Looking for some support **Final Update**

[sunnysideup3]

Glad to see that everything ended up as well as it did for you.

Best of luck with everything in the future

 

[finz2left]

Huge Kudos to you for being such a wonderful father and putting your children's needs first. I cannot imagine the pain you have been through, but you are clearly handling it with dignity and humility.

 

[WeekdayDisneyland]

I hate to admit it, but DH and I hit rocky patches as well. Went so far as to file for divorce, have temporary hearings, and trying to settle on the final agreement. In court, DH requested that we attend divorce counseling so that we could continue to work together for the best interest of our child. I had absolutely no interest in saving the marriage so it really helped that he stopped pressuring me to take him back and instead focused on what was in our daughter's best interest. The counselor was very good. Go whether she wants to go or not. At least that is what my DH did.

After a while, I was impressed that DH was going to change for the better regardless of whether I was with him or not. After a while, I got to thinking that I didn't want anyone to enjoy the much improved DH after I had been the one who had put up with him at his worst. If anyone gets that benefit, it should be me. I had earned it.

DH and I will be celebrating our 15th anniversary this year. We wouldn't have made it this far had it not been for how he handled things.

This made me cry! Thanks for sharing that. It gives me hope.

 

[Planogirl]

You sound like a great person to me. Good luck with everything and kudos to you for being so good to your kids.

 

[ChiCat]

I was single for a good solid 3 years before I got married and they were some of the best years of my life. So enjoy yourself! Have fun, meet new people, and good luck!

 

[need2cruise]

I just read throught this post and must say, I'm amazed that you have kept a positive outlook through this whole ordeal! I guess there's proof that no matter how low life gets or how much you feel that everyone is kicking you down, it's all about attitude and how you handle things. Good luck on you're new adventure!

Oh-and she'll realize what she is missing out on and while her pride may keep her from telling you, she will always regret leaving.

 

[brockash]

Just wanted to give everyone a final update as I know several people posted on this thread and there may be others who have gone through or are going the same thing and may be interested in how it turned out.

The divorce is final as of December 1. I will say that the process for the most part went pretty smoothly thanks in the most part to my now ex-wife who was very agreeable to just about everything. We had a good amount of money that we split and I gave her a lump sum on top of it lieu of alimony so she has enough to really start over. She bought a house in the same town so that we can easily share custody. As of now, the kids are much more comfortable in their old house and have been living with me full time. For now, we are going to just start by alternating weekends. While I am sure she misses not having them around, she has not argued or fought over the custody. Our kids are a bit older at 11 and 14 and it is hard to “force” them to live one place over another. So, since they are with me almost full time, I am holding back paying child support to her, in fact, she would actually owe me based on our agreement but I am not even going to ask. Our goal right now is to keep things as easy on the kids as possible. I think they are still trying to adjust but for the most part are doing very well.

She did tell my daughter that she has in fact been seeing someone else and while I take 99% of the blame for the divorce, I know that the 1% of his presence is what set this whole process in motion. And actually, that is a good thing because I would rather know now how she really felt and not 8 years from now when the kids left the house.

And speaking of the house, keeping it certainly has its price as now I am paying the mortgage on my own and I still owe her $125K in equity (yes, even in this market) which means I am re-financing to increase my loan amount, and of course also increasing my monthly payment, to pay her off. While the house has provided much needed stability for the kids, I can’t see holding it much longer. I am hoping to sell it this Spring or by Spring 2012 at the latest.

Personally, I am doing great. While I missed her at first, I have since really enjoyed my new life and have had the opportunity to meet a lot of people and have some fun. I consider myself lucky that I have had the chance to be married for such a long time and do all the stuff married couples do and of course have two great kids and now I get the opportunity to have a fun single life. Of course as I get older, I may retract the last part of that statement. We’ll see.

Thanks again for the support from everyone especially those of you who pm’d me directly. I got our DVC in the divorce settlement and currently own annual passes for me and the kids so Disney is a big part of our lives right now. There is nothing like Disney or the Disney community to put a smile on your face when things are tough. And for any of you who are single and interested in meeting other single Disney folks, check out this thread on the solo travelers board:

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2411855

I have met/chatted with several people through it and it has been a great way to meet other Disney fans. My profile is on page 27, by the way, in case you are wondering…

I just want to say how amazed I am at you and how you've handled things. I will admit that I'm a bit biased in my opinion of divorce and how many "Dads" behave (based on experience and working with divorces." Unfortunately more often then not at least 1 parent, for whatever reason, can't put their own hurt feelings aside, and can't do/see what's best for their kids. It looks like you have been able to do this and have been putting your kids best interest 1st the entire time, which is soooo nice to see/hear, especially given your circumstances, that you were not the one that wanted the divorce, and that your ex-wife may/may not have been seeing someone else. You should be very proud of yourself, and your kids are very lucky to have you as their dad.

 

[Kika]

Glad to see your update and that things are going well for you!

It's funny because my situation was (and still is) so similar to yours. My divorce was finalized two years ago. Although obviously divorce is not the ideal scenario, it makes things so much easier on all involved (especially the kids) when things are amicable among everyone. I'm also thinking of selling my house in 2012; I like my house, but would just like a fresh start in new surroundings (and maybe a smaller house), so I know where you are coming from there.

I hope that things continue to go well for you and that you and your daughters have a happy and healthy 2011!

 

[DawnM]

Sorry you have to go through this. Glad it is going amicably, but sorry just the same.

Dawn