Ladies - Would you work at night?

[boomhauer]

This is an odd question, but I'm curious about the responses.

My wife is a stay at home mom. We have twin 1 year old boys and a 7 year old. I pay all of our bills, but my wife decided she wanted a bit more spending money. My income varies with commission, so it's a month to month scenario. If we cut out our vacation and a few other things, she'd obviously have a bit more spending money. We talked and decided we didn't want to do that. We didn't want to leave the boys in daycare, so she ended up getting a part time job from 2:00AM to 6:00AM delivering papers to local business. I'm not happy about her doing it, but she's pretty adament about doing it for the extra cash. I had looked into doing an early morning paper route myself, but she decided she wanted to do this on her own.

A.Would you ever do something like this for some extra cash?
B.Do I have any right to tell her not to do it?

 

[Mickeyluver37]

This is an odd question, but I'm curious about the responses.

My wife is a stay at home mom. We have twin 1 year old boys and a 7 year old. I pay all of our bills, but my wife decided she wanted a bit more spending money. My income varies with commission, so it's a month to month scenario. If we cut out our vacation and a few other things, she'd obviously have a bit more spending money. We talked and decided we didn't want to do that. We didn't want to leave the boys in daycare, so she ended up getting a part time job from 2:00AM to 6:00AM delivering papers to local business. I'm not happy about her doing it, but she's pretty adament about doing it for the extra cash. I had looked into doing an early morning paper route myself, but she decided she wanted to do this on her own.

A.Would you ever do something like this for some extra cash?
B.Do I have any right to tell her not to do it?

A- I'd absolutely try that before putting the kids in daycare and working a regular job, but I'm not sure how long I could sustain it. Do you get home early enough from work for her to get some sleep? Honestly, I'd cut vacation first.

B- Worded like that no. But I think you guys should discuss it and come to some kind of mutual agreement.

 

[Mady/Sophiemom]

I worked night shift for about 6 years. Up until the kids were old enough to stay by themselves after school, and on days off.

It was tough, but the fact was and still is, we need the money. It was our best solution at the time, and kept us from needing daycare.

You have the right to discuss what is best for the family--but with an open mind.

 

[SC Minnie]

The only concern I would have is safety.

 

[boomhauer]

A. Do you get home early enough from work for her to get some sleep? Honestly, I'd cut vacation first.

B- Worded like that no. But I think you guys should discuss it and come to some kind of mutual agreement.

A.Yup - I'm home at 4:30, and she doesn't have to get up until 1:30. The twins are also on pretty much the same nap schedule, so she can rest a bit during the day.

B.Yeah, I didn't mean for it to sound quite like that. I'm just very worried about her being out at night like that.

 

[fltwinmom]

When my twins were small, I used to work nights as a bartender so I didn't have to put the girls in daycare.

It was great - for a while. Then the sleep deprivation set in....

I bartended for 3 years. It was good money, however, it was hard on our marriage. I was constantly sleep deprived, which made it hard for me to be the wife I should have been.

I don't think you should tell your wife not to do it. If she's set on having this job, then let her. Just make sure that she's not too tired to still take care of the kids during the day.

 

[mickeyboat]

I would do it, and you don't have a right to tell her no. But I do think you should address the issue of safety, and share with her your concerns. And if she is getting too tired to function correctly during the day, then you should discuss that as well.

Denae

 

[mom2rb]

I worked evenings from the time my twins were 12 weeks old until this May ( 8 1/2 years ). I taught gymnastics from 4-8:30. I would bring the boys with me and DH would pick them up when he got off work. When the boys were very young I would pay a teenager to watch them until DH got there. It worked very well for us.

 

[Crankyshank]

Sure, why not? My mother worked nights at the hospital, as did my Aunt. I used to work 3rd shift at a help desk.

And no, you don't have any right to tell her she can't do it. She's a grown woman who probably wants a bit of independence and a feeling of contibution.

 

[helenabear]

Not those hours. I just can't imagine getting up then. If I wanted to, I could do a PT job. I'd probably do evenings or weekends. I might wait until the child went into pre-school though so I could do day jobs instead.

And no, I don't think you ahve a right to say no unless it messes up the family schedule in general. Then you only have the right to discuss the pros and cons.

