Lets talk about our teenagers!

[lucyanna girl]

Maybe the parents of teens need a place to talk about our kids with people who are going through some of the same things.

Teens and driving.

Teens and dating.

When their hearts get broken.

How there are actually more good teens than bad, not that they get much attention for it.


Anybody wanna talk about their kid?

Penny

 

[debbi801]

My DS turned 15 on Wednesday. My DD will be 13 in March.

I am SO not ready to think about driving, drinking, etc. And as for the girlfriend... I liked it better when he was 6 and he really believed that you couldn't kiss until you were married. What goes on in high school today really scares me.

I think it is such a confusing time (for both of us). One minute he thinks he knows everything and I know nothing, he calls me "mom" and acts too cool for a hug. The next minute, I am "mommy" again and he wants that hug.

He's growing like it's about to be out of style. I'm 5'10" and he is suddenly taller than I am.

Overall, he's a good kid. He's polite, well mannered, and (at least for now) thinks drugs, alcohol, and ciggarettes and disgusting.

 

[mamacatnv]

Sure, what the heck we know they talk about us!

Here is our dilemna with our DS. He is 18 and a Sr. in high school. He is a Honor Student and all around good kid.
He has "first" girlfriend whom he has become attached to at the hip. They are all over each other. There is a lot of tonsil hockey going on in the den, on the couch etc...... DH and I are a little confused as to where to draw the line They will go nap with the door open (our rule).

The kid is headed to college and a dorm in 6 months and will be completely out of our house/sight.

DH and I are confused
I asked DH if he thought there was any "activity" going on and I thought he was going to have a heart attack. His eyes got really big and then he just got that puzzled confused look on his face and said "Oh, I am so not ready for this, just the other day we were chaperoning the grade school field trip"

This has come as a shock to us, we have pretty much always parented with confidence and we are at a total loss. We know we can't stop anything we also know that all our values and morals have been firmly planted into his head and that it is now up to him to make his own decisions.......Those are all words, the reality of the whole situation which leaves us feeling lost totally took us by surprise.

 

[ckay87]

Sure, what the heck we know they talk about us!

Here is our dilemna with our DS. He is 18 and a Sr. in high school. He is a Honor Student and all around good kid.
He has "first" girlfriend whom he has become attached to at the hip. They are all over each other. There is a lot of tonsil hockey going on in the den, on the couch etc...... DH and I are a little confused as to where to draw the line They will go nap with the door open (our rule).

The kid is headed to college and a dorm in 6 months and will be completely out of our house/sight.

DH and I are confused
I asked DH if he thought there was any "activity" going on and I thought he was going to have a heart attack. His eyes got really big and then he just got that puzzled confused look on his face and said "Oh, I am so not ready for this, just the other day we were chaperoning the grade school field trip"

This has come as a shock to us, we have pretty much always parented with confidence and we are at a total loss. We know we can't stop anything we also know that all our values and morals have been firmly planted into his head and that it is now up to him to make his own decisions.......Those are all words, the reality of the whole situation which leaves us feeling lost totally took us by surprise.

Aw, try to be thankful that he is finding someone who cares about him. You want that...you really do

At this age the most you can do is set the rules for your house (door open, etc.) and encourage them to actually BE at your house as much as possible.

Edited to ask....any younger brothers or sisters? They make fantastic chaperones! I send my 11 year old to "sit with" my 15 year old and his girlfriend all the time!

 

[debbi801]

Sure, what the heck we know they talk about us!

Here is our dilemna with our DS. He is 18 and a Sr. in high school. He is a Honor Student and all around good kid.
He has "first" girlfriend whom he has become attached to at the hip. They are all over each other. There is a lot of tonsil hockey going on in the den, on the couch etc...... DH and I are a little confused as to where to draw the line They will go nap with the door open (our rule).

The kid is headed to college and a dorm in 6 months and will be completely out of our house/sight.

