Livid - Missing School Vent

[cbbi]

I hate it when this topic comes up on the Dis. Everyone has such strong opinions but I really need a place to vent. We are scheduled to leave Wednesday evening for 4 days at WDW. I sent a note as a reminder that they would be out Thurs and Fri. My 11 year old came home today and said that she would prefer to stay home with her grandparents. She said her main 6th grade teacher had reminded her about the number of days she already missed (we spent a week in Vermont and Canada in Sept), and that she would have a ton of makeup work. She said the teacher never really said not to go ... that she (the teacher) just listed a bunch of pros and cons and the cons far outweighed the pros. Her other teacher - her honors teacher told her to go and have fun - for homework just to write a report. My daughter has never made a B (I wish she would just so she wouldn't feel pressure about it) and was the student of the year for our entire county last year. We do believe education is important. We do travel a few times during the year because I believe that family travel time is important also. I don't know whether I should just accept my child's decision -- request a meeting with her teacher, or wring her teacher's neck for making my daughter feel guilty about taking a trip. Or just begin home schooling! Any advice would be appreciated as I am so mad at the moment I am not thinking clearly.

 

[Rneighh]

I would talk to the teacher, principal, and superintendent. Tell them exactly how you feel and still go. Don't let a school, that your tax dollars pay for, tell you what you can or cannot do.

I agree family time is very important. I am looking forward to having 100% of my 16 year olds time on our upcoming trip. At her age we don't see her much with social calendar and extra cirrucular activies.

Go and enjoy

Renee

 

[4DisneyfansinNC]

WOW! I'm surprised the teacher put her in such a position to undermind your family choices. Your DD doesn't need that pressure. I would request a meeting with her teacher, or at least call her on the phone. I hope it all works out for you!

 

[disneyjunkie]

I wouldn't change plans. I'd take the trip and just accept the consequences.

 

[ksoehrlein]

She said the teacher never really said not to go ... that she (the teacher) just listed a bunch of pros and cons and the cons far outweighed the pros.

It seems as though her teacher thinks that by listing the pros and cons she can help your 11-year-old make the ("adult"?) decision to not to go on your family vacation? Since when does an 11-year-old hold that kind of influence in any family? Last time I checked, the adults make those kinds of decisions! What if there was no family nearby? The teacher would prefer her to stay home by herself? Definitely speak with her teacher -- she needs to know that questioning family decisions is NOT okay.

I hope your DD manages to have a great vacation and not stress out too much.

 

[disneyfreakjackie]

I feel that it's none of the teacher's business what you do with your children. Especially since your DD is a good student. I would go straight to the principal and let him/her in on how the teacher made your child feel. This should be a HAPPY time for her! It's two days, not two weeks!!

We plan on taking our four DD's out of school for six days in the beginning of May, 2005. We have done this in the past and the girls make up their work. I notify each school/teacher about a month ahead of time, and like you, send a reminder a couple of days beforehand so the teachers can get some work ready if they choose to do so. The rest of the work is made up after we return. I'm sure they don't like it because it is a inconvenience for them, but isn't everyone inconvenienced at their job ever once in a while??

GO! TAKE YOUR DD, AND HAVE A GREAT TIME!!

 

[jgmklmhem]

Just a question and I hope not to be attacked for asking...but is it you (the parents) or your daughter who is putting the pressure on her to make all A's or do they come naturally (some people just get A's without trying some people spend 5 hours a night studying to get them). If it is her then I can see where she might feel obligated to stay and do it for herself...but if it is the parents then you could explain to her that a B isn't going to kill her especially at her age and you guys wouldn't be upset over something like that. I know you say you wish she would make a B...but do you let her know that a B is not going to be the end of the world. I am not even saying her grades would suffer...but if she believes her grades would suffer and she believes it would displease her parents then that might be the reason for her choice...based on the meddling teacher's pro con list.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

I think that you just need to reasure your child that you, as her parents have made the best decision for her and your family and that she does not have to worry about it. Reasure her that you ARE ALL going on the trip and all will be fine. I think a work to the teacher is in order, but I would be careful not to over react and might even wait until after the trip to address it. Just make sure that your child has a great trip and enjoy the time together.

Jordan's mom

 

[Schmeck]

Did you miss a week for Vermont and a week for Canada, or just one week? How about sick days?

I've been on both sides - as a parent, I've taken my kids out for seven school days for a WDW trip. As a teaching assistant/tutor, I've seen how much work can be missed, and how much extra effort it takes the teacher to get that child caught back up. What if the child just got a "0" for all the work missed? How would you feel about that? Have you offered to compensate the teacher for the time it will take to get the work together for your child? If you want the work before hand, perhaps you could offer to photo-copy for a few hours for the teacher.

 

[laceemouse]

While I feel sorry for you and your child, and I would go ahead with this trip (missing 2 days is not a huge deal) you should probably go ahead and accept that travelling during the school year is a thing of the past. The pressure is only going to grow and GROW from this point on! My oldest will be in High School next year and has been in gifted classes all along. She plans on taking a heavy load of AP and Honors courses throughout HS. NO WAY will she want to miss school for vacation, and I don't blame her. I was the kind of kid who would rather die than make a B. My parents did NOT do that to me. There were proud of me, but I really put the pressure on myself. We work around the school calendar, as advised by our very competetive and excellent school district. Believe me folks, it is not that bad. You will survive if you have to go during school breaks!!! Lacee

 

[cbbi]

Thank you so very much for your replies and thank you for letting me vent. I will sleep much better tonight thanks to your replies. I agree with you -- we are still going on the trip and my daughter is joining us. And I will make an appt to talk with the teacher. If my daughter was struggling with school, or if she were missing some critical test.... but for goodness sake it's 2 days. And even if there were a reason she shouldn't go I would think the teacher should call me not send my little perfectionist on a guilt trip.

