Ladies, how do you make your Dh feel appreciated?

[jbdreamer]

One thing I think works well is to tell him how much you appreciate him. If my DH cleans up around the house, goes grocery shopping or even makes the bed, I always thank him for doing it. Saying thank you - even for the littlest thing - is easy to do and goes a long way.

My DH is more willing to do things for me when he knows I appreciate it, rather than nagging him about it.

Another trick - I often bake cookies without telling him, and suprize him with the warm plate and a glass of milk. That always puts a huge smile on his face.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, let me try again here.

My Dh said yesterday that he's just a paycheck with a (male apendage) to me. That is SO not true!! Granted, he's been really driving me nuts lately with little things, but really he's a good guy, hard working, loving, loyal and affectionate. And I love him very much. He's a real simple guy so he's not really into gifts and mushy stuff. Other than cooking him a nice dinner, which I do every night, how do you make your Dh feel appreciated and loved?

1. He goes to work and earns a paycheck - he wants to be appreciated for that

2. She cooks him a nice dinner every night (obviously a part of her 'job' in the marriage) Well, obviously, if he appreciated what SHE was doing, and he feels such a need for this 'appreciation' thing, he would realize that this was one way that she is showing her devotion and appreciation for him.

Instead of saying how much he appreciates her, even through her illness. And instead of realizing that this is one way that she is being devoted and showing her appreciation for him, he seems to be complaining and demanding more.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OMG!!! You guys are killing me!

Let's jump up and down and clap excitedly when they take out the trash. "Wow, look at what Johnny did!!!!"

Hey, fresh baked cookies and warm milk.

Are we talking about grown responsible men or three year olds here!!

 

[Cantw8]

Your so bad. Now I will have to ask DH is his remote is in need of polishing!!

I'm sure it is

 

[mudnuri]

well its easier now that dbf has moved in.....

to me, and to him it's the little things we do to eachother.

One morning I stepped out of the shower to find "luvs u baby" had been written in the mirror the night before when he took a shower- for me to find....

The other day I was making his thermos, and took a heart shaped post it note, wrote 'hope your having a good day' on it and stuck it inside the cap, he found it about 1030 and said it brought a smile to his face, and brightened up a crappy day at work.....

On Sunday night I always come up with an excuse to run to the store, when really, I'm only going so I can take his truck and fill the tank so he doesnt have to in the morning when he more than likely is running late because its Monday...

I have been known to drive to his truck during the day to stick a note on his windshield that simply says- luvs u- even though its about 20 minutes out of my way to school....

if he is home and i am not- i always stop at dunkin donuts and get him a coffee before i get home....and of course the cup when handed to him says luvs u on it

when he was out on storm damage, I called the hotel and had them bring extra blankets and pillows to his room, because i knew he was going to be frozen, and cant sleep without a hard pillow- my hope was at least one of them would be rock hard- and thankfully it was. He's not the type to call the front desk at 1am and ask for them, so they were in his room. The front desk girl even wrote him a little note on his pillow- that said "Brandy called and wanted to make sure you were comfy and she misses you...." Make the 4 days he was out restoring power seem like less to him..

He is a candy addict- chocolate mainly, he's found candy in his console of the truck before- with those same heart shape post it notes attached lol.

I'm a hallmark frequent shopper, at least 3 nights a week he comes home to a card on his pillow- sometimes a deep one, but generally just a silly romantic one that makes him smile..

it's the small things- and since our relationship is still new, we both do these sort of things for eachother all the time....he's almost as good as I am at it!

Brandy

 

[MICKEY88]

I am truly not putting him down and male-bashing.


And his fragile immature male-ego needs stroking. .

these two sentences definitely contradict each other..

 

[grlpwrd]

I always let my dh know how much I love and appreciate him. Even the little things count, but with Shugardrawers she is going thru a lot and I don't have experience in that way.

I personally think it's bad taste to criticize her dh when they are going thru things that most of us have never experienced. The relationship dynamics are much different for them.

Shugardrawers, I hope you're doing better or at least having a good day...

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

Nothing says "I LOVE YOU" like powertools.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I polish his remote

Where is luvmydogs when we really need her?

 

[movtarget]

OMG!!! You guys are killing me!

Let's jump up and down and clap excitedly when they take out the trash. "Wow, look at what Johnny did!!!!"

Hey, fresh baked cookies and warm milk.

Are we talking about grown responsible men or three year olds here!!

Actually, you partially get it. Jump up and down and clap excitedly would not appear to be sincere (response is not consistent with the level of effort of the task being shown appreciation for).

Fresh baked cookies and warm milk... she understands that this is something that does not have to be done, but is done out of kindness and love to show appreciation.

Responsible grown men do sometimes have the ego of three year olds. We need reinforcement that we are still important. It's not right or wrong, it is just who we are and what we're made of.

If you want to go into what one poster suggested as 'another thread entirely', women need similar reinforcements with regard to love, passion, and compassion.

