Letter to my son's Asst. Principal re: paddling UPDATED Pg 14!

[MaryAnnDVC]

I can't believe that this is an option. No one would hit my kids....period....I'm not sure what I would do however, it would not be a good situation.

I agree.

Dear Mr. Principal,

It has been brought to my attention that my child got in trouble today. I have also been told that you were going to paddle him. If you ever lay a hand on my child I will paddle you like a tennis ball at Wimbledon. Venus and Serena will be coming to me for lessons.

Thank you for your time. Can't wait to see you at Meet the Teacher night!

Sincerely,
MHM

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read on the DIS. I called DH in to read it...he too.

What I find ironic is that in order to punish your child for not keeping his hands to himself, and not respecting another's body, the principal was going to put his hands on your child and not respect his body, unbelievable.

It's like Bizarro World. DH and I were both stunned that it's allowed anywhere in the US.

I would call, not send a letter- why? to assess who I was dealing with. Some people would respect that letter and some would make sure your son did get paddled just to show how powerful they were. Unless you already know this guy it could have an opposite reaction if he's power tripping.
If you call you can take it slowly and figure him out

First I'd check the law on recording a conversation without the other party knowing.

OP, I'd love to be able to say not to worry, this will blow over and your son will forget about it. But I can still remember the terror that hung over my head throughout elementary school because of threats of paddlings.

I was never actually paddled, just threatened, but I had a plan in place of how I would run out the side door of the school and across the field into the woods and then sneak into my house from the back.

Your poor son needs to be made to feel safe, otherwise this could haunt him for years.

Same here, and I agree. I posted just recently about my experience in a Catholic First Grade, where a kid was taken to "the spanking machine"...some unseen contraption (or so they led us to believe) in the school, and he came back crying hysterically and they made him stand in front of the classroom promising he'd never do "it" (talk in class? forget his homework? ) again. He was terrified and so was I. I was sick over it for the rest of the school year...I had no idea where or what "the spanking machine" was, or if I might end up receiving its punishment...and every time I've thought of it since (it's not like I'm obsessed with it, but it has entered my thoughts) I get a knot in my stomach. After posting about it recently, I found "the kid" on FB and sent him a message just asking if he was him, and he responded he is. I'm not sure if I'm going to ask him about what exactly "the spanking machine" was (I'm still dying to know)...I'm afraid he'll get flashbacks and go on a shooting rampage of the nuns or something.

I was "disciplined" in Catholic school for sucking my thumb (6 yrs old). I was shy, insecure and my father had just left me and my mother so I was an emotional wreck.

i have found, more often than not, that people who were sheltered by cloying parents throughout their adolescent years were less capable of interacting with their peers in later years. how about that. next time have more knowledge of your advesary. tounge in cheek all the way. hope were good!

Is this English?

I HATE tickling. I despise being tickled. I didn't like it when my parents or worse their friends did it to me and therefor we don't tickle our children. It isn't affectionate to me. It is someone DOMINATING me. In my eyes it is nothing more than an display of dominance and submission. To me, there is nothing fun or playful or loving about it.

I'm glad to see that the OP is trying to reinforce the 'hands to yourself' concept. Even in kindergarten, they can learn that.

Me too.

Good Bye.

 

[disneymarie]

The law in AR seems to leave it up to school boards to decide. Our diistrict requires no parental permission or notification to paddle.

Hugs to you and Paul, Some place in this school system there is a real breakdown......
I did notice Paul was a tiny miricle when he was born. My two nephews were also, the tiniest one was caught up and ok,
The larger at 2 lb did have a lot of love to share and was placed on the spectrum.

Some kiddos have an oppositional behaviour and some have such a playful loving one. Especially to threaten your young son.
You should have been called asap.
I do not want to be nosy, but there may be more that needs to be assesed to make sure your son is being protected in the school system.
Maybe if he is given a method of sharing his "like or happiness" that is appropriate would be wonderful.

