Laurie's journal - Atkins plan (comments welcome)

[DoeWDW]

Laurie, your food always sounds so interesting - generally stuff I've never tried! I don't even know what an artichoke looks like. You are blessed to have Jeff as your own personal chef! Even if I found an artichoke, I sincerely wouldn't know what to do with it to make it edible.

Give yourself time to grieve for Horatio. He was a big part of your life for many, many years and it will take quite a while to not expect to see him in his usual spots around the house. I can tell that he was a very well-loved kitty and had a wonderful life with you and Jeff, Tilda & Niko. for all of you as you learn to live without his daily physical presence but those wonderful memories will last for the rest of your life. In time they may bring a smile rather than a tear, and he'll live on in your hearts.

and

 

[LAinSEA]

And then I read Doreen's post...thank you so much for your kindness. Beth - I really needed that hug, thank you for being there.

We are all just going through the motions right now...we have things we have to do each day - we get them done, but there is no joy in them right now.

Monday: Mom and I walked for a good 50 minutes while Dad and Jeff played basketball. I really hiked her into the ground, I'm afraid. My mother usually gets 2 - 30 minute walks in a day (weather permitting) but she walks a pretty flat route. We took a route with some hills and my speed and fitness level have really come up this last month. She was out of breath a few times. We had steaks, mixed veggies w/bacon and green salads for dinner. If my folks ate that way every night I think my father would see his belly start to shrink almost immediately. He's still not ready to commit to a plan.

Tuesday: I slept in til 10am and then got my walk in. Jeff opted to keep working on some projects around the house and not go. After not getting much accomplished around the house on Monday, I decided it was time to roll up my sleaves and really dig in. Jeff helped me clear out the living room and family room, I vacuumed and then started the carpet steam cleaner. I got the two rooms done in about 2 1/2 hours. Jeff got a call from a placement service and is scheduled for an interview on Thursday - he needed a haircut bad (we had to cancel our appts last Monday for Horatio) - our stylist found room for him that afternoon. After getting the carpets done and drying - I went out to get the lawn mowed during a brief sunbreak while Jeff was gone. When Jeff got back he could see that our aspen tree in front (which we already prunned back once this spring) was hanging in my way of the mower route, so he got out the treesaw and starting cutting low-hanging branches. We need to take out a few more up high from the roof too.

I re-vaccumed the two rooms when the carpets were dry enough and we got the furniture back in - and rearranged. Change is good - right? It was around 8:30pm when we got it all done and I was out of energy...mealwise - on plan but probably not enough food - scrambled eggs for lunch with mushrooms, snack 2 oz. of peanuts, dinner - grilled chicken breast, mushrooms & asparagus (very good). Not enough water for the day. We ate dinner about 9:30 pm. We were both just trying to catch some news before bed when Jeff's brother called and upset the whole day. Yesterday was Jeff's dad's birthday. He had called him the day prior and was planning to take him to lunch on Thursday. But A.J. had talked to Dad, heard that Jeff hadn't called Wednesday and absolutely read him the riot act! I don't think Jeff slept at all last night. I didn't sleep much either. Neither did Niko and Tilda.

Wednesday am: I really wanted to try and get more sleep this morning I am so tired - but since it wasn't happening, I got up and went for my walk alone. Jeff worked on packing my meals for the day. Tilda was up in her "treehouse" in the closet...without any workers around and Niko had climbed to the upper rungs of the closet too when I got back from my walk. I think this week will be harder than last on us. Reality is sinking in - I won't be as busy at work - DH was really looking depressed this morning. All I can think is that if we can get through this week and next and then head to the cabin a week from this Saturday, it will do us all a world of good. (The painting was supposed to start on Monday, but weather and workload for our contractor combined to put it off until today or tomorrow...I hope they come by to mask today.)

Confession time - all I could think about when I pulled out of the driveway was that I wanted a breve...triple shot...it means that I will be over induction level carbs for the day and back on caffeine. I guess it's better than reaching for a snickers bar but not much. Coffee is my crutch, my addiction, my indulgence when I'm stressed. I admit it. It is something I will have to work on.