I have learned that she needs a constant feed of love, not just when I'm "in the mood". That's how she feels appreciated. I've also learned to sometimes just listen and acknowledge her communication with sincerity, not offering to 'fix' the problem she's relaying, because she's not. She's relaying an emotion, how she feels. My natural tendency is to 'fix' a problem, or offer a solution, whereas I've learned to offer compassion and being a good listener.

We'll celebrate 20 years of marriage this fall. We met as summer camp counselors at a Christian summer camp, and the summer of romance goes on.

Moving Target in NC

 

[mickeyboat]

well its easier now that dbf has moved in.....

it's the small things- and since our relationship is still new, we both do these sort of things for eachother all the time....he's almost as good as I am at it!

Brandy

Brandy! I am so happy to hear your relationship is going well. He really sounds like a great guy.

I think your examples of things we can do to show one another we care serve to remind us that even though our relationships are no longer new, something really small can make someone feel extra special.

grlpwrd - I think you have hit the nail on the head. The OP's present situation is different than we could possibly imagine.

But from a more general perspective, I think Wishing is making a good point as well.

Denae

 

[beckmrk04]

Nothing says "I LOVE YOU" like powertools.

I think my dh would agree.

I think there is nothing wrong with saying thanks for taking out the trash- of course, my dh says thanks to me for making dinner, doing laundry, whatever. It goes both ways.

I like to surprise my dh with little things that I know he likes but won't buy for himself. So every once in awhile I'll get him a CD/movie/game he wanted, or Star Wars stuff or a power tool.. Nothing huge, but then I'll write him a note telling him how much I love him and appreciate all that he does to make our marriage even better!

It's not about stroking his fragile male ego like someone said, it's about showing love, and appreciation, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health.

 

[beckmrk04]

I have learned that she needs a constant feed of love, not just when I'm "in the mood". That's how she feels appreciated. I've also learned to sometimes just listen and acknowledge her communication with sincerity, not offering to 'fix' the problem she's relaying, because she's not. She's relaying an emotion, how she feels. My natural tendency is to 'fix' a problem, or offer a solution, whereas I've learned to offer compassion and being a good listener.

NO WONDER you have been married 20 years!!!! You are soooo right with this! Good for you and how wonderful for your lucky wife!!

 

[DisneyPhD]

We'll celebrate 20 years of marriage this fall. We met as summer camp counselors at a Christian summer camp, and the summer of romance goes on.

Moving Target in NC

We meet 17 years ago at a Christan summer camp too. Just had to comment on that. (12 years of marriage.)

Being appericated is important. I think most people have covered this. It works both ways.

I think it was the whole mars and venus thing that said "women need to feel loved to have sex, men need to sex to feel loved." It seems to fit.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Wishing, you are correct. I have been in intensive treatment for cancer for a year now and have another year to go.

I suspect a lot of the problem is that for the past year, it's all about ME. How is Tammy feeling? Which doc does Tammy see today? What will Tammy be able to eat? Shhhh don't wake Tammy she's finally getting some rest. Dh is an electrician in a shipyard. He builds huge navy aircraft carriers. It's a tough physical and very dirty job. Hard, hard work. He does that for at least 8 hours a day plus all the overtime he can scrape up. Then he comes home and on a really good day I've done the dishes and load of laundry. Most days I've only had the energy to figure out what's for dinner. Some days I haven't even gotten out of bed. He's gone from being my partner and lover to being my caregiver. Considering I admit to being short tempered with him lately, I can see why he's feeling unappreciated. I don't think it's an ego thing, I think it's a stress thing.

There are some great suggestions here and I plan to try a few. I do love to bake and he does adore my chocolate chip cookies so maybe I'll do that tomorrow. I'd love to make myself "available" but unfortunately, due to illness that's rarely in the cards for us. Could be he's suffering from a serious case of lackanookie too.

 

[movtarget]

Uh-oh, showing my sensitive side, and I get tagged (Thanks tag fairy, was wondering when that was going to happen )

I do still play around with her, though. I had accidentally flipped some unused toothpaste onto the mirror, and since I don't really pay attention to such things, didn't notice that I had.

She marked the spot with a big red X of lipstick. So I cleaned up the toothpaste (I figured the lipstick was hers to clean up, lol).

Moving Target in NC

 

[DisneyPhD]

Uh-oh, showing my sensitive side, and I get tagged (Thanks tag fairy, was wondering when that was going to happen )

I think it is a good tag, it was a good qoute too. Be very careful what you say on Dis, it can end up following you around for the rest of your life.

Congrats!

 

[ElizaB39]

I polish his remote

I let him hold the remote...

 

[jbdreamer]

OMG!!! You guys are killing me!

Let's jump up and down and clap excitedly when they take out the trash. "Wow, look at what Johnny did!!!!"

Hey, fresh baked cookies and warm milk.

Are we talking about grown responsible men or three year olds here!!

Why are you so negative?

Saying thank you takes zero effort, and in return I get a happy husband who appreciates me and says thank you when I do things for him.

What exactly is wrong with that?

 

[luvindisneyworld]

Well,I make a trip to Victoria Secrets ever so often