Ladies, sons and bathrooms

[Meshell2002]

My son would refuse to go in the ladies room at that age.....he would be more embarrassed than the girls, but from first grade on my DH and I have trained him about manners for him and others in the restrooms....and that he us to tell us if anything sends up a red flag....this includes anyone taking pictures in the restrooms. We started with smaller public restrooms at 6/7.... Now he's pretty independent. I am not offended by seeing older boys in the restrooms though....some kids develop independence at different ages for various reasons.

Usually DH takes DS and I take the girls....if we r not with DH we wait outside at prearranged meeting spot.

 

[Tattylou]

So...the answer would be do whatever makes you and your family most comfortable.

 

[MamaBelle4]

So...the answer would be do whatever makes you and your family most comfortable.

Hey! That's what I said

 

[MamaBelle4]

Out of curiosity, for those who think that 8 is too young for a boy to go to the men's room alone, when do you think they will be too old to use the ladies' room?

I don't think there is a magic age. I think it is whatever age you as a parent feel comfortable and the child feels comfortable.

I would say once they hit 10 or so in most cases, you'd probably be pushing it. Or how about this.... once the child stops believing in Santa? Of course, that means I could still use the men's room

 

[robinb]

So...the answer would be do whatever makes you and your family most comfortable.

I would normally agree, except sometimes what makes your family comfortable makes another family uncomfortable. I believe the comfort of the women and the girls who are using their own gendered bathroom should be taken into consideration when you make the choice to bring a boy into a ladies' room. Don't let your son wander around on his/her own (or even stand outside your door) and keep them with you in the stall. If you are too embarrassed to use the toilet in front of your son then he is too big to be in the ladies' room with you.

 

[cruisingtwins]

What is so scary about men's rooms? Seriously. Especially at Disney where every man in there is a child's father, grandfather, uncle, cousin etc. where if a child was distressed or asked for help someone would help. If a child was in danger I know my husband would be right there protecting him whether he knew the kid or not. And I will bet dollars to donuts 99% of the men out there would do the same. You don't get the when can I send my daughter in to the ladies room alone questions. We just do it. My daughters are six. When they are out with their father and have to go they go into the ladies room and he waits outside and reminds them to wash their hands. It's the same routine at the mall, Costco or Disney. If you teach boys that men are scary and not to be trusted what does he think he will become when he grows up - scary and not to be trusted

Unfortunately men can be scary even in Disney world. Grandfathers can be child predators too. When we live in a world where men don't do the horrifying things that they do then I'll trust them. I'm perfectly fine teaching my son that there are horrible men in this world while giving him the self confidence to be a good man.

 

[cruisingtwins]

The number of cases reported are less for female perpetrators. Not necessarily the number of actual cases. Males are less likely to report abuse by females.

but even the bathrooms at airports. They are busy. You have to have a ticket to get past the gate. Most men are someones father, uncle, son, nephew, grandfather. If a kid asked for help or yelled help, I would bet money that at least one of the men in their would help him.

No you are wrong men commit by far most of the sex crimes.

 

[robinb]

No you are wrong men commit by far most of the sex crimes.

Most people who abuse children are known to the family. They are very, very rarely strangers.

 

[cruisingtwins]

Most people who abuse children are known to the family. They are very, very rarely strangers.

Very true but even if rare sometimes strangers do abuse children. There have been tons of cases of men peeping or exposing themselves to kids in a bathroom. Is it likely to happen? I'm sure not. Do I want to take the chance? no way.

 

[Gracie09]

No you are wrong men commit by far most of the sex crimes.

No I'm really not. Sex crimes by females go unreported far more often than sex crimes by males. Do some actual research. Sex crimes by strangers are even more rare.

 

[Gracie09]

Very true but even if rare sometimes strangers do abuse children. There have been tons of cases of men peeping or exposing themselves to kids in a bathroom. Is it likely to happen? I'm sure not. Do I want to take the chance? no way.

Generally the bathrooms are busy and at monitored by cameras and security personnel (outside) so the stereotypical flasher is not likely to choose to spend money to go to Disney world to expose himself since it is highly likely he will get caught. If you want to teach your children to be strong teach them what to do if something happen (scream run find help) not that men are not to be trusted and your child is not to be trusted to know what to do if something happens. Do you allow your child to go to the bathroom by himself at school, on field trips at the park at friends houses? All places more likes to be molested than Disney world

 

[Gracie09]

Unfortunately men can be scary even in Disney world. Grandfathers can be child predators too. When we live in a world where men don't do the horrifying things that they do then I'll trust them. I'm perfectly fine teaching my son that there are horrible men in this world while giving him the self confidence to be a good man.

Grandpa would know and groom his victims i.e. His grandchildren. He wouldn't find strange kids in a busy bathroom at Disney world

 

[brockash]

So if your daughter told you she felt uncomfortable with a boy staring at her through the cracks would you tell her too bad his safety (or really his mother's fear) is more important than how she feels when she uses the restroom for her own gender, where boys over a certain age shouldn't be in there staring through the cracks?
Its not about fear, its about being comfortable using your own gender's restroom and yes my daughters feelings are more important than the feelings of some paranoid mother who thinks all men are pedophiles and makes her 8 year old son come in the woman's restroom.