Would they allow him to carry jelly beans, or a sticker? He can share that then and avoid the whole physical interaction,.

Explain like stranger danger, maybe they have a safe area and want to keep that space near them free.
Only

 

[luvsJack]

Everyone keeps saying that the punishment doesn't fit the crime. (not agreeing or disagreeing here) I am curious, what do you thing should be done?

OP, what do you want the school to do? They should do something. And if paddling is their policy then it makes perfect sense that he would be told that the next step would be paddling.

Some of you are making very light of this but I can promise you that the school cannot take that light of a view on it. He raised her dress and touched her stomach. Seemingly innocent. But completely inappropriate. So it they say this time "oh, it was just a zerbert; give him one back" What happens if the next little boy touches a little differently? But, yet his mom hears that the OP's little boy didn't receive punishment and raises cane that her child shouldn't? It can go on and on.

I do agree that there should be plenty of option before a child is paddled, but once those options are exhausted then I don't have an issue with a child being paddled. And there is a huge difference in a paddling (which is rarely more than a couple of hard swats) and abuse situations. Abusive situations will happen regardless of the policies on paddling.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I haven't read anything past the original post of this thread, but that is some wicked power trip that assistant principal is on and truthfully I think you were way to nice to him. I'd have made it perfectly clear that if anyone at that school ever laid a hand on my kid there's be hell to pay.

I had to reread the OP to make sure I read it right. Your son is in kindergarten?? Good grief. The alternate punishment is ridiculous as well. Three days with no recess? He's a KID.

I'd be scared to death to find out what the punishment would be if he really did something wrong. I don't think my child would be going back to that school.

 

[DVCJones]

First, I do not believe in hitting children for any reason. Secondly, I think your letter was really well written.

Lastly, as a mother of two DDs 6 and 4, I would not be upset if a 6yo boy did this to my DD6. I would understand that he is six and that he probably thought he was just playing. I would also expect the school/parents to explain to the child why he shouldn't do it again. The End!!!!

They are SIX not sixteen!!!

On a funnier side, my DD6 would have probably liked it and thought it was funny, while my DD4 would have knocked him out.

 

[Mermaid02]

Everyone keeps saying that the punishment doesn't fit the crime. (not agreeing or disagreeing here) I am curious, what do you thing should be done?

OP, what do you want the school to do? They should do something. And if paddling is their policy then it makes perfect sense that he would be told that the next step would be paddling.

Some of you are making very light of this but I can promise you that the school cannot take that light of a view on it. He raised her dress and touched her stomach. Seemingly innocent. But completely inappropriate. So it they say this time "oh, it was just a zerbert; give him one back" What happens if the next little boy touches a little differently? But, yet his mom hears that the OP's little boy didn't receive punishment and raises cane that her child shouldn't? It can go on and on.

I do agree that there should be plenty of option before a child is paddled, but once those options are exhausted then I don't have an issue with a child being paddled. And there is a huge difference in a paddling (which is rarely more than a couple of hard swats) and abuse situations. Abusive situations will happen regardless of the policies on paddling.

I agree with some of what you said (although I am vehemently anti-paddling) but the raising of the shirt/dress is inappropriate- putting his mouth on her belly even more so- I believe the parents have addressed this with the boy. I would be quite upset if it were my daughter though.

What should happen? I think at the K level a stern talking to by the Principal followed up by the parents is enough. It's not like the boy is a serial offender- I'm sure he will never do this again. Lesson learned.

 

[RadioNate]

Everyone keeps saying that the punishment doesn't fit the crime. (not agreeing or disagreeing here) I am curious, what do you thing should be done?

OP, what do you want the school to do? They should do something. And if paddling is their policy then it makes perfect sense that he would be told that the next step would be paddling.