 

[Strings]

Hi Laurie,

Here's another for good measure. You are doing an amazing job of staying op and exercising through this time of stress and grief. I think it is a good thing for you to do right now. Routine, even if you are just going through the motions can be soothing.

Don't worry about the breve. We all need these things sometimes. I'm quitting the challenge myself. I've been feelingstressed with this reinduction thing. I'm slowly adding carbs as of today. Coffee is A HUGE crutch for me, and I won't give it up. If you want to cur carbs, have you considered an iced coffee with sugar free vanilla syrup. I find I need much less 1/2 &1/2 there. It is my drink of the moment.

Good luck to your hubby at the interview.

Beth

 

[LAinSEA]

Beth - that was just the pep talk I needed thanks...

Wednesday to Thursday:

DH fixed me the best grilled chicken breast in a mushroom, wine & caper sauce for my dinner last night. I had to fight off the crew in the control room to keep my dinner! All other meals on plan (except the breve on the way to work).

Today, I got up and got my walk in (alone) while DH packed up my lunch and got off to his interview with the placement specialist. He called to let me know that the meeting went well except they place more office and manufacturing right now than high tech...she thought his resume was terrific and his skills very broadbased (not a good thing for IT though). She is going to call more of her contacts in the recruiting industry and see if she can get him a few more placement interviews elsewhere.

I fed the kitties before I left. They were not happy about me leaving for work, they have gotten awfully spoiled having someone around most all the time. I did NOT stop for a breve - even though I had to stop to fuel up and the espresso stand is right by the gas station. One thing managed...

I need to add a few blocks more to my walk - I finished in 35 minutes and I really like to go 40-45. The original route I took now only takes 30 minutes and I've added an extra trip around some of the blocks already to get in the amount of time I want to walk.

Slept a little better last night - I had my cry before I tried to sleep last night instead of in the middle. Both Niko and Tilda slept on the bed most of night - kinda felt like a cat sandwich at times but I think it kept me from waking up and reaching for Horatio too many times.

The painting has been put off again until Monday...I'm hoping the evil homeowners' assn architectural committee doesn't send us a nasty gram while we are waiting.

 

[Strings]

Laurie,

Your progess is amazing. You've shaved major time off your walk. You are obviously much faster and fitter than when you started. Congratulations. I'm glad you managed to get some sleep last night. You need it.

Do you think you could get your hubby to post some of those recipes he makes. Your meals always sound SO YUMMY! I have to be careful not to read your journal when I am hungry

I hope you have a peaceful day.

Beth

 

[LAinSEA]

Thursday to Friday:

DH put in some really yummy cream of asparagus soup (only 1/2 cup) as a treat in my cooler yesterday. I've got some today too. The rest of the menu: 1/2 cup cottage cheese, oz. brie & oz. salami, small grilled chicken breast, cup green beans w/butter, 2 cups romaine salad w/bleu cheese dressing & 1 roma tomato, 1 oz each macadamias & almonds. The nuts put me over 20 carbs for the day...probably as many as 26. Strange day - I was hungry...I guess my appetite is coming back.

Friday: I forced myself out of bed this morning and got in my walk. (Niko tried to get my up around 8am and instead decided to climb under the covers and snuggle...he was still sleeping when I got up at 8:45.) DH grilled up some sirloin burgers on portabello mushrooms for my dinner tonight. A train cut off the route to the Espresso stand, so I avoided that temptation and got to work on time.

I have to work through Sunday this week (then I'll be off next Saturday through Thursday to open up the cabin). The nice thing is that I get to work with Charlie insteady of Mr. Negativity!

Beth: My DH tends to cook with recipes as a "guide" - the asparagus soup recipe, for example, is Emeril's from Foodtv.com but then he modifies the recipes to be more low-carb. Foodtv has a new Low-carb show now too and there are some new recipes posted on their site to go with it - including a low-carb pizza crust! I have asked Jeff to write down the mushroom, caper & wine sauce for the chicken...I'll keep twisting his arm over it. (Actually the show is on right now - Low Carb and Lovin' It on Foodtv - and one of the benefits of working at a TV station is being able to watch whatever I want!)