DH and I are confused
I asked DH if he thought there was any "activity" going on and I thought he was going to have a heart attack. His eyes got really big and then he just got that puzzled confused look on his face and said "Oh, I am so not ready for this, just the other day we were chaperoning the grade school field trip"

This has come as a shock to us, we have pretty much always parented with confidence and we are at a total loss. We know we can't stop anything we also know that all our values and morals have been firmly planted into his head and that it is now up to him to make his own decisions.......Those are all words, the reality of the whole situation which leaves us feeling lost totally took us by surprise.

We've laid down the law that they must be in the public part of the house--his bedroom is off limits. And, he can only have his GF over when DH or I are home. He is also not allowed at her house unless her parents are home.

We've also tried to emphasize respect and that while "tonsil hockey" is ok, at his age, other things really are not. At the same time, we've made sure he understands that when the time comes (and we hope it won't for a long while), he must use protection (even if it means us driving him to the store).

 

[mamacatnv]

Aw, try to be thankful that he is finding someone who cares about him. You want that...you really do

At this age the most you can do is set the rules for your house (door open, etc.) and encourage them to actually BE at your house as much as possible.

Edited to ask....any younger brothers or sisters? They make fantastic chaperones! I send my 11 year old to "sit with" my 15 year old and his girlfriend all the time!

I am glad we are not alone in taking the not saying much approach. Yes, we do encourage them to hang out at our house and we go out of our way to try and not pester them so they will continue to hang within our line of vision.

Siblings: Yes, DD is 9 and she is an awesome chaperone/tattletale Her brother and his GF interact with her and even occassionally take her on their outings. For this I am thankful. DS's GF is actually quite nice and we enjoy having her around.

 

[ckay87]

You know what is helping me, I think, with these teen years? The fact that I wasn't a perfect teenager by any stretch of the imagination! And I try to remember that. I have a friend who WAS a perfect teen and she and I had a conversation about our teens recently.

She was puzzled at how they are able to sleep all day. Said she used to be up every morning, bright and early. Me: "really? I slept til noon at that age"

She can't believe how teens don't seem to worry about their futures at all. Me: "oh I never once thought about my future til I had to fill out college applications."

And so on. It's hard....it really is....but remembering how I was has really helped me keep things in perspective.

 

[Froggyswife]

My dd is 15 1/2. She has her driver's permit. The child scares me to death driving. She is attached at the hip to this BOY. Most of the time I am so lost as to what to do with her it isn't funny ... And she is my 5th and last teen.(thank God!) I don't know why I tend to be having so much of a hard time with her. She isn't a bad kid. She is kindhearted, polite (most of the time), makes good grades, doesn't drink, do drugs, or smoke. She is just soooooo aggravating. Guess maybe I'm just not as patient as I used to be.

 

[Karel]

OK, here's a teen question. Am I the only one who follows the rules for teens driving? Here in NJ, when you get your license, you are only suppose to drive with only one unrelated teen in the car. Among my older son's friends, I'm the only one who thinks about this.

Am I just being too responsible? I have told my son that if they do get stopped, I'm not lifting a finger to do anything about it.

My son is getting a car soon so I need to set some rules.

 

[mamacatnv]

We've laid down the law that they must be in the public part of the house--his bedroom is off limits. And, he can only have his GF over when DH or I are home. He is also not allowed at her house unless her parents are home.

We've also tried to emphasize respect and that while "tonsil hockey" is ok, at his age, other things really are not. At the same time, we've made sure he understands that when the time comes (and we hope it won't for a long while), he must use protection (even if it means us driving him to the store).

I totally agreed with everything you said when DS was 15. However at 15 he had no real interest in girls but he still could not be at a girls house alone etc..... I guess we were lucky.

However, a couple of years of age have made a big difference in our reasoning process. Now he is 18 and this is his first serious girlfriend. They are alone all the time at our house. Not so much at her house due to several siblings. DS only has 2 classes a day for this final semester (he needs to get a job!) Some mornings he doesn't even have to be at school until 10:30 and other days he is done at 11:30 or 12.

