Ladies, sons and bathrooms

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I would normally agree, except sometimes what makes your family comfortable makes another family uncomfortable. I believe the comfort of the women and the girls who are using their own gendered bathroom should be taken into consideration when you make the choice to bring a boy into a ladies' room. Don't let your son wander around on his/her own (or even stand outside your door) and keep them with you in the stall. If you are too embarrassed to use the toilet in front of your son then he is too big to be in the ladies' room with you.

Great point.

 

[Tara1988]

You don't see a difference between a bus stop and Disney?! I really hope you revisit the issue before age 10 - honestly, most boys would rather piss themselves than go in the ladies room at 10. My boys started the standoff at 5.

No I don't see the difference. They are both crowded places that show no discrimination about who they allow in. And because Disney world has at least a thousand times more people, the chance of coming across a pervert or someone else with an intention to do harm to someone are even higher. So until I feel confident my child has the size, power and knowledge to defend himself against a predator or at least cause a big enough scene that someone can step in, he won't be going into crowded places alone. My oldest is 5 now and he puts no thought at all to the picture on the bathroom door. He knows the bathroom is a private place to do private business, you don't look at anyone else in there and no one should look at you, so it doesn't matter what gender the other people in the bathroom are.

 

[StirlingSilver83]

My son was 8 when I started letting him go into the bathrooms himself. Basically we had like assigned potty time, lol...I would go in the ladies room and he would go in the mens room and then we would pick a spot to meet up afterwards. I travel with my hubby but he was usually taking care of the baby and he never had to go as often as we do, LOL...so usually my son would use the bathroom and then head back to where my hubby was waiting. I will say though it was very hard for me to cut those strings and let him use the restroom himself, bc I hate not having him in my sight, I get mild panic attacks when I don't have him in my sight, but it got easier and now he's a pro at it.

 

[aaarcher86]

No I don't see the difference. They are both crowded places that show no discrimination about who they allow in. And because Disney world has at least a thousand times more people, the chance of coming across a pervert or someone else with an intention to do harm to someone are even higher. So until I feel confident my child has the size, power and knowledge to defend himself against a predator or at least cause a big enough scene that someone can step in, he won't be going into crowded places alone. My oldest is 5 now and he puts no thought at all to the picture on the bathroom door. He knows the bathroom is a private place to do private business, you don't look at anyone else in there and no one should look at you, so it doesn't matter what gender the other people in the bathroom are.

Do you think most pervs are spending $100+ to get into a theme park and do pervy things?

How is anyone going to know their kids have the tools they need to defend against a predator I'd they never let go a little?

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

I think I first started letting my oldest go to the men's room alone at Disney World, when he was almost 8. I was on a solo trip with him and my younger son, who I definitely did have to supervise at the time (he was 4). We set up a meeting spot and he was good to go. I'll be the first to admit I'm a prude when it comes to bathrooms -- if I absolutely couldn't avoid having to use the restroom while I was out shopping with my kids, I made them face the wall while I went. When they were young and I did take them both to the ladies' room with me, I sent them into separate stalls and we met back up at the sinks. I would never have used a companion restroom with them.

 

[mjkacmom]

No I don't see the difference. They are both crowded places that show no discrimination about who they allow in. And because Disney world has at least a thousand times more people, the chance of coming across a pervert or someone else with an intention to do harm to someone are even higher. So until I feel confident my child has the size, power and knowledge to defend himself against a predator or at least cause a big enough scene that someone can step in, he won't be going into crowded places alone. My oldest is 5 now and he puts no thought at all to the picture on the bathroom door. He knows the bathroom is a private place to do private business, you don't look at anyone else in there and no one should look at you, so it doesn't matter what gender the other people in the bathroom are.

You oldest is 5 - I GUARANTEE you that by the time he is 8, he will not be going willingly into the Ladies Room. By the time he's 8, he will be encountering public bathroom situations where he will NOT want you taking him to the ladies room - sports practices/games, birthday parties at public places, swimming lessons at the Y - situations where he is with his peers, who will be going into the gender appropriate bathroom. He will see other kids his age go into the Men's Room, and balk at going into the Ladies Room.

They all grow up, there is always a risk - at 5, 10, 15 - and the ones have been sheltered, who have not naturally developed a self awareness and instinct - are the most likely to become victims. No one is ever 100% safe - calculated risk is a good tool.

 

[Dis703]

The oldest of my boys is 7 1/2 and if we are out together we still go to the ladies room together. If it's a place where it's a small single bathroom he goes by himself but busier places he stays with me. At Disney I wouldn't send him on a ride alone or leave him at a table in a restaurant alone or anyplace else I can think of so I wouldn't send him into a busy bathroom alone either.

I see this come up on parenting forums a lot and usually the general consensus is somewhere around the age of 8 or 9 they should be able to go to the restroom alone. I expect I'll likely see ODS doing it by then, but in reality I think people need to make that choice for their own child.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

No child has ever been molested or kidnapped in a Disney bathroom. You should be more worried about the wave pool in the water parks.

