Large family trips

[Pamnkevin]

YES!! While you are very capable of planning and I'm sure really good it it, my advice is to go VERY minimal instead. WHOEVER IS PAYING needs to make the lodging reservations themselves. You can do the leg work and just let them call it in or sit beside you while you do it on the computer. _I_ would make ADR for a breakfast, a lunch and a dinner, all on separate days and otherwise let people enjoy the vacation they way the choose (or choose not to.....)

We all originally agreed on where to stay...he just changed his mind last minute after it was already reserved. I am getting input from everyone for plans...the only things I'm planning are our ADR, FP, and what my family of 4 is doing. We don't have park hopper so we are bound to be at the same park on the same day. That is all...everyone knows they are free to roam on their own, but it would be a shame if our kids didn't get to experience a lot together on the trip since that is why we're all going in the first place

 

[BlackMagicWoman]

We are a group of 24, we will be staying together 90% of the time that we are there. I've travelled with a core group the last three trips. If you want to go, you have to go with the majority and I make all the plans. We were over tired last time so even one of my brothers has opted out of disputing my itinerary input.

I would plan with him in mind won't everyone else and if he doesn't go then be just doesn't go.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

Truly, it doesn't sound like a recipe for a good trip. if you are this unhappy now. You can't force another adult to spend his vacation your way. It will only work if everyone is flexible.

Many extended family trips under my belt, personally I won't do them now under new WDW system. For me, it the threat of no show fees on ADR's. Every trip, someone either boycotted, or nearly boycotted an ADR, then everyone talked about skipping the meal. That now= $90!
It didn't matter how much time and effort I'd spent putting together ADR's for a group of 9+. Adults want to control their own food.

I don't now your brother, but blaming him is not a good answer. There's probably a long history of WHY he feels the way he does. You aren't going to change 30 years of sibling rivalry w/ one trip to WDW! A vacation costing $1,000's is not the place to test the waters, IMO.

Sadly, I speak from the experience to trying too many times. Some of our trips were mostly okay...others were a disaster. Either way, I've lost the will to gamble. WDW is too expensive! and too rigid!

I strongly suggest you rethink the WHOLE vacation now while you still can. But please don't hate BiL over this. In my experience, MOST people can't really think though a WDW vacation until they ACTUALLY do it.

Some folks are go with the flow others are only happy if they are in control. Secretly booking anything is just a recipe for disaster.

For a group trip to work, everyone has to be go-with the flow, or willing to split up with NO RESENTMENT (trips with smaller family groups have worked), or all be similar style regarding sleeping, activity level, and food costs. You can't force a NIGHT owl to be a morning person, and you can't force a morning person to be a night owl..

Truly, if you are facing this much resistance now, it doesn't bode well. For everyone's benefit, find a way to do this, or NOT do this- resentment free.

 

[Pamnkevin]

This sounds like my last trip, a disaster waiting to happen. It's hard when the people you are traveling with don't "tour" the way you do. We are get up in the morning and go until we can't anymore people because we have children who get up at 6:30am no matter what so we take advantage of their hours and then they crash around 3. I planned things out for the last trip and my MIL and FIL threw it all out on the first day at MK. In the end we didn't even get on a ride until 11:30 and ended the day with my FIL rolling his eyes and my MIL having a meltdown (thats right a meltdown)in front of Splash Mountain because she barely got to do any rides. Well, hello!, its spring break and you slept in. I was so upset, the next day i put my foot down, got my family ready when they woke up (the usual 6:30am) and left for AK without the rest of DH's family (he was in agreement with this too) and we got to AK at rope drop and had the most wonderful time. This next trip FIL is staying home and we have all agreed to have some meals together but for the most part we can do our own thing (no waiting on each other or following their plans).
The "either follow me or do your own thing" may work best for you with a large group.

That's how I tour too. I told everyone from the start...I like to be there when the park opens...they can come or meet us later. I will make the FPs for later so they don't have to get up early to use them...the only thing they can't skip is breakfast at Tusker House

 

[Pamnkevin]

We are a group of 24, we will be staying together 90% of the time that we are there. I've travelled with a core group the last three trips. If you want to go, you have to go with the majority and I make all the plans. We were over tired last time so even one of my brothers has opted out of disputing my itinerary input.

I would plan with him in mind won't everyone else and if he doesn't go then be just doesn't go.

Wow...24! I like the way you think...as long as he doesn't make his kids stay back with him.

 

[Pamnkevin]

Truly, it doesn't sound like a recipe for a good trip. if you are this unhappy now. You can't force another adult to spend his vacation your way. It will only work if everyone is flexible.

Many extended family trips under my belt, personally I won't do them now under new WDW system. For me, it the threat of no show fees on ADR's. Every trip, someone either boycotted, or nearly boycotted an ADR, then everyone talked about skipping the meal. That now= $90!
It didn't matter how much time and effort I'd spent putting together ADR's for a group of 9+. Adults want to control their own food.

I don't now your brother, but blaming him is not a good answer. There's probably a long history of WHY he feels the way he does. You aren't going to change 30 years of sibling rivalry w/ one trip to WDW! A vacation costing $1,000's is not the place to test the waters, IMO.

