Looking for ideas/suggestions

[jalapeno_pretzel]

Not suggesting the OP's daughter do this, but just genuinely curious on the rules ... would the hijab be allowed in the performance? Because that could completely cover the hair.

 

[sam_gordon]

Parents ask each other ALL THE TIME wwyd, because there is no manual on how to get it right. And we all screw up, and knowing you caused more harm than good is gut wrenching. No shame in bouncing questions and ideas off of each other to get different perspectives. I have received wonderful advice, and some I would never use, but you take it all in to try and set your family up for success.

With this scenario, OP likely isn't going to go to his buddies for suggestions on girls hair. They won't have a clue, just like OP. But why is it interfering and stepping in to ask if there is a solution other than dyeing her hair back to its original color? There could be some product out there that isn't well known that could do the trick and her expensive color job could be saved. There is no harm in asking. I don't get why it is a problem to ask.

And I enjoy these WWYD threads because they are all the real stuff we deal with on the daily. I mean, I love Funny Memes but it is good to have real discussions too.

This is exactly it. I started the thread because I know NOTHING about hair coloring (other than it costs a lot of money, and if not done correctly can ruin hair). I thought someone on the Dis might be able to say "try this" or "try that".

DD hasn't asked, hinted, or implied that DW and I try to "solve" or "fix" anything. I know it's the Dis, but it's amazing how much people read into threads their own set of "facts". IMO, DD has taken this on very maturely. "Oh, that's what I need to do to participate? It sucks, but I'll do it." I mean, what more would you want?

It never occurred to any of us that Disney might have rules against unnatural hair color. Why would it? Yes, it's Disney, but as I understand it, their appearance rules have been relaxed in past years, facial hair is allowed, visible tattoos are allowed, etc. And again, what was the possibility in early August (when the hair dye was done), that the school would be accepted? The processional was the FURTHEST thing from our thoughts... starting Senior year for our youngest, getting ready for sophomore year in college for DS, travelling for work for me... yea, we're thinking "oh, we should find out if Disney allows unnatural hair for something the school hasn't applied for yet".

 

[sam_gordon]

You’re not permitted, or you just can’t make it?

Can't make it. I'm out of town for work and DW doesn't have enough vacation time (to say nothing of the expense).

 

[sam_gordon]

Not suggesting the OP's daughter do this, but just genuinely curious on the rules ... would the hijab be allowed in the performance? Because that could completely cover the hair.

I'm sure it would be allowed under a religious argument. Skirts aren't allowed unless you get a religious exemption.

 

[GAN]

If your daughter wants to be an activist, she should shave her head!

An outside the box solution.

I thought the same thing! I am surprised about the no wig policy -that seems unfair. My take is this (and I understand it's probably not helpful) -I credit your daughter for being herself, but unfortunately sometimes that comes at a cost. I could have made slight changes to myself over the years that may have led to better things, but I've never once deeply regretted anything -I did it my way, and if that doesn't fit into someone else's box so be it. Let her make the decision at any cost....

 

[QueenIsabella]

Parents ask each other ALL THE TIME wwyd, because there is no manual on how to get it right. And we all screw up, and knowing you caused more harm than good is gut wrenching. No shame in bouncing questions and ideas off of each other to get different perspectives. I have received wonderful advice, and some I would never use, but you take it all in to try and set your family up for success.

With this scenario, OP likely isn't going to go to his buddies for suggestions on girls hair. They won't have a clue, just like OP. But why is it interfering and stepping in to ask if there is a solution other than dyeing her hair back to its original color? There could be some product out there that isn't well known that could do the trick and her expensive color job could be saved. There is no harm in asking. I don't get why it is a problem to ask.

And I enjoy these WWYD threads because they are all the real stuff we deal with on the daily. I mean, I love Funny Memes but it is good to have real discussions too.

This x1000.

It's not the same, but my youngest (now 17) wanted to go to the World Scout Jamboree this year. We told him he'd have to pay for it himself--we were already paying for him to go to France on a school trip this past summer. He went out, got a job, and...paid for it himself. We did give him spending money (in euros and won, the South Korean currency) for Christmas/birthday/Easter. DH also worked fundraisers. But, DS17 did the heavy lifting.

