Leaving a child on the boat while the rest of the family is in port

[Four Swampers]

As an engineer, I absolutely love when someone gives me statistics. As a parent, even the tiniest odds of something happening to my child is enough to sway me.

I think you have a valid point, and I appreciate that you realize different things work for different people. Can I ask a couple question in all seriousness? Please do not mistake this for being tongue-in-cheek nor am I being sarcastic nor am I trying to be rude, but here goes:

As an engineer, do you engineer things to be completely unbreakable under any circumstance, or do you engineer them to be very very unlikely to break under a stress load that is higher than the maximum use they would likely find. In other words, do you balance safety with cost and other factors? Or do you do create something so that even the tiniest odds of something happening can't hurt it.

Also, as to the tiniest odds of something happening to your child swaying you, how do you balance the odds of something happening to your child if they stay on the ship vs something happening to your child if they get off the ship. Indeed, I suspect a child is at greater risk in Nassau or Grand Cayman or almost anywhere than they are on the ship. Also, having to look out for a child's safety places the parent taking the child along the streets of Nassau at greater risk. It is possible, perhaps the tiniest of odds, but still possible that taking your child off the ship is what harms the child or the parent.

 

[baleeve]

For me this subject is the exact reason I chose the Bahama cruise over an Alaskan cruise. I just felt that MY children wouldn't enjoy Alaska (at their age) as much as they would enjoy the Bahamas.

Did I want to go to Alaska? YES! But I went with logic. Where is my money most appreciated.

This is NOT to say that you shouldn't go on a cruise with younger kids but for ME, I'll save Europe (and Alaska) for when they are teens.

My almighty dollar needs its respect and I just don't think it wants to hear "I'm bored"!

But seriously - everyone - the OP did ask for opinions - so don't flame those who gave it!!!

M - I- C- See ya real soon!!

K-E-Y Y? Because we love you!

M- O- U- S-EEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

[baleeve]

Indeed, I suspect a child is at greater risk in Nassau or Grand Cayman or almost anywhere than they are on the ship. Also, having to look out for a child's safety places the parent taking the child along the streets of Nassau at greater risk. It is possible, perhaps the tiniest of odds, but still possible that taking your child off the ship is what harms the child or the parent.

DING, DING, DING -JOHNNY TELL FOUR SWAMPERS WHAT HE'S ONE!

This is the exact reason I (who is traveling solo with my mini-me's) will be staying on board the vessel with my kiddos and not venturing out onto the streets of Nassau. We will do the Bahamas at CC!

So yes, we DO make decisions based on the teeniest tiniest but still possible ODDS!

 

[Tonka's Skipper]

Hey everyone keep cool!

This is a discussion, it doesn't matter if your a doctor or engineer, only if your a parent!

I really didn't see (there maybe some I missed)anyone saying you are not a good parent or you should feel guilty........its each parent/couples choice.

People are offering their opinion and what they do and why to that extent it is judgmental on both sides!

To each their own opinion and choice.

AKK

 

[wideeyedwonder]

We do most of out port activities together, but once in a while we have left the kids on board while we did a port excursion that was beyond their age range. At the time they were 9, 9, and 11.

We eat our meals together and do most of our activities together, but there are times when they want to do something, and my wife and I want to do something else, and we are all OK about splitting up for those hours.

The kids also spend a week or two each summer at sleep-away camps. Additionally, my oldest (now 14) is going to go away to Europe for two and a half weeks (!!!) without us, as a group education and service project. In comparison, splitting up with the kids staying on the ship and us going on an excursion doesn't seem to be a big deal.

I would KILL myself if something happened to my kids while we were split up, either them back on the ship, or my daughters in sleep-away camp and Europe...but I can't see letting our fear of "what-if" stop us from experiencing life, both together and apart.

Our choices don't mean that we don't like spending time with our kids, or love them any less than more "protective" parents...we just have alternative (yet valid) ways of raising them.

 

[Andrea_loves_Disney]

We got off the ship to shop for a bit in Cozumel and left my DS10 on the ship. It was fine! We were only gone for about 2 hours and my son did not want to shop anyway!

 

[k3chantal]

We do most of out port activities together, but once in a while we have left the kids on board while we did a port excursion that was beyond their age range. At the time they were 9, 9, and 11.

We eat our meals together and do most of our activities together, but there are times when they want to do something, and my wife and I want to do something else, and we are all OK about splitting up for those hours.

The kids also spend a week or two each summer at sleep-away camps. Additionally, my oldest (now 14) is going to go away to Europe for two and a half weeks (!!!) without us, as a group education and service project. In comparison, splitting up with the kids staying on the ship and us going on an excursion doesn't seem to be a big deal.

