Living with a dying dog

[MrVisible]

Last night, I was going to sleep beside our lovely pit bull Gracie, and was petting her face when I noticed something odd. Her cheekbone was unusually prominent. I turned on the light, and it was like all of the muscles on one side of her face had just vanished.

It was the first time I'd noticed it, but in retrospect she's been rubbing her face a lot lately. I showed my husband what was happening, and the first thing the next morning we took her to the vet.

There's really only one cause for facial muscular atrophy on one side (unilateral temporalis and masseter atrophy, I think it's called) and that's neurological. And the most likely candidate, according to my research and the vet, by a wide margin, is what's known as a trigeminal nerve sheath tumor. The vet did some blood work to confirm, but it seems like she's pretty sure. We'll know more on Tuesday.

I could take her to an animal neurologist, and have X-rays and MRIs done, and even have her operated on, but from what I've read the operation in itself is pretty risky, and has a slim chance of success. And we'd feel terrible about putting her through that. And we can't afford it anyway.

If it's what we think it is, she's got a few weeks. Maybe a few months.

We have another dog, Bones. He's fifteen years old, and he's getting kind of creaky, and I've been telling myself that he's had a good life, and when he goes, we'll have Gracie around to keep us company. But now, it looks like we may lose them both soon.

I don't really know how to handle this. My first thought is to listen to the vet, take whatever steps I can to make this better for her, and try and make both dogs as happy as possible for as long as they've got.

But I have to go in and sleep next to her tonight, knowing that I'll lose her soon. I just don't know how to do this.

Can anyone offer my husband and I any advice on coping with this? Anyone had any experience with a pet whose life was coming to an end? I could really use some advice.

 

[Tigger Fans!]

When you really love a pet they are a part of your family. We lost our dog about 2 years ago and I still miss her even though we have another dog now. Our dog, Kira, had diabetes and was very ill for the last year. Friends told me it wasn't worth the hassle to take care of her (insulin shots 2x per day, special diet, etc...) but I needed to feel like I did everything possible for her. I'd do whatever you can for her.

 

[Amity 3]

Last night, I was going to sleep beside our lovely pit bull Gracie, and was petting her face when I noticed something odd. Her cheekbone was unusually prominent. I turned on the light, and it was like all of the muscles on one side of her face had just vanished.

It was the first time I'd noticed it, but in retrospect she's been rubbing her face a lot lately. I showed my husband what was happening, and the first thing the next morning we took her to the vet.

There's really only one cause for facial muscular atrophy on one side (unilateral temporalis and masseter atrophy, I think it's called) and that's neurological. And the most likely candidate, according to my research and the vet, by a wide margin, is what's known as a trigeminal nerve sheath tumor. The vet did some blood work to confirm, but it seems like she's pretty sure. We'll know more on Tuesday.

I could take her to an animal neurologist, and have X-rays and MRIs done, and even have her operated on, but from what I've read the operation in itself is pretty risky, and has a slim chance of success. And we'd feel terrible about putting her through that. And we can't afford it anyway.

If it's what we think it is, she's got a few weeks. Maybe a few months.

We have another dog, Bones. He's fifteen years old, and he's getting kind of creaky, and I've been telling myself that he's had a good life, and when he goes, we'll have Gracie around to keep us company. But now, it looks like we may lose them both soon.

I don't really know how to handle this. My first thought is to listen to the vet, take whatever steps I can to make this better for her, and try and make both dogs as happy as possible for as long as they've got.

But I have to go in and sleep next to her tonight, knowing that I'll lose her soon. I just don't know how to do this.

Can anyone offer my husband and I any advice on coping with this? Anyone had any experience with a pet whose life was coming to an end? I could really use some advice.

it's tough, we have a dog that's fifteen. the minute he shows any pain, I'll take him to the vet and have him put down. I dread my wife or daughter coming home and finding him, I'd rather take the responsibility.

make them comfortable and give them all of your love. that's my best advice.

 

[SplshMtn99]

Take lots of pictures & video now.
Write down the things that are unique to his/her personality.
Keep some fur.

When my Lucy died, within 2 wks, we realized we were already forgetting the special things she used to do. So, we wrote her a nice long letter, telling her the things we loved about her or things she did, her funny or annoying habits.....

We put one copy with her ashes & her favorite toys.
Another copy in our photo album / scrapbook. It sure was nice to read all that again later. We had forgotten alot of it.

Wished we had taken more video, since photos don't capture the true personality.