The experience wasn't what he'd hoped for (long story--feel free to google "WSJ 2023 South Korea" as to what went badly). So, he wants to go to the next World Scout Jamboree in Gdansk, Poland in 2027 as a volunteer (he'll be too old for Scouting then). Guess what--he's getting a job and paying for it himself!

I also want to add, I have an adult son who's autistic and has other issues. He may never launch. We try to help him be as independent as possible, within the parameters of his situation.

Every child is different, every parent is different, and if we can't support each other, why are we here? Even if we don't agree 100% of the time.

 

[mjkacmom]

My 27 year old just went through something similar with work, she’s a cpa plus a musical performer, she got away with light pink/blue/purple on the lower half for a year or so, but had it dyed hot pink/bright blue the last time, not as low, and it was too much for even zoom meetings. She did try her sisters blond real hair alopecia wig that she used to use, but it didn’t look good (didn’t look good even when professionally attached on her sister). It’s now back to her natural shade I blonde.

 

[kdonnel]

The experience wasn't what he'd hoped for (long story--feel free to google "WSJ 2023 South Korea" as to what went badly). So, he wants to go to the next World Scout Jamboree in Gdansk, Poland in 2027 as a volunteer (he'll be too old for Scouting then). Guess what--he's getting a job and paying for it himself!

He can go as a youth until he turns 21. I guess his birthday is before the date in 2027?

That stinks that the Jamboree was so adversely affected by weather.

My son has some great memories of two visits to Philmont and his last big trip as a youth scout to Seabase. He has one more OA event this year before he turns 21.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Parents ask each other ALL THE TIME wwyd, because there is no manual on how to get it right. And we all screw up, and knowing you caused more harm than good is gut wrenching. No shame in bouncing questions and ideas off of each other to get different perspectives. I have received wonderful advice, and some I would never use, but you take it all in to try and set your family up for success.

With this scenario, OP likely isn't going to go to his buddies for suggestions on girls hair. They won't have a clue, just like OP. But why is it interfering and stepping in to ask if there is a solution other than dyeing her hair back to its original color? There could be some product out there that isn't well known that could do the trick and her expensive color job could be saved. There is no harm in asking. I don't get why it is a problem to ask.

And I enjoy these WWYD threads because they are all the real stuff we deal with on the daily. I mean, I love Funny Memes but it is good to have real discussions too.

With Sam I see it differently, it's not about asking, it's the stepping in. Go back and read a lot of the soccer threads or the multitude of other threads. Asking random people sure that's fine but the trend I see is more along the lines of doing things on behalf of the children a lot. So I approached the situation differently. My comment didn't didn't have anything to do with general WWYD but specifically to the OP

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

When you register your children for anything, you’re most likely aware of the rules, and in many cases need to sign a waiver stating you’ve read the rules and agree to them.

But this is something completely different. The school applied to be part of the Candlelight Processional, not the parents. So, the onus is on the school to make the parents aware of the rules IMO. And honestly? I wouldn’t even expect to be sent any rules from the school unless it’s confirmed - like it is now.

I see it differently. This is like being offered a course you weren’t really expecting to take, discovering an obstacle, and trying to find the best possible solution to work out the problem.

What I was getting at was that by doing extracurricular activities you are aware of rules in place, you know how to look them up, you are responsible for that the soccer coach doesn't care about xyz if it's a player's responsibility. I took the information the OP gave that their daughter knew it was a possibility of being chosen, I took the information that it wasn't until this week (or last week whatever) that the OP found out and used that for my opinion. What if there were other requirements or scheduling requirements? Several posters pointed out how easy it was to find the rules. There probably was something given to the students at some point about the possibility of being chosen maybe written down who knows (and no the OP can't vouch for that). Hmm how to phrase this here...sometimes even if you didn't think to do something it's still your responsibility and falls on you. Where you and I differ is the daughter should be the one problem solving here. I get it if she approaches her parents and says she needs to redye her hair because of it and says "I don't have the money" or offers 50/50 or even if she says what happened and the OP pays it all. That is all whatever, but because this is ultimately her responsibility and it's a relatively minor thing I see no reason why the daughter isn't able to take charge and the parent be out of the car. This isn't big big stuff that need the parent to step in but it could really help the daughter learn to handle things on her own.

I don't think it's a fair rule IMO to not allow different colors in hair but that's kinda neither here nor there because it's Disney's rule not the school's rule where more action could be done.

