Large family trips

[Pamnkevin]

** there is an update on page 4...a happy resolution. Thanks for all that offered helpful advice!**

How do you handle them? It's really proving to be quite a challenge. There are 13 of us total...8 adults and 5 children under 7yrs old.

To put it bluntly...my brother-in-law is being a jerk (nicest way to put it). Our in-laws are extremely kind and generous and are paying for everything. He was being a pain 3 months ago when we began planning and now all of a sudden is starting again and making demands. He now will only go if he can take his dogs and camper and stay at Fort Wilderness. He wants to have a stove and oven (even though we have the dining plan). The rest of us are staying at Art of Animation. I had to change his reservation today. I just don't understand what his problem is. I would rather he just stay home, but then my niece and nephew wouldn't be able to come. He said he doesn't like to be told when, and where he's going to vacation. He feels like he's being controlled.

Anyway, I've been put in charge of everything (which I am happy about). Should I be sneaky and make the fastpasses for the things his kids really want to do like meet Anna and Elsa later in the day? That way he can't make them leave at lunch and not return? I am definitely going to make Electric parade and Wishes fast passes for this very reason.

What about pools. If his kids hop on our bus and come to AoA with us...do you think there will be a problem? They are 4 and 6 years old.

I am trying to convince everyone to go with an open mind and not assume things are going to be a disaster.

Any tips?

Anyone have a similar story? How did it end up?

 

[Pamnkevin]

Anyone have a similar story? How did it end up?

 

[nilla]

Ahhh, my favorite kind of person: someone who wants none of the decision-making responsibility, but then complains about the decisions

We booked entirely separately from my parents and my brother's family, so we didn't experience this. Worked out wonderful. If people wanted to split up, it wasn't an issue.

Personally, I wouldn't try to be sneaky with the FPs. Rather, I would come up with a game plan for the FPs and send it to him, letting him know that you may not be able to change them to anything better once the trip starts. Inform him that bypassing FPs could mean more time waiting in lines or missed experiences for his kids.

Pool-hopping won't be a problem.

Once the trip starts, I'd use a "this is what we're doing, and you're welcome to follow along" attitude. That way, it will ultimately be his decision.

Good luck!

 

[MainMom]

I'm lucky in that my family has not complained once about the plans I have made. They are just happy not to have to do it! As bad as I would feel for your niece & nephew I don't know that I would choose to fight this battle on my vacation. Has he said he is ok with you choosing the FP?

 

[margot31]

A few years ago there was a "big" group of us going. 9 adults and 2 kids. We all stayed at WL. 6 adults and the 2 kids where in one room and the other 3 adults in the other room. What we did was say here is what our plans are for each day and you went with who you want. Normally my sister and husband w/ their kids took off sooner while the rest of the adults stayed back. We all took nanny duty at least one day "my grandmother" so that it spread the wealth of that love.

But at the end it was broken up to my aunt and uncle and my grandmother on their own schedule, my sister and bil w/ kids on their schedule, and my parents and another sister on our own schedule. It would out great.

 

[ErinsMommy]

I say book ADRs and FPs for him too but if he chooses to spend time with his stove/oven, camper and dogs let him have at it and the rest of you can enjoy the trip with the kids and rest of the family.

 

[Sweet Melissa]

We've done a couple trips with large groups now. We had family reunion at Disneyland and then our wedding at WDW. What I learned on that first go round is that your group will move exponentially slower the more people are involved. Break off into smaller groups every now and then to save your sanity. Maybe you splinter off for park touring and then meet up later for dinner or fireworks viewing or whatever. And when you do plan to meet up again for a scheduled group event, lie about the time because people will be late (if they don't blow it off entirely).

As for the surreptitious Fastpass scheduling, maybe just don't include him. Be like, "Hey, we'll take the girls to meet the princesses if you want to go ride Space Mountain." We did that a couple times with our niece and nephew when their parents were ready for a break before they were.

 

[mkla2015]

Our last trip was a large family group- 8 adults, 4 kids- myself and sister in law took care of all the planning- dining, FP, etc. Some people weren't thrilled with every part of the trip but they had to suck it up and deal. I think your bro in law is being a bit unreasonable tho- especially when someone else is paying for the trip. Can't someone else watch the dogs? He's going to leave them in the camp grounds all day? He'll have to go and check on them- just seems like added stress.

I wouldn't be sneaky but go ahead and plan your FP how you see fit. It would terrible for him to make his kids stay out of the parks if the rest of the family is going.

I don't think you'd have a problem if his kids went swimming with you at AOA- we stayed there in march and we had to scan one magic band to open the gate to the pool but my kids went swimming and we left their magic bands in the room.

Good luck! Hopefully your bro in law will come around and realize there's going to have to be some compromise on things with such a large group vacationing together.

 

[angierae]

When we took a big family trip like that we each did our own thing, just went to the same parks each day and had dinner reservations together. That way people could stay together or split up but at the end of the day we were all together for dinner.

 

[Lee & Kerry]

Been there done that, my "ex brother in law" was just this way, we just went on and did what we wanted usually drinking, told him about where we would be going and doing and something's he showed up for things and sometimes he didn't. His lose our gain, total pain in the butt when he acted like a two year old. His kids enjoyed themselves and we all had kids that wanted to be there to have fun, after all it's DW.

 

[disnut8]

My advice? You, since you are the planner, deal directly with your brother-in-law. Do NOT involve anyone else. Email him and say that you appreciate that he wants to stay at Fort Wilderness and have all what he wants but that you think your niece and nephew would want to do the things that everyone else is doing so YOU are having a problem. I wouldn't say "you are being a jerk" but say that it's making the planning for YOU a bit difficult. You can explain that the kids can be with you and have a good time but it's difficult for YOU to plan right now because of the different locations. Ask HIM how he wants you to continue.

