Life is expensive

[jenrose66]

I'm realizing this more and more since I've had a baby. Me and DH are on a pretty tight budget. We are doing ok, but there is not alot for extras. Now that graduation season is among us we have 4 invitations. You figure that's $100 or more if we give the going rate. Then in the fall "birthday" season starts on DH's side and it doesn't end until Christmas.

I have a philosophy with gifts. That is to take care of your immediate family. I would like to buy small gifts for DH and DS and that's it. In return I would want no gifts from any other family friends for our family in return. For example, for DS's birthday, the present of your presence would be present enough

I know that we are going to Disney and people are like, oh if you can afford a vacation you can afford a few graduation gifts. That is not the case. We had to save very hard to take this trip.

I just think it's sad that society is all about "you have to give" I personally never cared about getting lots of gifts...but how could I go to a party and not give a gift...I would look "cheap". Or it's just the fact that there is inflation with gifts. It would be alot easier to swallow if giving $10 in a card would be acceptable, but it doesn't seem to be. I'm just wondering what other people think about this.

I'm truly debating putting "please no gifts" on DS's birthday invitation. He has tons of toys already and whatever he needs we can give him.

 

[Southern4sure]

Can you make up a coupon booklet or something made from home? You might be surprised how well this goes over because you really show you thought about that person instead of a generic gift.

 

[budbeerlady]

I feel your pain but we have opted out of the gift giving cycle. It is crazy and never ending! If you want to put no gifts please on the invite do so, it is for your child.

DD has more than she will EVER need. My side is the bargin shoppers, it hit the Amazon sale for toys, she ends up with alot for less then $25. We have said if they want to gift please do so in disney dollars or money toward her 529 fund. This caused some grumbling but they get over it. We now do the same for other kids in the family. You get 1 thing (usually picked up for discount price) and $10.

The adults it is worse! They were doing $50 pp, that is nuts! I refuse to spend $50 pp at Christmas, we need nothing and it was $300 just on the adults alone. So we said sorry, we are asking for no gifts for us this year and we are opting out. It didnt go over well but they can get over it!

Graduations its $25 cash, Birthday small gift + $10, Mother / Father day $25 gift card to resturant. For my parents we all chip in $10 and go in for something nice.

I would rather have DD college paid for and a fun retirement than a $50 Christmas gift I dont need!

 

[Adi12982]

A nice, cheaper gift, is to create a couple scrapbook pages or on dotphoto or shutterfly you can create little books with pictures (start at $5). . . I agree, more thoughtful gifts go a long way. Also, you can get nice gifts (if you look hard) at Marshalls/Ross/Burlington Coat Factory - like watches, perfume, etc taht are/look more expensive but you can get them for cheap. We also like to go to Barnes and Nobles and ht the clearance racks - you can get some really nice books for less than $10 and we usually get them at $3. You can put together a small gift basket ($1-2); a book ($3); lotion ($3); and a picture book or scrap book page ($5) and a card -and it will go over well, at least it has for me. . . . less than $15

I agree, life is epensive.

 

[HugsForEeyore]

I hit this same feeling with gifts. I have come to dread Christmas, as I see it as nothing but a financial drain, and in my family, we all end up just giving each other gift cards, anyways!

I did a lot of babysitting around town, and I quickly learned to never give gifts to the kids. I find that usually the kids already have plenty of toys they never touch anyways, and gifts are almost seen as "clutter" by the parents. The parents really don't want more stuff in their clean houses, they really don't. I seen this so many times after a birthday party for these kids - many gifts are just thrown away quickly or given to Good Will in a month. I learned not to ever bother with gifts. Just so much easier for everyone!

 

[NeedaVacation03]

I'm realizing this more and more since I've had a baby. Me and DH are on a pretty tight budget. We are doing ok, but there is not alot for extras. Now that graduation season is among us we have 4 invitations. You figure that's $100 or more if we give the going rate. Then in the fall "birthday" season starts on DH's side and it doesn't end until Christmas.

I have a philosophy with gifts. That is to take care of your immediate family. I would like to buy small gifts for DH and DS and that's it. In return I would want no gifts from any other family friends for our family in return. For example, for DS's birthday, the present of your presence would be present enough

I know that we are going to Disney and people are like, oh if you can afford a vacation you can afford a few graduation gifts. That is not the case. We had to save very hard to take this trip.

I just think it's sad that society is all about "you have to give" I personally never cared about getting lots of gifts...but how could I go to a party and not give a gift...I would look "cheap". Or it's just the fact that there is inflation with gifts. It would be alot easier to swallow if giving $10 in a card would be acceptable, but it doesn't seem to be. I'm just wondering what other people think about this.