 

[QueenIsabella]

He can go as a youth until he turns 21. I guess his birthday is before the date in 2027?

That stinks that the Jamboree was so adversely affected by weather.

My son has some great memories of two visits to Philmont and his last big trip as a youth scout to Seabase. He has one more OA event this year before he turns 21.

He's looking into that, as well--one of his WSJ leaders is heavy into the "world" stuff.

It wasn't just weather, although the typhoon was the icing on the cake. Korea was woefully unprepared, not enough food, not enough sanitation. They yanked the US kids over cholera fears, and to have more food for the Scouts who didn't have a military base to retreat to.

P.S. While neither of my sons did Philmont, my husband did. DS17 is much more of a "world" kid--he wanted to hang out with scouts from everywhere, not just tour South Korea, hence the disappointment. He did have a good time, and got some cool trades (hat from Brazil, backpack from UK, Russian rubles...).

 

[HopperFan]

But what would make a kid, growing up in today's inclusive world, think there even might be a rule about what color your hair is?

There are still plenty of places where "look" might still matter so it's not a foreign concept in any atmosphere. CHOIRS are not just about singing ... it is about presently a group of people who dress alike and blend as one to create music, no distractions. There are often rules in terms of color, dress, jewelry, styling etc. My niece was in Chorus, Choir and Musical theater throughout middle, high school and college (including a degree) and she would never have considered coloring her hair unnatural colors. I get all schools and groups are different but at different levels of performance come expectations.

In this particular situation it sounds like they knew in spring it was an option to try out for and mid summer they were talking about applying for the opportunity. Disney is a highly coveted serious performance and common sense is Disney has specific guidelines. Starting school knowing you might have this chance would make my child find out what is required so she wouldn't be left out - internet makes it easy. But I'm still not blaming the child, the ultimate fault for lack of communication comes from the teachers. When they found out in the spring it was open to explore, they should have sent out a "we are going to apply, these are the rules". As a teacher I'd want to know before any student was included in the audition tape that they were committed.

And I have a DD that had highly colored hair high school - college, from top to bottom ombre to having stripes to having the bottom 6" all around a rainbow. It's hair, it's color, it's really simple ~ either go get it recolored as required or pass on the experience. When she went to work at Disney she had to color her hair natural, remove most her earrings and jewelry. She wanted the job, she did what they asked without complaint or looking to short cut.

Unless there is a medical reason, it's just hair.

 

[sam_gordon]

It's hair, it's color, it's really simple ~ either go get it recolored as required or pass on the experience.

And that's exactly what's being done. There's been more discussion about it on this message board in the last two days than what we've had in the house over the last week.

DD's been in choir for 3/4 high school years. She's had "unnatural" hair color through all of their concerts and performances, so the teacher knows about it and hasn't said a word through the years.

Should we have suspected Disney would have more stringent rules? Eh, maybe. But again, it just never dawned on us. Kudos to the parents who would say "don't get your hair dyed this year because you MIGHT get accepted to Disney." I guess you're better parents than we are.

The rules are the rules. If DD said "I don't want to dye my hair back", we would have said, "then you can't go on the trip" and it would have been just fine. I came here looking for a way to accomplish both (not dye the hair and still participate in the trip).

 

[slo]

IMO….this thread is getting way off course.

Sam came here for suggestions to help his DD and nothing more. Personally, I think he’s being an awesome dad for doing this.

@sam_gordon …… I hope your DD has an awesome time, great experience and makes a lot of great memories. Such an exciting time for her and her friends.

 

[HopperFan]

And that's exactly what's being done. There's been more discussion about it on this message board in the last two days than what we've had in the house over the last week.

DD's been in choir for 3/4 high school years. She's had "unnatural" hair color through all of their concerts and performances, so the teacher knows about it and hasn't said a word through the years.

Should we have suspected Disney would have more stringent rules? Eh, maybe. But again, it just never dawned on us. Kudos to the parents who would say "don't get your hair dyed this year because you MIGHT get accepted to Disney." I guess you're better parents than we are.

The rules are the rules. If DD said "I don't want to dye my hair back", we would have said, "then you can't go on the trip" and it would have been just fine. I came here looking for a way to accomplish both (not dye the hair and still participate in the trip).