Sadly, I speak from the experience to trying too many times. Some of our trips were mostly okay...others were a disaster. Either way, I've lost the will to gamble. WDW is too expensive! and too rigid!

I strongly suggest you rethink the WHOLE vacation now while you still can. But please don't hate BiL over this. In my experience, MOST people can't really think though a WDW vacation until they ACTUALLY do it.

Some folks are go with the flow others are only happy if they are in control. Secretly booking anything is just a recipe for disaster.

For a group trip to work, everyone has to be go-with the flow, or willing to split up with NO RESENTMENT (trips with smaller family groups have worked), or all be similar style regarding sleeping, activity level, and food costs. You can't force a NIGHT owl to be a morning person, and you can't force a morning person to be a night owl..

Truly, if you are facing this much resistance now, it doesn't bode well. For everyone's benefit, find a way to do this, or NOT do this- resentment free.

I'm only unhappy now because it literally just happened. I'm not forcing anyone to do anything...just making all the FPs. I told everyone they don't have to do them but can if they want. I'm afraid he will force his children to miss out. Everyone else is totally flexible...just not him...he wants to be in control

There's no sibling rivalry...he is married to the sibling. She is excited to go and wants to do what everyone else does but says it's not worth the fight so she goes along with what he says

I don't hate anyone...just dislike him right now

I am mainly worried he'll ruin my Mother and Father-in-laws trip. I'm really good at letting things go and not getting too worked up

 

[Pamnkevin]

I'm just trying to nip all the drama in the bud now before the trip happens. I'm more of the mediator and trying to get some good advice so I can make everyone happy. I know that's not always possible, but I want to try my hardest.

 

[JennyDrake]

I strongly suggest you rethink the WHOLE vacation now while you still can. But please don't hate BiL over this. In my experience, MOST people can't really think though a WDW vacation until they ACTUALLY do it.

Some folks are go with the flow others are only happy if they are in control. Secretly booking anything is just a recipe for disaster.

For a group trip to work, everyone has to be go-with the flow, or willing to split up with NO RESENTMENT (trips with smaller family groups have worked), or all be similar style regarding sleeping, activity level, and food costs. You can't force a NIGHT owl to be a morning person, and you can't force a morning person to be a night owl..

Truly, if you are facing this much resistance now, it doesn't bode well. For everyone's benefit, find a way to do this, or NOT do this- resentment free.

PLEASE PLEASE listen to those of us who've had trips that *weren't exactly* as planned.

I know you want the kids to spend time together etc., but I think what you are planning has too much togetherness and "forced" togetherness.

YOU can make FP for YOUR immediate family and others can choose to link their FP to yours--or not.

Don't expect BiL to change.

A GF and I have traveled together to WDW for 10 years; we stay on site. I'm a get up, get dressed, and be out the door in 15 minutes kind of person (I live on a farm.) She doesn't roll out of bed until 9 or 10 some mornings and she enjoys a very leisurely morning pace, BUT I turn into a grouchy pumpkin by 9 am and she's still going strong. Our last trip we stayed off site and had to keep the same hours; it was a trip I don't think either of us cares to ever repeat.

You are not allowing for any fussy baby nights, cranky kids who need to nap/go to bed early/sleep late. It also doesn't allow for a 5 year old who wants to ride the same ride 4 times in a row.

The magic WILL be there, just let people find it in their own way and time.

JM2C.....

 

[mickeyluv'r]

That's the attitude I've had lately about the whole thing. I just hope he's not a jerk and makes his kids go back to the camper with him if they don't want to

Sorry, but that's NOT your choice to make. Respecting boundaries is part of planning for other adults.


Many, maybe most- WDW visitors take afternoon breaks.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think he should stay wherever he wants? Let him make his own reservations. Why do you have to stay at the same resorts?

 

[Pamnkevin]

PLEASE PLEASE listen to those of us who've had trips that *weren't exactly* as planned.

I know you want the kids to spend time together etc., but I think what you are planning has too much togetherness and "forced" togetherness.

YOU can make FP for YOUR immediate family and others can choose to link their FP to yours--or not.

Don't expect BiL to change.

A GF and I have traveled together to WDW for 10 years; we stay on site. I'm a get up, get dressed, and be out the door in 15 minutes kind of person (I live on a farm.) She doesn't roll out of bed until 9 or 10 some mornings and she enjoys a very leisurely morning pace, BUT I turn into a grouchy pumpkin by 9 am and she's still going strong. Our last trip we stayed off site and had to keep the same hours; it was a trip I don't think either of us cares to ever repeat.

You are not allowing for any fussy baby nights, cranky kids who need to nap/go to bed early/sleep late. It also doesn't allow for a 5 year old who wants to ride the same ride 4 times in a row.

The magic WILL be there, just let people find it in their own way and time.

JM2C.....

Thanks for your advice, but I think there are a few things some of you skipped or interpreted wrong.

I was asked by everyone to make all of the reservations...I didnt make the decisions...I'm just booking them. The only decisions I'll be making on my own is the times for the FPs we all agreed on.