I'm truly debating putting "please no gifts" on DS's birthday invitation. He has tons of toys already and whatever he needs we can give him.

I saw AMEN to your whole post!! I am so sick of the gift thing it isnot even funny. We have 5 kids (4 little, one adult DD) so getting our own family is a project. My girls have all been trained about what you can or can not get as a gift. It is the extended that makes me crazy. Buying for adults who already have too much stuff or want things that our out of our budget is making me crazy. For the girls aunts, uncles, cousins etc. we are doing activity related gifts. We all went to an indoor pool for cousins birthday as that the cousins could all play together(it was in FEB.) For aunts birthday we are going to a doll museum ($3.00 each) to spend time seeing what she enjoys. Same kind of thing for Grma birthday. Grandpas get coupons good for a drive somewhere or work that needs done.
I do not buy into the "correct" amount for grad, wedding etc. I give what I can afford. I am a high school youth minister, if I bought the "correct" amount I would be broke!!

We have parties with the girls friends and all invitations say " Nonperishable items for the local food pantry in place of gifts". That way people can use coupons or whatever to buy what they want or do nothing at all. It has worked well for us in the past. DD's exchange sale items purchased throughout the year with their best friends.
Somebody has to put a stop to it and in my world that person is me. I will have you over and make you a meal, and we can talk and enjoy each others company, but NO gifts.

 

[HunnyPots]

I agree completely. Please do not buy into the whole "gift for every occasion" scenario. If someone sends me an announcement for graduation or wedding that is not a close friend or family member, they get a card. I really despise the idea that many people have that you send out as many announcements as possible just to rake in the cash. I give a gift only if I WANT to give one, not out of obligation. As for birhtdays, I give to my dh, my kids, and my mother; no one else. And this year, Christmas will be the same. The whole gift giving thing has gotten way out of hand.

 

[Pembo]

We give what we can afford and if that is $10 for graduation or a $5 child's bday gift...that's what it is. I've had kid birthday parties for my kids before and requested no gifts. They were never missed. But I did have a parent begging me to let her send a gift. (I said sure and he opened it privately with the friend).

I don't follow the "going rate" because we can't afford to.

 

[eliza61]

A few Christmases ago my sons got over $800.00 in video games for gifts. I hit the roof. I sincerely felt that no child should have $1000 worth of electronic equipment even with a good income. So I told my family NO more. Now for special events (graduations, marriages) I tend to give US savings bonds. For birthdays, I "do" things with the kids as opposed to buying gifts. Now that we have the ability to travel a lot more, we do trips instead of birthday and christmas gifts.
I'm just scared I ruining my sons for dating, they're going to meet some poor girl who expects a gift on every holiday and think she is crazy.presents

 

[dementia412]

Well maybe this is a good place to grumble about the never ending gift giving occassions. When I was a kid it was only birthdays and Christmas. Now every other week there seems to be somebody expecting gifts for something... first there are all the Days.. mothers Day, Fathers Day, Grandparents Day, Teachers Day, and every year they add a couple new ones to the list... then there are graduations, and not just from High school or college, oh no, now we are suposed to give gifts because the kid managed to get through preschool and Kindergarden, fifth grade, eighth grade... end of the year gifts for kids and teachers, it never ends. I don't buy gifts for anyone except my kids and DH, and thats that. Even if I had more money I wouldn't do it. People get so much stuff all year long they can't apreciate any of it. Even with the minimal gifts I get my kids, they have more than any kid needs... I can't imagine how crazy most kids' closets look like.
pant... pant.... sorry, couldn't help myself!!!

 

[disneysteve]

We give what we can afford

I don't follow the "going rate" because we can't afford to.

Exactly. Forget the "going rate" and give what you are comfortable with. Also, be creative. Nothing wrong with homemade gifts for many occasions. Bake a big tin of cookies, for example.

One thing we always do for weddings is check the couple's registry and then buy a gift at an outlet store or even off ebay. We've given gifts that were $150 new at the department store but actually spent half or less to get it. The couple still gets a nice gift but we save money.

 

[brymolmom]

First of all - let me say - I LOVE GIVING GIFTS - I am the family's 'secret santa' at Christmastime (i'll wrap up gifts from 'santa'). That is because when I come across things that would be perfect for someone, I like to get it and give it. I love to do this and hope that people don't feel obligated to return a gift - but they sometimes do.