Some of you are making very light of this but I can promise you that the school cannot take that light of a view on it. He raised her dress and touched her stomach. Seemingly innocent. But completely inappropriate. So it they say this time "oh, it was just a zerbert; give him one back" What happens if the next little boy touches a little differently? But, yet his mom hears that the OP's little boy didn't receive punishment and raises cane that her child shouldn't? It can go on and on.

I do agree that there should be plenty of option before a child is paddled, but once those options are exhausted then I don't have an issue with a child being paddled. And there is a huge difference in a paddling (which is rarely more than a couple of hard swats) and abuse situations. Abusive situations will happen regardless of the policies on paddling.

I can see you point. Sort of. I'm disappointed that the assistant principal went to paddling first and then backed down. However, is that the boys account of the incident or could the assistant principal have said something like "I could paddle you over this" instead of "I am going to paddle you over this."

The child was obviously upset and frightened and easily could have thought he was getting immediately paddled with no 1st warning punishment. Are we certain there was a backing down because the child was scared?

Maybe the OP is. I don't know. I'm not sure (and too lazy to look) if the school called her or she just heard from her DS or incident report or whatever.

I'm not saying the child lied at all but in traumatic situations we some times miss the details.

I actually don't have a big problem with the assistant threatening a paddling for further incidents of the same nature. I have more of an issue if it was the 1st punishment he set out to use. But the 'threat' could really be no more than a notification that paddling is a possibility if further punishment is needed.

Our state allows corporal punishment and I think if my DS was told that he could be paddled IF he did the same thing again, I'm not sure I'd have a huge issue with that. If I didn't want me kid paddled, I need to make sure he isn't committing the same violation.

I don't know. Just some thoughts. Just discussing the topic in general.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

For those of you that think paddling is okay do you think it would be okay for your boss to paddle you if you screw up at work? I mean if it is okay for the principal to paddle a child then why not paddle an adult when they mess up at their job?

 

[Mermaid02]

For those of you that think paddling is okay do you think it would be okay for your boss to paddle you if you screw up at work? I mean if it is okay for the principal to paddle a child then why not paddle an adult when they mess up at their job?

Excellent point- would it be ok for you boss to humiliate and violate you as an adult?

 

[RadioNate]

For those of you that think paddling is okay do you think it would be okay for your boss to paddle you if you screw up at work? I mean if it is okay for the principal to paddle a child then why not paddle an adult when they mess up at their job?

I don't think anyone is saying that paddling is ok. Ok maybe 1 person did.

I don't have a problem with a principal telling my child that paddling may be an option for further violations. Whether or not you see it, that is different from actually paddling.

I don't think anyone (with children) supports paddling as a 1st line punishment in any situation. Therefor, if it isn't used as a 1st line punishment and the child corrects the behavior, they shouldn't actually ever be paddled.

And really, I'm just discussing. I can discuss without being in favor of...I think corporal punishment should be outlawed in all states but I can't change the law in Arkansas so I'll discuss.

 

[crashbb]

For those of you that think paddling is okay do you think it would be okay for your boss to paddle you if you screw up at work? I mean if it is okay for the principal to paddle a child then why not paddle an adult when they mess up at their job?

Not a fair question. It also wouldn't be appropriate for a boss to give an employee a time-out, lines to write, a letter to give to their mother, detention, etc.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Not a fair question. It also wouldn't be appropriate for a boss to give an employee a time-out, lines to write, a letter to give to their mother, detention, etc.

Really? Bosses remove people from projects, give them written reprimands, usually have them sign the reprimand or write their side of it, and sometimes even suspend you from your job for a period of time if you really screw up.
They just use different names for it.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't think anyone is saying that paddling is ok. Ok maybe 1 person did.

I don't have a problem with a principal telling my child that paddling may be an option for further violations. Whether or not you see it, that is different from actually paddling.

I don't think anyone (with children) supports paddling as a 1st line punishment in any situation. Therefor, if it isn't used as a 1st line punishment and the child corrects the behavior, they shouldn't actually ever be paddled.

