Large family trips

[rainboots]

I totally and completely 'get' you. Our first trip was 6 adults & 3 kids = 3 rooms. Upcoming trip is 7 adults & 3 kids =4 rooms.

I was the planner of the last trip and am again for the next one. My parents paid for the first one, we will pay for a portion of the next one. But, like you, the idea was for my parents to make memories w/ the grand kids. So, we spent the entire trip together.

All of our ADRs & FPs were as a group. We sat table service 2x a day.

Family dynamics are not all sunshiny happy unicorns with us either, although I'm perfect, FWIW Haha!!! While my BIL isn't my favorite person, he admittedly seems a step up from yours. He behaved for the greater good of the trip & was under specific warning from DSis to play nice.

Anyhow, I am just trying to say for a larger group, I think it can work! And well enough that everyone wants to do it again. We had a blast. I set down ground rules that you could opt out of my carefully constructed plans, and I wouldn't let it affect my trip. DSis & I decided not to let my mom's typical issues bother us, as mom wanted & deserved the trip of a lifetime, too. We went in w/high expectations & plans, but also with the attitude that it could all change, an it was wonderful!!!

 

[Julylady]

Have you suggested taking the kids and leaving him home? I wanted to take my nieces and nephew to WDW, but knew my brother would hate it. I offered to pay for him and his wife to spend a few nights in a town about 3hours from home doing winery tours. They jumped at it! (It wasn't totally charity though as he had done some work at my house and this was my thank you). We ALL had a great time!

 

[dr&momto2boys]

Ahhh, yes. I have planned Disney vacations for 13 of us a few times in the past (inlaws--but nice people!) I just plan what we want to do, keeping in mind what I think the rest will like too, and hand them a schedule of park schedules, dining reservations and fast passes and we tell them this is what we're doing and they're welcome to join us for any or all of it. They can go off and do their own thing if they want. They've always been grateful I've done the planning and they join us for most of it (sometimes leave early or join us later) and always join us for meals. They trust I've put us in the right park to minimize crowds each day and they feel very grateful that I do all the research. They say they feel like kings and queens on a private tour.

 

[Pamnkevin]

I totally and completely 'get' you. Our first trip was 6 adults & 3 kids = 3 rooms. Upcoming trip is 7 adults & 3 kids =4 rooms.

I was the planner of the last trip and am again for the next one. My parents paid for the first one, we will pay for a portion of the next one. But, like you, the idea was for my parents to make memories w/ the grand kids. So, we spent the entire trip together.

All of our ADRs & FPs were as a group. We sat table service 2x a day.

Family dynamics are not all sunshiny happy unicorns with us either, although I'm perfect, FWIW Haha!!! While my BIL isn't my favorite person, he admittedly seems a step up from yours. He behaved for the greater good of the trip & was under specific warning from DSis to play nice.

Anyhow, I am just trying to say for a larger group, I think it can work! And well enough that everyone wants to do it again. We had a blast. I set down ground rules that you could opt out of my carefully constructed plans, and I wouldn't let it affect my trip. DSis & I decided not to let my mom's typical issues bother us, as mom wanted & deserved the trip of a lifetime, too. We went in w/high expectations & plans, but also with the attitude that it could all change, an it was wonderful!!!

Perfect here too Haha

I just sent a message to him and my SIL to meet...just the three of us so we can talk about the trip. Just the trip...I don't want to talk about he said she said anything. I am going to show them all there is to do there besides rides and let them know that I would like to keep their kids (if they'll let me) at the park or overnight if it means everyone will be happy.

You and I sound very much alike...thanks for your input

 

[Pamnkevin]

Have you suggested taking the kids and leaving him home? I wanted to take my nieces and nephew to WDW, but knew my brother would hate it. I offered to pay for him and his wife to spend a few nights in a town about 3hours from home doing winery tours. They jumped at it! (It wasn't totally charity though as he had done some work at my house and this was my thank you). We ALL had a great time!

My inlaws did. He wouldn't even consider it. It was all during a fit of anger though, so I wouldn't have expected him to say yes anyway. My SIL wants to go but she thinks if she went without him, their marriage would be over. That is a whole can of worms I don't want to open though...so let's just leave it at that

 

[Pamnkevin]

Ahhh, yes. I have planned Disney vacations for 13 of us a few times in the past (inlaws--but nice people!) I just plan what we want to do, keeping in mind what I think the rest will like too, and hand them a schedule of park schedules, dining reservations and fast passes and we tell them this is what we're doing and they're welcome to join us for any or all of it. They can go off and do their own thing if they want. They've always been grateful I've done the planning and they join us for most of it (sometimes leave early or join us later) and always join us for meals. They trust I've put us in the right park to minimize crowds each day and they feel very grateful that I do all the research. They say they feel like kings and queens on a private tour.

