Ladies ~ have you ever suspected that DH might be playing away from home

[snookhams]

I might be getting paranoid but DH has been acting very cold towards me since our return from Florida ~ certainly no cuddles in the bedroom! and then yesterday I found a pack of condoms in his jacket pocket (now this has really made me worry as this is not something that we use!).

I am at work at the moment really worrying, I don't work with anyone that I feel happy in confiding in. Do I confront him or see how things go. We have been married for almost 20 years!

 

[Cyrano]

The discovery in the jacket pocket probably is good reason to be concerned.

Do you want to go through what a confrontation might mean. Or is it better to drop hints of what your friend did when she discovered her DH/DP playing away because of the clues she found eg condom, receipts, etc

Hope it works out all right for you

 

[jen_uk]

I think what you do depends on whether you would rather not know and hope he stops or whether you want to know and deal with it. The condoms in his jacket is a really bad sign to be honest and I would have to know the truth. Could you possibly check his mobile phone? If you confront him with just the condoms he may just deny it.

Hope it all works out.

 

[vicky1bfc]

I would be really concerned about the condoms to be honest. if it was just the fact you were not getting cuddle's ect at the mo there's 101 reasons there could be for that including stress,busy at work,tired.

I wouldn't be able to stop myself and would have to confront him.Be prepared for either answer though.

 

[Boo Boo Too]

I might be getting paranoid but DH has been acting very cold towards me since our return from Florida ~ certainly no cuddles in the bedroom! and then yesterday I found a pack of condoms in his jacket pocket (now this has really made me worry as this is not something that we use!).

I am at work at the moment really worrying, I don't work with anyone that I feel happy in confiding in. Do I confront him or see how things go. We have been married for almost 20 years!

No arguments? No reason for him to be acting cold?

Think that you do need to speak to him (not necessarily about the condoms, but that is your call) - say that you have notticed that things aren't quite right between the two of you at the moment and that you are very concerned that something is wrong. Then take the conversation from there. Only you know what he is like, how he will react, how open he will be and the best way to "handle" the conversation.

I would also be worried about what you found in his jacket pocket. BUT it doesn't mean that he has done anything. It could be something innocent like he picked them up for a friend or something similar (how old is your son - is it possible that your husband could be getting ready to give him a frank "father/son" talk?).

I have not had the same suspicions (think husband knows it would be on "pain of death" ), but I really feel for you. If I was you, I would want to get anything into the open and to deal with it from there: at least you know where you stand (AND it is possible that you are worrying for nothing). With or without what you found in the jacket, I couldn't stand my husband acting cold towards me... and would have to talk to him about it.

Some women would "rather not know" - and that is their perogative. You have to work out what approach is best for you and go with it.

If to do confront him and his answer is not what you want to hear (which hopefully it isn't!). Then don't do anything brash - talk it through, get out and get some time/space to yourself. Then talk it through some more. Twenty years of marriage is HUGE and even if he has been an idiot (which hopefully he hasn't!), doesn't mean that you can't/wont work things out. You REALLY need someone in person to talk to and confide in.

Really good luck with it.

Boo

 

[mandymouse]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through all this worry. Personally I would have to confront him if I had found anything in his pockets, as the not knowing would tear me apart

I hope you're wrong, but the evidence looks suspicious

I hope all the signs are wrong and that you are both able to talk this through

Mandy

 

[Boo Boo Too]

I would be really concerned about the condoms to be honest. if it was just the fact you were not getting cuddle's ect at the mo there's 101 reasons there could be for that including stress,busy at work,tired.

I have heard that many men actually want MORE "cuddles in the bedroom" with their regular partner/wife if they are having an affair (sounds crazy, I know, but it often re-energises them ).

As vicky1bfc says, less cuddles can be because of a number of other things.

Boo

 

[Strommie]

I did suspect my DBF once. I had read some texts on his phone from a girl we both used to work with who had always fancied him and the texts were really flirty. He had sent some flirty ones back to her. I confronted him immediately, I just couldn't help myself I was so angry and upset As it turned out, nothing was going on as such, just the flirty texts. We were going through a bad patch at the time and were on the verge of splitting up, and basically he was enjoying the attention she was giving him.

I don't know what to suggest in your situation, but I know what I'm like, and I would have to confront him. I can't hold back when I'm angry and upset

 

[mickeyfan2]

If it was me I would ask him about the condoms in the jacket.

