into the wedding planning stuff, and what started as just a couple of days to work on stuff turned into a year....and here I am.

The thing is...I live with my parents and spend a lot of time with my family. They are the ones I am most afraid to disappoint and would roll their eyes to know I am giving the healthy lifestyle another go. They have seen me come and go so many times, and while they support me, I am sure they would have their doubts. And they are the ones that would most notice.....I doubt I could sneak off to the gym twice a day without them noticing.

As far as self-esteem, I have oodles of it, but I am just being honest and realistic. I'm a great person and have a vibrant personality, but if I saw a guy that looked like me....I wouldn't want to date him either. It may sound shallow, but the way I look at it, how can I have certain standards for a guy but be upset if they judge me the same way?

 

[es45]

Example: drinking enough water in the day. Then move on to increasing your fruit and vegetables, then cutting out fried foods or processed foods, etc. Set a simple goal and focus on that; once you establish that habit move on to something else while continuing the previous healthy habit. Your family is less likely to notice these small steps. By the time your family does see these positive habits that you are developing, they'll see the positive physical changes too. Good luck!

 

[lumiwyu]

The most simple-eat fewer and execise more! People know that you are trying to keep heathy. And in this way you can throw away your weight.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

First I would work on your self esteem. I have no idea how but I think that is a pretty important component. If you feels as though you don't deserve to be happy or have a boyfriend it will rub off on other people.

As for the weight loss and people saying anything, here is what I would do. First, as I have said countless times here dieting is a recipe for failure. What you and everyone who is trying to lose weight needs is a lifestyle change. It needs to be permanent but sustainable. If you start to eat healthier and get enough exercise you will lose weight. While someone will eventually notice you are losing weight you can brush it off as a side effect of the healthier lifestyle as opposed to the goal. I think that will take some of the pressure off.

For example, if you go out to eat and someone notices that instead of ordering the burger and cheesy fries you ordered the salmon with steamed vegetables instead of saying "I'm on a diet" or "I'm trying to lose weight" say "I decided I wasn't eating healthy enough and want to try and focus on that". First, that last goal is the better outlook and second, it takes the pressure off of the results (ie the weight loss) and focuses it on the process (ie the healthier lifestyle).

Good luck.

Great advice!

 

[wishiwereindisney]

i know this is easier said then done but try to get yourself to a place where you don't care what they think - do it for you and don't worry about what everyone thinks/expects. i'll bet if you can do that then you will have an easier time of getting to a place you feel healthy. and if your loved ones aren't supportive of you then they probably have their own issues that have nothing to do with you. after all who among us hasn't had are skinny phases followed by our less than skinny ones?

good luck, you can do it!!!!

 

[itsbaker]

I couldn't agree more with what FireDancer has to say. Its not an easy thing to do and it won't get any easier as you get older. There's nothing to it but to do it.

As for your family, well, this may sound harsh but it doesn't sound like you're getting the support you want from them, so you can get your support elsewhere. Changing your lifestyle isn't something that you can do without support, but that support doesn't necessarily have to come from those closest to you. its going to be hard to change their opinions and behaviors while you're trying to change your own. Instead I'd recommend trying to find support elsewhere. Join a Gym, write a blog, post on a forum, find a group of people who live healthy lifestyles and get involved with them. Even if they aren't with you 100% of the time, just knowing that there are people out there that you can count on can certainly help.

When I got serious about lifestyle change and fitness (and I'm still a long long way from my goals) I started a blog to help me stay accountable. It connected me with people who were interested in my health and were supportive of what I was trying to do. In fact, some people really surprised me with their support.

As another poster said, you have to do it for you, not for anyone else. Part of growing up is separating yourself from your family, staking your own path in the world and if you want your path to include a healthy lifestyle, then you are going to accomplish that. Stay humble, know that its a long road, a lifetime commitment and not a short fix, and you'll do great!