 

[Castillo Mom]

Hi Laurie! I'm still alive! Sorry I haven't been around. I've been pretty overwhelmed lately, but still staying OP. Wow, you're really fortunate to have your husband prepare all of those yummy meals. Didn't know about the new lc Food Network show, thanks for the heads up!

I see you're still working on your house. I started trying to do spring cleaning about a month ago and only got half way through 1 room! It'll be summer by the time I get to it.

 

[LAinSEA]

Friday meals: 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 1/2 cup cream of asparagus soup, 1 oz each brie & salami, 2 cups romaine salad w/thousand is. dressing, 1 roma tomato & cup shrimp, 1 cup green beans w/butter, sirloin burger w/bleu cheese crumbles over a grilled portabello mushroom. Lots of water - 2 diet rite sodas.

Saturday: Slept in. DH and I walked for 45 minutes in the pouring rain - changed the route slightly and did the hills from the other, steeper direction - OUCH! Picked up a breve on the way to work as a substitute for my cottage cheese breakfast. The scale said 163 this morning - that's 2 lbs gone in a week! Amazing for me. (total of 6 lbs in 3 weeks, also amazing! since I was completely stalled out on actual weight lost for 2 whole months, even though my clothes were fitting much better.)

Very light schedule at work tonight, tomorrow should be a little busier but still not enough work for an 8 hour shift, let alone the 10 hour shift I'm supposed to be putting in.

Lisa - thanks for stopping by...I'm so happy your planning going so well! I sure wish I was planning a trip to the World as well...will have to be satisfied with helping my Mom plan their trip with the grand-daughters for August.

Emotionally - I'm still tearing up when I thing about Horatio...it will be a tough week planning to go and open the cabin without him. He really loved it there. Niko and Tilda were playing so hard this morning! They really have become much closer (if that's possible since losing their "big" brother.) Niko "roared" at a racoon on our back porch last night (from inside the patio door)...Jeff helped him scare him off. We were really proud of Niko's courage - Horatio would have been very proud too.

 

[LAinSEA]

I'm having to work today - a normal day off - as trade for having next Saturday off. We are planning to leave for the cabin as soon as I get home on Friday night - drive through the night and arrive in daylight to open things up and get the pump started, the fridge plugged in and the water heaters going while we nap!

Last night (Saturday): I just was not hungry. Big difference from the previous two days where I demolished everything in my bag of food. I had a half cup of the yummy cream of asparagus soup and then a cup of green beans & sirloin burger w/bleu cheese over a portabello mushroom. I also had an oz each macadamias & almonds. Lots of water - couple of diet rite sodas. (along with the breve I drank on the way to work). I didn't eat my salad or brie and salamie snack.

Needless to say - this morning I woke up feeling a little hungry. We got up around 9am and DH went with me on the walk. We did an extra loop up on the "flat" part of the neighborhood instead of the hills. DH fixed me some scrambled eggs for breakfast - a nice treat and we let the kitties get some patio time while there was no rain. Then I got on the road to work.

Now it just let the graphics orders trickle in - it's really too bad that we have to do our late show live (the main sports for the day are already over). So after we are done with the Pistons' postgame coverage, it will be sit around and watch TV until the 10pm show.

I've also got a bit of asthma today - tighness across my chest that I can't seem to shake. My throat is also very dry and scratchy. It seems that whenever I'm getting close to a vacation my body starts to let me down - or tell me I should have taken a rest sooner.

 

[Strings]

Laurie, I sent you a PM

 

[LAinSEA]

Let's start with the Ugly: It's how I feel right now...my whole body feels like I've been run over by a truck. We did some gardening projects both Monday morning and all day Tuesday. We edged the almost every garden bed and expanded the one to the south next to neighbor's fence. (I got tired of trying to mow right next to the fence.) DH did the cutting and I did the picking up of the sod - OUCH! I also did the mowing on Monday while DH quickly weeded the front flower bed. I still have a ton of weeding to do but it will have to wait until we get back from the cabin.