Sounds like you had a great time. I have been thanked by many of them for taking this on. I am hoping for the best. That's awesome they felt like they were on a private tour!

 

[TXPyroMom]

I vote that you make dining plans and FP+ with the SIL in the loop and then let her deal with her husband. She knows him best and she should get to deal with planning a trip that is fun for their family. If the BIL doesn't want the same FP+ or ADR's then let the SIL change them.

It is awesome that you are planning for everyone, but once you get there, don't let someone else's decisions to do other things get in the way of you having a good time. Plan the trip that works for your ILs and your family and let the BIL work around y'all.

And about the BIL's kids missing out... just remember that you can't see and do it all. As hard as it is for us adults to imagine, lots of people on the DIS come back from a trip and report that their kids favorite part was the pool. We took my daughter when she was 5... when asked what her favorite ride was, her response was the plane ride to Florida :/

 

[Pamnkevin]

I vote that you make dining plans and FP+ with the SIL in the loop and then let her deal with her husband. She knows him best and she should get to deal with planning a trip that is fun for their family. If the BIL doesn't want the same FP+ or ADR's then let the SIL change them.

It is awesome that you are planning for everyone, but once you get there, don't let someone else's decisions to do other things get in the way of you having a good time. Plan the trip that works for your ILs and your family and let the BIL work around y'all.

And about the BIL's kids missing out... just remember that you can't see and do it all. As hard as it is for us adults to imagine, lots of people on the DIS come back from a trip and report that their kids favorite part was the pool. We took my daughter when she was 5... when asked what her favorite ride was, her response was the plane ride to Florida :/

Funny...my daughter said the same thing about our last trip. What's also funny is that he took the joy out of that too. My Inlaws paid for the airfare too and they didn't want to fly. He wanted to drive so he could inevitably do what he wanted which was to take the camper. And the pool is fun, but the reason we all agreed on Art of Animation was because of their pools which his kids may or may not be able to experience now They can play in the pool at Fort Wilderness but not with their cousins.

 

[Sweet Melissa]

I have had 3 days now to reflect on all of this, and I'm just convinced he's not going to be happy no matter what.

Do your best not to let this become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best!

 

[Nancyg56]

Your Son and my BIL sound like the same person. This is exactly how he is, but add alcohol to the mix

That's exactly what I was thinking about his need to take the dogs. So if this does happen, which may not necessarily be a bad thing...do you think i should talk to him now about possibly letting us keep the kids for a while or even overnight? That way he's already aware that it's an option? He's already expressed to me that if he gets upset, let him walk away (which I'll have no problem doing)...so he's anticipating the worst already. I'm just thinking telling him now (in a calm nice way) would be better than saying it out of no where when everyone is upset.

Thanks for your advice!

My Donny is a wonderful man, but he had anxiety under some circumstances, and a bit awkward. He knows this as do we, so we try not to figuratively "back him into a corner".

If this was my family's trip, and he had agreed to join us, I would not even let on that I thought his lodging choice was an inconvenience. I would say that I was looking forward to getting a chance to see FW, and ask what he thought of the sing a long got the kids. It's free and chip and dale are there. Smores and a movie! I don't know the ages of the kids going so it may be too young. Then you will know if he and your SIL need space or will welcome having family invade their area.

I would also just discuss how convenient having so many adults around to step in when parents need a break. Don't offer to keep his kids, just keep throwing out there how nice it will be for all of the adults to have backup. You (figurative you) offered to leave home, and now it's too late to undo that, but you can make sure that he knows he will not be the only adult who needs a break.

One thing to consider: there are two in that family, and his wife knows him well. If there are any issues, she should address them. In our family, we kind of all used to each other and dont try to force things that aren't working. My DDIL was offended that my DD and younger DS get together often, but dont always include them. My two sons Get together as well. Donny and Marisa just have never been pals but they would walk through fire for one another, and therefore would for the spouses as well. I had to finally explain to get that they are all comfortable with their relationships and that she can't change how they are, it only causes stress where there never was any before.