Dealing with this also since Splash is now 18 & has kidney disease. Lucy went within 2.5 mths of discovering her kidney disease. Luckily, its been over 1.5 yrs so far since we discovered Splash's. But I still keep wondering how much longer we have together. I hate taking any trips away from her now....and have basically decided I probably won't travel until after she passes. I just want to be with her.

Hugs.

 

[maddiemouse]

If a human being and a dog can be soul-mates, that was me and Charley. His mother was my Shana, his daddy was the #1 boxer in the country the year he was born,winning 12 Best in Shows in one year. I was present at his birth, and helped him take his first breath.
When he was diagnosed with lymphosarcoma at the age of 9, I was devastated. Fortunately, at the time, I worked for a veterinarian, who was actually an angel in human form. After the biopsy report came back, prognosis extremely poor. Joe started him on chemotherapy, along with a cocktail of other drugs to counteract the negative side effects of the chemo, and keep him feeling good. He lived for another 9 months, happy and pain free.
I feared that I was so emotionally involved that I would not be able to see it when his quality of life had deteriorated to the point that I was keeping him alive for myself, and not for him, and asked Joe, and other friends of ours, to please let me know when that time came, and they did. He was put to sleep surrounded by people who loved him. It was terribly sad, but very peaceful. It's been 11 years, and I still miss him, I'm tearing up writing this.
Would I go the whole chemotherapy etc. route again if it happens to another animal of mine now? No, I could never afford it, for one thing, couldn't have afforded it then if I had to pay for it, and for another, I'm sure Joe used some pretty unconventional drug therapy at the time that probably isn't in general use, but he was a genius, and I trusted him completely, he loved Charley too.
When the time comes for my dear little ones now, I will make them as happy and comfortable as I possibly can for as long as I can (actually I pretty much do that already, they're pretty happy campers now) and give them peace when the time comes.
And, oh, this is really important. Even though I'm pretty sure Ms. Maddie can read my mind, I will do my very best to think happy loving positive thoughts all the time I'm around them and never let them know my heart is breaking, as I did with Charley til the very last minute.

 

[debden]

I have no story.Just wanted to pop in and say love them,make them happy and comfortable.You'll know what to do when the time comes.
Hugs to you and your pooches.
Debbie

 

[luvmy2sams]

to you and your baby. You've received some great words here. We lost our oldest cocker spaniel baby in July 2005. We were blessed that his illness came on quickly, and he died in my arms in the wee morning hours. I know the heartbreak of losing a family member, which these dogs are, and I feel for you.

I firmly believe that they can tell you when it's time to say goodbye, and that they'll fight to the death..literally..to hang on if they feel you need them here. I know that our Riley waited until it was just past midnight to take his last breath. Otherwise, he would have died on my DS's 2nd birthday. He didn't want his passing to be associated with a happy day for our son.

I hope you'll enjoy the time you have left with your dogs and celebrate the joy they've brought to your life.

 

[lucas]

Oh my. I'm crying now.

My dog is 14 and I seriously don't think I will be able to handle it when the time comes. I know it is out there just waiting to happen so I try to be with her as much as possible, love her and appreciate her. Right now she is in good health (knock on wood) except that she has lost her hearing.

 

[maddiemouse]

The Last Will and Testament
of An Extremely Distinguished Dog



The reputation of Eugene O'Neill as the American Shakespeare was established even before his death in 1953. O'Neill's output was formidable - more than 30 plays, including the posthumously produced classic, Long Day's Journey Into Night. He was a Nobel Prize winner. Reflecting his own tempestuous emotional background - be came from a yeasty but tragic Irish-American family - his plays are rarely engaging.
So his epitaph to his dog is a rarity among O'Neill documents - sentimental, even whimsical, close in spirit to his one major comedy, Ah Wilderness! The dog was acquired at a relatively peaceful period of O'Neill's life. He and his protective third wife, the beautiful actress Carlotta Monterey, looked upon it as their 'child.' O'Neill wrote Blemie's will as a comfort to Carlotta just before the dog died in its old age in December 1940




Last Will and Testament

I, Silverdene Emblem O'Neill (familiarly known to my family,
friends and acquaintances as Blemie), because the
burden of my years is heavy upon me, and I realize the end of my
life is near, do hereby bury my last will and
testament in the mind of my Master. He will not know it is there
until I am dead. Then, remembering me in his
loneliness, he will suddenly know of this testament, and I ask
him then to inscribe it as a memorial to me.