 

[snookhams]

Thanks for all the advice, I am going to try and talk to him when he gets home tonight - thank fully the children will be in bed by then. This is going to be really difficult cos I am quite an emotional person at the best of times and I am sure that I will get upset. I suppose one good thing was it was a new unopened packet of condoms! I don't think that he would have bought them for DS (14yrs). I had not thought about looking at his mobile ~ maybe I will sneak a peek before we talk!

 

[Strommie]

Hope everything works out okay

 

[arieljasmine]

I don't have any advice to offer, I just wanted to send you a big and hope that things work out OK.

ArielJasmine

 

[ariel75]

hopefully it's something or nothing i can understand that your worried on your discovery i don't think i could have kept quiet i would of flipped.
I hope every thing works out for you sending you some think you need it.

 

[Minniespal]

I would speak to your DH first. Lay your cards and the evidence on the table and see what he has to say about it. Good Luck for tonight, whatever happens

 

[Graeme]

Good luck and I hope all goes well for you. If you plan to speak to him though I would be careful about trying to sneak a look at his phone. There could be innocent explanations and you must be receptive to them, while being careful not to let him pull the wool over your eyes.
I've been in a similar situation before and got too suspicious over too long a period when it turned out that all we needed to do was discuss things.
Loads of love and hugs.

 

[Funniebunny]

I really hope that there is nothing going on.

When I was still with my ex husband he worked away from home. On his days off he started to choose to stay away and go out with his mates than come home and spend time with me. The 'cuddles' basically stopped for good but I found out later that he had lots of work issues. I wasn't sure what was going on and although I don't think he's the type to have an affair I don't think I'll ever know if he did. He wouldn't talk to me about anything and I only found out about the work stuff when I was having a spring clean and found some letters from his boss, he'd already moved out by then.

As you know we are always hear to listen or for a shoulder to cry on

 

[Boo Boo Too]

Thanks for all the advice, I am going to try and talk to him when he gets home tonight - thank fully the children will be in bed by then. This is going to be really difficult cos I am quite an emotional person at the best of times and I am sure that I will get upset. I suppose one good thing was it was a new unopened packet of condoms! I don't think that he would have bought them for DS (14yrs). I had not thought about looking at his mobile ~ maybe I will sneak a peek before we talk!

They probably aren't for DS then, but kids do start frighteningly young these days (especially, I hate to say it, competitive sports people...), But I would think that you and DH would discuss any "father/son" talks or anything before he talked to your DS...

One point regarding talking to your husband.... to be honest, I would get the kids out of the house before you do it... Just because they are asleep when you start talking to your DH, doesn't mean they will be for long. IF you two do have an argument (very possible if you are emotional), then it is likely to wake and could have a very bad effect on the kids. Have been there before (my Dad definitely had some "issues" when I was between the ages of about 8 and 14)! Kids know a LOT more than you tell them (especially if you have a screaming row) . IF you had a big argument or they heard you getting emotional, they would be confused, scared and very upset - it would not be a good tiem to involve them (you need to sort anything out with your husband first). I would get them out of the house, JUST IN CASE anything goes pair shaped: it may very well not go pair-shaped, but...

Good luck and fingers crossed for you. Marriage is all about communication - think it is good to get things addressed (I certainly wouldn't wish my parents situation then on you - or the tension it put on me growing up on your children).

Boo

 

[natalielongstaff]

i would definatly ask if it was me, i hope theres an innocent explanation tho.
good luck for tonight x x

 

[jjk]

Good luck for tonight I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Queenie]

Best of luck, the only possible advice I can think of is not to go in too confrontational, "I found these, what's going on??" If he is hiding anything and feels guilty he's more likely to clam up and go on the defensive rather than be open to you and allow you to work it out. On the other hand if he's totally innocent, you would have effectively have accused him of an affair and he's likely to be upset and angry, causing a row anyway. I'd try to stay as calm as possible (not easy, I know I'd be very emotional too) and not accuse him of anything.

By the way (and not meaning to panic you about your son as well!) at my school, I'd say around 80% of the pupils were sexually active at 14 so it's not out of the question that a father/son talk was being planned. If (and it's a big if) your DS is starting to experiment or even thinking about such things, he might even have confided in your DH as another man which he has agreed to keep quiet from you.

I hope there is an explanation for this, I'll be thinking about you tonight. *hugs*