My point is that as a family, you cannot change their family dynamics so do not try. Give them all the space they need and if he "explodes" ask if he and SIL want you to keep the kids so they can enjoy some time exploring WDW together

 

[Pamnkevin]

If this was my family's trip, and he had agreed to join us, I would not even let on that I thought his lodging choice was an inconvenience. I would say that I was looking forward to getting a chance to see FW, and ask what he thought of the sing a long got the kids. It's free and chip and dale are there. Smores and a movie! I don't know the ages of the kids going so it may be too young. Then you will know if he and your SIL need space or will welcome having family invade their area.

It's a shame we can't just hop on a bus from our resort to theirs.

 

[lovin'fl]

Didn't read this thread in it's entirety. But here's my experience.

Did two Xmas trips with the inlaws...15 of us in total. We have done other trips with smaller groups as well, we tend to have others with us at WDW. Going this Aug with one SIL and her family and some friends of ours...15 in total again. It is difficult and Disney doesn't make it any easier with all the pre-planning they make us do. We have some who have annual passes and some who get park hoppers. We have the annual passes and can make FP+ as soon as our window opens but we always have to wait for: A- the park hopper folks to buy their tickets and B- everyone to get together to discuss what rides they want to FP. Dining....O...M....G. That has been the biggest source of contention. All you have to do is read dining reviews, here on the DIS, to see that one person can LOVE a restaurant while another person can HATE it. And some folks are frugal where others want to go 'all out' on their vacay. Some folks also don't get the need to pre-plan so much and so far out from the trip...they are not the regular WDW go-ers.

What I finally had to accept, after losing my mind on our last Xmas trip and being an ugly person, is that you just have to be 'chill' and let things develop naturally. Now what I do is... I mention to everyone when we can make ADRs and then when we can make FP+, I stress the importance of doing so and remind them as the date draws near and then as the date passes. I don't harass them but just keep them informed. For this upcoming trip I made 3 ADRs at the 180 day mark (the tough ones) and we slowly have added on. Whenever we get to talking about the trip, we'll agree on some new ADR or FP. Our trip is 11 nights so we needed to plan a LOT of stuff.

But really, you just have to go with the flow. If things don't get booked you can walk in somewhere to eat and grab FP+ the night before or even the day of. Unless it's Xmas or Easter or July 4th or any crazy crazy busy time at WDW (and even then, you might be able to wing it some days...we did Dec 19-23 a littler bit, then Dec 24-25 got crazy). And we've been so many times that, really, who cares if we do X, Y and Z. Honestly, WDW is fun with a group. There is always someone who wants to do what you want to do. The kids can run off (mine can, they are teens) and adults can be more relaxed and have drinks.

 

[Nancyg56]

It's a shame we can't just hop on a bus from our resort to theirs.

I know, but getting to FW is manageable, and if possible it is worth a visit. Think about that sing-a-long, it is teh one thing I regret we did not make time for when my DGD was younger.

 

[goofyernmost]

I went with 11 people in my family. What we did hinged on available transportation. We got together for months ahead of the trip and since we stayed offsite in a 6 bedroom villa that was never an issue. We polled everyone to see if they had any dining preferences and when we found common ground we ADR'ed that and otherwise we ate offsite either at the villa or the same place or since we had three vehicles available, we would split up and go to three available places. Lunch was usually just QS.

Same with parks, we were a group and so we usually went to the same park so that we could get together for group pictures or do QS meals together or not. After the initial travel to the parks, we then communicated via cell phone and if someone wanted to meet someplace or go back to the villa, they would group text and if anyone wanted to go as well, they just met up and took one of the vehicles back. Otherwise we all agreed, in the morning, about when we wanted to leave, either for meals or just a break.

Yes, it was complicated, at times, but, it turned out perfect. We went to the park and then went our own way, agreeing or or not agreeing to meet during the day. This sounds a lot harder then it actually was.

Since we didn't stay onsite, I have no advice for that. It seems to me that it would be more complex because just about everyone would have to agree to everything, everyday months ahead of time. Glad I didn't have to do that. Now with FP+ that just adds another level to the difficulty in planning around a large number. But, many do it, so it must be possible. I'm sure that Disney would be able to help plan this since they have a lot at stake in making it work smoothly.

 

[Nancyg56]

I went with 11 people in my family. What we did hinged on available transportation. We got together for months ahead of the trip and since we stayed offsite in a 6 bedroom villa that was never an issue. We polled everyone to see if they had any dining preferences and when we found common ground we ADR'ed that and otherwise we ate offsite either at the villa or the same place or since we had three vehicles available, we would split up and go to three available places. Lunch was usually just QS.