You do realize that there are many gender neutral public restrooms in the world right? Obviously I would not want someone (no matter the gender) staring through the crack of a bathroom stall at anyone, however no I don't feel so uncomfortable with it or think it's so likely that I feel that me being 100% comfortable (whatever that would be, because again an 8 year old girl could stare through the crack of a bathroom stall just as easily as an 8 yr. old boy - not sure if it's the gender that's the issue for you or someone staring, because if it's someone staring, well then like I said, you banning 8 yr old boys from the womens room isn't go to solve your problem) using the restroom should outweigh a parent/child's feeling safe/comfortable.

You also realize that while you're explaining the rationale of a mother wanting her 8 yr old son to go with her into a public restroom instead of using a crowded restroom with strangers as "paranoid" is a little ironic considering that you're comparing that paranoia to a person in a women's stall feeling uncomfortable or in my opinion being "paranoid" about an 8 yr old boy being in the womens restroom at the same time.

 

[piccolopat]

I don't think there is a magic age. I think it is whatever age you as a parent feel comfortable and the child feels comfortable.

I think one issue may be that the child is ready to go to his or her gender specific restroom before mom or dad is ready. It's hard to let go sometimes.

 

[aaarcher86]

This can all be really easily solved by finding a companion restroom. They're not just for the disabled, so no reason to feel bad about utilizing it if you need to.

I don't really think it's fair to compare the comfort of an adult and the comfort of a child to having the opposite gender in the restroom - kids aren't expected to have the rationalization skills of adults. There's plenty of young girls that don't want a boy the same age in their restroom for whatever reason, and in every other instance they're told boys aren't supposed to be in there. To expect them to be okay with it all of the sudden is silly, especially young girls who are dealing with the becoming comfortable with their own bodies.

We've all had to let go a little as parents and do things that make us uncomfortable and trust that we've shown our kids the right path. If I didn't do anything that made me slightly uncomfortable my kids would have never had a sleepovers away, gotten on a bus to go to/from school, etc. And it's easy to say "there's no danger there" but I think we've all seen the crazy sex teacher stories, or bus driver beatings or whatever. The odds are just as tiny in both cases.

Trust your kid. Seriously. They're little people. If they're uncomfortable going into the girls restroom, just find a compromise that works. It's just a restroom. It's really not that different than a mall restroom at any given time - could be busy or could be slow.

 

[cruisingtwins]

No I'm really not. Sex crimes by females go unreported far more often than sex crimes by males. Do some actual research. Sex crimes by strangers are even more rare.

Yes they do still men commit the grand majority of the sex crimes. Lots of sex crimes commited by men go unreported as well.

 

[cruisingtwins]

Generally the bathrooms are busy and at monitored by cameras and security personnel (outside) so the stereotypical flasher is not likely to choose to spend money to go to Disney world to expose himself since it is highly likely he will get caught. If you want to teach your children to be strong teach them what to do if something happen (scream run find help) not that men are not to be trusted and your child is not to be trusted to know what to do if something happens. Do you allow your child to go to the bathroom by himself at school, on field trips at the park at friends houses? All places more likes to be molested than Disney world

Well my ids are young and don;t go anywhere without me when they are older we will reasess. I was just responding to the posts that say It's disney world the safest place on earth. Every men there is a grandpa. Creepy uncles and grandpas go on vacation with the family too. As for catching them sadly they have develped their methods too well. Most sex crimes will not be reported to anyone especially something like peeping or flashing.

 

[Tara1988]

Do what your family is comfortable with. No one is going to kick him out of the ladies room unless he's doing something inappropriate. As far as what previous posters have said, not all men at Disney world are parents and not all parents act in the best interests of all children, including their own. Stranger danger is just as real at Disney world as it is at a bus station or truck stop. If you're comfortable sending your 8 year old in a random truck stop bathroom alone, he should be fine. Personally I wouldn't. If my husband isn't available to take him to the men's room, he's coming with me. Maybe when he's 10 we will revisit the issue.

 

[North of Mouse]

To me this is such a non issue subject! Have you ever seen just how busy WDW restrooms are? No one is going to stand by and see any child hurt - even in the very small chance anyone would try to. An 8 yr. old is plenty capable of going in a restroom there alone. (Also, most of the restrooms only have one entrance - use those.) This subject comes up ever so often, and sometimes I wonder if it's just to and get a lively controversial debate going!! Personally, I'm not comfortable with boys that age coming into the ladies restroom, unless there is a developmental issue which I would totally understand. Even then, though, there are companion restrooms available.

I really believe, though, that most posters that start these threads have their minds already made up, so don't much understand the 'asking' for advice. JMO

 

[mjkacmom]

Do what your family is comfortable with. No one is going to kick him out of the ladies room unless he's doing something inappropriate. As far as what previous posters have said, not all men at Disney world are parents and not all parents act in the best interests of all children, including their own. Stranger danger is just as real at Disney world as it is at a bus station or truck stop. If you're comfortable sending your 8 year old in a random truck stop bathroom alone, he should be fine. Personally I wouldn't. If my husband isn't available to take him to the men's room, he's coming with me. Maybe when he's 10 we will revisit the issue.

You don't see a difference between a bus stop and Disney?! I really hope you revisit the issue before age 10 - honestly, most boys would rather piss themselves than go in the ladies room at 10. My boys started the standoff at 5.