Other exercise - the Good: I got in about an hour of walking with my mom on Monday afternoon. I did 45 minutes both Tuesday and Today by myself - I was very hard to get my legs moving today and the route was much shorter for the same time.

The Bad - the tech doing the security updates to my work computer messed things up and now I'm on a very ancient backup computer while they fix my newer, faster one. Oh well! I also have my performance review tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. The whole process is no fun and never rewarding.

Foodwise: almost completely on plan, except for a hotdog in regular bun yesterday for lunch. Our siding crew finally came to paint and brough lunch to BBQ for us as a treat. Given my activity level I'm not feeling to guilty about it. Last night's late dinner was sauted shrimp with tomato & asparagus & a few steamed crab legs - very yummy!

Today I'm already behind in my carb count because I stopped for a breve on the way to work - so I will be over by about 6. I really needed the caffeine - I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Yes, the painting is almost done - they painted the main color yesterday and were working on pickups and the trim today. Our new front door isn't going to be ready now until we get back from the cabin. We'll take some pictures and I'll try to get some befores and afters posted sometime soon.

We are getting a little worried about Tilda - she is behaving like she's quite depressed the last couple of days. Niko is doing his best to keep her engaged...as are we. She is going to have to work through her grief like the rest of us...she is extremely sensitive to our feelings and emotions. This morning I held her next to me in bed for about an hour before I got up. It helped us both. Niko is becoming quite bold...he is really taking his role as "lion of the house" very seriously. We are quite proud of him but have to continually let him know that he doesn't have to stay up all night watching the back door...he still watching for the racoon that he scared off last weekend to come back.

 

[LAinSEA]

Lets begin by saying that I'm at work and I don't want to be here. My day began by sitting in my supervisor's office and getting my performance review. Now having had management training, I understand that you can't give positive reviews because that would mean that the employee would then need more responsibility, more money, more career growth than they see in their current position...but that being said, why go through the process at all? All it does it make the employee feel inadequate, year after year, after all it doesn't mean that management is going to help you reach the goals they make you set (after the fact - to fit the new review format). The just penalize you if you set goals you can't meet all by yourself.

So in the interest of moving forward in life, these are the goals I've set for myself.

1. better health - reaching a healthy weight - taking the time for me each day to eat right, exercise and relax.

2. get my Masters degree in Education and teaching certification and remove myself from the world of working nights and weekends in a deadend television production job.

3. Do my best to be pleasant and productive while still working my deadend television production job while I achieve the 2 above goals.

My advice to anyone reading this is that when you take a "career opportunity" make sure that it is just that. Don't ever settle for less than what you need for career growth. Don't think that OK, I'll just do this for a couple of years to get more experience and then I'll go on to do what it is I want to do with my life. If the job isn't a step in the right direction, it is nothing more than a wrong turn - it is not a detour - it's a deadend.

Meals - OP (except for the breves on the way to work...over 3 carbs last night - probably over 6 carbs today if I eat all the meals and snacks in my bag.) Appetite disapeared again last night...hasn't reappeared yet today - had to remind myself to get some food down after my review.

Exercise - 45 minute walk this morning alone...still very stiff from gardening.

Painting is complete - new door still hasn't arrived but hopefully will be ready by the time we return from the cabin.

DH is working on getting the house in order before we leave and getting the stuff organized that has to go with us. I wish I was home helping him instead of stuck here at work. He has a couple applications to complete before we leave as well. I will be staying up late to complete my Masters program application and financial aid forms to fax to Univ. of Phoenix tomorrow.

 

[LAinSEA]

Thursday: Meal OP (except for the breve on the way to work...over 3 carbs for the day). DH sent me with more of the delicious game hen in mushroom sauce and asparagus. Snack was brie & smoked salmon. Along with a green salad w/tomato, artichoke & mushrooms w/bleu cheese dressing, breakfast of a 1/2 cup of cottage cheese & 1 oz macadamia nuts.

