Let me have your honest opinion! Re: finances and husband

[tvguy]

I refuse to enter the "dope" discussion. So not my business.

He could be a plumber.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Pot has been decriminalized in Chicago. He is a pot head only. Would never be with a heroin use

I'm with NHdisneylover. Dope, to me growing up in the 60s/70s, has always described marijuana.

 

[jevs]

I refuse to enter the "dope" discussion. So not my business.

Is any of it?

 

[Wendy31]

So, basically, you're doing to your husband what Clark Griswold's boss did to him in "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" - except, instead of a "Jelly of the Month" Club, he's getting $2,000.

Perhaps your DH has come to expect your bonus & had plans for what he assumed would be his "portion"?

DH & I have been married for almost 23 years. And, for the length of our marriage, DH's & my finances have always been combined, & we've always made any financial decisions together. So it's hard for me to relate to your situation, OP. I wouldn't even feel right spending money on concert tickets for just myself, & neither would DH.

Right now, I make zero, but DH has never made me feel like the money he earns is more "his" than "ours". He gets an annual bonus, & I usually have that money spent 6 different ways to Sunday.

Anyway, I don't think you're necessarily wrong for wanting to spend your bonus on plastic surgery for yourself. (I've actually thought of doing the same sort of thing for myself - I think they call it a "Mommy Makeover" - w/ DH's bonus, but there are always usually other things we'd rather have w/ the money.)

However, if I were you, I'd talk to your DH & try to find out why he's upset w/ your plans. Even if a husband & wife keep their finances separate, in the end, marriage is still a partnership, & partnerships work best when there's communication.

 

[MrsDuck]

I read this whole thread to find out what type of dope OP meant... anyone else?

OP - I'd have a talk with DH. I wish I had better advice!

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I have a similar situation with my DH. I make at least 2X what he does. I paid the house, taxes, my car, and he pays his car, phone,insurance, and utilities. We have separate checking accounts. I too, get a large bonus annually. Usually I don't even tell him how much it is and it's usually in the neighborhood of the OP's. In past years I've paid to remodel the kitchen or go on some great vacations. Our situation is a little different in that my DH has never asked about how much I'm getting or what I'm doing with it. Just goes along for the ride. I can see that he might have issue with anything that involves surgery just because of the risk. OP you need to have a good sit-down discussion with your DH and find out just why he is upset about this - did he have plans for the money or does he not like the idea of you having plastic surgery...?

 

[Kellydelly]

As a woman who is almost approaching the same age, I say GO FOR IT! He should appreciate that you want to spruce/tune yourself up a bit. I would do the same thing. It's not like you're going to do this with all of your bonuses. You earned the bonus and you should not feel bad about indulging yourself.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Since it sounds like you've always shared the bonus with a more equal division, I'd save my half of the bonus this year & next, then have the surgery next winter.

 

[Colleen27]

I agree with the few posters who have questioned if the money is really the issue, or if he has a problem with the plastic surgery and is using the money/how it is spent as a proxy for those worries. Maybe he's feeling insecure about being the much-lower earner and the prospect of his wife getting a "tune up" to look younger/more attractive has him questioning whether she's looking to trade up. Or maybe he has fears about the procedure itself. Either way, it may be easier for him to complain about the cost than to admit to those feelings.

Since there is already a trip in the works that he's presumably going to be a part of and he's still getting a not-insignificant sum out of the bonus, it seems to me that there's a good chance something deeper is going on for him to react so strongly to the OP's plans this year.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

As a woman who is almost approaching the same age, I say GO FOR IT! He should appreciate that you want to spruce/tune yourself up a bit. I would do the same thing. It's not like you're going to do this with all of your bonuses. You earned the bonus and you should not feel bad about indulging yourself.

I don't know. If DH came in one day & said, "I've decided I'm going to spend the bonus we normally share on a sports car", I'm not sure I'd be thrilled & think he was wanting to make himself feel & appear younger for me. Perhaps, I've seen this play too many times.

 

[robinb]

Since there is already a trip in the works that he's presumably going to be a part of and he's still getting a not-insignificant sum out of the bonus, it seems to me that there's a good chance something deeper is going on for him to react so strongly to the OP's plans this year.

I disagree about it being "not-insignificant". It's only $2,000 out of $16,000 - $20,000 depending on taxes. That's, at most 12%.

 

[Skywalker]

This isn't the first thread where I've seen the OP casually mention that she earns triple what her husband does (unless there is another poster from Chicago who earns triple what her husband does and keeps seperate accounts?). I hope this is not lorded over him at home too. If you are married it shouldn't come down to the bean counting of who is making more. Spend the money on something for you both...no different than if it was the man who got a great bonus, I personally would think he was selfish for spending it all on himself as well.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

I disagree about it being "not-insignificant". It's only $2,000 out of $16,000 - $20,000 depending on taxes. That's, at most 12%.

Just because they are married doesn't mean he just automatically gets half her bonus check as soon as it is deposited in the bank. If that's what marriage is, count me out, will never do it!

 

[arminnie]

He sounds like a selfish greedy ________. Fill in the blank - because any word I would chose would be point worthy.

 

[Dan Murphy]

He likes cars and dope

Would the level of dope consumption be beyond misdemeanor levels?

 

[piccolopat]

You are carrying the lion's share of family expenses as it is. He is not entitled to any part of your bonus. If he needs/wants more money for his car or other expenses, he can get a better or a second job. It's nice for you to share your bonus, but his attitude stinks.

 

[msjprincess]

Heroin?!?! I feel old now---it never ocurred to me that dope could refer to anyhting but marajuana

That's funny, I'm in my early 50s and I thought she meant heroin.

 

[Mermaid02]

I feel like the OP is annoyed by her dh's drug use, otherwise why mention the weed? If my husband spent his disposable income on cars and marijuana, I'd be disinclined to share my bonus with him too.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Is any of it?

It is when someone posts it on a public forum. Fair game.

 

[punkin]

I would never decide to go in for surgery of any kind with all its attendant risks without a full discussion with my spouse. It's not a financial issue.