Yes jgmklmhem she is one of those first born perfectionists - we have been gently giving the "grades aren't important" speech ever since 1st grade. We are big believers in the idea that being perfect is just too stressful - and that that it's great to do your best but also great to realize that life is about more than trying to be perfect. She is a really bright kid - doesn't have to study to make good grades but having good grades is really important to her. Anyway - I thought the teacher and I would be on the same page and she would encourage my daughter to enjoy herself...not stress her out. At the same time - the school is under this big incentive plan regarding absences so maybe that was the driving factor. We get letters from the District Attorney's office after 5 absences.

My husband says maybe teacher was just having a bad day or maybe she was worried about all the extra work involved with makeup work. We tried to tell my daughter just not to worry about the makeup work. She could get 2 days of all F's and still do just fine. That went over like a lead balloon.

I don't know. What I do know for sure (Oprah style) is that every year when my children write those little Thanksgiving lists in school about what they are thankful for - the first thing they write is "My Family." Life is good -- and we Griswalds are headed on a little Family Vacation.

 

[laceemouse]

AND, family time DOES NOT only happen at WDW when the kids are supposed to be in school! Those of us who follow the schools rules and vacation during breaks are often made to feel on the DIS that somehow this makes us inferior parents who do not value the time with our kids. If there was no other time we could possibly go, and it was a "once in a lifetime trip" I would say "go for it!" But since most of us go to WDW over and over, it is really not so bad to go when it is a little crowded. What you miss this trip you can see next time. I have considered homeschooling so that we could have more flexibilty, however, we have had so many excellent, knowledgeable, psyched about their subject teachers there is no way that I could measure up. For instance, I hate math. Do I really want to pass those feelings on to my kids?

 

[justKim]

As a former teacher, I am in the camp of folks who don't take the kids out of school for Disney trips, but I am appalled that the teacher would talk this way to your daughter. If the teacher has concerns, they should be brought to the parents' attention. Putting a child in this situation sounds very unprofessional to me. I hope that your DH is right and that this was just a temporary lapse in judgement on the teacher's part. Dealing with absent students does create more work for the teacher, but that doesn't excuse putting the child in such an awkward position.

 

[cbbi]

Did you miss a week for Vermont and a week for Canada, or just one week? How about sick days?

One week total for both. 5 days missed.

And laceemouse - I hear what your saying about what lies ahead. Our travel is based on my husband's work. If he has a business trip - we usually tag along. This time he has a morning meeting in Florida - so we add a few days to it for a family vacation. I know that this is probably drawing to a close due to the demands of school.

I don't think that those who follow school rules should be made to feel like second class citizens. My Mom's favorite phrase was "to each their own." Everyone needs to do what works best for their family.

 

[magicalmoments]

I think the teachers jealous cuz she isnt going...lol

Just a thought,
Stacy

 

[disneyfreakjackie]

Have you offered to compensate the teacher for the time it will take to get the work together for your child? If you want the work before hand, perhaps you could offer to photo-copy for a few hours for the teacher.

I REALLY HOPE YOU'RE KIDDING!!! Photo copy for the teacher?!? That's part of her job that she gets PAID to do!?! Boy, I really hope your kidding!!

 

[Anne34]

Our teachers rarely do their own photocopying. They have moms signed up to copy for them on different days -- so yes, she could photo copy for the teacher.

Personally, we have always taken our kids out of school for vacation. This year it will only be 1 day (and a long weekend already off). Our oldest daughter is in advanced Math and if you miss a couple days, you've missed a lot.

 

[Becky2005]

I would be livid too, I don't take my kids out but you already had it planned, gave advance notice and frankly, I agree with the who is going to leave their 11 year old home alone while on vacation (I'm assuming the teacher doesn't know if it would even be feasible to leave your child home - what if her grandparents don't want to keep her for that timeframe (not that they wouldn't love to, just kind of imposing on the teacher to just assume the grandparents would be willing/able to do so) and since when do they make these types of decisions at 11? Is the teacher prepared to have her stay at her house or something? What is up with the pro/con list as if it's up to the 11 year old to decide?

Take your vacation, have a good time and I bet you daughter will catch up any missed work quickly since you say she is one that school comes easily for her.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I REALLY HOPE YOU'RE KIDDING!!! Photo copy for the teacher?!? That's part of her job that she gets PAID to do!?! Boy, I really hope your kidding!!

What's wrong with a parent offering to help a teacher?

 

[lindaso]

Your poor DD, that's not fair to put that on her shoulders.

My friend just took her DD out of 2nd grade for 5 days for a Disney Cruise. She gave the teacher plenty of notice and some friendly reminders about getting work sent home. The teacher sent it with a "have a good time" post it note. When the child got back to the classroom the teacher realized she sent 2 weeks of math instead of 1. So friend's DD didn't have to do math for the week. The teacher was frustrated by that and lectured the class about how bad it is to miss school for vacations. Her DD took it in stride but my DD would have been mortified for the teacher to make such a speech to the class, basically about her.

The teachers should take it up with the parents.