LIEBERMAN VOWS TO BE WHINY VOICE FOR ALL AMERICANS
Makes Official Whiny Announcement
Announcing his candidacy for the Democratic nomination for President, Senator Joseph Lieberman (D-Conn) promised today to work hard to be a whiny voice for all Americans.
Calling himself a new kind of whiny Democrat, Senator Lieberman made an impassioned plea to those voters who feel alienated from politics in America.
To all those who feel they have no voice, I will be your voice, Senator Lieberman said, and I will be a really whiny and nasal voice.
In announcing his candidacy for President, Mr. Lieberman joins a field already crowded with whiny voices, with the exception of Gov. Howard Dean of Vermont, whose voice may or may not be whiny but has been little heard outside Vermont.
Some political insiders, however, believe that Senator Lieberman may sprint to the front of the pack if he can prove to the voters that his voice is the whiniest.
Look at Mondale, look at Dukakis, said Dr. Robert Crewson, a political science professor at the University of Minnesota. In Democratic politics, its often about the survival of the whiniest.
In other national news, White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer denied today that President Bush was backing off his tough policy regarding North Korea by sending a box of Russell Stover chocolates to North Korean President Jung-Il.
Mr. Fleischer said that the box of chocolates was consistent with the Presidents stated policy of not giving into nuclear blackmail, explaining that the treats were strictly an early Valentines Day gift.
The President is in no way saying that hes willing to negotiate with Kim Jung-Il, Mr. Fleischer said. He is merely saying, Be mine.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
Makes Official Whiny Announcement
Announcing his candidacy for the Democratic nomination for President, Senator Joseph Lieberman (D-Conn) promised today to work hard to be a whiny voice for all Americans.
Calling himself a new kind of whiny Democrat, Senator Lieberman made an impassioned plea to those voters who feel alienated from politics in America.
To all those who feel they have no voice, I will be your voice, Senator Lieberman said, and I will be a really whiny and nasal voice.
In announcing his candidacy for President, Mr. Lieberman joins a field already crowded with whiny voices, with the exception of Gov. Howard Dean of Vermont, whose voice may or may not be whiny but has been little heard outside Vermont.
Some political insiders, however, believe that Senator Lieberman may sprint to the front of the pack if he can prove to the voters that his voice is the whiniest.
Look at Mondale, look at Dukakis, said Dr. Robert Crewson, a political science professor at the University of Minnesota. In Democratic politics, its often about the survival of the whiniest.
In other national news, White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer denied today that President Bush was backing off his tough policy regarding North Korea by sending a box of Russell Stover chocolates to North Korean President Jung-Il.
Mr. Fleischer said that the box of chocolates was consistent with the Presidents stated policy of not giving into nuclear blackmail, explaining that the treats were strictly an early Valentines Day gift.
The President is in no way saying that hes willing to negotiate with Kim Jung-Il, Mr. Fleischer said. He is merely saying, Be mine.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