I would KILL myself if something happened to my kids while we were split up, either them back on the ship, or my daughters in sleep-away camp and Europe...but I can't see letting our fear of "what-if" stop us from experiencing life, both together and apart.

Our choices don't mean that we don't like spending time with our kids, or love them any less than more "protective" parents...we just have alternative (yet valid) ways of raising them.

This is eloquent and really expresses how I feel about this topic too!

 

[jenf22]

I think you have a valid point, and I appreciate that you realize different things work for different people. Can I ask a couple question in all seriousness? Please do not mistake this for being tongue-in-cheek nor am I being sarcastic nor am I trying to be rude, but here goes:

As an engineer, do you engineer things to be completely unbreakable under any circumstance, or do you engineer them to be very very unlikely to break under a stress load that is higher than the maximum use they would likely find. In other words, do you balance safety with cost and other factors? Or do you do create something so that even the tiniest odds of something happening can't hurt it.

Also, as to the tiniest odds of something happening to your child swaying you, how do you balance the odds of something happening to your child if they stay on the ship vs something happening to your child if they get off the ship. Indeed, I suspect a child is at greater risk in Nassau or Grand Cayman or almost anywhere than they are on the ship. Also, having to look out for a child's safety places the parent taking the child along the streets of Nassau at greater risk. It is possible, perhaps the tiniest of odds, but still possible that taking your child off the ship is what harms the child or the parent.

Unfortunately, I don't really "engineer" anything in my current position - I babysit things Though you would be surprised at the teeniest, tiniest odds that we jump through hoops to mitigate (we're talking "if this happens, while this happens, and this is happening" type of things). That being said, I totally get your point. For some bizarre reason something bad happening to all of us is easier to swallow than part of us. My husband says the same thing. He gets freaked out when he flies alone now. When we're all together, we don't worry so much. Twisted logic, I know. Everyone has to find a way to cope with the dangers that are out there. If you stop and think about everything that could go wrong, you'd never leave the house (and I have had those moments - especially when things hit close to home like the Aurora shooting - we were in that theater the week before!).

The main reason we'd never do it is we don't get a lot of "family time" during our normal life. Sure, we left him for Palo brunch, Palo dinner, and 1 spa treatment, but most of the time we were together. He was 5 when we cruised Alaska and he LOVED every excursion. We just pick stuff we'll all enjoy. I also agree with a previous poster - kids have too much say now. Sometimes I wonder if all these "empowered" children turn into "entitled" adults.

I posted a couple pages ago, but I guess no one noticed - the ship WILL LEAVE without everyone on board EVEN IF you are on a DCL excursion. This happened in Juneau in September... some crew and passengers spent the night on a glacier when the weather turned. It really doesn't matter what the DCL website says. Sometimes things happen. Such is life.

 

[gina2000]

No, I wouldn't leave our son at a kids' club for no other reason than the experience of viewing a different culture is broadening. A child can play anytime but can he see the Mayan pyramids? Travel provides unique opportunities and I want to share them as a family.

 

[yarlenna]

OK, you get off the ship in a foreign port and leave him or her on the ship – Then you want to go to another foreign place. If you are OK with that – enjoy it. Most time you can get away with it. If there is a problem – and you cannot get back to the ship, who will take care of your children? At what cost? Think it through. I would not do it – because of the risk. But – it is YOUR decision.

 

[jaykorf001]

As a pediatrician, I think this is fine. I may not do it myself, but I have no problem with your decision. I have no doubt that you will come back to the ship early because you know you don't want the ship to leave without you. Also, I have no problem with your son doing something he enjoys while you do something you enjoy.

A lot of people post "what ifs." "What ifs," frankly, are of little value. "What if" you bring your son with you and get into a car accident and he gets horribly hurt? "What if" your son comes with you and breaks his wrist in a fall walking down the street? "What if" bandits appear and start shooting everyone and your son is with you? All of these are possible, as are all of the "what ifs" if you leave your son behind.

Rather than "what if," I prefer to look at "what is," or at least what is extremely likely. In this case, we have thousands and thousands of data points. For the Disney Magic alone, if we assume an average of 2500 passengers a week for 52 weeks a year for 15 years, we come up with 1.9 milion passengers. Assuming only one third of those were children, that leaves 600,000 children who have been through the kids' clubs without a fire, without the ship sinking, and without any problem that the cast members couldn't handle. NOTE: I am sure we can find a couple of cases where something bad happened. You don't need to point them out to me. One recent well mentioned case on the boards did not involve the kids' clubs. Anyhow, I am talking about the 600,000 data points on the Magic alone that say time and time again you can safely go to the kids club.