15 vs. 18 for us is 2 different worlds.

 

[jx3smom]

I have 3 boys. Two are in their mid to late 20's. They were so easy, never much problems, etc. My third son is 16, and he has been a real challenge. He is 10 years younger than his brother and spoiled rotten! My DH raised my other 2 but this one is his only biological child and we are better off financially than we were before. The drinking started a year ago, I thought it was a one time incident. Three major incidents later, (Aug.) I started to go to alcohol councilling with him. He has an earlier curfew and hasn't been drinking so we are working on building trust. He struggles in school because he is lazy but is doing much better. I just pray that we get through these years safely.

 

[KelNottAt]

Thank you for starting this thread.

This week has been really rough with DS. Nothing permanent. Nothing dangerous. Just really rough. Many, MANY, little things have coincided to damage his 2Q grades. They all hit at once and the end result is that he won't be eligible for NHS.

BFD. I know. In the grand scheme of things, of course, I know it could be A LOT worse. It just painful to watch someone torpedo his own potential.

 

[LisaNJ25]

My olders son is 15 ahhhhhhh

He is a good kid but very lazy kid. all he wants to do is play xbox. He is a freshman this year and is not not any school activities.

He has never been a good student.. thankfully this year it has turned around. He had one D on his report card and the rest a's and b's. For him that is amazing. He had mid terms this whole week but yet he never studied

I just worry about what he will do after HS. I try to tell him he has to go to college but books really arent this thing. If he even goes to a trade school I will be happy.

His favorite activity and torturing his 8yo sister. Its a constant thing.

I dont worry about girls yet.. he hasn't really showed a huge interest.. at least not to me lol. I had him at 18 so he knows things can be rough. I do remind him over and over that waiting is best and there is plenty of time for a girlfriend. I am only 33. dont want to risk being a grandmother yet.

Driving I have 2 more years.. even than I may make him wait

 

[TEENEE]

My ds is 16. He's always been a good kid, very few problems. Once in a while he acts like a teenager and it drives me nuts. He'll blow up over something silly. I've watched the pattern and know that it happens when he is tired. He can't stand it when I point that out to him. My only complaint about the teen years with him is that they are going to fast. One more year in hs and he's off to college. I can't believe my baby boy is growing up so fast.

Regarding the dating thing. Actually I don't allow any kids in my house unless there is an adult in the house. I'm not naive, I know my kids have broken that rule. I give my son a lot of freedom, as long as he keeps his grades up and stays out of trouble. I want him to have the freedom to make mistakes now, not when he's on his own. I've talked to him and his girlfriend about safe sex. I've even given my ds a box of condoms. I have no idea if they need them but I don't want to find out that they could have used them the hard way. We really like his girlfriend, she's smart, polite, down to earth, just an all around good kid. Her mom and I have become friends which drives the kids nuts. They have no idea when we may call each other or if we are going to talk about them. Keeps the kids on their toes.

I also have a 12 year old dd. I'm not looking forward to the teen years with her. She is a completely different kid. I could be in for it with her. I hope I am wrong and she surprises me.

One more thought, it's nice to see a forum that dicusses teens. It seems that most parent sites or even dis threads are all about little kids and babies.

 

[rie'smom]

Thanks for the thread Penny. This is where I will come to hide when my 13 year old drives me crazy!

 

[mvazul]

Can I join in? My husband and I have just recently been thrown into the "world of teens". My son turned 13 this past August. I am scared to death and so not ready for this. The story above - with the 18 year old - scares me even more!!

Our family consists of my husband, my son (13), our daughter (6) and me. My son is from a previous marriage. He is a good kid, but his head has been screwed up by his father. He doesn't know where to fit in. He has not wanted any contact with his father for the past two years. Since he has decided that, he seems to be leveling out and settling in better than he did with his father in his life. I leave the door open for him to have contact anytime he wants, but he wants nothing to do with him for now. His father did something major two years ago. I won't go into it, but that has made my son see him for who he is. It's hard enough to be a teenager without having to throw in other problems.