I definitely don't expect him to change

Where did it say I wasn't allowing for those things? I have 2 children...I know those things happen, and we've been to disney on our own several times

3 FPs does not equal a whole day planned

Everyone's trip was paid for IN FULL though by our in-laws, so I personally think we owe them some of our time there. So do my other siblings...just not him

 

[Pamnkevin]

Sorry, but that's NOT your choice to make. Respecting boundaries is part of planning for other adults.


Many, maybe most- WDW visitors take afternoon breaks.

Wow...Never said we couldn't take breaks. When we first started planning, he said he wanted to leave at lunch and drive around and explore Florida. He wasn't even thinking of his kids missing Fireworks and evening shows

 

[Pamnkevin]

My in laws are paying for it all and everyone agreed on the resort in the beginning

 

[Pamnkevin]

Wow, I just came on here for some sound advice...which I did get, but how did I turn into a controlling person who's asking for trouble by making all of the plans and not being respectful?

 

[Pamnkevin]

I think he should stay wherever he wants? Let him make his own reservations. Why do you have to stay at the same resorts?

Forgot to quote 1st time. It's all being paid for by my in laws and we all agreed on the place in the beginning

 

[Mickfarland4]

This doesn't regard a Disney trip but, we recently took a vacation and had other family stay at different resort than us. It was a PITA, to put it nicely. To try to get together with them and make everyone happy did not happen. I would never do this again. I think to go on a big family trip, you need to stay in the same resort and have an understanding that an open invite is out there for whatever plans you may have. Ours was, quite frankly, a nightmare but, it did not ruin our trip. We still had a blast! Best wishes to you!

 

[Pamnkevin]

This doesn't regard a Disney trip but, we recently took a vacation and had other family stay at different resort than us. It was a PITA, to put it nicely. To try to get together with them and make everyone happy did not happen. I would never do this again. I think to go on a big family trip, you need to stay in the same resort and have an understanding that an open invite is out there for whatever plans you may have. Ours was, quite frankly, a nightmare but, it did not ruin our trip. We still had a blast! Best wishes to you!

Thank you...yes this is exactly it. It's not about doing everything together, but if we want to, it just makes it difficult.

If we decide to relax one day at the pool, or go for late night ice cream...my kids won't be able to do that with their cousins. I guess they technically could...but it makes it very difficult

 

[Sweet Melissa]

I'm sorry you feel attacked, and I hope you don't see this post as adding on to the pile, because that's really not what I'm trying to do. I just think that you might be idealizing the large group experience a bit, and I would advise that you try to manage your expectations.

You sound like a great daughter-in-law. I totally understand wanting to give your in-laws a happy, memorable vacation with the grandkids. The first time I coordinated a group Disney vacation like this was for the same reason. And it wasn't smooth sailing even without a strident brother-in-law in the mix. Frankly, it was like herding cats.

Traveling with anyone outside your immediate household can be difficult. Their day-to-day is different than yours, their parenting is different than yours, their idea of a quality time is different than yours. I think it's great that (almost) everyone is on board with doing it all as a family. But some of you might change your minds about that after you try it for a while. It's hard to be harmonious in a large group. Even harder when one person is being a stick in the mud. Your in-laws may have an even better experience with the grandkids if each gets some one-on-one time rather than trying to do everything together. And your BIL having different lodging may give you some much needed space. It doesn't mean the cousins can't have a sleepover in your room if they want more time together at the end of the day. Just something to think about. Flexibility will make the vacation more satisfying.

 

[dja14]

Is there a reason your Sil and the kids can't go and he stay home? Then they could take a second vacation later when he wants and where he wants. Not out of meanness or anything, just it would be okay, an option with no resentment if he wanted to sit out. WDW is not for everyone and I kind of get not wanting to be told where I had to vacation if I didn't want to go there (or if I wanted time away with just my immediate family) Since he is saying he wants to 'explore FL' maybe one of those things is his issue.

Another option would be to offer to watch the kids, even overnight in Gma and Gpa's room. Then they could do whatever they wanted for an evening/morning and the cousins could swim together, see fireworks, etc.

No matter what though I would suggest splitting up (a lot) We have taken a couple extended family vacations and the only one that was fun (for me and my family) was the one where we all agreed to split up whenever we wanted w/o upset. The other one made me say I will never do that again. One side backed out and I had to 'entertain' the rest the whole time, no one liked anything I planned and we ended up eating at really crummy chain restaurants the whole time. Then as a final insult they called me lost on our way home and I dropped my fast food breakfast. Don't let this happen to you, I cried for an hour over a stupid sandwich I was so worn out.

 

[nat8199]

This post is making me dread the idea of my MIL wanting to take our family and SIL's family to Disney together. So far she and FIL just tag along on our family trips, which works great. MIL has talked about planning a trip in the future with SIL and her husband and son when he is a bit older, but SIL is nothing but drama and I am not looking forward to the idea. I know I would have to do all the planning, but SIL would probably complain about everything.

I totally get wanting to make this trip about family time since the Grandparents are paying for this wonderful trip with their grandkids. That is exactly how I would feel, too. Good luck.