I am in total agreement with the 'seasons' of gifts though - graduations, bdays and weddings. DH and I have 25 nieces and nephews...so you can imagine that the seasons never end around here. We've been to two weddings so far, and have 2 more this summer. I just had 2 bridal showers last week. And we have 4 graduation parties and a few birthdays this summer. WOW- that's a lot of cash.

I didn't even realize that you're supposed to send a gift when you receive an announcment???? I only ever feel the 'obligation' when I'm actually invited to an event, not just when I get an announcement. OOPS - I guess I'm helping to stop the gift giving madness.

I think one thing that would be a good idea is for everyone to TONE DOWN the gifts they do give. Kids expecting between $40 and $50 cash for a graduation gift?? THat is TOO MUCH! ESPECIALLY if they're not going to spend it on college (books, fees, etc) - if they're just going to go out and spend it on they're usual 'stuff' - then no way. I'm trying to give our nieces and nephews something practical based on what they're going to be doing after gradutaion - a SMALL piece of luggage or a tee-shirt from their college or whatever. I would be embarrassed if my own kids got gifts of that magnitude (unless it was from the grandparents or godparents).

I wanted to do ds's b-day last month as 'NO GIFTS PLEASE' but I heard that someone inevitably misses that on the invite and brings one anyway - which makes everyone else feel badly, so I didn't do it. I do it more from the point of view that I don't want ds (who just turned 5) thinking that he SHOULD be getting so many gifts on his bday. He gets a couple from us, and a few from close relatives - 3 - 5 gifts for a bday is PLENTY and I really don't want him learning to expect that type of loot.

 

[canwegosoon]

A few Christmases ago my sons got over $800.00 in video games for gifts. I hit the roof. I sincerely felt that no child should have $1000 worth of electronic equipment even with a good income. So I told my family NO more. Now for special events (graduations, marriages) I tend to give US savings bonds. For birthdays, I "do" things with the kids as opposed to buying gifts. Now that we have the ability to travel a lot more, we do trips instead of birthday and christmas gifts.
I'm just scared I ruining my sons for dating, they're going to meet some poor girl who expects a gift on every holiday and think she is crazy.presents

Me too...I have already told my sons...oh no.

OP I have an under 21 policy: Neices etc for birthdays get $25. My sisters/Brother get cards.
Christmas-everyone(my parents/brothers/sisters etc) else gets $25 gift card to something they like- Movies, Target or a gift if they have told me something specific.
Graduations-unless they are nieces/nephews, I would just send a card and a tiny gift. N/N I think I am doing a $50 maximum(but I have 2 years to think about it). First Holy Communion/Confirmations get 20/35 (respectfully)

When people get gifts for my boys...I like target gift cards-for a like amount that their children recieve from me(20-25 or 15 if that is what their budget allows)...then I pool the gift cards together and they get a bigger item-new bikes, Xbox(it just died and I had $200 Target GC from Christmas/Birthdays). I have told my MIL that the boys are doing skiing lessons would she like to contribute to that-(next year I will have her get snow pants since they will be needing a new pair), at their birthday's I ask for items having to do with their spring sport baseball-pants, socks, mits, cleats etc...

ITA gift giving is out of control. But I think you have to be frank with people and tell them you need to scale back to keep your finances in check. I budget just over 2K for giftgiving and another 1K for DH Christmas party at work(Senior Management covers the division's party-not their employer). SO I totally agree with you. I would rater recieve a $10 gift card to a place that I know I or my boys shop at then get something that I hate(orange pants) or will never-ever use(telescope-we live in a city)...food gifts I will take anytime!

 

[disneysteve]

I'm just scared I ruining my sons for dating, they're going to meet some poor girl who expects a gift on every holiday and think she is crazy.

Actually, you are doing them a huge favor. With this mindset, they can seek out girls who DON'T expect a gift on every holiday but rather share the frugal mindset.

 

[jacksonsmom]

I don't go by the 'going rate"
I give what I can give. DH's niece just had her guadation last Saturday. Guess what? We gave her a card with $10 in it. I am sure she opened it and thought what cheapos (she is a spoiled little girl)

I don't care what peopel think. My cousin's daughter is having her G-party this weekend. I too am giving her $10 in a card. Although from that side of the family I think they will not think it is a big deal. They are very simple folks and are one to give homemade gifts at Christmas time themselves

Seriously give what you can and don't worry what others are giving.