Anyway...

Andrew is a straight A student. Right now he has a 118% in algebra. His teacher told him she will need to take some points off, because she is only allowed to give him a 100%. He is being tested for the gifted program. I absolutely hate the label and am not sure he is "gifted" in all areas of study. But, it's the only way for him to have access to the AP classes. He plays basketball, baseball, runs cross country, plays the trumpet and loves to read. He asked me last night if he could switch from trumpet to percussion. Not sure about that one yet. I don't know if I can handle all the banging as he's practicing.

He came home the other day with a permission slip to attend a class that will teach them how to use a condom. I talked to my husband and we both agreed we feel he is too young to be learning about it in school. So far, he hasn't really shown any interest in girls - outside of just being friends. I also talked to Andrew to let him know why we were saying no. I let him know that we are always here if he has questions - and he has come to me about some pretty in depth questions before. Also, my sister is a health ed teacher and he is extremely close to her. He has no hesitation talking to her about anything.

So, that is Andrew in a nutshell. I am so not ready for this. However, I have a feeling he will be a breeze compared to my daughter.

Michelle

 

[Hypermommy]

BFD. I know. In the grand scheme of things, of course, I know it could be A LOT worse. It just painful to watch someone torpedo his own potential.

It IS a BFD. The problem is that you and I, as adults, know how important these kinds of things are to their future, but to get a teenager to understand that takes an act of Congress (which I think takes much more work than an act of God).

Yes, thanks for starting the thread.

I have a 14yo and 12yo (both boys). The 14yo, of course, knows everything. He's basically a good kid but was suspended from scouts for a while becuase he started a fire near his tent (idiot!) and had some issues controlling his anger at summer camp. His suspension has ended and he was on probation in the troop we were in. Hoping to move to another troop (closer to the house) but we'll see.

But it's sooooo frustrating. Like you said, it's hard to see someone that you know has such potential just throw it away like that! I wish I could find the magic words that would make him understand but I don't know if such words exist.

 

[TEENEE]

Karel, we follow the driving laws. 16 year olds are not allowed to drive after 11 PM unless they are returning from work. Which is great, now there is no question as to what time my ds has to be home. His girlfriends mom likes that little rule too. If the kids want to do something that would keep them out past 11:00 her mother usually goes with them.

 

[mamacatnv]

OK, here's a teen question. Am I the only one who follows the rules for teens driving? Here in NJ, when you get your license, you are only suppose to drive with only one unrelated teen in the car. Among my older son's friends, I'm the only one who thinks about this.

Am I just being too responsible? I have told my son that if they do get stopped, I'm not lifting a finger to do anything about it.

My son is getting a car soon so I need to set some rules.

Oh you are not alone. We were the "only" parents who actually obeyed the curfew rules, the passengers in the car, the number of hours logged(yep, we actually logged) for his DL etc.. I personally think that when it comes to teenage drivers, a parent can never be too responsible.

We supplied the car, he follows the rules or the car is no longer his to drive. Plain and simple and he knows we mean business. It would suck to have to take the bus to school your Senior year and he knows we would do it!

 

[SadieDog]

Thank you for starting a thread on teens. I went on a few parent threads and it seemed most were talking about much younger children. I was hoping someone would start a teen thread.

My daughter is 16 and a HS Junior. She can be pretty lazy. She also has no idea what she is going to do after HS. One minute she mentions college and the next she says she doesn't think she wants to go. Last summer she even made the comment "I want to go to college to meet new people and have fun, but I don't want to do any work." I would be happy if she decided to take a few classes at a community college and hopefully find something she is interested in. She has had a very difficult year with her "friends" as girls can be so cruel. I also have a son who will be 13 in June.