Livid with a teacher! Update livid with myself!

[Scurvy]

I know this sounds crazy, and I don't exactly know how the law works, but in Ohio the school districts are allowed to give out personal info about students unless the parents sign a paper saying not too. Problem is, at least in our district, if you sign that paper, it also means your kids picture can't be printed in the local paper or even the yearbook. I know this because I'm the yearbook coordinator and I was told I have to get approval for any pictures that go into the yearbook because certain kids aren't allowed to be in it. And when I asked why a parent would ever sign the paper that doesn't let their kid be in the yearbook, they said because if you don't sign the paper then the school has the permission to give out the students name, address, phone number etc. The school district did say that they vary rarely ever do it, but they do have the legal right to.

Even if the school has the legal right to do it, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that there's something fishy about the "uncle" who is asking about his supposed niece. The teacher should have had the sense not to answer him, or if she messed up and then realised what a foolish thing she had done she should have contacted the OP to explain the situation to her. In the end it doesn't really matter if the teacher had the right to share the information - it's been shared and the OP needs to protect her child from whoever this is that seems to be overly interested in her. And the teacher needs to be made aware of how inappropriate it was to share the information, whether or not it was legal to do so.

 

[horseshowmom]

Is it possible your daughter has a facebook or myspace that you aren't aware of - maybe she created it at a friend's house? At her age, I did many things behind my parents' back. Please consider it as a possibility even if your daughter is wonderful and it might be out of character.

I hate to be an alarmist, but I don't think I could let my daughters out of my sight until the whole situation has been resolved. I am not even sure I would be comfortable with them at school even if I took them in and picked them up.

I hope that it was simply a misunderstanding.

That was my first thought. It sounds like he has seen something that listed her elementary school, checked to find out what middle schools were in the area and sent out a fishing email. That or he saw her in some type of publication from her old elementary school.

I would be at the school first thing in the morning.

 

[N&B'smom]

I would show up at school first thing tomorrow morning to speak with the principal.

Absolutely!!

 

[bumbershoot]

I would be looking at all possibilities. Maybe one of her friends has a team picture or some other picture with your daughter in it. On facebook, a lot of the kids will name all of the other kids in a picture, right beneath the picture.

Seconding that idea.

In my little "went through school together" group on FB, several people refuse to have FB accounts. The older sister of one of my classmates posted our 3rd grade picture and named everyone. Those of us who have FB accounts ended up linked to that picture, but even those without accounts have their names just sitting there for anyone to see.

So if she's on a team or group, she could be named with first and last, even if she doesn't have an account. And if it's a picture in gym class (like a team), or at the school or with the school recognizable, that could be how this person figured out who to contact.

If, indeed, it happened as it was told.

to you!

 

[kaytieeldr]

If true, she'll be in hot water over privacy issues.

Well, while I agree with this, I don't agree that this is a situation about which the OP needs to be concerned, at least not for the reasons the rest of you do.

My immediate thought, on reading her post, that the call came from a very canny, but unethical, book salesman trying to get his foot in the door at that school. Why do I think it's a problem? Well, because it's most likely an acquaintance of the OP or her husband. Friends like that, none of us need.

 

[lillygator]

wow, still scary, hoping they contact you in the am.

 

[Bunchkin]

How scary for all of you.
I have a 12 yr old myself and this would totally have me on edge if it was us in this situation.
If you don't get a phone call from the principle within the first hour of school opening, I would go to the office and ask to speak with him. I would demand a copy of that email right away too. Then I would head over to the police station. And if it were I, I wouldn't let my DD out of my sight until this was resolved...but that's just my opinion on what I would do.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, just thinking of you this morning and hoping you are getting answers

 

[java]

Got my answers and feel so much better update in the OP!

 

[luvmy3]

Got my answers and feel so much better update in the OP!

I'm so glad that it was just a miscommunication. Don't beat yourself up, its always better to be safe than sorry because you just never know in sitiations like this.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

So glad everything worked out. No need to feel like an *** I would have reacted the same way. Better safe than sorry.

Still the teacher should have contacted you before she sent out any emails about your daughter.

Relax and take a deep breath - better yet daydream about Disney!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Originally Posted by java
UPDATE***
Turns out it was my SIL. The teacher had contacted a wellness company. My SIL does some computer work for them - NOT A BOOK COMPANY- But she was the one that contacted the teacher after the teacher contacted her company. She said that's not what she told my daughter. She said she asked her if she had an Uncle in the book business because my SIL has one of those man/woman names. She assumed man.

