Kids at mom's second wedding?

[happybratpack]

My dear friends ex-wife is getting remarried in July. His summer month w/ his kids is July...he found out she was getting married again when she asked him to pick up the kids for his month a couple days early because of her wedding. They are going to Jamaica to be married the first week that he has the kids. No idea if her fiancee is taking his two kids who are the same age (3 and 6) but other family members are going.

Anyway, I don't know if I'm being old fashioned or what, but I really think it's odd not to take your kids to your wedding especially since they are old enough to understand what's going on. He even offered to postpone his time with them for a week so they could go but she said no need. Their divorce was only final last year and I guess I thought that by having the kids see the wedding would make them feel more secure in it or something. I'm not expert, this was just my gut reaction so figured I'd throw it out to you guys for your opinions.

 

[monarchsfan16]

My mom remarried almost 5 years ago. As much as I'm not a fan of my stepfather, I would have been VERY offended if I wasn't at their wedding. I was at their wedding. So were my sister and stepsister. They had a sort of nontraditional wedding, no real groomsmen or bridesmaids, although my stepdad had a best man and mom had the three of us girls walk down the path before her (it was outside). We were involved in the planning, I was actually the one who suggested the location. We chose the fabric for our dresses, the flowers for our bouquets, etc. Did it make it easier on us? I'm still not sure. But I would have been ticked if we weren't there.

 

[antmaril]

I agree with you 100% - those kids should be at their mother's wedding. IMHO she's being selfish. Think about it - you are getting married and your children are not present

I don't get it!

 

[disfanatiks]

I find this quite sad. My DD was 11 when I remarried. She was a bridesmaid and then made a part of the service. After we were married, our pastor said words about the blending of a family and she was given a ring as well. It is a special memory for the three of us and created a special bond as a new family.

 

[lulugirl]

It strikes me as odd that the children are not included.

 

[Disney Doll]

The kids are only 3 & 6 though. Maybe not so odd that they aren't included.

 

[happybratpack]

The kids are only 3 & 6 though. Maybe not so odd that they aren't included.

I was thinking that at first too, but then they came over and were talking about moving into his house, their mom getting married, them having new brothers, etc so they're well aware of what's going on. (especially the older one) I dunno, if I had kids and were getting married I think that would be major thing for me to include them in the ceremony somehow.

 

[Saffron]

Would that mean that the kids would be there on the honeymoon too? Maybe that's why they decided against it. Maybe they just want a vacation/honeymoon away from the kids. But then again, maybe the other family member could watch them, but then again, maybe they are all taking a childless vacation/second or first honeymoon. I don't know if it's right or wrong, it's not my call, but I can understand it. I can also understand wanting the kids there. Maybe they'll have a little celebration, like going out to dinner or something, when they get back.

Wishy washy, ain't I?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It's fine to not take them on the honeymoon--but they shouldn't be getting married at their destination then.

This from a person who's mom was married 5--yes....5 times. I went to 2 of the 5. Wasn't born for the first, 2nd was an elopement to the exotic location of just over the border in Georgia (I was 3 or 4 so didn't really notice).....was at the 3rd and the 4th one and chose not to go to the 5th one but was invited and it was a destination wedding.

She's treating the dad like he's the built in baby sitter. If she really wanted that destination wedding, she should have planned it during the dad's visiting month.

So she's selfish in more ways than one IMHO.

Nothing says welcome to the family like a planned elopement. I hope for the mom's sake that this doesn't compromise the relationship with step-dad and the kids. It would be even worse if his kids are going and hers were not.

[On the devil's advocate-side....we don't know dad's POV on this. Maybe he refuses to give up his dates of visitation. That wouldn't be the first time in history that a non-custodial parent would do that. My opinion of the situation would change if this were the case].

 

[happybratpack]

When he heard that she was getting married that week - which is the first week of his summer visitation he offered to move his month out one week so the kids could go with her. She declined and asked if he'd pick them up two days earlier than the scheduled date because she was leaving town then. My view is that she just point blank doesn't want them there. I mean, if you did then you'd make arrangements to make sure they were.

It's fine to not take them on the honeymoon--but they shouldn't be getting married at their destination then.

This from a person who's mom was married 5--yes....5 times. I went to 2 of the 5. Wasn't born for the first, 2nd was an elopement to the exotic location of just over the border in Georgia (I was 3 or 4 so didn't really notice).....was at the 3rd and the 4th one and chose not to go to the 5th one but was invited and it was a destination wedding.

She's treating the dad like he's the built in baby sitter. If she really wanted that destination wedding, she should have planned it during the dad's visiting month.

So she's selfish in more ways than one IMHO.

Nothing says welcome to the family like a planned elopement. I hope for the mom's sake that this doesn't compromise the relationship with step-dad and the kids. It would be even worse if his kids are going and hers were not.

[On the devil's advocate-side....we don't know dad's POV on this. Maybe he refuses to give up his dates of visitation. That wouldn't be the first time in history that a non-custodial parent would do that. My opinion of the situation would change if this were the case].

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I find this very odd. There are many ways she could have included the children (have the wedding at home, have relatives watch them during the honeymoon, have relatives take them back to Dad afterwards...). It certainly seems that she deliberately chose not to. While she may have some basis for this, they know what's going on. It just seems like a poor start to a new family relationship.

To use an analogy, let's say you dropped out of college but always wanted to finish your degree. After much hard work, you complete your coursework and earn it. Would you not want your children to share in your accomplishment? I know it's not quite the same thing, but these children did not choose this new family, it's being chosen for them. They should feel like they're a part of things. And that goes double and triple if the stepdad's kids are going.

Sorry, but she sounds very selfish. I would be bending over backwards to make my kids feel loved and accepted in the new family. If her attitude is like this on everything, those kids are going to have a tough road to adulthood.

 

[DebbieB]

When my brother remarried last year, both they and their children from previous marriages all lit the unity candle together. His son was 10, her children were 12 & 9.

 

[snoopy]

If I were getting remarried, the only people I would insist be there would be my children. If my children couldn't be there, I'd find another day to get married to accomodate their schedule.

To each their own.

 

[shortbun]

Most of the resorts in Jamaica that hold great weddings are "couples" resorts and the honeymoon starts the minute the vows are read. Children can not stay at a couples resort nor are they welcome by the rest of the vacationers, especially little children. As a parent who is VERY attached to her child, I see no problem with Mom and her fiance having a wedding of their choice. Why is this an issue? They will have years to nurture their children, can't they just have this week to themselves and some other grownups? NBD

 

[LoraJ]

Most of the resorts in Jamaica that hold great weddings are "couples" resorts and the honeymoon starts the minute the vows are read. Children can not stay at a couples resort nor are they welcome by the rest of the vacationers, especially little children. As a parent who is VERY attached to her child, I see no problem with Mom and her fiance having a wedding of their choice. Why is this an issue? They will have years to nurture their children, can't they just have this week to themselves and some other grownups? NBD

While it is something I wouldn't do, if that is how they want to do it their second time around, then who am i to judge?