Let me have your honest opinion! Re: finances and husband

[North of Mouse]

Having read most of these posts, there is one thing that seems to stand out to me. The posters that totally 100% think the OP should 'go with it' regardless, seem to be those that 1. either aren't married, or 2. have been married and are slightly bitter, or have had bad experiences. JMO!

Again, JMO, but if you are happily married with love and trust, just seems sharing and sharing alike comes very easily!

I think the OP has had enough of the responses - haven't seen anything from her - also suspect that her mind was totally made up before her first post!!

 

[tzolkin]

I would never marry someone who feels she is entitled to half of my checks. I'm of the belief that once household expenses are covered, what's left on my checks is mine and what's left on her checks is hers. Period.

So, how does this work out if one spouse stays home to care for children, if one spouse quits work to go to med school, etc?

Or do those fall under your “I refuse to marry someone who doesn’t maintain financial independence at all times”?

 

[Cheetie]

I just read the OP’s post to my husband of twenty-five years (happily married, not bitter and no “bad experiences”) and we are in agreement in our response: spend your bonus on yourself and don’t look back.

 

[punkin]

I would never marry someone who feels she is entitled to half of my checks. I'm of the belief that once household expenses are covered, what's left on my checks is mine and what's left on her checks is hers. Period.

That doesn't mean I'm a scrooge either. I'm actually pretty generous and share quite a bit with family and friends. But I'll be damned if someone is going to "demand" half of my checks. Never gonna happen.

Im married to a man who knows that ALL of his paychecks are OURS! If I needed his entire paycheck for some reason I would use it! However, neither one of us spends any real money without discussing it. That's our marriage and I know other arrangements work for other people, but not in my case.

 

[gillep]

Just because a couple chooses a different financial system than you are used to, and cannot understand that different system, does not in any way mean that they love one another less, or have any less trust in their marriage, nor does it imply that they are bitter or clouded by bad experiences. I would never try to convince someone that our way of handling finances is 'the best' or means that we love one another more, or are more trusting of one another, but I absolutely believe that it is the best system for us.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

You aren't alone in the "separate finances work for you". I've been married 30 years and it works for us too. We each pay for certain things and in the end it's a fair balance.

And I would say that work bonuses are yours and yours alone to spend as you see fit!!!
And if I thought any of the $2000 gift was going to dope, the envelope would be empty!!.. LOL

 

[ScottOKW2K]

Thanks - my posting in recent years has been less as topics I enjoy are no longer possible to discuss here. In the way back days there was a Debate Board that was great - Richyams and I disagreed on everything but it was fun debating. I like politics a lot so had to find a different forum. Then a few years ago a bunch of good posters left.
But I find the community board still has a good cross section of people - so I asked the question here. Do I share a bit more here? Of course - because it is anonymous. Hard to discuss in real life.
I do go to a lot of concerts, including those out of town and sometimes share rooms with male friends - but I am not sure what that has to do with the topic.

I will admit we have an atypical marriage, but it works for us.

Thanks for remembering Richyams. Definitely opinionated (especially about OKW and the lesser [to him - ALL] DVC resorts. . I miss him.

 

[LSUmiss]

I would never marry someone who feels she is entitled to half of my checks. I'm of the belief that once household expenses are covered, what's left on my checks is mine and what's left on her checks is hers. Period.

That doesn't mean I'm a scrooge either. I'm actually pretty generous and share quite a bit with family and friends. But I'll be damned if someone is going to "demand" half of my checks. Never gonna happen.

In many states, if you get divorced assets are split 50/50 regardless of who bought them.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

So, how does this work out if one spouse stays home to care for children, if one spouse quits work to go to med school, etc?

Or do those fall under your “I refuse to marry someone who doesn’t maintain financial independence at all times”?

I'll well beyond the years of going to med school or law school so that's not a consideration. And nobody will be staying home to care for the kids. If I get married, and that's a big if, both will work outside the home and contribute to the finances of the household.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

In many states, if you get divorced assets are split 50/50 regardless of who bought them.

We aren't talking about divorce.

 

[mom2rtk]

I'll well beyond the years of going to med school or law school so that's not a consideration. And nobody will be staying home to care for the kids. If I get married, and that's a big if, both will work outside the home and contribute to the finances of the household.

Sounds like you have it all worked out.

I hope you are still posting here when Paco Jr. arrives one day.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Sounds like you have it all worked out.

I hope you are still posting here when Paco Jr. arrives one day.

IF there is a paco jr, very big if there.

 

[LSUmiss]

We aren't talking about divorce.

No I know but depending on what you buy with your $, it could end up 1/2 your spouse’s.

 

[runwad]

Where is the OP, I'd like to see some of these questions answered that people are asking!!

 

[Pacolovestacos]

No I know but depending on what you buy with your $, it could end up 1/2 your spouse’s.

True if it's a physical item. I tend to spend all my money on trips so those won't be able to be split after the fact

 

[LSUmiss]

True if it's a physical item. I tend to spend all my money on trips so those won't be able to be split after the fact

Oh ok! That works then!

 

[amberpi]

True if it's a physical item. I tend to spend all my money on trips so those won't be able to be split after the fact

A pre-nup can cover high items of value too. Mine did for some furniture, magic cards, jewelry/watches, and some art. There's a way to cover yourself and your physical things. It can be amended as items of value are added to the household. NBD, just protecting yourself, like a will, POA, etc.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

So, how does this work out if one spouse stays home to care for children, if one spouse quits work to go to med school, etc?

Or do those fall under your “I refuse to marry someone who doesn’t maintain financial independence at all times”?

Or like me. After 20 years a marriage, I was diagnosed with lupus.

A full time job is out of the question.

Thankfully my husband doesn't have his money vs. my money. Otherwise, I would be out on my ear.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'll well beyond the years of going to med school or law school so that's not a consideration. And nobody will be staying home to care for the kids. If I get married, and that's a big if, both will work outside the home and contribute to the finances of the household.

Yeah, good luck with all that.

If I'd have insisted my wife "keep up her end of the deal" so to speak, it would have resulted in less money overall for our family. I was only able to advance my career because she deliberately stunted hers. So, by your logic, I should punish her for making that sacrifice. Pass. I think what you're looking for is a roommate, not a wife.

 

[mom2rtk]

Yeah, good luck with all that.

If I'd have insisted my wife "keep up her end of the deal" so to speak, it would have resulted in less money overall for our family. I was only able to advance my career because she deliberately stunted hers. So, by your logic, I should punish her for making that sacrifice. Pass. I think what you're looking for is a roommate, not a wife.

Or maybe a friend with benefits.