And really, I'm just discussing. I can discuss without being in favor of...I think corporal punishment should be outlawed in all states but I can't change the law in Arkansas so I'll discuss.

I don't agree. There is nobody who should ever be threatening someone - child/adult- with physical harm.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Magazines like Marie Claire always do stories on social issues... a lot of them are about the atrocities that happen in other countries, but they do them within the US, too. I'll bet they'd be interested and disgusted in a story where a bully assistant principal threatens physical violence against a six-year-old and has the flippin' LAW on his side.

This needs to change. I'll be they'd do a great story on this.

 

[ktink]

At this young age I would think the teacher should have addressed the issue & explained to the child what he did was wrong. First of all the child needs to know that he needs to respect other people's bodies. But I feel as though a "good talking" would have been sufficient enough. However, once he knew it was wrong & if he did something similiar again then would be the time of a more severe punishment.

My DDs are 13 & 8. They are intimidated by the thought of being in trouble & going to the Principal's office. As the OP stated if they get in trouble at school then they will be in trouble at home. Sometimes a trip to the office and just having the principal or asst principal talk to the child is punishment enough. The youngest DD will come home and tell us about so and so being sent to the office & she knows its a place she don't want to go.

 

[Minnesota!]

While I agree with spankings and paddlings in school, I don't think THIS instance is where paddling should be used. If he had hit her, I could see a paddling, but b/c of a zerbert? Not a chance.

And yes, I have kids, and yes, I would agree to let the school paddle my child as they see fit. Maybe its the 13 years of Catholic school in me, but I think a fear of the teachers/administration is a good thing. Kids don't try and pull stuff if they have a fear of the consequences!

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

It's amazing how many of us turned out great without fearing that we were gonna get beaten.

 

[Disney Ella]

Maybe its the 13 years of Catholic school in me, but I think a fear of the teachers/administration is a good thing. Kids don't try and pull stuff if they have a fear of the consequences!

You really think being afraid of your teachers is a good thing? I think it's a terrible thing! I had a 4th grade teacher with anger management issues who used a 1-inch thick paddle often - once when a boy was throwing a pencil in the air and it stuck in the ceiling. I was terrified of her and I know I didn't do as well in math as I could have as I was always afraid I would do something that would set off this woman.

Learning and fear don't go well together and I think it's a shame that any children should have to live in fear of physical abuse if someone doesn't like their behavior at school.

 

[ktink]

While I agree with spankings and paddlings in school, I don't think THIS instance is where paddling should be used. If he had hit her, I could see a paddling, but b/c of a zerbert? Not a chance.

And yes, I have kids, and yes, I would agree to let the school paddle my child as they see fit. Maybe its the 13 years of Catholic school in me, but I think a fear of the teachers/administration is a good thing. Kids don't try and pull stuff if they have a fear of the consequences!

I think it's very healthy to have a "respect" for authority figures. As adults we have a "fear/ respect" for our bosses. My children are very respectful of their teachers and principals & do have a fear of being in trouble. They are not afraid of these people but respectful.

 

[RadioNate]

I don't agree. There is nobody who should ever be threatening someone - child/adult- with physical harm.

What is the difference between a threat and informing the student of physical punishment that the school is legally allowed to use?

"I could spank you over this." Is that a threat or information about a possible punishment?

It's amazing how many of us turned out great without fearing that we were gonna get beaten.

A spanking doesn't equal a beating.

I know a lot of people who also turned out great who were afraid of dad's belt or grandma's switch even though it was never used.

I also know people who were really truly beaten. As me about the kid who's mother IRONED him as a punishment. The ones with the broken bones from their parents abuse.

I'm sure you all think I'm a spanker too. And actually I'm not. It isn't really a punishment we use. I'm sure my DS, rarely, maybe 4-5 times in his life, got a swat to the rear when doing something very dangerous but no one sat him down and bent him over their knee.