Again, the "what if" something happens to you when you are off the ship can easily be changed to "what if" something happens to your son while he is off the ship with you. So do what is right for your family.

This is the most well reasoned post I've read on these "should I leave my kid" type threads. The thread a PP mentioned about leaving a 10 year old to wait at Haunted Mansion was filled with a plethora of hysterical "what ifs". I want to be a responsible parent, but I don't want to live like that. OP, do what you and your family is comfortable with.

 

[yaddakal]

I would not but that's me...people do, and that's ok if that's them. Just if you do, leave on a Disney excursion I would say.

 

[flateacher]

I would not leave my kids alone on the ship and go on an excursion. But I also don't give my daughter sign out of the clubs either!

I realize I am probably considered overprotective and so is my husband but we are ok with that. So as others have said I think it is a family decision.

We have 2 DD. One is 11 the other is 5. Yes they have to wait for each other to rides their respective rides at Disney. We very rarely split up - only when we fast pass Splash Mountain. Yes we ALL go together on an excursion. We pick something everyone can do.

No one had better use the word "bored" either.... you are lucky enough to be in Disney or on a cruise in a foreign port... I tell them their lives could be a whole lot worse!

But again - this is our family way and it doesn't work for everyone else. You will find what fits your family. Good luck!

 

[Four Swampers]

For some bizarre reason something bad happening to all of us is easier to swallow than part of us. My husband says the same thing. He gets freaked out when he flies alone now. When we're all together, we don't worry so much. Twisted logic, I know.

Ha! I am very much the same way. My mom suggested that when my family of four flies, I should fly on one plane with one girl and my wife should fly on another plane with the other girl. I said no point in that! We might as well all go down together. Then no one has to be left behind to grieve. Plus, we might pick the plane that doesn't crash, so that would be cool.

 

[lbgraves]

We have left both kids on the ship, individually and together. We have been to the ports several times and do require them to see a port at least one time with a family excursion. On our third stop to St. Maarten DH and I decided to go on the St. John tour and leave the kids onboard. They enjoyed their day and we both commented that we were glad we didn't take the kids, though we enjoyed the tour. On the PC repo DD asked to ride horseback, so we booked this in Aruba. DS can't stand to be around horses [figured that out when DD was taking lessons] and there is no way that I would make him do that. DD got to ride horseback on the beach like she had dreamed, while DS was onboard enjoying his morning. In San Juan last cruise, DD was the one who stayed onboard while DH, DS and I toured the forts. We hadn't spent time individually with DS for years, and I treasure the morning we had with him. It doesn't mean that I don't value time with DD, but there is a lot of that at home.

I feel the same. What if there is a fire on the ship? Also, when I'm on vacation I actually want to be with my kid. For example, I really want to do the Palo Brunch but I would hate having to eat lunch without my child. I mean, she can go to the kid's club any old time but eating together means a lot to me. Excursions with my child would mean a lot to me too.

DS knows what to do in the event of a fire. If your child stays at home alone, then they would probably be fine staying on the ship while docked in port on their own -- especially if they spend most of the time either in the club or your room.

We have enjoyed many meals at Palo, and never thought about missing the kids honestly. I stay at home with my kids and volunteer quite a bit at their school every year. I don't get an opportunity to NOT be around any kids at home, so I enjoy spending time with DH at Palo or even at satellite falls last cruise.

We choose DCL because the kids have things that they enjoy on the ship and we feel comfortable with them doing that. We eat dinner together [other than the meal we go to Palo] and attend the shows together. They go to the club or an activity with friends after the show and DH & I enjoy the adult show in the club some nights. We just started being able to do this on our 9th cruise, so have spent cruises joined at the hip with DD before. We believe it is their vacation too.

 

[scrapbookmomma74]

The reason we cruise as a family is to do things together as a family. I guess the question this brings to mind is why take the kids if they will not participate in the port exploring?

You choose a cruise as a family vacation and choose it based on the ports. Why not just leave the kids with relatives at home?

This is exactly what I was thinking!!!

We've taken 5 Disney cruises with our children, starting when they were 5 & 8. We have always done excursions together, and frankly, on our first cruise, there is NO WAY our kids would have wanted to stay in the clubs while we left the ship. You can't know ahead of time if the kids will love the clubs. Our oldest, who I thought we'd be dragging from the clubs every night, didn't really enjoy them and spent a lot of time in the pool instead.

We've also taken 2 Disney cruises WITHOUT the kids, and did different excursions that either the kids wouldn't like or our youngest was too little for. We have had a blast cruising without them as well as with them. It is a very different vacation when we leave them at home!