No finger wagging was coming from me. Honestly the only person who holds any dropping the ball here is her teacher/director. Anything they are applying for - they should fully investigate and have all the information needed before going forward. Disney is very clear about their rules and parameters and provides all that (I have a kid who is a high school teacher and just got back with his team from Disney last week).

Not trying to say anyone is better parents. We all have those moments, past, present and future. I think it was less directed at you all and more directed at readers/parents who may encounter something like this in the future. The internet has totally changed our ability to be prepared for anything. Your story reminds us that in the future we should keep these things in mind.
I think this is a situation where there are no grey ideas to provide you, so that leads to - like you say way more conversation than you had at home. Hope she enjoys her senior year!

It never occurred to any of us that Disney might have rules against unnatural hair color. Why would it? Yes, it's Disney, but as I understand it, their appearance rules have been relaxed in past years, facial hair is allowed, visible tattoos are allowed, etc.

In this case it isn't a Disney daily CM, this is an onstage musical extravaganza. Everything about the look will be scrutinized. If you look at the attachment I added that means hair color, very specific jewelry rules, shirts, pants, socks, shoes ... These requirements are not unusual for a performance like this.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Well said, Slo! I agree. Sam, I am proud of your daughter and absolutely thank her and her choir for choosing to be part of Candlelight. Best to all of you.

 

[GAN]

And that's exactly what's being done. There's been more discussion about it on this message board in the last two days than what we've had in the house over the last week.

Hey ...you know us!

 

[LSUmiss]

I thought the same thing! I am surprised about the no wig policy -that seems unfair. My take is this (and I understand it's probably not helpful) -I credit your daughter for being herself, but unfortunately sometimes that comes at a cost. I could have made slight changes to myself over the years that may have led to better things, but I've never once deeply regretted anything -I did it my way, and if that doesn't fit into someone else's box so be it. Let her make the decision at any cost....

And that’s great, but unfortunately that not always practical for society (whether it should be that way is another discussion). Unless it’s discriminatory against a protected class, there are often rules & you have to make choices.

 

[sam_gordon]

In this case it isn't a Disney daily CM, this is an onstage musical extravaganza. Everything about the look will be scrutinized. If you look at the attachment I added that means hair color, very specific jewelry rules, shirts, pants, socks, shoes ... These requirements are not unusual for a performance like this.

And for parents who haven't had to deal with Theater or Disney performances, we haven't had to consider the requirements. That's why we didn't think about them for this.

It seems some on here seem to think we SHOULD have thought (with no experience) "Oh, Disney will have appearance requirements, we should look them up and know them so we can decide x, y, and z, before the school has applied, much less been accepted."

I'm not saying the requirements are unusual or extravagant. It's Disney's requirements, so be it. It just didn't enter our minds until last week when the teacher told the students about them.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

"Oh, Disney will have appearance requirements, we should look them up and know them so we can decide x, y, and z, before the school has applied, much less been accepted."

That's just twisting what is being said because you don't like it.

Your first post said your daughter knew it was a possibility of being selected before the school year started

She's done it before every school year. Before this year, she knew the Processional was a possibility, but not guaranteed.

At least from what you've said the order of events didn't occur like you're trying to say now. No one said she should have looked it up before the school applied much less accepted, that's being hyperbolic.

Your daughter dyed her hair like she has for other school years that's no biggie. However, because it was known that her choir could have been selected before the school year even started she could have looked up what it was, is this even something she'd want to participate in, does she agree with it because the Candlelight Processional is based on Christmas and all that it implies is this something she would have had an issue with, I'm not saying your daughter I'm saying any student may have these thoughts because it shouldn't be a given that every student even wants to participate.

She didn't, okay in the grand scheme not the biggest thing, that's just making a statement that she could have looked.

As far as appearance requirements, your daughter is in choir it's going to be par for the course to have appearance requirements be it the school, be it the venue, be it the organization where they are at. That may be as simple as uniforms worn to physical requirements.

Your daughter could have still chosen to dye her hair before the school year started, she just could have done it knowing that when it came time for the Disney event that was not going to work and she needed to dye it back. She could then redye it if she wanted to (unless she's habitually dying it without any breaks for years and years the hair health ramifications are low). She could have chosen to wait until after the Disney event. She could choose to abstain from the event. Whatever, that's all up to her.