I have little in the way of material things to leave. Dogs are
wiser than men. They do not set great store upon
things. They do not waste their time hoarding property. They do
not ruin their sleep worrying about objects they
have, and to obtain the objects they have not. There is nothing
of value I have to bequeath except my love and
my faith. These I leave to those who have loved me, to my Master
and Mistress, who I know will mourn me most,
to Freeman who has been so good to me, to Cyn and Roy and Willie
and Naomi and - but if I should list all those
who have loved me it would force my Master to write a book.
Perhaps it is in vain of me to boast when I am so
near death, which returns all beasts and vanities to dust, but I
have always been an extremely lovable dog.

I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to
grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to
be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added
joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think
that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember
that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and
this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown
blind and deaf and lame, and even my sense of
smell fails me so that a rabbit could be right under my nose and
I might not know, my pride has sunk to a sick,
bewildered humiliation. I feel life is taunting me with having
over lingered my welcome. It is time I said good-by,
before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love
me.

It will be sorrow to leave them, but not a
sorrow to die. Dogs do not fear death as men do. We accept it as
part of life, not as something alien and terrible
which destroys life. What may come after death, who knows? I
would like to believe with those of my fellow
Dalmatians who are devout Mohammedans, that there is a Paradise
where one is always young and
full-bladdered; here all the day one dillies and dallies with an
amorous multitude of houris, beautifully spotted;
where jack-rabbits that run fast but not too fast (like the
houris) are as the sands of the desert; where each blissful
hour is mealtime; where in long evenings there are a million
fireplaces with logs forever burning and one curls
oneself up and blinks into the flames and nods and dreams,
remembering the old brave days on earth, and the
love of one's Master and Mistress.

I am afraid this is too much for even such a dog as I am to
expect. But peace, at least, is certain. Peace and long
rest for weary old heart and head and limbs, and eternal sleeps
in the earth I have loved so well. Perhaps, after all,
this is best.

One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say,
'When Blemie dies we must never have another
dog. I love him so much I could never love another one.' Now I
would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It
would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again.
What I would like to feel is that, having once
had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog! I have
never had a narrow jealous spirit. I have always
held that most dogs are good (and one cat, the black one I have
permitted to share the living-room rug during the
evenings, whose affection I have tolerated in a kindly spirit,
and in rare sentimental moods, even reciprocated a
trifle). Some dogs, of course, are better than others.
Dalmatians, naturally, as everyone knows, are best.

So I suggest a Dalmatian as my successor. He can hardly be as
well bred, or as well mannered or as distinguished
and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must
not ask the impossible. But he will do his
best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by
comparison to keep my memory green. To him I
bequeath my collar and leash and my overcoat and raincoat, made
to order in 1929 at Hermes in Paris. He can
never wear them with the distinction I did, walking around the
Place Vendome, or later along Park Avenue, all
eyes fixed on me in admiration; but again I am sure he will do
his utmost not to appear a mere gauche provincial
dog. Here on the ranch, he may prove himself quite worthy of
comparison, in some respects. He will, I presume,
come closer to jackrabbits than I have been able to in recent
years. And, for all his faults, I hereby wish him the
happiness I know will be his in my old home.

One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you
visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret
but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my
long happy life with you: 'here lies one who
loved us and whom we loved.' No matter how deep my sleep I shall
hear you, and not all the power of death can
keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

That's beautiful, Maddie Mouse.

First of all MrVisible, I'm sorry to hear about your dogs. We were in a similar situation two years ago when our brother/sister pair of German Shepherd Dogs became elderly and infirm. We lost the female first when she developed a brain tumor, then the male developed spinal stenosis from arthritis and lost the use of his rear legs. We had to put him to sleep soon afterward, too. It was traumatic, and making matters worse, I was going through cancer treatment at the time and their deaths left me with a profound sadness as I was trying to stay "up" and do what I needed to do to get better. It is so horrible to go through, and when you're on the "before" side it seems like you'll never be able to get through it. But you will. There are so many Dis-ers here and people IRL who understand how hard the loss of our pets is.

There is a website www.petloss.com which has some lovely healing and inspirational poems written by others who've felt the same pain and loss. I found them very helpful when we were faced with the dreaded task of euthanization. As others have said, just enjoy them now, spoil them, take lots of pictures, think about what you'd like to do with their bodies when the time comes (we have a Memorial Garden in our yard which has 3 sets of ashes and statues of angels holding animals), talk to your vet about options and appreciate eachother for all the years of love you've had together.

Remember, they live on in your heart forever.

 

[sjaakie]

You can really deal with it when the time is there. I know we did it twice.
God will give you all the strenght you`ll need. Give her a big hug and tell her how much she ment to you and your family.
We took them both home and they sleep in our garden.