Mariners game went late, so we were on with our late NW news until 11pm. I got home about 11:45pm and got on to filling out my Masters application and finanical aid forms. It took me until 1:30am. Then I feel apart. Too much stress, at work, at home. Missing Horatio - how much I relied on him to put things right with the day. How much I miss him stroking my forehead with his paw while I cried myself to sleep on nights after days like these. He was an extrordinary cat. I find it really strange that I haven't felt his presence at all, whereas I felt Samantha around us for months - even off and on the last 2 years. Since losing Horatio, she hasn't been around either, maybe she was just waiting for him.

I know this all sounds crazy. I swear I'm sane. For years after my grandfather's death - I would catch him out of the corner of my eye while we were at our cabin. It's been Jeff and my job in the family to put it to bed each fall. We both could feel him looking over our shoulders as we did it since 1996 until just last year. We both commented on how he wasn't there last fall - that maybe he now trusted us to take care of things without his supervision.

Friday meals and exercise - meals on plan (except the breve, again). I walked only 40 minutes this morning because I got a late start so I cut out the very steep hill and pushed myself the rest of the route. DH has a huge amount to accomplish for us to leave when I get home. I still have to pack up my bag - should take about 15 minutes when I get home tonight if all the laundry is done...I sure wish I a day of vacation before my vacation to be ready to go.

I'm planning to take my laptop computer with us - but there are no phone lines so no internet access. I have some reviewing to do on a graphics software program that I will be conducting training on for Comcast cable sometime after I return. I'm also thinking about doing some writing...to get "in shape" for school. My Masters program should start on June 10 if everything goes well with the application and financial aid process. Deciding to pursue more education without Jeff being employed is really scary for me - totally out of my comfort zone. I feel guilty that he isn't the one going back to school. I feel guilty for taking out the loan to pay for the program. I just know that if I'm not passionate about what I do to earn a living that I'm not going to be happy with my life. I know I'll be working for another 30 (or more years) before I can retire - so why do something that isn't satisfying? Perhaps this all a midlife crisis - but buying a little red sportscar is a little out of the question right now.

 

[wilderness01]

I am sorry about your loss. I know the pain of losing a beloved pet. It really hurts.

 

[LAinSEA]

Just talked with DH - he was doing some last minute shopping for the trip and getting on the road snacks (all safe).

Niko's harness is very snug but DH thinks its fine for travel. Tilda's is a little loose...well remove them once we make to the cabin for a few days. We don't keep collars on them around home as they only go out supervised and we don't want to risk them getting caught while they play.

I feel as a heavy weight is beginning to lift as I get towards the end of this shift. DH hasn't got any real rest today...to much to do...but he wants to drive all night tonight. I'm sure well make a rest stop about Missoula.

I'll check in when we get back.

 

[wilderness01]

Have a wonderful restful trip. The scenery in that part of the country is so beautiful and peaceful. We lived in the Pacific Northwest for 3 years. Although I wasn't really that thrilled with the town in which we lived, I loved the scenery. I took for granted the beauty while I was there and now looking back miss it! Thanks for the nice words in my journal. I don't know if you really ever get over the loss of a pet. I think you just learn to accept it. I still get tears in my eyes when my beloved dog is brought up. It has been many years. I just can't help it. He was such a big part of my life. I am grateful for the time we had and will always treasure that. I really thought I had "gotten over" that part but when my son had to do a project on his pet (we don't have any since) and I had to find the picture, I fell to pieces. Just hits such a raw spot that I suppose will always be there. No animal ever replaces another, but when our first two dogs died I felt so sad but not quite like this. Maybe because the third dog rounded out the group and once he was gone then that was really the end to all of them. I don't know, but I do know that is one reason I can not get another pet. At least not right now. I get way too attached. Plus we have little kids that require all of our time. I usually go overboard with my animals and treat them like my kids so I don't want to get another dog until the kids are a little older and they can be cared for like I am used to. I don't want the pet ignored or pushed aside and until they are at least all in school I am afraid that would happen. So for now and at least until the kids really start begging when they are older, we are waiting on another dog.