Our family vacations are for the family. If we want adult time, we'll take a vacation sans children.

 

[pyramid2000]

Maybe I am a horrible parent, or maybe I just do not know proper etiquette, but should I be ashamed because I leave my 8 year old on the ship playing while the rest of us look at museums and other things that he finds boring?

To answer the actual question you asked, I do not believe you should feel ashamed if you do something you enjoy while your son does something he enjoys. There are no scarlet letters being handed out to parents who go ashore without children when they return to the clubs to pick up said children. Some people do it, some people don't. Take the different thoughts and make up your mind with what you want to do. You are not doing anything that impacts anyone except your family, so shame is not warranted if someone else finds your actions questionable to them. Have a great cruise!

 

[3mmm]

I have read most of this thread but not all

two thoughts I have:

push your kids beyond their comfort zones. My kids have done things they never would have imagined on their own and they are better for it. Some of that involves putting up with a kid who is 'bored' and telling him to suck it up! It's amazing how the kid who was bored doing something comes home from school excited that he got to tell the class about the time that he climbed Mt. Vesuvius or saw the Coliseum or climbed a Mayan Ruin or walked on a glacier or passed through the Panama Cana or swam with sting rays or ate gelato with centuries old mosaics a sticky hand away! The museum trips are harder, but even they have an impact down the road. My kids love looking at places they have been and being able to say they have been there. And they know when they were left behind. My now 8 year old did not go to Florence and did not see the David or the Leaning Tower of Pisa and he knows it! We left him on board with another adult in our party.

you also know your kids and sometimes it is better to leave them behind. We did this for the first time in Cozumel this year. My older boys are huge Amazing Race fans and they have a knock off on Cozumel (which I highly recommend). I knew my DD11 would not be able to do it (she has Down syndrome and although she does amazing things, racing is not one of them) We decided to leave DS5 behind as well. Worked out great because he kept asking when he could spend the whole day in the kids club and we kept answered 'Wednesday'. They did great and we got to spend quality time with our older three. Win/win as far as we are concerned.

Do what is right for your family. There was a time when I couldn't imagine leaving my kids on board, but now we have done it. You need to decide what works for your family. Good luck and enjoy!!!

 

[lilpooh108]

Stop the madness.

Why are people so extreme? Leaving your child (who might be happier in the club anyway) for 6 hours IS NOT THE SAME as leaving your child at home for 7 days.

So when people say, "Why not just vacation without your kid? It's a family vacation!" That's just rude and argumentative.

Well then, don't dine at Remy. It's 3 whole hours, which is 1/2 a port day. Don't have brunch at Palo, because takes 2 whole hours, which is 1/3 a port day. The list goes on.

I am going to Europe for 3 weeks w/10 family members. I will be with my children 24/7 the entire time. There may be 1 port day where my 4YO would rather stay in the club and play that Find the Rose computer game. She's not a bad kid for wanting that. And I'm not a bad parent for letting her. Get over it, Parent Police! I don't have baby sitters, we never eat out without our kids when we're at home. Calm down people, it's just a cruise!

To the OP -- I hope you don't let people make you feel bad. Do what works for your family.

 

[ThePicketts]

We do most of out port activities together, but once in a while we have left the kids on board while we did a port excursion that was beyond their age range. At the time they were 9, 9, and 11.

We eat our meals together and do most of our activities together, but there are times when they want to do something, and my wife and I want to do something else, and we are all OK about splitting up for those hours.

The kids also spend a week or two each summer at sleep-away camps. Additionally, my oldest (now 14) is going to go away to Europe for two and a half weeks (!!!) without us, as a group education and service project. In comparison, splitting up with the kids staying on the ship and us going on an excursion doesn't seem to be a big deal.

I would KILL myself if something happened to my kids while we were split up, either them back on the ship, or my daughters in sleep-away camp and Europe...but I can't see letting our fear of "what-if" stop us from experiencing life, both together and apart.

Our choices don't mean that we don't like spending time with our kids, or love them any less than more "protective" parents...we just have alternative (yet valid) ways of raising them.

Well put. I guess when I started this thread I failed to mention that I'm leaving our son in the kids club because that is what he really wants. We REGULARLY take him to museums and historical sites all over the USA and the UK and he will be doing a full day learning excursion with us in Naples.
I just want him to not only enjoy the great things of this world, but as a homeschool parent, I also want him to play with others his age as much as he can.
I have a hard time being frozen with fear about leaving him for a few hours. Thank you for the great discussion so far and I have found all the comments either encouraging or thought provoking.