 

[keagansmom]

Nothing really to say except I'm sorry and having been through the death of some of my beloved animals I'm sending you email hugs!

 

[doxdogy]

I am so sorry to hear about your Gracie (we have a Gracie in our house too). As suggested earlier give them lots of love and keep them comfortable. We last our beloved Katie in October of last year and then six months later our Anni passed away.

 

[Maryr1]

Enjoy the time you have left and use the knowledge you gain in your everyday life. While my sweet Casey was in the last months of her life (and I knew it) I spent a lot of time hugging her and telling her how much I loved her. It was real quality time. It dawned on me that this could be any person or pet in my life. Since then-and it has been 10+ years-I have practiced this in my relationships. I try to remember that we are all on borrowed time and that if we want someone or some pet to know how we feel we need to tell them. Now I do-and often. And I have less regrets. Thank you Casey-wonderdog, best friend and teacher. Try to enjoy your time, engrave it on your heart and give your pet the dignity they would give you.When the time comes, don't question yourself, just take comfort in knowing that no one knows your pet like you do. Trust yourself-because you know your dog trusts you.

 

[KathyTX]

I'm so very sorry... I can tell you love Gracie very much. And I'm sure Gracie knows that, too.

Just do the very best you can to keep her comfortable, care for her and give her as much dignity and love as you can.

We'll be here when you need a shoulder to lean on or cry on.

 

[jann1033]

we just lost 2 of our 3 cats in the past little over a week..the first the vet said was probably just sick with an ear infection and maybe thyroid, died the next day, a few days later the second lost the use of both hind legs and died that evening before i could even get into the vet. i am guessing the first opinion of the vet was wrong and from online research i've done since i am thinking FIP and hoping we don't lose #3 cat also( husband is cloroxing everything he can as i type)
it's weird cause while it isn't equal to losing a human family member it is more than losing a "animal". i can somewhat console myself by telling myself they lived good lives, warm, well fed and secure, pet and cuddled so at least i can be glad about that...they were 14 and 10 and i am just going to remember the good times, like when the oldest, felix, we called him fee after he got "snipped" and well wasn't quite the man he used to be would jump off the bed, all four legs extended straight out and try to grab you with his claws like some demon kitty ( another of his nicknames)...he was a crazy kitten , loved to be spun around while he laid on his back on our hardwood floors and pushed across the floor as fast as we could...he's jump up and run back for you to do it again...he was really nutty! tommy on the other hand was the "slovenly uncle" kitty who never cleaned himself( fee did it for him ususally), basically was a lazy cow who would meow so you would pick him up onto the couch and save him the energy...but he was always in a good mood, loved to have his head scratched and only tried to bite if something hurt him ( previous owners had him declawed)...he always reminded me of a surfer dude type
so that's my plan on how to cope

sorry about your pup

 

[mrsstats]

Just give your "fur babies" all the love you have to give and you have always done. No, its not easy to live with but you will have many happy memories for the future. Having been thru this myself, there is no easy answer. Hugs to you and your husband.

 

[phantom728]

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult period.

You have to go with your instinct and what your heart tells you. We lost our beloved Dalmatian a few years ago and it was unexpected, so there was no time to prepare or do anything. It's only the 2nd time my DH ever cried. In May 2000, I had to put one of my beloved cats to rest and it was the most difficult thing I ever did. I still can't talk about it without getting choked up . Our current dog is going through some testing, so this could be a very difficult week for us as well.

As others, enjoy and make the most of the time that you have. When the time comes, you will know and you will mourn the loss of affection that only an animal can make in our hearts.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Many, many for you and your husband. I have lost 3 dogs in my life (one in childhood, 2 in adulthood) and I have a 14 year old dog who just had major surgery and still may not make it.

My only advice is that dogs don't show their pain like humans do, and if you have any questions about how much pain your dog may be in, have your vet prescribe meds (Ultram seems to be working well for my dog) or have your canine sweetheart put humanely to sleep.

 

[Muushka]

It is so hard to lose a pet..... hugs to you during this difficult time.

May I make a suggestion? When my beloved kitty Brenda died 2 years ago, the vet came towards the very end to put her down. He was so kind and comforting. He suggested that before we bury her, we snip a clump of her fur to remember her by. I did just that. I put the fur in a clear Christmas tree bulb and hang her and my other beloved kitty Boo (I found a clump of his fur after he passed away) who also has a bulb, on the tree each Christmas, front and center.