 

[lpandorf]

My kids have too much stuff and I agree with you. Too much gift giving. Everytime we go visit a relative a grandparents or aunt or uncle is handing them something. I feel they are a bit spoiled because of it and don't appreciate it. But the Grandparents love to do it so I don't say much. Esp. my in-laws. They did not have much money when their boys were little and they have the extra money now so like to buy our kids the things they could not buy when their own were young. Only thing I'd offer up is that by insisting on no gifts or saying don't buy the kids anything can hurt some people's feeling that are trying to be kind and really enjoy it. For instance, my parents really like to go to the store and pick out a toy or outfit for the grandkids. They are retired, don't travel or have many hobbies or friends. It is a really big deal for them to see the grandkids each month (we are 3 hours away so don't see them on a daily basis, just about 1x per month) and they really enjoy going to the store and choosing something for them. That is their fun and very important to them. My brother and SIL don't let them buy any toys for their daughter and any outfits they buy they just tell them to take back. I know my parents feel very bad about this. Their grandkids are what they enjoy. So while I agree it's too much, I know how much my parents enjoy getting things for my kids so I don't say much.

 

[SleepyatDVC]

I'm just scared I ruining my sons for dating, they're going to meet some poor girl who expects a gift on every holiday and think she is crazy.

Actually, you are doing them a huge favor. With this mindset, they can seek out girls who DON'T expect a gift on every holiday but rather share the frugal mindset.

To be honest, doing something special on a holiday that doesn't cost a lot of money is probably more touching to the right sort of girl.

Sometimes it's REALLY the thought that counts. When DH and I were dating, he occasionally bought me flowers. I told him that if he did to NOT use expensive florists but to get them someplace cheaper and put them in a vase later. He learned quickly. Now that we are married, he NEVER gets me flowers!

I complained about it - that he never gets me anything anymore - we usually buy what we need ourselves. So, what did he do? He braved all the Xmas mayhem in the city and went to Macy's on his lunch hour to shop for watches for me for Xmas. He called me from his cell to ask me to look up model numbers so that I can tell him what styles I liked.

I told him that the watches were beautiful but maybe we shouldn't spend so much for a watch. All my watches seem to die is 2-3 years, the cheap ones as well as the expensive ones. So, maybe it is better to buy an inexpensive one every 2 years when it dies.

He couldn't get me to give him the ok to spend the money. Finally, he complained that first I complain that he never gets me anything, and when he goes through all the trouble to try to get me something, I don't want it!!! He said he was never doing that again!!

But it REALLY was the thought that counted. The fact that he took the time to look at something for me was better than ANY gift he could have given me. He was rewarded just the same. It was the best money he never spent!!

 

[tlivgstn]

I try to give a clever, less expensive gift over a gift card that I can never get on sale! Graduates- I often give a $12 first aid kit from Sam's or a nice beach towel that I bought on clearance last season with a pair of flip flops or beach bag. Might give a flashlight/car blanket combo. I have given Netflix subscriptions before, also.

 

[Mad4Dizne]

We, luckily only give gifts basically for all the kids in the family. However still do mom, dad, mother's day, father's day etc..... I try to keep the nieces/nephew presents between $5-$10, this has gotten progressively harder as they get older and we might be switching to gift cards soon. I do alot of magazine subscriptions-they all seem to like them. If that is all we can afford, I'm sorry but...that is it. We too usually gift for weddings off the wedding registry, but buy from discount store/online or sales. Our last wedding we got a $150. gift for about $54-one of my better deals!!!
We try to focus on the celebration and not the gifts.

 

[IDoDis]

I so agree with the OP on this! Our society has become so greedy and we've brought this upon ourselves. People keep upping the anti with gifts which makes it very hard for those on a tight budget to keep up. When I was a kid and made my first communion, I got a new watch, lots of cards, and $5 from my grandma. I am the baby in the family so I knew what I'd be getting since my brother and sister had both gotten the same thing. Knowing I'd open a card and get a $5 bill was sooooo exciting for me. Nowadays, kids would toss that over their shoulder and holler, "Next!"

Last year we attended my DDs friend's 1st Communion (my kids didn't do this because we now go a non-demoninational church) and this girl got over $300 in cash, diamond earrings, a pearl necklance, a $50 Build-A-Bear gift card and TONS of other things. As she opened each gift, she'd smile, and then set it aside to find the next gift. No flames please, but should this be an occassion where we saturate a child with gifts, or should we be praising God and maybe give her a small gift and have a nice family dinner?

We are spoiling the kids in our society with too many gifts. Eight year old kids have cell phones, video IPods, X-Boxes, etc... What's next??? Kids will be owning homes by the time they are 15 at this rate. It is crazy!!!

Okay, for advice on the holiday gifts, why don't you all draw names. Every person draws a name so you only have to buy one gift each and everyone gets one gift. Set a limit on the price that everyone in the family has to abide by. As far as the gradaution gift, you can give a card and a $10 blockbuster card.