 

[Tara1988]

You oldest is 5 - I GUARANTEE you that by the time he is 8, he will not be going willingly into the Ladies Room. By the time he's 8, he will be encountering public bathroom situations where he will NOT want you taking him to the ladies room - sports practices/games, birthday parties at public places, swimming lessons at the Y - situations where he is with his peers, who will be going into the gender appropriate bathroom. He will see other kids his age go into the Men's Room, and balk at going into the Ladies Room.

They all grow up, there is always a risk - at 5, 10, 15 - and the ones have been sheltered, who have not naturally developed a self awareness and instinct - are the most likely to become victims. No one is ever 100% safe - calculated risk is a good tool.

Familiar places with lower crowd levels like the ones you listed are one thing. A place with 100s or 1000s of people is different. I have at least once carried my son, who was a toddler at the time, screaming and crying like he was being abducted, into a bathroom at Disney world and no one gave a second glance. Not everyone cares about the safety of a child they don't know. And as someone who was raped in a public bathroom, I am completely okay with being called overprotective.

 

[DSLRuser]

at 8??? That is a 3rd grader right. My daughter is 8.5 and in 3rd grade. We have been sending her into bathrooms on her own for years now.

Teach them what to expect, and how to act in a restroom. Stand by the door making sure they dont wander out while you are not looking. But let the kids grow up.

 

[Dis703]

Familiar places with lower crowd levels like the ones you listed are one thing. A place with 100s or 1000s of people is different. I have at least once carried my son, who was a toddler at the time, screaming and crying like he was being abducted, into a bathroom at Disney world and no one gave a second glance. Not everyone cares about the safety of a child they don't know. And as someone who was raped in a public bathroom, I am completely okay with being called overprotective.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you and can totally understand your concerns. I'm not one to send my kids to the bathroom alone either and have personal reasons to be more cautious as well.

Your mention of the child screaming in the bathroom reminds me of something that just happened on a recent trip. I can't remember if it was in the parks or the airport but a young child was screaming bloody murder inside a bathroom stall and my first instinct was to worry if the child was being hurt, but everyone around me was laughing about it. So of course it made me feel like the crazy one that I jumped to the wrong conclusion.

But there are indeed instances where these things happen and people are being hurt but nobody steps up because they either read the situation wrong or assumed someone else would step in. I can't remember the name for it but there is some sort of psychological explanation for why it happens. So the idea that nothing bad can happen in a crowded bathroom is completely false IMO. Is it common, probably not but crowds don't equal safety.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Familiar places with lower crowd levels like the ones you listed are one thing. A place with 100s or 1000s of people is different. I have at least once carried my son, who was a toddler at the time, screaming and crying like he was being abducted, into a bathroom at Disney world and no one gave a second glance. Not everyone cares about the safety of a child they don't know. And as someone who was raped in a public bathroom, I am completely okay with being called overprotective.

I've questioned more than one parent about their screaming child. And I've never felt bad about it.

 

[ELSA711]

My son turned 8 on our last trip and I decided it was time to let him go in the men's room by himself. Most of the time DH was there, but there were times when he was a lone.
I only really ever worried that 'he didn't wash his hands'

 

[aaarcher86]

Familiar places with lower crowd levels like the ones you listed are one thing. A place with 100s or 1000s of people is different. I have at least once carried my son, who was a toddler at the time, screaming and crying like he was being abducted, into a bathroom at Disney world and no one gave a second glance. Not everyone cares about the safety of a child they don't know. And as someone who was raped in a public bathroom, I am completely okay with being called overprotective.

It's still a bathroom. There might be 1000 more people in the park than a mall, but the bathrooms aren't jam packed most of the time any more than a movie theater or mall, IMO. Personally, I think those places a re more likely to have the creeps and weirdos - they're free and easy to access.

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, but that's why I think it's important to give kids the tools they need to avoid those situations. I watched a video describing what you did - would strangers help a kid screaming and crying being dragged out of a supermarket. Most didn't. It was really dug into the episode that it's important to tell kids HOW to react.

A kid screaming and crying like a tantrum likely won't get any help. A kid screaming "I don't know you! Please help me! You're not my daddy!" And things that let strangers know it's not a parent/child situation will get a reaction.

 

[mom2rtk]

There are so many much better free spots for pervs to find their prey. Disney has a steep admission price, plus it's very hard to make a quick getaway (not like having a car parked feet away at a gas station or rest stop). And with only 1 or 2 exits per park, it's a really inefficient place to pull off something.

Certainly Disney should not be seen as some magical place that is immune to crime. But it's certainly safe enough to let an 8 year use the restroom on his own.

 

[Gracie09]

Do what your family is comfortable with. No one is going to kick him out of the ladies room unless he's doing something inappropriate. As far as what previous posters have said, not all men at Disney world are parents and not all parents act in the best interests of all children, including their own. Stranger danger is just as real at Disney world as it is at a bus station or truck stop. If you're comfortable sending your 8 year old in a random truck stop bathroom alone, he should be fine. Personally I wouldn't. If my husband isn't available to take him to the men's room, he's coming with me. Maybe when he's 10 we will revisit the issue.

