Let me have your honest opinion! Re: finances and husband

[Pacolovestacos]

Yeah, good luck with all that.

If I'd have insisted my wife "keep up her end of the deal" so to speak, it would have resulted in less money overall for our family. I was only able to advance my career because she deliberately stunted hers. So, by your logic, I should punish her for making that sacrifice. Pass. I think what you're looking for is a roommate, not a wife.

It seems to me that unless someone does things "gumbo's way," they are doing it the wrong way. But hey, glad things are working out for you my brother.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Or maybe a friend with benefits.

Yea that's what I typically do, sounds good to me.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

It seems to me that unless someone does things "gumbo's way," they are doing it the wrong way. But hey, glad things are working out for you my brother.

Oh boy, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?! You're the one with the "my way or the highway" approach to marriage.

I'm in no way, shape, or form suggesting there is ONE way to handle marriage. I AM suggesting the rigidity you espouse is not likely to be one of the ways to have a successful marriage.

 

[amberpi]

Yeah, good luck with all that.

If I'd have insisted my wife "keep up her end of the deal" so to speak, it would have resulted in less money overall for our family. I was only able to advance my career because she deliberately stunted hers. So, by your logic, I should punish her for making that sacrifice. Pass. I think what you're looking for is a roommate, not a wife.

While I personally wouldn't want to do that, I respect relationships were the whole is evaluated and a decision made, but making sure both parties are protected would be very important to me. Like some kind of legally binding contract where a decision to say not work is laid out should the marriage be dissolved. And before anyone jumps in about "planning for failure" I liken it to drawing up wills, DNR, living wills, etc. It sucks, but it needs to be done. There are parts of being in a relationship which are easily dealt with that can alleviate tons of grief in the future - for a huge number of issues.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Oh boy, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?! You're the one with the "my way or the highway" approach to marriage.

I'm in no way, shape, or form suggesting there is ONE way to handle marriage. I AM suggesting the rigidity you espouse is not likely to be one of the ways to have a successful marriage.

It's hardly rigidity. And it would obviously be discussed before marriage so both people are on the same page. Very odd that you think a dual income household is so rigid.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

While I personally wouldn't want to do that, I respect relationships were the whole is evaluated and a decision made, but making sure both parties are protected would be very important to me. Like some kind of legally binding contract where a decision to say not work is laid out should the marriage be dissolved. And before anyone jumps in about "planning for failure" I liken it to drawing up wills, DNR, living wills, etc. It sucks, but it needs to be done. There are parts of being in a relationship which are easily dealt with that can alleviate tons of grief in the future - for a huge number of issues.

Sounds like an intelligent thing to do

 

[amberpi]

Sounds like an intelligent thing to do

Thanks - I was in scouts. I just think being prepared is smart. And honestly, the inner workings don't matter, as long as you've covered your behind. I'd never be in a relationship *personally* though were I had to ask permission to drop some decent cash on a purse - and if bills are paid and joint savings goal met, who cares if I want a new bag? That's a level of control that would make *me* unhappy. My folks have been happily (seriously, its amazing how in love and gross they are) married for 45 years. There is no way either of them are asking if they can spend x on y despite having joint accounts. My dad might say "holy crap, did you spend $400 at Target" and my mom would simply say "yeah." He'd just want to check that the posted balances were correct. Dad will do the same. They know they've got plenty of money so it's just a big deal.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Thanks - I was in scouts. I just think being prepared is smart. And honestly, the inner workings don't matter, as long as you've covered your behind. I'd never be in a relationship *personally* though were I had to ask permission to drop some decent cash on a purse - and if bills are paid and joint savings goal met, who cares if I want a new bag? That's a level of control that would make *me* unhappy. My folks have been happily (seriously, its amazing how in love and gross they are) married for 45 years. There is no way either of them are asking if they can spend x on y despite having joint accounts. My dad might say "holy crap, did you spend $400 at Target" and my mom would simply say "yeah." He'd just want to check that the posted balances were correct. Dad will do the same. They know they've got plenty of money so it's just a big deal.

Yup that's how I see it.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

It's hardly rigidity. And it would obviously be discussed before marriage so both people are on the same page. Very odd that you think a dual income household is so rigid.

Nobody is saying a dual income household is rigid. I'm saying your plan where "it will be like this or I'm not doing it" is rigid.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Nobody is saying a dual income household is rigid. I'm saying your plan where "it will be like this or I'm not doing it" is rigid.

It's what I want and part of what I would look for. That's not rigid. Some things are negotiable, some things aren't.

 

[bdcp]

It's what I want and part of what I would look for. That's not rigid. Some things are negotiable, some things aren't.

So, I'm guessing you aren't married. And, not speaking from any experience in the matter at all.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

So, I'm guessing you aren't married.

You don't have to guess since I've already stated my status multiple times.

Regardless, I'm not going to keep beating a dead horse. I've given my thoughts on the matter.

 

[tzolkin]

Or like me. After 20 years a marriage, I was diagnosed with lupus.

A full time job is out of the question.

Thankfully my husband doesn't have his money vs. my money. Otherwise, I would be out on my ear.

Yeah, good luck with all that.

If I'd have insisted my wife "keep up her end of the deal" so to speak, it would have resulted in less money overall for our family. I was only able to advance my career because she deliberately stunted hers. So, by your logic, I should punish her for making that sacrifice. Pass. I think what you're looking for is a roommate, not a wife.

Yes, these are the type of situations I was getting at with my previous examples. And his response of “both WILL work and contribute financially” was about what I was expecting. No room for even considering that there may be circumstances in a marriage where that’s not the best option.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

You only quoted part of my post. Not speaking from experience, now are you? Saying you will "never" usually comes back to bite you. I think I know why you are single.

You know nothing Jon Snow. I never said I was single, just not married. Reading is fundamental.

 

[DISNEYSQUIRRELS]

This sounds like hell to me. I’m staying single forever!

 

[Pacolovestacos]

This sounds like hell to me. I’m staying single forever!

The marriage police in this thread are going to come for you. Watch out.

 

[DISNEYSQUIRRELS]

The marriage police in this thread are going to come for you. Watch out.

Thats ok- bring it on!

 

[jevs]

They don’t have defacto laws in America?

 

[starry_solo]

@chicagodisneyfan are you going to come back and enlighten us on your decision?

 

[lifesavacation]

Yea that only happens in the movies, lol.

A friend of my husband’s actually came home to his stuff thrown out in the garage this week. His wife also cleaned out their joint bank account. It’s been more like a Jerry Springer episode than a movie.

I would never judge anyone who wants to keep their financials separate.