So after talking with the teacher I feel so much better and no need for concern and I am sure glad I didn't head over to the police station!
So thankfully a communication error vs. a child predator. Her boss read her the riot act though saying even if it is a relative you are to give NO INFORMATION about a student.
Thank you all for being there for me yesterday and now I feel like an ***.

Don't feel bad. You still did the right thing by bringing it to the attention of the principal. They should know that you never ever give out info about students.

We had a similar situation here a few years ago. Guy comes into school, asks to see "Jack and Jane". Secretary asked who are you? I'm their uncle and they haven't seen me in 3 years so I thought I'd surprise them. She called them down!!!
I was like hell no! You don't do that. What if it was really a non custodial parent with the intent to abduct them?!? If I had been there I would have raise kane about it, I heard it from our PTO Pres, who did say it was a bad idea! Of course the principal at the time was a complete idiot and probably would have been fine with it.

 

[horseshowmom]

UPDATE***
Turns out it was my SIL. The teacher had contacted a wellness company. My SIL does some computer work for them - NOT A BOOK COMPANY- But she was the one that contacted the teacher after the teacher contacted her company. She said that's not what she told my daughter. She said she asked her if she had an Uncle in the book business because my SIL has one of those man/woman names. She assumed man.

So after talking with the teacher I feel so much better and no need for concern and I am sure glad I didn't head over to the police station!
So thankfully a communication error vs. a child predator. Her boss read her the riot act though saying even if it is a relative you are to give NO INFORMATION about a student.
Thank you all for being there for me yesterday and now I feel like an ***.

Don't feel bad. I know that we've had extensive PD concerning this type of thing. The teacher should have used better judgement. It was a honest mistake, but she's lucky it wasn't a real threat of some sort.

 

[robinb]

My 12 year daughter comes home today saying "Mrs. S got an email from someone saying they were my uncle and they were in the book industry. They were trying to find out if I attended X school as they know I went to y for elementary."
She EMAILED HIM BACK! saying yes I know A and she goes to school here.

Now we don't have an uncle in the book industry. It infuriates me that this teacher didn't see red flags with someone contacting a gym teacher about this? I am so angry at the stupidity.

I have tried to contact her -- she's not around. And I left a message for the Principal as I feel this is now a safety concern.

Oh calm me down I am so very very angry.

UPDATE***
Turns out it was my SIL. The teacher had contacted a wellness company. My SIL does some computer work for them - NOT A BOOK COMPANY- But she was the one that contacted the teacher after the teacher contacted her company. She said that's not what she told my daughter. She said she asked her if she had an Uncle in the book business because my SIL has one of those man/woman names. She assumed man.

So after talking with the teacher I feel so much better and no need for concern and I am sure glad I didn't head over to the police station!
So thankfully a communication error vs. a child predator. Her boss read her the riot act though saying even if it is a relative you are to give NO INFORMATION about a student.
Thank you all for being there for me yesterday and now I feel like an ***.

Thank you for the update. I personally thought that the advise to go right to the police was over the top.

I don't think you should be angry with yourself. The teacher still was wrong to confirm or deny the information about any children in her class. I'm glad that you spoke to the principal and she is taking this quite seriously.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

You should NOT feel like an ***, not by any stretch of the imagination. The teacher was WRONG, plain and simple!!!!!

Even if you had called the police - you had a right to be concerned. This was bizarre and it shouldn't have happened. Period. Her response should have been, "It's against school policy to answer any questions like that." Period.

Thankfully it's something harmless.

 

[smschex]

Please don't beat yourself up. All you have to do is watch the news to see the tragedies happening. Even though we can't make our kids totally paranoid, parents have to keep up their guard today.

I'm glad it really was a relative and not a predator. Maybe the incident will serve as a lesson for all the teachers in the school.

Thanks for updating us.

 

[Sanchez]

You should NOT feel like an ***, not by any stretch of the imagination. The teacher was WRONG, plain and simple!!!!!

Even if you had called the police - you had a right to be concerned. This was bizarre and it shouldn't have happened. Period. Her response should have been, "It's against school policy to answer any questions like that." Period.

Thankfully it's something harmless.

I think it is wrong to create mass hysteria and a high tech teacher lynching on the DIS prior to having the facts straight. Though it has been a while since we had a "LIVID with the teacher" thread.

Student enrollment lists are not top secret. Schools routinely publish honor rolls and other information. Teachers are routinely confronted by relatives and friends of students who want to know "how their nephew is doing" or "are you Susie's teacher." While a teacher should not disclose personal information to anyone but parents or guardians, the disclosure of the fact that an individual is an enrolled student is not harmful.