Same with parks, we were a group and so we usually went to the same park so that we could get together for group pictures or do QS meals together or not. After the initial travel to the parks, we then communicated via cell phone and if someone wanted to meet someplace or go back to the villa, they would group text and if anyone wanted to go as well, they just met up and took one of the vehicles back. Otherwise we all agreed, in the morning, about when we wanted to leave, either for meals or just a break.

Yes, it was complicated, at times, but, it turned out perfect. We went to the park and then went our own way, agreeing or or not agreeing to meet during the day. This sounds a lot harder then it actually was.

Since we didn't stay onsite, I have no advice for that. It seems to me that it would be more complex because just about everyone would have to agree to everything, everyday months ahead of time. Glad I didn't have to do that. Now with FP+ that just adds another level to the difficulty in planning around a large number. But, many do it, so it must be possible. I'm sure that Disney would be able to help plan this since they have a lot at stake in making it work smoothly.

We are going with 9 in August. I made ADR's for the group and FP for all of us. I asked which FP attractions folks did NOT want--A&E and Frozen sing-a-long!!! LOL! and that's it. It is less complicated onsite because Disney Transportation allows for people to leave if they want. The only stipulation I make whe I plan is that n the event you are not showing up for dinner, let me know. We won't wait. With FP+ I will have to just make sure that if everyone wants to meet we plan a return time in that hour. If others just want to get there when they do, they can let me know.

I think with a group someone needs to be the coordinator while on the vacation, and so I am grateful for cell phones! It is usually me or my DD, and we tend to text the info for the group. As you said, it sounds more complicated than it is, and I have found that the few structures that are imposed on a group, the less that are necessary. On the first trip we all planned together, I thought my youngest DS and his DW would split off from us more often than not, and had asked them, as i asked my DD and her family what they wanted me to book for them alone. Nothing. really, nothing??? Nope. Once we all arrived, we made a few plans: DDIl and I booked massages, DS and DH planned to hit the thrill rides in DHS and my DD and DSIL took my little Granddaughter to get her character autographs. That was how we rolled the entire time, a little conversation and off we went.

 

[GrumpyDad1974]

I planned a group trip once and it went fairly good, I made the plans told everyone the plans, if they wanted to opt out that's fine we were sticking with the plan. DBIL refused to go to EPCOT or let his kids go with us to the park because he went when he was a kid and was bored circa 1980's. OK no problem our family went to EPCOT and they stayed at POP for a pool day... great except my niece and nephew would miss out. So we went at rope drop and by 1 o'clock they were calling asking where we were in the park. So they ended up meeting us DBIL was so mad he missed out on the park, they all loved EPCOT and were sad they missed some of it... sometimes you just have to let people do there own thing, DW and I still laugh about how he acted when he realized he could drink in the countries, even though we told him about 10 times.

 

[Pamnkevin]

Update...I met with my BIL and SIL last night on my own...no distractions and no talking about inlaws or anything negative. Just talked to him about what we can do to make the trip enjoyable for him. Let him know about all the other stuff there is to do besides rides. Said we'd make the effort to come to their place one night to see the chip and dale campfire sing along. Let him know that if he needed to take a break and leave so he could cool off, that i would want to keep his kids if they wanted to stay and possibly even keep them overnight. He was totally fine with it all. He even began to show some excitement.

I asked my SIL this morning how she thought it went and she said VERY WELL. He even told her he was getting excited about vacation! Now I just need to convince my inlaws to take a chill pill and not expect the worst.

Thanks for your advice everyone.

 

[quandrea]

There is no way I would take this holiday.

 

[MEG&MINNIE]

I've just read your whole thread and it sounds like "it will all work out for the best". Your BIL sounds like he needed some CONTROL over his vacation and you sound like you are allowing him to do that by giving him his own choices. It may not go exactly as you had planned for your big group ...but I think you will all survive and enjoy some Magic . If he wants to take off for a day and drive around Florida ...let him...he'll be happier...a day away from that big group might be the best thing for him. I'm sure he has no idea how complicated planning a trip to WDW is ...so give him some slack...you are great for trying your best at coordinating everyones Fastpasses and meals....let us know how it all went...I'm sure you will have a Magical Time!!!!
and for your BIL..."Let it Go"...he'll be happier if he plans and does his own thing for part of the trip