ACtually the center for missing and exploited children has stopped advocating for stranger danger because it causes more harm than good. The person a child would likely go to for assistance in a dangerous situation is a stranger. I teach my kids to trust their instincts and that adults never ask kids for help. So, for example, is an adult approached them for help finding their puppy, they should yell no and run away and find help (police man, go into a store, a family with kids etc).

http://www.missingkids.org/en_US/publications/PDF10A.pdf#page=1

 

[Tara1988]

It's still a bathroom. There might be 1000 more people in the park than a mall, but the bathrooms aren't jam packed most of the time any more than a movie theater or mall, IMO. Personally, I think those places a re more likely to have the creeps and weirdos - they're free and easy to access.

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, but that's why I think it's important to give kids the tools they need to avoid those situations. I watched a video describing what you did - would strangers help a kid screaming and crying being dragged out of a supermarket. Most didn't. It was really dug into the episode that it's important to tell kids HOW to react.

A kid screaming and crying like a tantrum likely won't get any help. A kid screaming "I don't know you! Please help me! You're not my daddy!" And things that let strangers know it's not a parent/child situation will get a reaction.

I've taught my child the "right" way to respond to dangerous situations. But there are 2 very important things you have to remember. #1 as a parent, it's my job to limit the chance of him being in a dangerous situation as much as possible. And #2 when a child is in a dangerous situation, no amount of preparation will help, there's still a very high chance that they will panic, their mind will go blank, and they will do exactly what they aren't supposed to do. I can't tell you how many times we went over our fire safety plan when we moved into our new house. And it was simple enough, if the alarm goes off, you leave the house, if you see your brother and don't see a grown up, pick him up and take him with you. We practiced several times and even had a surprise test a week later and he did great. But when the smoke alarm actually went off, he ran through the house crying and looking for me. Thankfully it was just a poorly placed smoke detector on top of the refrigerator that we didn't know about and my husband attempting to cook bacon. Bottom line, if a potentially dangerous situation can be avoided, why not avoid it. Taking him to the bathroom with me, or my husband, provides security and cuts out a number of risks, not just from predators. Plus it doesn't hurt anyone, so what's the big deal?

 

[mjkacmom]

I've taught my child the "right" way to respond to dangerous situations. But there are 2 very important things you have to remember. #1 as a parent, it's my job to limit the chance of him being in a dangerous situation as much as possible. And #2 when a child is in a dangerous situation, no amount of preparation will help, there's still a very high chance that they will panic, their mind will go blank, and they will do exactly what they aren't supposed to do. I can't tell you how many times we went over our fire safety plan when we moved into our new house. And it was simple enough, if the alarm goes off, you leave the house, if you see your brother and don't see a grown up, pick him up and take him with you. We practiced several times and even had a surprise test a week later and he did great. But when the smoke alarm actually went off, he ran through the house crying and looking for me. Thankfully it was just a poorly placed smoke detector on top of the refrigerator that we didn't know about and my husband attempting to cook bacon. Bottom line, if a potentially dangerous situation can be avoided, why not avoid it. Taking him to the bathroom with me, or my husband, provides security and cuts out a number of risks, not just from predators. Plus it doesn't hurt anyone, so what's the big deal?

Because eventually they need to develop street smarts, learn to trust their instincts, be aware of their surroundings. Let's say you are walking through a shady, urban area, alone. Your guard is up, right? You are noticing other people, dark alleys, vehicles... Now if you were walking in this same area with a couple of uniformed police officers? Not as much.

I think using the restroom alone at WDW is much safer than at the local bowling alley, or little league field house, both places that 8 year old boys could probably end up using the restroom alone.

As for kids doing as they were told in a situation, my kids have been walking to school since the second grade, and were told not to talk to anyone, don't get into, or even near vehicles, scream and run if they felt uncomfortable, etc. I've had good friends tell me they offered my kids rides, but they've akways said no thank you, and kept walking. Dd15 is still a worry wart, and has come home from solo runs or dog walks, with tales of suspicious vans. Most likely nothing, but she trusts her instincts, and runs home.

Your oldest is 5 - he's not there yet. But, some day he'll go to a sleepover, or to the movies without an adult, or to the mall, or on another family's vacation, or an overnight field trip, or his newly licensed friend's car... The worry never ends, but you still have to prepare them.

 

[mom2rtk]

Plus it doesn't hurt anyone, so what's the big deal?

After a certain age, it's just not fair to the girls using their appropriate gender bathroom. When a young adolescent girl is dealing with young adolescent girl issues, she deserves the right to not have have older boys standing outside her less than totally private stall as she deals with it.

 

[unrequited23]

My son just turned 4 and has started to ask to use the men's room by himself occassionally. I would normally take him and his 1.5 yr old brother in with me, but if he specifically asks I let him go. I hover right outside the main door and always have sanitizer. I was worried that I was being over-protective.