We know most of the students that go to school with our children. If my child is having a problem with another student we should be able to discuss the matter with the teacher. Should the teacher say "I cannot discuss the other student and cannot confirm that he/she is a student at Hubert H. Humphrey Elementary." That seems to be what some of you are implying.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I think it is wrong to create mass hysteria and a high tech teacher lynching on the DIS prior to having the facts straight. Though it has been a while since we had a "LIVID with the teacher" thread.

Student enrollment lists are not top secret. Schools routinely publish honor rolls and other information. Teachers are routinely confronted by relatives and friends of students who want to know "how their nephew is doing" or "are you Susie's teacher." While a teacher should not disclose personal information to anyone but parents or guardians, the disclosure of the fact that an individual is an enrolled student is not harmful.

We know most of the students that go to school with our children. If my child is having a problem with another student we should be able to discuss the matter with the teacher. Should the teacher say "I cannot discuss the other student and cannot confirm that he/she is a student at Hubert H. Humphrey Elementary." That seems to be what some of you are implying.

"Mass hysteria"? It's a discussion board. Calling it "mass hysteria" is more dramatic than the..."mass hysteria".

I've never heard of teachers "routinely confronted by relatives and friends" wanting to know how a "nephew" is doing or if they're someone's teacher. Three kids...two in college...I must've missed something.

And I would be livid if a teacher discussed how my kid was doing with a relative or friend who asked! ???????? I don't even understand the situation.

Getting information from a newspaper or some other source is one thing...having the school confirm information is another. If someone can get information so easily from a newspaper or other source, then there's no reason for the school to confirm it anyway, is there.

When my DD was in HS, there was a boy who was obsessed with her...spent a couple of weeks on a psychiatric ward with issues, including his obsession with her. We found this out from his mother. But when I called the school to discuss it, they couldn't tell me anything except that they had talked to her about going to the guidance office immediately if he tried to talk to her, and that the whole faculty was aware of the situation and keeping an eye on things. They couldn't discuss any specifics about the boy. And I couldn't argue with them; discussing things about someone's kid with anyone else is a touchy subject, and there are laws protecting them, as there should be. Not to say I wasn't extremely concerned. (And I found out recently the police were aware of the situation too.)

OP ...good lesson in getting the facts straight first. Been there, done that, and there are and will still be situations where I'll react to the information I have at the moment, only to find out it's not quite the facts.

 

[Sanchez]

"Mass hysteria"? It's a discussion board. Calling it "mass hysteria" is more dramatic than the..."mass hysteria".

I've never heard of teachers "routinely confronted by relatives and friends" wanting to know how a "nephew" is doing or if they're someone's teacher. Three kids...two in college...I must've missed something.

And I would be livid if a teacher discussed how my kid was doing with a relative or friend who asked! ???????? I don't even understand the situation.

Getting information from a newspaper or some other source is one thing...having the school confirm information is another. If someone can get information so easily from a newspaper or other source, then there's no reason for the school to confirm it anyway, is there.
When my DD was in HS, there was a boy who was obsessed with her...spent a couple of weeks on a psychiatric ward with issues, including his obsession with her. We found this out from his mother. But when I called the school to discuss it, they couldn't tell me anything except that they had talked to her about going to the guidance office immediately if he tried to talk to her, and that the whole faculty was aware of the situation and keeping an eye on things. They couldn't discuss any specifics about the boy. And I couldn't argue with them; discussing things about someone's kid with anyone else is a touchy subject, and there are laws protecting them, as there should be. Not to say I wasn't extremely concerned. (And I found out recently the police were aware of the situation too.)

OP ...good lesson in getting the facts straight first. Been there, done that, and there are and will still be situations where I'll react to the information I have at the moment, only to find out it's not quite the facts.

I am sure that you missed quite a bit. The point is that anyone can find out whether a student is enrolled at a school. An acknowledgement that a student is enrolled (not the sharing of private information) is hardly a concern.

See the bolded part above. Apparently it does happen that teachers are speaking with someone in an unrelated conversation when a question about a student comes up. So you are wrong on that issue.

Your personal story above proves the point I made earlier. The school should not discuss personal matters, but they acknowledged that they were aware of the situation. Many on this thread seem to think that in your situation the school representatives should have denied that the boy was enrolled at the school.

 

[clovergirl5]

Op, glad that all it was, was a misunderstanding. Don't beat yourself up, many of us would have reacted the same way. I would have for sure. Nothing wrong with being a protective parent in this day and age. You did the right thing. Have some chocolate and take a deep breath and have a great day!