 

[Strings]

Hi Laurie,

I know you won't get this until you are back, but I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you this weekend.

I think you are totally sane. I've seen many ghosts in my time. I have had 2 in my old house, and there are several in our hospital. I think you just have to be open to seeing them. I bet you are right about your Grandfather trusting you now. I find it comforting to know that loved ones are nearby. I also think that Horatio and Samantha are together.

You are doing the right thing going back to school. You need to love your job. Congrats on taking that step towards happiness.
Beth

 

[DoeWDW]

Laurie, I know you're at the cabin and I hope you are finding the atmosphere peaceful and restful. I bet Tilda & Niko are enjoying the change of scenery as much as you and Jeff are!

I think you're perfectly sane when you talk about feeling the presence of a loved one who has passed on. I like to think of them as guardian angels who are watching over me. I bet Horatio and Samantha are at the Rainbow Bridge playing together.

I hope all goes well with the Masters program. You truly should spend your days doing something that you feel good about. We all go through periods of frustration, even at the most thrilling jobs, but if it's an ongoing thing, you should make a change.

Hope all is well at the cabin and you have a safe trip home.

 

[LAinSEA]

What wonderful posts to come home to. I'm back to work - trying not to be blue - your wonderful words are the courage I needed to dive right back in. Thanks so much Beth, Doreen & Wilderness.

We had a wonderful time. The cabin was just as we left it last October - no unwanted or unscheduled vistors (human or critter) inside. The pump started right up - DH got the fan on the propane heater fixed and repaired the roof on the garage (the only winter damage) for the season...we will replace the top flashing in October to make it more weather-proof for the ice and snow. I really gave the inside a good cleaning! Dead bugs, yuk! It snowed a little each day we were there. The squirrels were happy to get peanuts - we even have flying squirrels that come all night long for nuts on the porch.

We did get a couple of days in sight-seeing in the park...a day for walking the geyser basins, just Jeff and I, and another for taking the kitties with us to look for animals. We actually saw 5 black bears, a mom with 2 little cubs and 2 others just by themselves. It has been over 20 years since I have seen bears in Yellowstone Park! Not since the policy over feeding the bears changed and they would come up to your car when I was a child have I seen so many bears. Tilda & Niko were just quivering. They love to watch animal planet and discovery channel...seeing the bison and elk up close is very exciting for them - after Tilda saw the bears she was jumping from window to window really looking for more. We also watched the birth of a pronghorn antilope yesterday on our way home - within 2 minutes of hitting the ground the baby was up and running with it's mommy - amazing! We also saw fox, coyote, blacktail deer, swans & sandhill cranes - bald eagles, hawks (4 different kinds) and osprey fishing in the rivers. There were lots of baby bison but no baby elk yet.

Mealwise - I was on plan except for lunches. We picked up sandwiches from the deli in West Yellowstone a couple of days - I had their homemade whole wheat bread. I did do low-carb options at Arby's on the way over and at a Hardy's on the way home. The store in West Yellowstone had a huge selection of low-carb desert items - we tried the blue bunny almond crunch ice cream bars. I haven't been on the scale since I got home but my skinny jeans are still fitting - so hopefully I didn't put too much weight back on. Exercise - with the snow and rain I didn't get much walking in. We hiked a little in the park - but not a good long walk. DH and I got our walk in this morning - even with my asthma returning. We both needed to stretch our legs after the long car ride yesterday. (Our kitties are extremely well-behaved in the car...they just settle down and rest most of the highway miles - they love to watch out the windows while on the dirt roads and through the woods for animals.)

DH has some job contacts to call today - actually had some messages on the machine when we got home...why they don't call his cell number (which works at our cabin) I don't know. I think I have him convinced to register for his Masters in Education as well. It will mean a huge amount of student loans for us, but when you figure that we both will have to work into our early 70's before we retire, we might as well make the investment and do something really interesting and fulfilling with our lives.

 

[wilderness01]

Your trip sounded so nice. How wonderful to see all those animals and the birth! Amazing. Hope you are having a good one.