 

[Thats_for_Shore]

A. You have to do what you have to do. She feels the need to have some extra cash in her pocket. Maybe she also feels the need to get out of the house. I was a SAHM for a year, and I loved it. But spending every waking moment with a toddler (or two, in your case) was enough to drive me batty. It wasn't long before a got a job waiting tables Fri and Sat nights. I enjoyed it. It got me out of the house, kept me busy, and I had my own money (which to me, is a HUGE thing).

When my husband realized that I wasn't the SAHM type, he expanded his business. I now have a processing plant, and about 20 - 30 employees of my own. Since it's my own company, and my DS will be turning 4 this summer, I've taken him out of daycare, and he'll be going to work with me.

B. You have no right to tell her not to do it. This is a grown woman we're talking about here. She's mature enough to raise your children, she should be mature enough to decide if this is what she wants.

If you have concerns, let her know. But more than anything, she's your wife, and she needs to have your support. (I'm assuming) She wants to do this because she thinks it's best for her/you/your family. Just my two cents.

I hope it works out, either way.

 

[sassyat30]

Boom, when would she sleep? Resting for a couple hours in the afternoon while the twins nap isn't enough.

And no, as you've already realized, you don't have the right to tell her no. LOL I'm sure you didn't mean it quite the way that sounded.

ETA: And to answer the question, would I? No, I wouldn't...just because I have a very strict internal body clock that says I have to be in bed 10pm and not wake up until 6 am.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

I worked till midnight when my twins were little and it about killed me. The little ones always got up early and as a result we all suffered because I didn't get enough sleep, and they didn't get enough attention.
I did Ebay for a while and that worked out pretty good in gettting some extra cash in my pocket.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, if it meant I needed extra cash. However, I would not do it for "extra spending money".

I can go without "stuff" and I need sleep. I turn into a gremlin after 7pm.

I work in a school cafeteria now, and all the money I make goes into a savings account for college for dd. I am moving and will have to find another job. Hopefully one that pays more. I have 1 yr till dd goes to college.

 

[jenm2878]

Sure, I would do it. As far as whether you can say something to her or not, I think it's all in the approach.

'I'm concerned about your safety' is a far cry from 'I make enough money and don't want you working.' I would listen to my DH's concerns about my safety/how it will impact other things, but the moment he trys to tell me what to do we have problems.

 

[MELSMICE]

A. I probably wouldn't do that particular job because of the hours. I would look for something with evening hours that are similiar to 2nd shift instead of 3rd, such a grocery or retail store. She could do this a few evenings a week & one day a weekend.

This could give her some spending money & also some time for herself - even if it is work. She'll get the opportunity to meet other people too.

B. I don't think you have a right to tell her what to do, but you can voice your concerns & talk over other options if you are not happy with this one.

I have always taught dance in the evenings (now own a studio). It worked great when our kids were little as we only overlapped a few days a week for a few hours where we'd have to get a sitter.

The hard part about working evenings is that now that my kids are older I do miss some things - school events, sports, etc. Also, Saturdays are a long day & I miss some travel bball tournaments for one of my DD's, but you have to take the good with the bad.

 

[boomhauer]

Boom, when would she sleep? Resting for a couple hours in the afternoon while the twins nap isn't enough.

I get home from work usually around 4:30. She'd sleep from 5:30PM to 1:30AM, then work from 2 to 6.

 

[believe]

I would only work those types of hours if it was money needed for necessities. I would work 2nd shift or weekends for extra spending money.

As others have said this needs to be a mutual agreement, you can't tell her she can't do this. That is just putting added stress on the marriage.

DH and I worked opposite shifts till 2 weeks ago. We will be married 13yrs as of next month and only 1 of those yrs did we work the same shifts. It was rough, but worth our kids not needing to be in daycare centers or at someone else's house every day.

Sounds like your wife really just wants time to be out of the house and at the same time contribute to the family, without losing out on 'family' time.

 

[boomhauer]

I should probably add, her choice was to do this particular job for a few reasons:

A.It pays $60 per night. So, for 4 hours of work, she makes $15 an hour. As she gets more familiar with the route, she thinks she'll get it down to about 3 hours, which is $20 an hour.

B.She didn't want to work 2nd shift in case our 7 year old had a school related activity at night.

 

[SydneyBristow]

No, I wouldn't do that. I'd cut corners elsewhere, use coupons, cancel our vacations etc... before I would ever give up my family time. I also think you should both agree to a big change like this.