That way, you still have control of the planning but gives him the upper hand and I think that's what he wants right now.

 

[JennyDrake]

When we took a big family trip like that we each did our own thing, just went to the same parks each day and had dinner reservations together. That way people could stay together or split up but at the end of the day we were all together for dinner.

YES!! While you are very capable of planning and I'm sure really good it it, my advice is to go VERY minimal instead. WHOEVER IS PAYING needs to make the lodging reservations themselves. You can do the leg work and just let them call it in or sit beside you while you do it on the computer. _I_ would make ADR for a breakfast, a lunch and a dinner, all on separate days and otherwise let people enjoy the vacation they way the choose (or choose not to.....)

 

[DisneyCAL]

This sounds like my last trip, a disaster waiting to happen. It's hard when the people you are traveling with don't "tour" the way you do. We are get up in the morning and go until we can't anymore people because we have children who get up at 6:30am no matter what so we take advantage of their hours and then they crash around 3. I planned things out for the last trip and my MIL and FIL threw it all out on the first day at MK. In the end we didn't even get on a ride until 11:30 and ended the day with my FIL rolling his eyes and my MIL having a meltdown (thats right a meltdown)in front of Splash Mountain because she barely got to do any rides. Well, hello!, its spring break and you slept in. I was so upset, the next day i put my foot down, got my family ready when they woke up (the usual 6:30am) and left for AK without the rest of DH's family (he was in agreement with this too) and we got to AK at rope drop and had the most wonderful time. This next trip FIL is staying home and we have all agreed to have some meals together but for the most part we can do our own thing (no waiting on each other or following their plans).
The "either follow me or do your own thing" may work best for you with a large group.

 

[Pamnkevin]

I'm lucky in that my family has not complained once about the plans I have made. They are just happy not to have to do it! As bad as I would feel for your niece & nephew I don't know that I would choose to fight this battle on my vacation. Has he said he is ok with you choosing the FP?

I actually did what nilla said. I can't make our fast pass reservations for another week, but I told him...this is what we are doing...you don't have to do it, but it's there if you want to

 

[Pamnkevin]

I say book ADRs and FPs for him too but if he chooses to spend time with his stove/oven, camper and dogs let him have at it and the rest of you can enjoy the trip with the kids and rest of the family.

That's the attitude I've had lately about the whole thing. I just hope he's not a jerk and makes his kids go back to the camper with him if they don't want to

 

[Pamnkevin]

We've done a couple trips with large groups now. We had family reunion at Disneyland and then our wedding at WDW. What I learned on that first go round is that your group will move exponentially slower the more people are involved. Break off into smaller groups every now and then to save your sanity. Maybe you splinter off for park touring and then meet up later for dinner or fireworks viewing or whatever. And when you do plan to meet up again for a scheduled group event, lie about the time because people will be late (if they don't blow it off entirely).

As for the surreptitious Fastpass scheduling, maybe just don't include him. Be like, "Hey, we'll take the girls to meet the princesses if you want to go ride Space Mountain." We did that a couple times with our niece and nephew when their parents were ready for a break before they were.

That's a great idea about the time...I will definitely do that

 

[Pamnkevin]

Our last trip was a large family group- 8 adults, 4 kids- myself and sister in law took care of all the planning- dining, FP, etc. Some people weren't thrilled with every part of the trip but they had to suck it up and deal. I think your bro in law is being a bit unreasonable tho- especially when someone else is paying for the trip. Can't someone else watch the dogs? He's going to leave them in the camp grounds all day? He'll have to go and check on them- just seems like added stress.

I wouldn't be sneaky but go ahead and plan your FP how you see fit. It would terrible for him to make his kids stay out of the parks if the rest of the family is going.

I don't think you'd have a problem if his kids went swimming with you at AOA- we stayed there in march and we had to scan one magic band to open the gate to the pool but my kids went swimming and we left their magic bands in the room.

Good luck! Hopefully your bro in law will come around and realize there's going to have to be some compromise on things with such a large group vacationing together.

Thanks! He is very unreasonable. He doesn't want to spend the money to board the dogs and he doesn't want anyone in his house when he's not there.

 

[Pamnkevin]

When we took a big family trip like that we each did our own thing, just went to the same parks each day and had dinner reservations together. That way people could stay together or split up but at the end of the day we were all together for dinner.

The main problem, and I should have put it in my OP, is that this trip is supposed to be for my in-laws Grandchildren. They don't think they'll ever have this opportunity again and they want to spend it with them. Not every waking moment, but more than just a few hours. Everyone else wants to spend the time together...it's just him:/

 

[Pamnkevin]

Been there done that, my "ex brother in law" was just this way, we just went on and did what we wanted usually drinking, told him about where we would be going and doing and something's he showed up for things and sometimes he didn't. His lose our gain, total pain in the butt when he acted like a two year old. His kids enjoyed themselves and we all had kids that wanted to be there to have fun, after all it's DW.

I have a feeling I'll be saying ex brother in law one day. Whenever my SIL gets the courage to stand up for herself

 

[Pamnkevin]

My advice? You, since you are the planner, deal directly with your brother-in-law. Do NOT involve anyone else. Email him and say that you appreciate that he wants to stay at Fort Wilderness and have all what he wants but that you think your nice and nephew would want to do the things that everyone else is doing so YOU are having a problem. I wouldn't say "you are being a jerk" but say that it's making the planning for YOU a bit difficult. You can explain that the kids can be with you and have a good time but it's difficult for YOU to plan right now because of the different locations. Ask HIM how he wants you to continue.

That way, you still have control of the planning but gives him the upper hand and I think that's what he wants right now.

That's great advice. Once he cools down I will bring this up to him